FOURTEEN
'There's no one defining moment that kills you or makes you.' - Sinbad
It's the Tuesday the week later when I next decide it's okay to come out of hiding again. I'm wearing a pair of faded black joggers that are slung low against my hips and the same musty old t-shirt I have changed back in and out of for a few days. I am on my way to the kitchen to raid the cupboards when I stumble right into Charlotte's blonde ponytail, or rather she slams into me.
"Whoa, where is the fire?" I say as she mutters out a string of curse words. I take a small step back and analyse her. She's dressed in her riding gear as normal, her olive-green polo tucked into a pair of tight-fitted leggings, her riding boots thick with mud.
"Don't let anyone see you traipsing all that mud in," I tell her with a small smile.
Charlotte pulls a face and blinks at me. She looks at me like I'm death walking. "Where on earth have you been?"
"What do you mean?" I say to her casually despite knowing full well what she is talking about. In my isolation, I have also ignored my best friend's phone calls. Not because I don't want to speak to her, but because I know that if I do, she will tell me everything I do not want to hear. I stare at Charlotte and something like guilt mirrors my own expression because I think I had almost forgotten she was Mike's cousin too. I'm not the only one who has experienced a loss and I suddenly want to punch myself in the face for being so damn inconsiderate.
"I know you're finding things hard, Eva. You're only human and it's expected, Mike's death hurt me too," I swear her bright eyes dull, "but when I literally have to bribe buffalo bill over there to find out if you're still even in this freaking country, that's when I'm worrying." She beckons over her shoulder to Adam who is, as usual, a few paces behind. He's lingering outside of the kitchen as if he's trying to give us some privacy, but I can tell the bodyguard can hear it all.
"I'm surprised he told you," I reply, eyeing Adam from over her shoulder.
"He didn't have much of a choice," Charlotte snaps, "I threatened to snap his penis in half and feed it to him if he didn't tell me you were okay."
I struggle to suppress the smile. "I'm sorry I didn't answer your messages," I tell her, and I mean it. Looking back at it now, I feel uncomfortable knowing I left her hurting too.
"If you weren't the next queen of England I'd dump your arse right here, right now." She pulls out a chair on the kitchen island and plonks herself down. "Where is everyone?" she flickers her head around the kitchen.
"Upstairs kitchen," I tell her and take a seat opposite her. "And for the record, you can't dump me. I'm your best friend and I'm also your cousin."
"Semantics," she flaps her hand in the air but she's grinning. "I've missed you; I've missed us."
"I missed you too," I tell her. I didn't realise just how much. Charlotte makes me feel grounded, happy. I'm a level of content with my best friend that I don't have with anyone else.
"Were you at the yard today?" I ask her but then notice her ribbons.
"No, had a match against those Berkley girls. Animals, all of them. You'd think polo would have more elegance to it, but those girls are wild."
I laugh and pull a piece of fruit from the bowl centred in the island. I roll the apple between my hands and purse my lips. "I said something to James I shouldn't have said," I tell her.
Charlotte eyes me, her brows lifting. "You and James always say something you shouldn't."
"This time it was about his brother," I wince. "I basically told him he had no idea what it was like to lose a brother and be in my place."
Charlotte pulls a face but she softens and shrugs. "You're hurting, it's understandable. I'm sure he knows you didn't mean it. He knows what Luke meant to you."
"It doesn't make it okay, though," I say, the guilt of my words has played incessantly in my mind for the last week.
"Then apologise," Charlotte says simply.
"I haven't seen him," I shrug. "I heard he had some engagements in Wales and only returned this morning."
"You keep track of his schedule?"
I stare at her, "obviously not." But I don't elaborate further.
"I saw this a few nights ago," Charlotte digs out her phone from her pocket and scrolls on it until she finds it and puts the phone onto the table, sliding it to me. "I sent it to you then too."
I pick up the phone and look down at the article. There is a picture of James and me together. It's one that has been taken almost a year or so earlier. I'm smiling in it, looking away from the camera and it looks as if I am smiling at James who is grinning back. He's wearing a blue shirt with the top few buttons unfastened, the shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows. I'm wearing a pair of navy trousers and a white blouse, my dark hair in a neat updo at the nape of my neck. From what I can remember, I know I'm not smiling at him, but it's clear from this photo that James is smiling at me. It makes my heart lurch.
"You look good together," Charlotte sounds almost surprised. "Odd, but good. Relaxed even."
I skim-read the article. It's a lot about James and his quest for a bride but there is a lot about how choosing me would be the 'match of a century considering the princess comes from her own throne'. I wrinkle my nose and scroll back up to the headline. THE HEIR AND THE SPARE: A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN. The article is dated the day before Michael's death.
"This is old," I tell her and pass Charlotte's phone back to her.
"The comments are what made me read it," she tells me and then clicks on something. She shows me her phone again. "They're obsessed with you both together, the public loves you."
I can see in theory how it might look appealing to the general public. The idea of a prince and princess from different countries marrying is not a new concept. Fairy tale-like, even.
"This girl thinks you're both like the sun and moon. There isn't one without the other."
But people need to remember that the sun may shine but it also burns.
*
"You're back,"
I stop abruptly in the middle of the hallway, eyeing James and Henry a few feet away.
James' lips turn up. "I didn't realise you missed me."
"As always," I roll my eyes. "I was actually coming to find you."
Henry blinks and I can see he is trying to look indifferent, but curiosity burns in his eyes. James glances at me, "oh?"
"I wanted to apologise," I say, "for what I said to you at the garden party. I'm sorry."
James looks stunned. "I think in this stage of our relationship we are past apologies, Eva,"
"Doesn't mean it's untrue," I tell him. I start to turn when his voice rings out again.
"Are you busy?"
"Why?"
"We're going out,"
I frown at him. "Who's we?"
James gestures to his head of security. "Just me and Henry, do you wanna come?"
"Why would you invite me to come anywhere with you?" I ask sceptically.
"When was the last time you actually stepped outside the palace?" James eyes me with a look, not judging necessarily, but with thoughtful interest.
"Where?"
"It's just a drive." His eyes are sparkling, his look telling me I dare you.
"Fine."
"Let's go then," Henry mutters and he brings his wrist up to his mouth to speak into his com.
We are given a standard SUV and I am surprised to see James head towards the driver's side of the car. I didn't even know he could drive. I didn't think he was allowed to drive. Michael definitely wasn't.
"Do you even have a license?" I say with an arched brow.
"Not in your country," James says swinging open the driver's side door.
"For the record," a voice makes me turn. "I don't like this."
"Adam," I say stupidly, watching as my head of security observes Henry with a frown. "You don't even have a destination in mind."
"I will keep her safe," Henry tells him and it feels like I'm watching a boyfriend reassure a father rather than two respected and well-trained agents ensure the safety of their charges.
"She sits in the back; driver's side and I am coming too."
It's not a request. Adam ushers me into the car and slides in next to me. He waits until I have put on my seat belt before he does his own. He mumbles something into his com and we wait for James to pull out of the car parking space.
"You can drive, right?" I grimace as he hesitates.
"He wouldn't be sitting there if he couldn't." Henry meets my gaze in the rear-view mirror.
"Reassuring," I swear I hear Adam mutter.
James pulls away and we leave the palace gates. I feel the pinch in my stomach as the palace becomes a blip in the background, my heart lurching from the last time I left on an unplanned trip. I learn nothing, clearly.
Adam's on edge and the car feels as tense as ever.
I cough to clear my throat. "I got a note from your mother reminding me about the press conference tomorrow."
I watch James' hands tighten on the wheel. "Hmm."
"Have you seen much of the other girls since you've been back?" I press. I hear Henry scoff and the two guys exchange a look.
"What am I missing?" I press further.
"Nothing," James says at the same time Henry replies with, "he is avoiding them."
"You are?" I quirk a brow, "why?"
"They are nuts," James shakes his head.
"So is this entire thing,"
James ignores my comment.
"You haven't told me who you like," James meets my eyes in the mirror. "You did declare to help me and all."
"I am working on it," I tell him honestly. "Who do you like?"
"Sophia," he says after a moment. I know who he's talking about instantly. Sophia is a nice redhead with brilliant green eyes. Very preppy and smart, with no connection to the Royal bloodline which is refreshing. She has a passion for projects from what I recall and likes to get her hands dirty. She seems nice enough, but I can tell she views James like a project she needs to mould and that guy isn't changing for anyone.
"Sophia's cool," I comment. "Anyone else?"
"Claudia is interesting," James says carefully. Her name makes me wrinkle my nose. I can't tell if he's being serious. Claudia and James have met several times before this – he knows my feelings towards her. I can't tell if he's intentionally trying to aggravate me.
"And then there is Henna,"
"You need your head checked," I scrunch my nose.
I swear I hear Henry chuckle from the passenger seat.
"She is a beautiful girl," James seems to find this entire conversation entertaining. "My mother loves her, and she comes from a good family."
"So, you're going to marry who your mother chooses?" I don't even try to keep the judgement off my face.
"Of course not," he barks out a laugh. "If I married who my mother wanted me to pick, I'd be marrying you."
That stumps me. Katherine and I have always gotten along but I was always Luke's girl, not James'. She must want it for the alliance. The car falls into an awkward silence and I can see Adam shift beside me. His eyes are scanning the outside of the window as if he's waiting for someone to jump out from the traffic lights we have stopped at.
The lights turn green and James starts to move off again. The car remains quiet for a while and I am too preoccupied with watching the way Adam subtly keeps shifting his foot, suggesting he is anxious that when I look up and spot the hooded figure stepping in front of the car, all I can do is scream.
An earth-shattering thump rings into the air, followed by a large clattering sound and the car screeches to a stop. Suddenly I can't see the hooded figure any longer.
"Oh my god," I heave, my heartbeat feels like it's ringing in my ears. We are all thrown back into our seats from the impact.
"Oh my god," I repeat.
I scramble with my seat belt, my head shaking as I struggle to unclip myself. I reach for the door handle, but Adam's arms lean over and he slams the half-open door closed.
"You need to stay in here," he commands.
"You cannot be serious," I tell him.
Adam leans away from me and takes something from his suit pocket and presses it down on the door, a locking sound emanating into the silent car. I watch as he gets out of the car, locking his own door with Henry hot on his trail. James stumbles after them. He's allowed to get out? I slide across the backseat and pull myself over to the passenger side door and climb out of the car.
I can hear Adam speaking into his com as I round the side of the car and see the hooded figure laying at an inhuman angle, the headlights illuminating the blood sprayed across the road.
I think I'm going to be sick.
"I thought I told you to stay in the car," Adam growls as he grabs my wrist.
"Holy shit,"
"James, you cannot touch the body,"
I snap my eyes from Adam's to the back of James' head. He is leaning over the hooded figure.
Henry leans down and tries to pull James away from the body but James struggles against him. Henry eventually drags him far enough away that when I look back down my heart feels as if it falls from my chest.
"Oh my god," a strangled whisper comes from my lips. I don't have to squint to see whose face the blonde hair under the hood belongs to. I would know that particular shade of dyed blonde hair anywhere.
"Claudia."
Thank you for reading! x