Lovelynn Tan-Alvarez, also known as Love, was a practical lady. She hailed from Ilocos Norte, the second of four siblings, and graduated cum laude from the state university. She took up Computer Science back when it wasn't popular, acting on gut feel that it would be good for her career. And it was: she landed her first job in one of the biggest multinational IT companies in the country, starting at an entry level position. She worked there for almost thirty years, leaving the company twice but returning anyway, wiser and more prepared to do what she needed to do. She was an accomplished woman, known for her wit, sharp eye for details, and an ability to be ready for anything that came her way, making her one of the top female leaders of the company.
Love Tan-Alvarez was also my mom.
"I thought you would be home yesterday!" my older sister, Joy, told me in a hushed tone after Sunday mass that weekend. "It's surprising that Mommy didn't call me to look for you."
"That's because she kept calling me," I replied in a hushed tone as well since we were inside the church. The mass had ended about fifteen minutes ago, but it was the last morning mass and the church groups always gave away snacks to encourage parishioners to mingle. My parents were part of the particular church group that hosted this Sunday's brunch, so my siblings and I were still here.
"I had to clean my apartment yesterday," I continued, picking up my four-year-old niece, Diana. She had tugged at my skirt and when I looked at her, she gave me a sweet grin and lifted her arms, the universal action for "I don't care how heavy I am; pick me up!"
"Of course you scheduled it on a Saturday, when Mommy was obviously waiting for you to be home." Ate Joy raised an eyebrow at me. She was eight years my senior, a lawyer, and one of my staunchest cheerleaders. We were close, and that meant mediating between me and Mommy whenever there was tension between us.
"I didn't have any other time available, okay." I sighed. My niece played with my hair, humming a little carefree tune, oblivious to our conversation. Oh, kids.
"And don't lecture me with being at work when I was supposed to be on vacation. I've had enough of that in the past few days." Even my boss had lectured me about it, which was funny because we went on to discussing Phase 2 of the Iloilo mission after that.
"Anyway, I'm here, okay. I got home really early, in time for breakfast. Mommy made her signature hot chocolate, so she couldn't possibly be mad."
"You know better than to miss Sunday mass," was my sister's only response.
Of course I knew that. One of the cardinal rules in the Alvarez family, according to my mother, was that no one misses Sunday mass, unless it was an absolute emergency. And even if it was, you were expected to still try your absolute best to go. If all else failed, you better make sure you went to mass on your own because you will never hear the end of it from her. And we couldn't lie; she always knew when we were lying.
I had missed one too many Sunday family masses because of field work, but I had always done good with the second condition, making sure I heard mass when I was on the field. That should have placated Mommy, except she thought field work wasn't an emergency. Hence our many, many arguments about my job.
April, being the head Program Manager at work, used the vacation card to forbid me to join the field work that weekend and told me she won't approve my overtime pay. I would have done it even without the pay, until I found out that it was going to be led by Nico, and I wasn't quite ready to be around him. I still hadn't been able to look at him without cringing in embarrassment over everything that happened.
So with much reluctance, I finally went home and showed my face to my family. "Home" was in the southern part of the city, where I grew up. I moved out when I switched careers to development work, much to Mommy's dismay. I wasn't sure if she was more dismayed with me moving out or with my career shift, but I suspected it was the latter. After all, I was supposed to follow the great Lovelynn Tan-Alvarez's footsteps in the same company.
Don't get me wrong—I love my family with all my heart. But rough spots were inevitable, even if the rough spot with my mother had been there for the three years I'd been in development work. She had mastered the art of pursing her lips ever since I submitted my resignation letter (she found out from one of her friends inside the company before I even got to tell her). Like a good manager, she never told me off about it, but she seemed to have made it a personal mission to "coach" me and get me back on the "right track".
My hesitation wasn't just about the job, though. I hadn't seen my family ever since the breakup. James broke up with me the night before I left, and I didn't have time to go home to sulk about it. Or, okay, I did, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to be around anyone else, except for Rain and Meah, who had dropped me off at the airport the next day because obviously James wasn't going to do that anymore. So my family only found out about it when I was already in Iloilo, and my sister called me and I broke down crying. She told everyone else in our family, who sent me messages but actual conversations didn't happen because I kept saying I was busy.
"So did Mommy ask you about James?"
I kissed my niece's cheek to hide my wince from hearing his name. "No. She was too busy preparing the snacks for today." I glanced at the table where our parents gathered with the other parishioners. "How much did you tell them, anyway?"
"Everything you told me," she replied. "And she was outraged, Faith. You should have heard her."
"Outraged at whom? Me?" I laughed hollowly. Mommy liked James. When we were still together, she would talk to James at length about corporate life since he worked as a manager in one of the big banks in the country. They understood each other, and he shielded me from her disappointment when I switched careers.
"At James, of course," she said, eyebrows raised. "She was so angry that she wanted to talk to him."
I groaned. "Please don't tell me she did that."
"Paul calmed her down." She looked over to our younger brother, who was standing near the food table with Ate Joy's husband to give us our girl time. "Did you get to talk her while you were there?"
"Sometimes," I admitted. "Is that why she kept bugging me to go home?" Diana started squirming so I bent to let her down, and watched her run to her dad. "Oh, wait, she always does that. Did you know that I received phone calls for interviews while I was there? Job interviews!"
My sister cringed then laughed. "She just wants the best for you, you know."
I rolled my eyes. "Tell her what's best for me is not sending my LinkedIn profile to her manager friends."
"Well, I didn't teach her that. The two of you are the techie people in this family, so there."
I sighed. "I'm twenty-five. I know what I'm doing. Let her meddle with Paul's life, not mine." We both knew how useless that was because Paul was in law school, carving the same path that Ate Joy did, something that Love Tan-Alvarez already approved.
"You two are so much alike," Ate Joy said with a laugh. "So focused and so passionate about your careers and making a difference. Also stubborn."
Then she changed the subject. "What are you doing next weekend? Little Diana has lessons all day, but it's her last for the year. I could use some company."
"Uh-oh. Rain's throwing a surprise party for Mark next week. I promised to help her out."
My sister frowned, but she quickly turned it into her blank lawyer face. I knew her well enough to know that she was about to say something I probably wouldn't have liked to hear. I still asked anyway.
Ate Joy sighed and wrapped her arms around herself. "Do you think it's still wise to hang out with Rain and Meah?"
"What do you mean?" I raised an eyebrow. That was unexpected.
"It's just that...they're also friends with your ex, right?" Her next words were careful and deliberate, but her fingers playing with the tassels on her bag betrayed her nervousness. "I think you should quit being around them all the time, so you could guard your heart."
My sister said it in the kindest of tones, but I still felt a rush of annoyance. I frowned. "But they're my friends. They didn't break up with me. In fact, they were there right after the breakup."
"I don't mean that you should end your friendship with them." She reached out to touch my arm. I realized that I had taken a step away from her without thinking. I didn't like where the conversation was going. "I'm just saying that it might be better for you if you don't hang out with them as much. Give yourself space and all."
Ate Joy's eyebrows were drawn, her lips pressed in a tight line. Her expression looked exactly the same as the ones I'd been receiving from everyone I'd seen since I got back.
"I need them, Ate," I said softly. "I can't lose them, too."
She looked like she was going to say something else, but then I heard Mommy's cool voice calling my name. For the first time ever, I was glad that my mom saved me from my sister. It wasn't until I got to her that I saw she was standing with a woman I didn't know.
"This is my daughter, Faith," Mommy said to the lady. I glanced at her and waved politely. The woman was probably a few years younger than my mother.
"Honey, this is your Tita Rebecca. Her nephew works in—Faith!"
I knew that spiel—she would introduce me to someone, and not even five minutes into the conversation, she would try to get them to recruit me for whatever company they were working for. Luckily, my niece took that time to run off from Paul, and I was the closest one who can catch up to her. I excused myself and ran after Diana, scooping her into my arms just as she got to the church steps. Just as I did, a flash of gray caught the corner of my eyes. I turned a little, and saw a very familiar guy lighting a candle at the corner for prayers.
Nico. What was he doing here?
I watched as he put the lit candle in one of the receptacles before making the Sign of the Cross. He closed his eyes, his face instantly turning serene, with the lights from the candles illuminating and casting shadows on his face at the same time. His lips pursed, and the dimple on his cheek deepened.
"Faith!"
I jumped at the sound of my sister's voice, making my niece tighten her grip on my arm. Her voice was loud enough that Nico's eyes flew open. I turned around quickly, but not before our eyes met.
"Hey," Ate Joy said, appearing beside me. "Mommy said we can go ahead. Are you riding with us or with Paul?"
Diana stretched out her arms to her mom, but I held firm, trying not to think of him behind me. Maybe he didn't recognize me. Not that I had a reason to hide, and normally, I wouldn't run away from seeing someone I knew. But it was Nico.
"Mama," my niece complained, squirming to get out of my arms.
My sister pried her from my arms. "Faith, are you okay?" she asked.
I nodded, finally gathering the courage to look behind me. Nico wasn't there anymore, and I relaxed. "I'll ride with Paul."
My sister waved her hand to catch Paul's attention. While he was walking towards us, I looked over his shoulder. I froze when I spotted Nico again, near the food table, chatting with the woman that Mommy wanted to introduce to me earlier. I looked away before he could catch me watching him.
"I'll see you guys at home, okay?" Ate Joy said. "Bye, Paul, Faith!"
I cringed. Why was my sister's voice so loud? And why does she have to keep saying my name?
"Let's go?" Paul asked.
I nodded eagerly. I followed him down the steps, resisting the urge to look and see if Nico was still there. When I got to the car, I finally glanced back. I saw my mom still talking to Rebecca, but they were joined by a girl with curly hair that rivaled Meah's. Nico was still there, standing ways off, nodding at me when our eyes met again, and he was smiling. This time, not wanting to be rude, I gave him a little awkward wave and smiled back.