The next morning, I woke up in pain. Again. I couldn't believe what my father did last night. He was asleep when I went in the house after watching Tanner leave. After putting my roses in water, my chocolate in the ice box, and the bear on my bed, I went to the living room and woke up my dad so he could eat.
He woke up yelling and cursing. He knocked the plate out of my hand making a huge mess that I was going to have to clean up and grew angrier at the moment.
I pushed the thoughts of my father out of my head and got out of bed day dreaming of Tanner. I wanted to be with him right now. I went to the bathroom to take a shower. When there was no more hot water, I got out wrapping myself in a towel and moved in front of the mirror smiling.
Tanner was in love with me.
I didn't care that we didn't kiss last night. Just being with him was enough for me. I wanted to be with him now. I quickly got dressed and freshened up. I didn't have to go to the library until later on this evening.
I went back to my room and checked my phone for any messages. I had one. It was from Tanner. I quickly opened it.
Tanner: i miss u!
Tamara: i miss u 2!!! (I typed back then pressed send.)
Tanner :( His response was quick) i'll pick u @ 11 i hav practice @ 3
Tamara: i'll be waiting
Tanner: k i can't wait 2 b with u
Tamara: me 2
Tanner: lol got 2 take a shower ttul love you
Tamara: k
I thought about saying I love you too, but changed my mind. I pressed send and went to find something for breakfast. As I entered the living room I looked at my father who was asleep in his chair.
I sighed.
Was my life always going to be like this?
Today was Monday, but there was no school. That evening it started snowing again. I went with Tanner to his house. It was full of life just like all the other nights I've been over there. Jacob was running around while Tanner, his parents, and I talked. It felt good to be around people who loved you. Tanner's family accepted me and treated me like I was their own daughter. His parents asked if I needed anything to just let them know.
Counting down, there were six weeks until prom. I didn't have a prom dress yet and didn't really know how I was going to get one unless...
One day, I stopped by the library to see if Felisha needed any help. She didn't, but I did.
"Felisha, can you take me prom dress shopping sometime this week?"
"Yes, of course. Let me check my schedule and see what day."
"Okay." I followed her into her office.
Felisha went to her desk and began checking her schedule. "I'm off tomorrow."
"Good." I didn't have work tomorrow either.
The next day after school, Felisha picked me up in her small car and we drove to Dallas to find me a dress. The trip took four hours to get there...
It took us forever to find the perfect dress.
"What kind of dress do you want?" Felisha was making a list.
"I don't know," I answered honestly.
"What's the theme," she asked trying to be helpful.
"Hollywood."
"We will look for a color that goes with that theme."
"The only colors I can think of are red, black, or white," I answered not liking those colors at all.
"Why not red?"
"My hair."
"Then why not black?"
I shuddered. "It reminds me of funerals."
"And white?"
"Weddings."
"Is there any color that make you think of prom?"
"I don't know. I can't think of colors right now."
"Pink?"
"Too girly."
"Yellow?"
"Too bright."
"Purple?"
"Pretty, but no."
"Orange?"
"Yuck." That was our school colors. Seeing and being around it every day made it not count as a color.
"The only colors left are blue or green. Choose your pick."
"Blue is pretty and green is..." I couldn't think of a word for it. I was stuck.
"Let's search for a green or a blue dress. And out of the best two we will choose," she suggested.
"Nice thinking," I replied liking her plan.
We started our search.
I think we looked through every last single store in the mall looking for the best dress that was blue or green. And let me tell you. It was the hardest decision of my life. After finding the best blue and green dress, it was really hard to decide which one.
The pretty blue dress was strapless and went to my knees. The green dress had sparkles and was a halter-top. It went down to my calves.
"The green matches your eyes," Felisha said.
I held the dress up in front of a mirror so I could see for myself. She was right. My decision was made. "I'm going to go try it on."
Once I slipped the dress on, I stepped out. "What do you think?" I modeled for her for a moment waiting for an answer.
"It's perfect. You look great."
I looked at myself in the mirror admiring it. I knew Tanner was going to like it. It was the color of my eyes. Just as I was thinking about getting it, something very important popped out at me.
The cost.
I looked at the tag and frowned. It was over one hundred dollars.
I only had 100 and little bit of change left over.
"What's wrong," Felisha asked reading the expression on my face.
"I don't have enough to pay for it."
"How much did you bring?"
"One hundred."
"I can help pay for it." She immediately began to dig in her purse.
"No. You are not helping me pay for a dress," I protested.
"Tamara-"
"No." I walked in the dressing room. Once I had the dress back on its hanger, Felisha reasoned with me.
"I'll help you pay for the dress. You can pay me back later."
I thought about it.
"It would be the same as paying for the dress," she said convincing me.
"Okay. It's a deal. I promise to pay you back," I told her.
"Okay." She smiled.
I smiled in return. I was so excited. The dress was perfect.
We went to the front desk. Felisha helped me pay for the dress. Since I had no more money left over, she paid for my lunch too. I was going to have a little pay check coming in.
Waiting for prom night to arrive, I spent the majority of my days at school, the library, Tanner's house, (and even though I hated this place) my house. School was a routine. Dusty, Stormy, and Windy were still trying to convince me that Tanner was taking me to prom, because he felt sorry for me. They would tease me about the way I dressed, and would whisper when Tanner and I were together.
It didn't faze me one bit.
God was on my side fighting my battles for me.
Also at school, I still had Cody trying to make me ditch Tanner which was completely pathetic.
1) Cody was cocky
2) He suffocated himself in cologne
3) He was not Tanner
There was no way my decision was going to change.
I still hung out with Mackenzie during and after school. We had several classes together.
On the weekends I would spend most of my time with Tanner. Sometimes we would go walking around town if it was warm enough, or hang out at his house. One time his parents dropped us off at the movies. We were there alone.
It was amazing.
We shared a big bucket of buttered popcorn. Tanner bought my drink when I told him not to. He was every girls dream. We still haven't kissed yet, which doesn't bother me at all. We hold hands here and there, but that just about it. When the time comes for our first kiss, it will be a time when we are both comfortable with being that close to each other. I believe it will come naturally.
Tanner does too.
Not that we actually talked about it or anything. I just feel like he knows it too.
At home nothing changed. My dad still drinks, gets angry, and hits me when he thinks he has too. He still invites his drinking buddies over to play cards and poker. And he still lets them destroy the house and makes me clean it up when they leave. I still lock my door when I'm over there when they are there too. I still get angry when he makes me clean up their mess. And I still hate being at my house.