A big black ugly line cascaded down the page as my hand shook, the pencil taking on a mind of its own.
I dropped the pencil.
A tear fell down my face, landing on the paper and making the streak of black dance along the page. My body shook lightly as I tried to control myself.
I took a deep breath and picked up the pencil again.
I flipped the page, writing on the other side. My hand travelled the page as I wrote. Not once pausing to think, I wrote everything that came to my mind in that instant, nothing more, and nothing less.
I didn’t erase one thing, because nothing was a mistake.
I closed my eyes, relieving the memories. The laughter, the sadness, the tears and the love.
I poured everything I have into this letter, because it was going to take everything in me to give it to him. Everything in me to leave. To leave this life of happiness and love and into something that is unknown.
I don’t want to go but you can’t always get what you want.
I smiled, bitterly.
The pencil dropped as I wrote my ending words, ‘Love, Anna.’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
17 hours earlier.
I tiptoed, biting my lip to muffle my giggles. Closing the door behind me softly, I stopped when I reached the bed, staring down at Xavier’s snoring form.
He lay on his back, the sheets reaching his abdomen and showing of his bare stomach. One muscular arm was draped over his eyes, his mouth open.
I lifted up the camera Eli had given me, placing my finger over the red button. I pressed down on it, cursing lightly in my head as a bright white flash burst out of it.
Xavier shot up, his arm shooting out and his face wide in alarm.
I burst out, laughing loudly. Xavier’s eyes landed on me, his eyes narrowing, “Anna,” He warned.
I smiled, cheekily, sticking my tongue out, “Anna, don’t you dare,” He started. I turned on my heel, racing for the door.
Xavier was faster though, even with my head start. He grabbed me by the waist just as I was reached for the handle.
I squealed as he picked me up by the waist, throwing me upside down and over his shoulder. “Xavier!” I cried, punching his strong back.
He chuckled, sliding me down his chest and resting me so I was laying bridle style in his arms. I pouted, crossing my arms over my chest, “You ruined my fun.”
He laughed, his black bed hair falling into his eyes. He flicked my nose, “You’re not supposed to be having fun, it’s my birthday.” He told me, emphasizing on the ‘my.’
I stuck my tongue out, crossing my eyes, “Whatever.”
He rolled his eyes, leaning down close to my face suddenly. He captured my lips, kissing me softly. I smiled against his lips, reaching up and letting my arms fall around his neck. The camera fell from my hands, landing on my lap.
Xavier’s hand travelled over my bare thigh, stopping and grabbing at my . . . camera. Before I could process what he was doing, the flash blinked in my face and he took a picture of us kissing.
“Xavier!” I cried, squirming in his arms and reaching for the camera. He examined the picture with one hand, the other still supporting my body weight.
He looked at it, tilting his head to one side and smiling softly, “It’s cute.”
I rolled my eyes, grabbing the picture from Xavier’s hands. As I stared at it, I had to admit that it was, cute. It wasn’t like porn or anything, it was just cute. Xavier’s arm was around my knees and bottom, supporting my weight. My arms were around his neck, wrapped in his curly locks.
Both our eyes were closed, despite Xavier being the one taking the picture.
I turned back to him, nodding slightly, “It is cute, I guess.”
He smiled, childishly, “How hard was it to agree with me?”
I rolled my eyes, shoving him on the chest, “Shut up.”
He chuckled and I demanded him to put me down. He complied, placing me on my feet. I tugged on the bottom of Xavier’s oversize t-shirt I was wearing, grabbing his hand and wobbling over to the bed.
I pushed him down on it, “Stay.” I told him, pointing warningly.
I turned, trudging into my closet and pulling out Xavier’s gift. It was wrapped nicely, a pretty blue bow placed on the top. I hid it behind my back, exiting the closet.
Xavier looked up at me, his eyes meeting mine as I walked to the bed. I sat on the bed, resting on my knees next to him. I handed him the box, “Open it.” I demanded.
He looked at me, his eyes warning, “Anna,” He said, sounding tired, “I told you not to get me anything.”
I shook my head, “It’s your birthday. I wanted to get you something. Now open it.”
He sighed, taking the bow of first before unwrapping it. He took of the paper, revealing a small red box.
He raised an eyebrow, looking at me suspiciously. I rolled my eyes, waving for him to continue on.
He took of the cover, throwing aside the piles of tissue paper. His eyebrows furrowed as he reached the bottom, looking at me questioningly, “What is it?”
I rolled my eyes again, “Take it out.”
He complied, reaching in and taking it out. He still looked confused and I sighed, “It’s a map, you idiot.”
He chuckled, “To where?”
I shrugged, “That’s what you have to find out.”
I shoved him, lightly pushing him up, “Go, and tell me when you find it.”
He looked at me questioningly, pausing before opening the door, “How do I know what ‘it’ is?”
I smiled, mischievously, “You’ll know.”
He gave me a weird look before shrugging and sliding out the door.
It took Xavier exactly twenty-two minutes to find his birthday gift. He mind linked me, letting me know he had found it. I smiled, biting my lip and raced through the empty hallway.
Eli, Jackie and Jackson both cleared the house this morning, claiming they wanted to give me and Xavier privacy.
I reached the stairs, jumping my way down them loudly. I landed at the bottom; turning the corner and sliding in throw the kitchen doors.
Xavier was the first thing I saw, leaning against the counter, his heated gaze glued on me. I took in the rest of the kitchen, admiring my work.
Rose petals scattered the floor, white roses. They decorated the red table cloth and the counter tops, thrown all throughout the room. The table was circular, just enough chairs for two. The room was dark, candles lighting it. I made sure the shades were closed. On each table setting laid the meal, eggs, bacon and pancakes is the way to go.
I smiled, twirling a piece of my hair and walking towards Xavier slowly, “You like it?”
He didn’t say anything, just nodded, his eyes saying a thousand words. I stopped a few feet away from him. He reached out, grabbing me by my hips and pulling me into him, “It’s beautiful. Thank you, Anna.”
I smiled softly, grazing my hand over his cheekbone, “Your welcome.” I whispered, leaning into him, “I wanted to do something romantic and a romantic dinner is way too overused.”
He smiled, his eyes crinkling and warm, “I thought we were the cliché couple?”
I bit my lip, “Too much of anything is bad.”
His eyes sparkled, “All except for one,” He crashed his lips to mine, kissing me slowly. He broke away, tucking a curl behind my ear and trailing a hand down my neck, “I could never tire of kissing you.”
I felt like crying, crying of happiness and crying of sadness.
“Even when I’m old and wrinkly?” I questioned, smiling cheekily.
Xavier shook his head, “Never.”
I smiled, pushing the sad, bad thoughts from my mind.
Pulling away slightly, I grabbed his hand, dragging him towards the table, “Come on, the food’s getting cold.”
We ate, laughing and fooling around with each other. No fighting, no serious decisions. Just small talk that I probably won’t even remember in the morning. Sly flirting was exchanged, a slip of the foot, a tumble of the hand. Nothing could ruin this, not this moment.
I refuse to think about tonight, about leaving. I wouldn’t ruin now, I won’t ruin this for Xavier.
We ended around noon and I raced upstairs to get ready. Luckily, Xavier’s birthday fell on a Saturday so I didn’t have to worry about school or anything. I closed my bedroom door behind me, before sliding into my closet.
I grabbed a pair of yoga paints and a tank top, shoving them on quickly. I wasn’t going to put much effort into my appearance; I had to change for tonight soon anyways. The party was at the pack house and Xavier had invited pretty much half the school.
I slipped out of the closet, shoving my hair into a messy ponytail as I went. I went back down stairs to find Xavier dressed and waiting in the porch. “You ready?” He questioned, trailing his eyes over my body.
I nodded, grabbing my jacket from the hock and sliding on my boots. Xavier got the door, closing it behind me.
We entered the cold outside, small flakes of snow littering the grass. It was December the first, Xavier’s birthday and the day of my leaving.
We reached Xavier’s truck and he opened up the door for me, letting me hop in. I crossed my leg on the seat, buckling my seatbelt. Xavier travelled the length of the other side, hopping and slamming the door.
We drove to the pack house in silence, nothing but the hum of the car and the radio. We reached the pack house quickly and I jumped out, racing my way to the door. I rushed inside, Xavier on my tail.
I walked in, shoving off my jacket. I made my way throughout the house, turning to Xavier while we walked, “Would you, by any chance, happen to know were Caleb is?” I questioned, smiling sweetly.
He stopped, grabbing my arm and narrowing his eyes suspiciously, “Why do you want to know?
I shrugged, giving him a look of innocence, “Just because.” I told him, swaying on my feet slightly.
He raised an eyebrow, “I’m not telling you unless you tell me why, Anna.”
I pouted, crossing my arms over my chest, “Please, Xavier.”
He shook his head, crossing his arms over his own chest, “No, not until you tell me why.”
I sighed, “I want to talk to him about Cas.” Half a lie.
His eyebrows furrowed, “What about Cas?”
I let out a breath of frustration, “It doesn’t matter, can you just tell me where he is? Please?”
Xavier sighed, walking forward and slipping an arm around my waist, “Fine, I’ll bring you to him.”
I grinned wildly, nodding as we began walking again. Xavier led me down to the back of the house, leading me out the back doors.
I shivered slightly as we walked down the steps of the large deck, walking to the wide space of the yard. A group of young wolves (around fourteen years) stood along the grass, some practice fighting and others watching.
I reached the grass, walking along it as Xavier’s arm tightened around my waist. Among the crowd of people stood Caleb, he seemed to be directing the fights, teaching them even.
I turned to Xavier with my eyebrows raised, “You have him training people?”
He shrugged, “He’s a good fighter.”
I rolled my eyes. We stopped at the edge of the crowds and I felt many curious glances pass my way.
Xavier turned to me, “Wait here.”
I nodded in acknowledgement. The crowd parted like the red sea as Xavier crossed, moving for their Alpha. I suppose it wasn’t official yet, but I guess he was the Alpha today.
I waited as Xavier collected Caleb, trying to ignore the stares people gave me. I suppose it was my fault, I was here for almost a month and hadn’t had one official meeting with the pack.
I don’t know if I ever will.
Caleb and Xavier made their way back towards me, Caleb shirtless and sweaty, despite the temperature. Xavier walked to me, bringing me into his side. Caleb shoved his hands in his pocket, sending me a cheeky grin, “Hey, angel.”
I smiled, rolling my eyes, “Hey, Caleb.”
I felt Xavier’s hand tighten on me and his eyes narrow slightly in jealousy. I thought it was cute.
“Can we talk?” I questioned softly, meeting his eyes and sending him a silent message.
He got it, his eyes showing understanding as he nodded, “Sure.”
I slipped out of Xavier’s grip, turning to him with pleading eyes, “Can you stay here? We’ll only be a minute, Xavier.”
He sighed, “Five minutes and don’t disconnect our mind link.”
I nodded in agreement, pecking him on the lips lightly before leaving with Caleb. We went back inside, sliding into an abounded room.
Caleb perched himself on the arm of a couch, turning to me with raised eyebrows, “What’s up?”
I sighed, running a hand through my ponytail, “I’m leaving.” I told him, refusing to meet his gaze.
I looked back at him as his face contoured into one of surprise, “When?” He spoke, getting over his shock and taking the news in a stride.
I breathed out, my eyes tired, “Tonight.”
“Tonight?” Caleb repeated, his voice neutral.
I nodded with a grimace.
“Okay,” He said, his expression thoughtful, “Why are you telling me this?”
I sat on the chair across from him, sitting on the very edge, “Because I need someone to know. I need you to be able to take over if anything happens; you’re the only one that knows what’s going on, what’s really going on.”
Caleb sighed, “Fine, what do you want me to do?”
I explained to him, in perfect detail what I wanted to happen if Michael did plan to attack this pack. At the end, Caleb nodded, taking in everything.
“How long are you going to be gone for?” He questioned.
I shrugged, brushing a stray curl from my eyes, “No idea.”
He sighed, “Okay.”
I stood, “I have to go before Xavier comes barging in here.” I turned walking to the door with Caleb on my heels. We left the room, walking back through the house.
I looked at Caleb, “You going to the party tonight?”
Caleb nodded, “I think Xavier’s warmed up to me,” He said, sending me a cheeky grin.
I laughed, “I heard you convinced him to let Clark and them come?” At my nod he continued, his expression inquiring, “How the hell did you manage that?”
I laughed again, sending him a smirk, “You’ll be surprised at what I can convince him to do with a few mechanisms.” I winked at him, nudging him in the side.
He screwed up his face, “To much information, Anna.” He said, shaking his head rapidly.
I chuckled loudly as we reached the back doors, sliding through them. Everything was the same as when we left, including Xavier. He turned towards me when we entered, his expression softening.
I walked to him and he wrapped his arms around me, bringing me into his chest and placing a kiss on my forehead. Caleb blended with the wolves again, yelling out some order about practicing.
Xavier sighed as more wolves came out from the woods, including Chase and Eli, “I got to go, we’re running border patrol.”
I sighed, leaning into him.
I didn’t want him to leave.
Nodding, I lifted my head up so our lips met, kissing him softly. Xavier looked at me with furrowed brows when we broke away, “Are you okay, Anna? You’re acting weird today.”
I nodded, running my hand over his cheek bone and sending him a small smile, “I’m fine,” I whispered. He looked unsure and I pulled away, shoving him lightly with a smile, “Go, there waiting on you.”
He kissed my cheek once before waving and walking away. I crossed my arms over my chest, pulling my jacket against me tightly. I watched as Xavier and the other wolves with him shifted, growling and shoving around each other playfully before tearing off into the woods.
I walked back to my house after Xavier went for patrol, despite everyone’s warning for me not too. I left when no one was looking; everyone that knew me was gone on patrol with Xavier so I had no one to be suspicious of my actions.
It was nice, walking, the street was silent and a light snow had begun. The snow decorated the street nicely, it was just enough so you couldn’t see the black pavement but not enough that you couldn’t walk. The snow hit my hair, making it wet and sticky along my face.
I saw the house come into view and I walked faster. I walked along the snow covered grass, reaching the porch way and the door. I turned the knob, figuring that it was unlocked.
I was right, the door swung open and I closed it behind me. Sliding off my wet boots and jacket, I walked through the silent house, making my way upstairs.
I collapsed onto my bed, my body curling into a ball. I sat there for awhile, thinking about life and how much it sucks. There was a knock around a half an hour in and I didn’t answer.
Jackie came in anyways, closing the door behind her, “I thought I heard you here.” She walked to the bed, sitting beside me. She tapped my thigh, “What’s up, buttercup?”
I groaned, turning on my side to face her, grumbling a bunch of nothing.
She raised an eyebrow, “What was that?”
I shrugged, heaving myself up with a moan. “Nothing.”
She shrugged, reaching down and grabbing two bags from the floor. One was pink and had Victoria Secret splattered across it.
My eyes widened in alarm as I shot upright, “Jackie, I sure hope that bag isn’t for me.”
She smiled wildly, “Just in case.”
I groaned, “I’m not wearing anything that’s in that bag.”
She waved her hand dismissively, “Yes, you are.”
I rolled my eyes as she brought out the other bag, “Here, go change into both of these.” She told me, emphasizing on the ‘both’ and narrowing her eyes warningly.
I stood up lazily, taking the bags from her and heading to the bathroom. I opened the Victoria Secret bag first, out of curiosity’s sake.
It wasn’t that bad, simple white lace matching bra and panties set. Although it did have a sexy feel to it.
I decided to put it on, trading my undergarments for it. I opened up the other bag then, pulling out a velvet dress with tights.
I pulled on the black tights, sliding them up to my waist. I slid the dress over my head, smoothing out the wrinkles. Stepping back, I gazed at myself in the mirror. The dress was half sleeved and hugged my every curve. It was velvet, a deep burgundy color. The back had a dip and ended just above my butt.
I slid my slightly damp hair out of the ponytail, watching it fall down my bare back. I slid out of the bathroom where Jackie was waiting. She held out a pair of black fabric stilettos and I slipped them on.
“Eli said he’s going now. He can drive you.” I nodded.
I turned to leave but stopped when I reached the door. I looked back at Jackie, quietly gathering the bags in her arms. I walked softly back to her, “See you.” I whispered, standing in front of her. She stood up, dropping the bags and smiling lightly.
“Bye, Anna.” Before I could think twice, I reached out, hugging her tightly. Jackie was startled but hugged me back just the same. “Thank you, Jackie.” I whispered before breaking away.
She looked concern, “Are you okay, Anna.”
I nodded, “I’m fine.” I choked out, rushing away before she could question me anymore.
I most definitely was not fine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I rested my head on Xavier’s shoulder, swaying my hips with the tune of the music. Xavier smiled down at me softly, brushing a hair from my face and rubbing his thumb along my hip gently.
“Having fun?” He whispered in my ear, biting the lob gently.
I nodded, tilting my head up to look him in the eyes, “Yeah,” I breathed out, “You?”
He nodded, rubbing along my jaw with his rough hands; making sparks follow along his path. I turned my head to the left, gazing at the others. Eli and Brooke stood next to us, both of them swaying side to side.
He looked up, meeting my gaze. Eli gave me a grin, sending me a wink. I smiled, shaking my head. The music changed, a pounding over powering rap song blasted from the speakers and I screwed my face up.
Xavier chuckled, flicking my nose, “You’re adorable.”
I blushed, my cheeks tinting pink. I broke away from him, “I’ll be back in a minute.” I yelled, my voice carrying over the noise of the music.
He nodded and I shoved my way through the mass of bodies. Xavier refused to drink again tonight, even though it was his birthday. I made my way to the kitchen, heading for the fridge. I bent, grabbing the first alcoholic beverage I could find.
I popped open the cap, watching as it fizzed and the cool air escaped from it. I brought it to my lips, tilting my head back and taking a big gulp. Angel’s couldn’t get drunk, but still, it was the purpose of it all.
I was a normal sixteen year old at her boyfriend’s party getting wasted.
I took another swig.
A group of guys entered the kitchen, hollering and laughing loudly. I leaned back on the counter, placing the drink down by my side.
The guys headed to the fridge, grabbing beers for everyone. A blonde guy directed his gaze to me, leaning on the island in front of me. “What’s a beautiful looking girl doing at a party all by herself?” He sent me a grin, trailing his eyes up and down my body.
I shrugged, bringing my drink to my lips again. “My boyfriend didn’t want to drink, figured I get one for myself.”
He smirked, “And who’s you’re boyfriend, sweetheart?”
I smiled and before I could answer, someone answered for me, “I am.” Xavier’s deep voice sounded from behind me.
The guy’s eyes widened as I felt Xavier’s hands wrap around my waist, pulling me into him. “Xavier, I’m sorry man. I didn’t know she was your girl.”
I placed my hands on Xavier’s arm, rubbing it up and down to try and calm him. He relaxed slightly under my touch, “Leave.” Xavier snapped, glaring at him.
The guy rushed away, beer in hand.
I turned towards him, placing my hands on his chest. I rested my head against him as he placed his chin atop of my hairline. Wrapping my hands around his back, I relaxed against him.
We stayed there for a bit, both of us lost to our thoughts. I broke away after awhile, coming to a resolution.
“Come on,” I told him, grabbing his hand.
He followed me as we excited the kitchen, going back through the main room to get to the stairs, swerving our way through the remaining people. There weren’t very many people left, mostly just members of the pack. It was one in the morning now although that wasn’t that late for a party.
We made it to the stairs and we walked up them together. I didn’t care what this looked like, it was my last night and I was spending it with Xavier.
Xavier reached the room first, opening the door and letting me slide in before him. He closed the door behind us and I turned to him.
I gazed at his body, looking him up and down. He wore a pair of cute dark washed jeans and a white t-shirt with a small v at the top, showing me the starting of his chest.
I walked forward, stopping when I reached Xavier. I wrapped my arms around his neck, slipping out of my heels and standing on my tip toes. He brought his head down to mine, meeting our lips together.
I kissed him hard, pressing my body against his, our bodies rubbing together. Xavier groaned into my mouth, his hands grabbing my thighs and lifting me up. He let out a growl as my legs wrapped against his abdomen, leaving no space between us.
My tongue brushed against his lips and he opened his mouth, our tongues battling. He won, taking control and deepening it even further. My hands travelled their way down his back, slipping under his shirt and grabbing at his bare shoulders. He groaned and I let out a moan. Xavier started walking, not one breaking the kiss.
He laid me on the bed, breaking away for a second before crawling on top of me. My hands reached out, the tips of my fingers grabbing the thin material of his t-shirt. I pulled it up, yanking it over his head.
I stared at his chest, his tan muscular skin standing out. I grabbed his back, pulling him back down and kissing down his neck. I left love marks along my path, my teeth nipping at his skin lightly.
Xavier growled as my hands played with his belt buckle. He grabbed my hands, stopping them in their tracks. He looked at me, his eyes black, “If we don’t stop now, I won’t be able to stop, Anna.” He growled, huskily and warningly.
I met his dark eyes with my golden ones, knowing in that moment for sure that I wanted nothing else but this, “Don’t stop.” I whispered, my eyes darting downwards.
He stared at me for a moment, making sure that I meant it.
Things moved fast from there and soon I was drowning, losing myself in Xavier. Losing myself in my mate. We lost ourselves in each other and before I knew it we were both naked and overwhelmed with desire.
He stared in my eyes, hovering above my naked body. He looked in my eyes, nothing but love and honesty, “Are you sure, Anna?”
I nodded, running my hands down his sweaty back, “I’m sure.”
I looked into his eyes, my eyes full of emotion. One single tear escaped my eye, trailing down my cheek. He wiped it away, “I love you, Xavier.” I whispered, closing my eyes before reopening them, “I’m ready.”
He looked at me, his eyes full with shock. He shook his head, giving me a blinding smile, one full of love, joy and desire, “I love you too, Anna. I love you too.”
He kissed me. The most passionate kiss we shared yet, one full with thousands and thousands of emotions all coming together as one. Promises mixed in that kiss, promises of a life I wouldn’t be able to give him.
Xavier was gentle, soft and caring. It hurt, but passed quickly. Soon all I felt was desire and love, no worries, nothing but content. I was losing myself in him, losing myself in a tangle of sweat and bodies.
He pulled off of me, falling beside me and pulling me next to him. He brushed my sweaty curls from my face, “That was amazing,” He whispered, kissing my forehead gently, “You’re so beautiful, Anna.”
My already flush face turned redder as I traced patterns on Xavier’s bare chest, “I love you, Anna.” He whispered again, looking down at me with a soft look.
I reached up, pecking him softly, “I love you too, Xavier.”
He smiled, holding me tighter. We lay in silence, no words needing to be said.
I heard Xavier’s breathing even out after awhile, signaling he was asleep. I lay wide awake, my heart pounding and silent tears falling down my face. I waited a bit, making sure that he was sound asleep.
I slipped out from under the covers, grabbing Xavier’s white t-shirt that was thrown on the ground to cover myself. I slid it over my head, my toes walking along the cold hardwood.
I sat at Xavier’s desk, pulling out a pencil and piece of paper. I closed my eyes, placing one hand over my face, smudging my tears all over.
I picked up the pencil and began to write.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Present Time
I folded the letter, placing it on the desk and moving the pencil so it lay beside it. I stood, moving around the room quietly. I hugged Xavier’s top, tightening it around my body.
I walked next to the bed, staring at Xavier’s sleeping form. I knelt by the bed, facing so I was inches away from his face.
I brushed his black curls from his face, my hand lingering there gently. Another tear escaped my eye as I brought my face down to Xavier’s, lightly pecking him on the lips one last time.
I closed my eyes, concentrating and letting my body disintegrate. I opened my eyes just as my body was flashing out, seeing one thing before I dematerialized.
Xavier’s eyes snap open.
Hey guys, sorry for the cliffy but it felt necessary ;) Anyways, sad chapter :(
Well, at least I found it sad while writing it, not sure about you guys ;) Sorry about the mating scene, I’m bad at writing the steamy stuff, hehe.
Hopefully the next update will be soon! Thank you for reading/voting/commenting it means a lot!! :D