The Black Diary
Dear Hallie,
My true and beloved best friend, I’m sitting in Mr. Clamore’s class bored out of my mind. Have you ever noticed his nose? What’s with his nose hair? Has he ever heard of a trim?
On another note, is Ben sitting with us today? Did I tell you about yesterday? I probably did, but I’ll tell you anyways. So we were both in chemistry and taking that killer quiz that I made you help me study for all night, and I dropped my pencil. Ben picked it up for me and smiled! I think he likes me back.
I gotta go. Mr. C’s staring at me,
XOXOXOX Clar Bear
Hallie’s grin vanished as she read the last paragraph.
Notes have been part of her and Clara’s routine since the beginning of the seventh grade. They would always write back no matter the circumstance and dropped the letters in each others’ lockers during passing periods. Today, however, Hallie felt sick to the stomach and din't feel like responding.
She’s always told her friend everything-- all of her family issues and that she secretly named her first dog cat, everything, there was only one thing Clara didn’t know about Hallie. And that thing was clawing at Hallie’s insides, pleading for a way out.
“Hallie, are you listening to me?” Mr. Greenback asked her with a annoyed look on his face.
“Oh, sorry, Mr. Greenback, just not feeling too well today,” she replied half-heartedly.
“Just don’t do it again,” The teacher said with a stern voice. Hallie replied with a small nod and Mr. Greenback went on with his lesson.
Hallie’s phone started to vibrate, indicating that she had a text. She looked around the room before checking it.
What’s wrong?
Hallie looked across the room to come face to face with Ben.
Nothing.
Ben continued to text her.
I know something’s wrong.
She looked up and saw Ben’s face, concern written all over it. Hallie also came in visual contact with Belle, known snitch and nerd. Belle raised her hand.
Nothing’s wrong. And you’re going to get me in trouble.
Hallie quickly texted and shoved her phone back into her pocket.
“What is it, Belle?” Mr. Greenback asked when he saw her raised arm.
“Hallie’s got a phone.”
“Is that true, Hallie?”
“No, I haven’t got a clue what she’s talking about.” Hallie lied flawlessly.
“Belle, what have I told you about lying? It does no-,”
“But, she’s got a phone. I saw it.”
“Belle, step outside, please,” Mr. Greenback was obviously in no mood to put up with daily teenage drama today and waited for Belle to walk through the door. Halfway there, she glared daggers at Hallie, which she returned with a small smile.
~~~~~~~~
After class, Hallie went straight to her locker, not wanting Ben to interrogate her with questions. Passing Clara’s locker, Hallie sees the look of confusion on her best friend’s face when she realizes there's no note.
Quickly grabbing her lunch box out if her locker, Hallie speed walks to the tables outside of the school. Her escape plan doesn’t work. Ben rapidly cuts her off of her course as she skids to a stop.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked.
“Outside,” Hallie replies quietly.
“Do you mind if I join you?” Hallie nods.
“Why?” Ben whines.
Hallie replies with a pathetic, “Because.” Ben sighs, but nonetheless moved aside allowing the suddenly quiet girl pass through the double doors to the tables.
Watching her go, a figure stealthily sneaks up on him.
“Hey Ben!” He’s greeted with the ever-so cheery Clara.
“Oh, hey Clara,” He replies awkwardly to the girl that he barely knows.
“Do you know where Hal is?”
“Sorry, no.”
“Okay, thanks anyways,” Clara smiled her billion-dollar smile.
“No prob,” He dismissed her with a tiny wave.
Not taking the hint, Clara continued to stay and stared at him expectedly. Finally giving up on the boy, she uncomfortably asked, “So,” she trailed off. “Do you want to eat lunch with me?”
“Sure,” Ben answered just as awkwardly.
~~~~~~~
Hallie sat hunched over, staring at the note Clara sent to her. She started to write back:
Dear Clara,
My dearest and most beloved best friend, I am eating my peanut butter jelly sandwich outside. I just needed a change in scenery.
Give the man a break. Mr. Clarmore has been here ever since my parents went here. Although, I must admit, he does need a trim.
Yes, you did tell me- 14 times to be exact, but who’s counting? I have no idea if he is.
I’m going to find your locker now,
XOXOXOX Hallie
The girl stood up, rereading what she had wrote. Her eyebrows furrowed in frustration, but
she figured it was better than nothing.
She sighed once more, gaining a few stares, but nonetheless made her way to Clara’s locker. On the way, she passed the cafeteria’s double-door entrance. Through the right window Hallie saw Clara and Ben across the multipurpose room. Clara was twirling a piece of hair with a smile on her face- her signature flirting face. Ben’s face was a mixture between amusement and unease- Hallie couldn’t tell which.
All her life she’s been compared to her overachieving brother, lurking in his shadow. However, she never got angry at him, she loved him in fact. Because of this, Hallie grew up with a low self-esteem.
A million thoughts, none of which were positive, were rushing through her mind. Hallie unhurriedly made her way towards her best friend’s locker, just thinking to herself.
How could I the underachiever, uncoordinated dork, have possibly ended up with Ben, my best friend’s, the brilliant, out-going, most-gorgeous girl in the whole wide school, crush?
Did I even deserve to have both of them as friends?
Do I deserve to—
“Hallie, is that you?” Ben’s voice aroused the girl from her disturbing thoughts.
Hallie raised her head slightly and gave him a meek smile.
“Are you okay?” Ben approached the girl.
“Yeah, fine,” Ben gave her a doubtful look. Sighing, Hallie held up the note Clara gave to her earlier.
“Oh,” he stated once he read the note over.
“Yeah, oh.”
“Do you want to tell her?”
“The guilt is killing me,” Hallie said, “I don’t think I can take it any longer.”
“Are you-,” Ben was cut off by the cafeteria’s loud door slam.
“Hallie! Hallie!” The shouts were getting louder as the figure approached the two. “Hallie!
Oh thank goodness, I found you!” Olivia, one of Clara’s friends, caught sight of the girl. “You got to come quick. Something’s wrong with Clara.”
“Why? What’s wrong with her?” Hallie asked as Olivia dragged her to the multipurpose room.
“I don’t know!” The poor girl was in a panic now.
Petrified for her best friend, Hallie broke free of Olivia’s death grip and pushed through the wide double-doors where the clamors of students could be heard.
“Clara?” Hallie pushed her way through a mob of students to see her beloved friend huddled near the trash can with the remnants of her lunch at her feet. “Are you okay?” The girl put her arm around Clara’s shaking figure.
“M-my head just hurts. I’ll be fine,” Her voice was shaky and almost inaudible.
“I’m going to take you to the nurse now, okay?” Slowly, Hallie aided her friend off the ground.
“I’m fine, Hallie,” Clara argued, still hushed. Clara was always stubborn, but nevertheless allowed Hallie to take her to the nurse’s office.
The trip was short and quiet. All the way there, Clara looked down at her feet and Hallie was just thinking.
“Hey Mr. Jeff,” Hallie greeted the school nurse. “Clara has a-,”
“Can you guys hear that?” Clara shouted, cutting Hallie off.
“Hear what?” The nurse asked furrowing his eyebrows.
“The buzzing!” The girl shouted as if trying to yell across the room filled with screaming four-year olds.
“Sweetheart, I think you should lie down,” Hallie led her friend to the small bed in the corner.
Still puzzled, the nurse held up three fingers in front of Clara’s face. “How many fingers do you see?”
“Six? Did you grow an extra finger, Mr. Jeff?” Clara was still yelling.
“I think we should call the hospital,” the school nurse said solemnly.
“Why? What’s wrong with her?” Hallie asked for the second time for that day.
“Could you guys talk a bit louder? I can’t hear you!”
Ignoring Clara, Mr. Jeff gave a sympathetic look at Hallie, “She has- uh, well I think she has-,”
The bell cut him off. Relieved the nurse quickly said, “You’re going to be late for class, Hallie. Get a move on.”
“What does she have, Mr. Jeff?” Hallie said, refusing to leave.
“Miss Belier, please go to class.” His lips were in a thin, straight line. “You can check with Clara at the hospital after school ends.”
Not wanting to receive a second detention for the week (the first for texting Ben in class earlier that week); Hallie gave Clara a sad smile and a goodbye before jogging to history.
For the rest of the day, Hallie sat through her classes think what could be wrong with her friend and ignoring Ben’s worried text messages.
As the last bell of the day rang, Hallie cried out an exasperated, “Finally!” gaining stares from her classmates. Embarrassed, she quickly walked out of the class and sped-walked to her car.
As she approached the gleaming oh so fabulous Honda Pilot, her phone vibrated, indicating that she had a text.
What happened?
Hallie sighed. Tired of ignoring the same text message she’s been getting after lunch, she
replied.
I’ll tell you tomorrow.
“Now seems to be more pleasing.”
Hallie whipped around to see Ben’s familiar face.
“Please, not now, Ben,” She tiredly pleaded.
“It’s a long ride to the hospital.”
“So you already know?”
“Yup.”
“So can I go now?”
“If you take me with you,” Ben said. Hallie reluctantly nodded and unlocked her worn-out car.
Hallie sped out of the school parking lot and into the streets of Sundried Valley.
“I’m pretty sure this is over the speed limit,” Ben said breaking the uncomfortable silence that hung in the air of the tiny car.
Hallie said nothing, but slowed down anyways.
“How’s Blue going?” Hallie couldn’t help but smile at Ben’s attempt at small talk. Blue was a puppy that they found together during the second grade. At the time, the poor lab was
covered in blue paint, hence the name.
“He’s fine. How’s Sammy doing?” Sammy was Ben’s new sister.
“She’s great. Normal eating, sleeping, and pooping,” Hallie smiled once again.
The car ride continued with lame small talk that both of them wouldn’t probably remember at the end.
Hallie involuntarily shuddered as they approached the tall, towering building that was the hospital. The thought of death, blood, or the elderly gave Hallie goosebumps. Ben saw her discomfort and entwined his hand with hers.
“Excuse me, miss, could you direct to Clara Beresford’s room?” Hallie asked the lady at the first desk.
“Room 609, it’s the first door at the second turn on the sixth floor,” The lady smiled.
“Thank you.”
In the elevator, Hallie was tapping her foot anxiously. The elderly man in front of the two turned around and gave her an annoyed look.
“Sorry,” She apologized immediately and stopped her foot. A few seconds later Hallie began to tap her foot absent-mindedly once more. Ben gently stepped on her foot to avoid another glare from the man ahead of them.
Fortunately, the wrinkled man stepped out of the elevator on the second floor.
“Hallie, are you planning on breaking up with me?” Ben asked quietly, fearful of her response.
When she didn’t reply, Ben asked, “Is this because of Clara?”
Again there was silence. “Hallie?”
Ben looked at the girl’s face for an answer. Hallie was on the verge of tears. Not knowing what to do when a girl cries, Ben awkwardly put his arm around her shoulder. Hallie pulled away from him.
“Hallie, please talk to me.”
“I-,” The elevator dinged and Hallie sighed, relieved. They both silently followed the lady at the front’s directions.
At the second corner, Clara’s parents’ faces were filled with worry and distraught.
“Mrs. Beresford? Is everything alright?” Hallie asked while approaching the middle-aged women’s shaking form.
“Oh, Hallie, it’s- it’s- it’s terrible. She- she- Clara- has– has-,” Clara’s mother choked over her words.
“It’s alright, Mrs. Beresford. I’ll ask the nurse,” Hallie said as a nurse in pink scrubs came through the door of the hospital room.
“Excuse me, miss,” Hallie tapped the nurse’s back.
“Yes?”
“What’s wrong with her?” The question was getting old.
“She- she has a brain tumor,” The nurse looked around awkwardly. “I’m so sorry.”
“Thank you.” Hallie stared at her best friend’s sleeping form. The hot liquid that was threatening to spill earlier was cascading down her face.
Ben, who was standing uncomfortably with Clara’s parents earlier, came into the room and wrapped his hands around Hallie’s now quivering body. “It’s going to be okay. They have surgery for this kind of stuff,” He tried to comfort his girlfriend.
Hallie pulled away from his arms once again and held Clara’s hand. “Ben, I’m breaking up with you.”
“Hallie, you're just being irrational-,”
“Ben, do you know how long that the guilt has been killing me? Ever since she told me about you during sophomore year. It’s been 2 years. It- the shame has clawing at my insides. I haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in what feels like a decade. I don’t deserve you, Ben. She does. Please, just go away,” Even more tears were falling from her emerald eyes.
“No, he can s- stay,” A meek voice came from the hospital bed.
“Hey, Clara, how are you doing?” Hallie asked her still drowsy friend.
“I’m good. Could you thank Ben for coming to see me?” Hallie was relieved. Her friend hadn’t heard anything.
“It’s my pleasure,” Ben smiled down at Clara.
The even beeping of the heart monitor beeped faster. A nurse came rushing in and said,“Sorry kids, you‘re going to have to go now.”
“Nice going, Ben,” Hallie said icily.
“Hallie, can we please talk?”
“No, I thought I asked you to leave.” Ben sighed, but slowly walked away, leaving his grilfriend.
“How are you doing, Mr. Beresford?” Hallie took a seat next to the man.
“I’m fine now.” Mr. Beresford smiled a sad smile. “Who was that young man just now?”
“He’s just a friend,” Hallie said bitterly and changed the subject, “What did the doctor say?”
“He said that Clara’s going to be fine after the surgery. Just going to be a bit bald afterward,” Hallie joined in with his weak laugh.
“Where’s Mrs. Beresford?”
“Probably stuffing herself with the awful ice cream they serve here.” Hallie laughed again. She always liked Clara’s dad.
“I’m going to get some things for Clara in the gift shop,” Hallie said.
“Don’t buy her anything expensive, now. You know she hates being pampered.”
“I won’t.” Hallie promised.
~~~~~~~
Early the next morning Hallie visited her friend before school started.
“Hey, girlie, I see you’re still alive,” Hallie joked dryly, not wanting her friend to see how worried she really was.
Clara snapped her journal shut and began to laugh at her friend’s lame joke, “Yeah,”
“So, how are you feeling?”
“Horrible, they’ve made me take pills like three times already. And they say that they’re going to shave my beautiful hair today,” Clara responded while combing her hair with her fingers.
“Well, I brought you something that might turn that frown upside down,” Hallie said, handing her friend the coffee mug that said ‘Get better soon’ with a picture of a carebear on it. Hallie couldn’t help but giggle at the time when Clara and herself decapitated their carebears’ head in the fourth grade.
“What are you laughing at?” Clara took the mug from her friend’s hands and gave Hallie a puzzled look.
“Remember the time we cut of our carebears’ heads and drowned them?”
Clara shook her head, “Sorry, no.”
“Well, it was a long time ago,” Hallie couldn’t help but assume it was brain tumor’s fault. She looked down at her wrist watch. “Oh shoot, I have to go to school. I’ll visit you after your surgery.” She hugged her best friend and rushed out of the room shouting, “I love ya’.”
“See you!” Clara yelled after her.
~~~~~~~
Dreary from school and avoiding Ben the whole day, Hallie walked across the school parking lot to see her parents and Clara’s. Both couples were crying. Hallie didn’t like the look of things and felt quite queasy now.
“Mom? Dad? Mr. and Mrs. Beresford? Is Clara alright?” Hallie asked concern written all over her face.
“Hallie, sweetie, I’m sorry. She’s- Clara’s- she’s- her- her surgery went wrong. Clara’s dead.” Hallie was already sobbing from the start.
“No, she can’t be! Please tell me you’re joking!” Hallie screamed, attracting the attention of her peers. She ignored them.
“You would think that I would joke about my own daughter’s death? How dare you!” Mrs. Beresford gained her speech back.
Hallie went into another round of sobs as Mrs. Beresford eyes softened, “I’m sorry, dear. I
didn’t mean to yell.”
Hallie wanted to run. Anywhere. She just wanted to get out of the state. Everything reminded her of her beautiful, beloved best friend. She ran. Not looking at her surroundings, she ran
into a figure.
“Hallie! Are you alright?” Ben asked hugging the weeping girl.
“No!” Hallie pushed him away. His face reminded her of what she did to Clara. She
betrayed her. It left Hallie thinking, ‘Was this some twisted karma’?
~~~~~~~
“Clara- she was my best friend. She was the most amazing friend I ever had. She was always there when I got into trouble. She was my inspiration. She was an amazing cook. I can’t say that I won’t miss her banana pie.
I remember when we first met. I got her in trouble for writing on her desk when I was the one who convinced her to do it.
She was great with dogs, cats, and even the elderly.
She was strong. She didn’t shed a single tear when her boyfriend of 6 months broke up with her. In fact, she had the courage to befriend him after the break up. Clara is and will always be missed by me. May she rest in peace,” Hallie finished with tears in her eyes. The large group of people applauded at her moving speech.
Hallie turned around to see Clara’s open casket. The dead figure was wearing a dark green dress that fit her body flawlessly. The body was pale and its arms were resting on the stomach. A wig was placed on her head. It was brown and curled. It was nothing compared
to her real hair. Hallie placed a letter, the last letter, into the casket.
“I’ll miss you, Clara.” Hallie turned around and went back to her seat.
~~~~~~~
Two weeks later, Hallie was still miserable. She was still the center of attention. Clara was always popular at school. She missed Clara and Ben, who she hadn’t talked to in two weeks.
“Hallie,” A recognizable voice called to her as she walked out of her house. Hallie sighed. She knew that she couldn’t avoid him for long. They were neighbors after all.
“Hey, Ben,” She replied.
“You look terrible,” Ben said looking into her now dull green eyes.
“Oh, thank you,” Hallie said sarcastically.
“I’m sorry,” Ben said quickly.
“For what? It’s not your fault that she died.”
“No, I’m sorry that I haven’t been looking after you lately.”
“I didn’t want you to.” Ben was surprised at how emotionless Hallie was. Even in her casket, Clara still looked more alive than Hallie did.
“Hallie-,” But she was already walking away towards the Beresford’s household.
Oh, how she ached to turn back and kiss him. She missed everything about him-- his hair, his eyes, his touch, everything.
~~~~~~~
“Why hello, darling,” Mrs. Beresford greeted Hallie.
“Hey Mrs. Beresford,” Hallie came to check on the poor women everyday to comfort her.
“I made some cookies. Would you like some?”
“No thanks,” Hallie hasn’t felt the need to eat for the past fourteen days.
“Ah, Hallie, welcome! I’ve got something for you,” Clara’s father said as he gave Hallie a small little book that had ‘Diary’ on the front cover in silver sharpie. “The nurses said that Clara had told them to give it to you if she," He trailed off, not wanting to complete the sentence.
“Oh, no I couldn’t possibly take it,” Hallie said bewildered.
“Oh, pish-posh, it’s what she wanted, Hallie. Please take it.” Hallie sighed and took the book.
“Take a cookie while you’re at it, darling. You’re way to thin.” Mrs. Beresford added. I Hallie nodded and took a cookie.
“We’ll we better go now,” Mr. Beresford looked at the wall clock.
“Where are you going?”
“Vegas,” Hallie gave him a sad smile. It was hard going through his daughter’s death and a mid-life crisis at a time.
“Have fun,” was all Hallie could say.
~~~~~~~
Hallie looked at the gloomy graveyard. She took the familiar path to Clara’s grave.
“Hey Clara,” Hallie addressed the tombstone. “I still miss you. Everyone misses you. Why did you give me your diary? Is there something I should know?” Hallie looked at the diary in her hands and sighed, she’s been doing that a lot nowadays.
“There’s only one way to find out.” She flipped through the black book.
October 15, 2000
Hallie smiled at the scrawl that used to be her friend’s handwriting.
Dear Diary,
Yesterday we moved into a town called Sundried Valley. It reminds me of raisins. Today was my first day of school attending Sundried Academy. I don’t like it there. We have to wear yucky uniforms. Everyone keeps on staring at me as well. And there’s this one girl who got me in trouble, but she said she was sorry afterward. I think she’s pretty cool. I also think that she’s an alien. She has the greenest eyes I’ve ever seen. She has shiny blond hair. I also met my second grade teacher. I don’t like her. She keeps on calling on me for answer that I don’t know and made me introduce myself to the whole class.
Love,
Clara
Hallie smiled at the memory and flipped through the later pages.
January 26th, 2006
Dear Diary,
I seriously love my best friend, Hallie. I mean she totally punched a guy for me because he made me cry. She didn't even punch his face! She punched . . . a lower region, which I found odd, but it was still the best thing anyone has done for me!
Love,
Clara
I chuckled dryly as I finished reading. the only reason I punched him down there was because I missed his stomach.
March 7, 2008
Dear Diary,
Today was one of the best day of my life. Hallie and I saw the Spiderwick Cronicles. We are lame. Two sophomores at a PG film. After the film we went to Coldstone for ice cream and I met one of the most gorgeous guys of my generation. It turned out that Hallie knew him. They were best friends, I mean besides me of course, and known each other ever since they were one.
I asked Hallie if her and Ben were dating and she said that they weren’t. Ah, love at first sight. I wonder if he feels the same thing for me.
Love,
Clara
The guilt that Hallie had thought she left behind when she wrote the last letter to Clara
caught up to her. She couldn’t read anymore. She couldn’t take it.
She shut the book quite forcefully.
“Why are you doing this to me Clara? Did you know that you were going to die?” Of course there was no reply.
~~~~~~~
Hallie twisted and turned all night. She could never sleep during thunderstorms. That’s when Ben usually snuck into her room to comfort her.
How she missed him.
Giving up on sleep, Hallie threw her legs off the bed. She was suddenly craving strawberries. Not seeing the swirly chair in the darkness, Hallie tripped over it and cried out,
“Damn it.” She immediately covered her mouth. Never once has she sworn.
She blindly turned on the lamp on her nightstand. She picked up the dark blue chair. Along with her socks that she hasn’t bothered to put away, there was Clara’s diary, flipped to the last page.
Curiously, Hallie picked up the book and read the last page.
May 18, 2010
The day of Clara’s surgery and death.
Dear Hallie,
The page was addressed to her, not the diary.
Hello my dearly beloved friend, if you are reading this, then I’m probably dead or you stole my diary. I’ m guessing the earlier.
I told the nurse to give this to you when I died. Yes, I knew I was going to die. I just had a feeling in my gut that told me that I was.
But before I died, I heard you and Ben talking. Yeah, I was awake. I have mad skills acting skills, am I right? Back to the point, I know that you guys are- well, were dating. Although I am jealous, I love you, Hallie. I would have given you my permission to date him if you asked for it. I’m sorry it ended. I’m sorry I was the cause. My last favor I ask of you is to get back with Ben. I knew long before that conversation. I was just too caught up with my own feelings with him to see what a great connection you have.
I know you're probably crying right now. Please, don’t shed anymore tears over me. If I was still alive, I’d smack you ass. I’m watching out for you in the high heavens. Remember: Hugs not Drugs.
I love you,
Clara.
Hallie was indeed crying. When it simmered down, she slowly whispered “Thank you, Clara. Thank you.”
And she swore she could hear the wind whistle through the window, “Your welcome.”
The End
:::x:::O:::x:::
Author's Note:
Hey, guys! I found this when I was cleaning up my laptop hard drive. I wrote this in like 2009. Man, I was bad. How could have mistaken 'your' for 'you're'. Ah, well, I thought I might share it with you guys.
Why do I always find myself writing such morbid things?
Haha, well. I think I will update this once I feel like writing, but not fell like writing PFS.
Bye guys!