Chapter 11
Sarah stared at Cheryl from the kitchen and watched as she read through paperwork from the X Factor that she had said she needed to read before her next meeting. She was sat on the sofa with Claude lying next to her, his little head resting on her right leg, looking like he too was reading the papers resting on her lap.
She had told Sarah when she got home the previous Friday that she would be meeting Kimberley on Thursday, and since then Sarah hadn’t seen her cry and she had been eating a bit more.
“Cheryl, are you home for the night now?” Sarah asked, leaning against the doorframe.
“Yeah,” replied Cheryl, looking up from the paperwork. “Why – do you need something?”
Sarah shook her head. “No, just wondered that’s all. Cup of tea?”
Cheryl smiled, “you read my mind”, and she stroked Claude’s head as he tried to snuggle in closer.
Sarah went into the kitchen and took her mobile out, quickly texting Nicola.
“Cheryl’s back and she’s here for the rest of the night. I swear if this goes wrong you’re getting the blame x”.
A reply quickly came back from Nicola.
“Will you chill? I’ll call Kimberley now x”.
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Cheryl looked up at Sarah as she heard the doorbell and Claude barked.
“I’ll go,” offered Sarah, already on her feet.
Cheryl went back to reading the papers but looked up again as she heard people entering the room. “What the f*ck?” she stood up as she saw Justin standing in the doorway.
Sarah held her hands up “Chez before you say anything, I knew he was coming and I promised I’d let him in. I’m sorry, but I think you should listen to him – honestly” and she nodded.
“I’m not here to cause trouble, Cheryl.” Justin stayed where he was, partly out of politeness, but partly because Claude was barking at him from across the room.
“Claude!” shouted Sarah. “Shut up – we know Justin, he’s not a burglar”.
Claude growled and Justin smiled. “Dogs know the enemy, right?”
Sarah clicked her fingers and Claude ran over to her, still growling quietly at the new arrival. “I’m gonna be upstairs, if anyone needs me”. She leaned into Justin’s ear as she walked past. “I swear if you make things worse I will not be responsible for what the dog does”, and with that she was gone, taking Claude with her.
There was an uncomfortable silence as Cheryl tried to decide whether or not to let Justin talk, or tell him to leave.
“Can I sit down?” he asked, breaking the silence.
She shrugged back at him, sitting herself on the sofa. Justin walked over to the armchair by the window – opposite the sofa, and sat down on the edge, looking very uncomfortable.
“I’m not going to lie to you, Cheryl. I’m here because Kimberley asked me to come”. He looked up and met Cheryl’s gaze, but she didn’t respond.
“She told you we’ve been meeting up – taking Chloe out? She’s been great, Cheryl. Our split hurt Chloe more than either of us thought and I was struggling to explain things – she missed Kimberley, that’s why I got in touch.”
He paused for a moment, feeling slightly uncomfortable at Cheryl’s steely gaze, but he soon realised she had no intentions of speaking.
“That’s all it was, I swear – trying to get Chloe to come to terms with seeing Kimberley less, but suddenly we ended up meeting more than before – because I’ve had Chloe during the week now. It was nice, like old times…”
“So you thought you’d kiss her?” Cheryl suddenly interrupted him.
“She kissed me”, he replied, shifting in the chair as Cheryl frowned back at him. “I was surprised – I’d tried to come to terms with us just being friends, after she left me, then even though Chloe was with her mum Kimberley wanted to meet for lunch and suddenly she just kissed me”.
Cheryl blinked, determined to keep the tears from flowing. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I think you deserve the truth, and I promised Kimberley I’d tell you the truth. When Kimberley left me she told me she’d stopped loving me, and that it was kinder to leave me now, rather than later. She’d started seeing me more as a friend than as a boyfriend. To be fair to her, as much as it broke me, she was right – I guess we’d allowed ourselves to fall into a routine, we weren’t having sex…”
“I don’t need to hear this,” Cheryl suddenly stood up and walked over to the fireplace.
“Cheryl, you do need to hear this,” suddenly Justin stood up but changed his mind about approaching her. He stood awkwardly where he was, then chose to sit on the sofa, nearer to Cheryl.
“I love Kimberley, I always have and I would do anything for her. When she kissed me, I thought she’d changed her mind about the split – I tried to take things further but then I noticed she was crying. She wouldn’t have slept with me, you know. For a second she kissed me, and we both wanted it – but for different reasons. I wanted my girlfriend back, she just wanted an escape from her thoughts. The second I tried to take it further, she just burst into tears.” He laughed, although not because anything about the situation was amusing him.
“Anyway, she called the other day and wanted to meet me. She told me everything – how she’s been in love with you since day one, how she used to wish she was with you when she was with me, how she’s been living with you – not just as a friend but as your girlfriend…” Justin’s voice trailed off and he fought to regain his composure as Cheryl turned to look at him.
“She told you about us?” Cheryl had been trying to work out why Justin would suddenly turn up, but she had never dreamt that Kimberley would have told him. Kimberley hadn’t wanted anyone to know.
Justin nodded slowly. “She told me about the press though – about how it’s been bothering her. You know what she’s like, Cheryl – she prefers the quiet life when she’s not actually working. And that’s what I gave her, wasn’t it? A quiet life away from it all – she could meet me for lunch when it was all too much, take Chloe for ice cream… I know she was doing it for Chloe, but it was helping her too – it was an escape from the attention. I think she kissed me because for just a minute she wanted things to go back to how they were. But they can’t, can they? She’s with you because she loves you. I can give her a family and children, but I can’t make her happy like you can”. Justin wiped a tear away, slightly embarrassed to be getting upset in front of Cheryl.
“She told me she’d told you about the kiss but that you’d left before she could explain. She said she can’t see me anymore – in case it makes you uncomfortable. She’s going to pick Chloe up once a month for a while – take her out on her own, without me, until Chloe gets used to us not being together. She also wanted me to have the full story - she said she owed me that.” Justin stood up and walked over to Cheryl, stopping just in front of her.
“I won’t see her again if that’s what she wants. I love her with all my heart but I have to learn to let her go. She doesn’t love me like that – not the way I love her. She made a mistake, she freaked out. She’s usually so sensible and practical - surely she’s allowed one mistake?” He leaned his head down so Cheryl would hear, as he felt his own voice starting to falter. Cheryl closed her eyes, feeling tears starting to fill them.
“She loves you like that – unconditionally. She’ll find a way to cope with anything if it means being with you. She’s special like that. That’s why I’m here now, telling you that you shouldn’t let her go. I don’t have a choice – I have to let her go – she’s not mine to love. But you have that choice, Cheryl. You can have her, and you can make her happy, because she’ll make you so happy if you let her”.
Cheryl opened her eyes and saw Justin walking out the living room door. A tear rolled down her cheek as she heard the front door close behind him.
Sarah appeared half way down the stairs, a worried expression on her face. “Is everything ok? Do you hate me?”
Cheryl wiped away the tear and smiled, “no, I don’t hate you”.
Sarah climbed down the last few stairs, “but is everything ok?”
Cheryl shrugged back at her but opened her arms for a hug. “I honestly don’t know, but I want it to be”.
She rested her head on Sarah’s shoulder and sighed as she thought back to something Justin had said, something he probably didn’t even give much thought himself.
“I can give her a family and children…”
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Chapter 12
“God if it’s not one it’s the other. We get the picture – Girls Aloud really are friends behind the scenes”.
Cheryl looked at Simon who was grinning back at her cheekily.
“What?” she asked, confused.
He pointed at the door where Nadine was standing looking over at them, her face broke into a wide smile as Cheryl saw her, and she raised a hand and waved.
Cheryl squealed and jumped up from her seat, making her way over to Nadine and hugging her tightly as she reached her. “Oh my god, what are you doing here?!” and she kissed her cheek noisily.
Nadine laughed, squeezing her back. “I’m here to see you!” she replied simply. “I’ve heard they do a lovely lunch down in the coffee bar, so I just had to fly over and try the toasted tuna melt - I’ve heard such good things about it”.
Cheryl pulled away for a second and laughed. “Who knew you were coming?”
“Kimberley arranged it all – even reserved the flights for me. Then I told the other girls, and make them promise not to tell you. I’m here for the show on Saturday night”, and Nadine smiled back at her.
“Kimberley arranged it?” Cheryl felt a tear falling down her cheek and Nadine spotted it.
“Oi! None of that!” and she ran a finger gently across Cheryl’s cheek to wipe away the tear. “She also told me what’s been going on – I went straight to hers this morning when I arrived. I think we need to talk, don’t we?”
Cheryl nodded and smiled sadly, “let me get my bag”.
Simon looked up as she approached the desk to pick up her bag. “Can we get an interview with Nadine on Saturday as well?”
Cheryl smiled, “one of my best friends turns up for the first time in months and you’re thinking about the show?”
Simon nodded. “Yes – that’s why I’m so successful and you are my employee” and he winked to let her know he was only joking.
She pouted back at him. “But here you are asking me for favours, funny that isn’t it? Anyway, I’m going for lunch with Nadine. If I’m feeling in a good mood, I might ask her about the interview…” and she winked before walking back over to the door and linking Nadine’s arm.
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“So,” Nadine put her fork down and took a sip of her drink. “Before I went to LA you two were all luvvy duvvy, I leave you guys for a few months and look what happens. I know you need me in your life – you don’t have to do something this drastic to prove that!”
Cheryl smiled. “God I wish it was that simple, Nadine, I really do”.
“When I left hers before she was marinating meat for your lunch tomorrow, I wish I was going for lunch at hers!” Nadine laughed and picked her fork back up.
“I’m scared, Nadine”, Cheryl put her fork down and played with the straw in her drink. Nadine stopped eating and looked at her.
“Scared of what?”
“Scared I can’t make her happy. I actually think we can work through this – the kiss, the press. I mean, we have to talk, obviously we do, but I don’t hate her or anything, Nadine – I love her too much. But Justin said he can give her a family – I can’t do that, Kimberley has always wanted a family – marriage and kids – she wants that…” Cheryl’s voice trailed off.
“He said that? Like competing with you?” Nadine frowned.
“No. No, it wasn’t like that. He was actually really sweet – made me see how insignificant the kiss is in the grand scheme of things. He said it in passing to show that he couldn’t offer her what I can. But she wants a family, Nadine, I know she does.”
Nadine leaned over and put her hand over Cheryl’s. “She loves you. I know that. You can sort the other stuff – but that is what matters”.
“We’ve been together for a few months, Nadine. She has always wanted a family. What if I change my whole life to make her happy and I can’t, and she leaves me. Or worse still, stays with me and is unhappy?”
“You make her happy, Cheryl. That much I know. Maybe once you talk with her and see that, this other stuff won’t matter as much. If you love each other that much – which I know you do – you can sort the other stuff together.”
Cheryl smiled back at her. “I’m so glad you’re here, Nadine”.
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Kimberley walked into Hilary’s office, trying her best to look confident, but feeling quite the opposite. Nicola took hold of her hand and gave it a squeeze.
“You’re early” observed Hilary as she took her glasses off and signalled for them to sit down. “What emergency has caused you to come in here during your holiday?” and she smiled at them.
They both sat down opposite Hilary and Kimberley leaned forward on the desk. “It’s me and Cheryl”.
“Oh, ok” Hilary looked surprised to discover they weren’t there to discuss something more band related. “What’s up?”
“We’re having…” Kimberley stopped as she felt herself blush. She took a deep breath. “We’re having problems, Cheryl’s staying with Sarah at the moment. We’re working through them and I’m seeing her tomorrow but I need to straighten a few things with you first.”
Hilary looked back at Kimberley, and Kimberley could see that she was just as uncomfortable about the conversation as Kimberley was.
“Ok, so what is it you need me to do then?” Hilary decided to opt for the practical approach, and didn’t ask what the problems were.
Kimberley hesitated and Nicola took her hand. “If they decide to go public, is it ok?” asked the younger girl, deciding to try and help her friend out.
“Well, that depends really. I mean first of all, it depends on the rest of you – all 5 of you need to be ok with such an announcement really. And secondly, if you’re having problems, you need to be absolutely sure that you can work through them if you’re going to go public, Kimberley – I wouldn’t have thought you’d need me to point that out”. Hilary looked directly at Kimberley and Kimberley looked up to meet her gaze.
“I don’t need you to point that out. But it’s part of the problem, Hilary. I think Cheryl might need to see how serious I am about us. She couldn’t care less if people knew – it’s me who’s been holding back. So, if I do decide to announce it – is it ok?”
Hilary looked at Nicola. “What about the rest of you? How do you feel, Nicola?”
“Sarah and Nadine are on board and so am I. If the time has come for them to announce it, we’re happy for them to do that.” Nicola reached down and took hold of Kimberley’s hand.
“Well then,” concluded Hilary, looking back at Kimberley. “There’s your answer. If you’re sure, go ahead, but I’d still advise you to keep it as low-key as possible and tell me straight away so we can monitor the press reaction and respond accordingly.”
Kimberley nodded her head. “Yeah, of course, Hilary”.
“Good to see you both anyway, it’s weird not seeing you all every day. Will Nadine be popping in before she flies back?” Hilary seemed satisfied with how the discussion had gone and started to relax.
Kimberley smiled. “We’ll make sure she does. Thanks Hilary”.
Kimberley and Nicola left the office and made their way to the lifts.
“Well,” started Kimberley. “That’s it then – nothing standing in my way now. I just need to convince Cheryl that I’m worth all this heart ache”.
“She already knows that,” smiled back Nicola, as the lift arrived. “And if she was in any doubt – I think that meal you’re preparing will go a long way to persuading her” and she winked. “If there are any left overs…”
Kimberley laughed, “I’ll put them in a doggy bag for you”, and she put an arm around Nicola as they got in the lift. “But be warned – you’d have to share them with Nadine – she came all the way from LA to try my lamb!”
“Pft” laughed Nicola, I’ve been living with you through this mess – I get the lamb!”