June 29th, 2013
(Chrys’ Parent’s Arrival)
As I reluctantly tapped the controls on my phone, hitting the commands that would change my life in a way I had never imagined, my heart wasn’t heavy with sorrow. There may have been a time when things like this would have been hard to me, but now it didn’t seem important. It was trivial; childish even.
With one swipe, my self-enforced Channing purge was completed. My phone’s wallpaper had reverted back to one of the defaults, my fanpage on InstaGram--@ChanningTatYum--was deactivated, and a whole album of shirtless photos had been deleted. After everything was gone it was apparent that the reluctance I was feeling wasn’t for the deleting itself, but rather, knowing that I’d have to find someone to take Channing’s place. No one came to mind.
Well, that wasn’t true; many different guys came to mind. There were male models, singers, actors, even a few YouTube sensations that I found highly attractive and would look great as a lock screen. But what would be the point in putting them up? It’s not as if I would ever see them or establish a connection. The most I would be able to do was have a one-sided relationship, staring at them day in and day out like an art aficionado obsessed with memorizing every contour of a piece, but never receiving any reciprocation. And wasn’t that what it was all about?
Liking someone so much that you couldn’t imagine going a day without seeing their face, hearing their jokes, and without a doubt, knowing that they felt the same about you. I couldn’t have that with a celebrity. Life isn’t a fanfiction.
I looked over at Sam, who was lying in my bed, her nose in whatever explicit book she was reading this week. Fifty Shapes of Girls?
“Done. My phone has been completely de-Tatum-ized.” She shut her book and turned over. I gave her my phone to check. Her face broke into a smile after a few seconds and she threw her arms around my neck, pulling me into a hug.
“So does this mean you love me more than Channing” she said while we embraced. It was the first thing she’d said since she’d arrived about ten minutes earlier.
“Duh. Chicks before,” I half-repeated the slogan she’d said to me three times before.
The first time was when she’d deleted all of her Chris Brown photos when she’d missed my birthday to go on a date with a boy. The second time was one of the guys from One Direction—Louis maybe?—after she had kissed Noah Mahler even though I’d told her I liked him. And the last and most recent time, when I’d made her delete all the pictures of my brother that she had creepily downloaded from all of his social networking sites.
“Dicks, Chrys, ‘chicks before dicks’. It’s just a word.”
“Yeah, but it sounds dirty.”
She laughed. “If you think that sounds dirty,” she grabbed her book and opened to a dog-eared page, “read that paragraph right there.”
I started reading, but she stopped me. “Out loud, I mean.”
I started again, reading aloud this time, warily at first. “As they made out, they each became more and more sexually charged, exploring each other’s bodies sensually with their hands. Robert had gone back to her protruding nipples.” I giggled and then continued, “Each time he tweaked them he was rewarded with another of her erotic moans. Her soft hands were roaming over his body too. They had started at his neck, gone under his shirt and caressed his chest, and then kept making their way lower. Now, she was rubbing—Yeah, I’m not finishing this.” I laughed loudly and shut the book.
Sam was laughing too. “Super dirty right?”
“Yeah. You are such a perv.”
“What? A girl has to read, right?”
“That’s not reading. That is literal porn.” I smiled inwardly at the pun.
“You say porn, I say an American classic. We’ll have to agree to disagree.” She smiled. “I have to be honest though, I didn’t think you were going to delete Channing.”
“Really? After you’ve deleted all of your celebrity crushes for me? Of course I would. Besides, honestly, it wasn’t that hard. I mean it was all just a fantasy anyway right?”
“It wasn’t hard for me to delete celebrities. I never kept any interest in one for more than two weeks. You’ve loved him for like years. Just last week you were tweeting him asking him to follow you.”
“That was two weeks ago.” Even as I said it I realized how much differently I felt from then to now.
“Oh, sorry, two weeks ago. What’s the big change?”
“There’s no big change,” I lied. “I just love you more.”
My response elicited another long hug from Sam. During the embrace I thought on the lie I had just told her. There had been a big change in those two weeks that had happened so quickly I didn’t even notice it. One moment I was this shy, slightly nerdy girl who had dreams of one day marrying a famous actor who didn’t even know I existed, and then the next week I was different.
All because of Carter.
I had different dreams now; dreams of Carter. They were a little more risqué and a lot more probable. I didn’t feel as shy when I was around him, even though no one could make me blush harder. Except maybe Reese, if he kept trying to wake me up from my ‘nightmares’.
It was shocking how much my aspirations could change in just eight days. Wow, it had really only been eight days since I first met Carter at the party. It was hard to believe.
My thoughts of Carter inevitably led my brain back to the waitress’ warning. I broke our hug, remembering I hadn’t told Sam yet.
Before I could, Reese’s yell permeated my door from the bottom of the stairs. Him yelling for me could only mean one thing. My parents were home!
I bolted down the stairs and leaped from the third to last into my foyer. As soon as I turned the corner, I saw my dad with his luggage still in his hand standing in our kitchen. I ran to him and wrapped my arms around him tightly, instantly transported back to the feelings of when I was a kid.
“Chrysanthemum! How’s my little flower girl?” As if he was remembering a past time too, he used my old nickname as he stroked my hair. I’d forgotten just how tall and skinny he was until I realized how easily my arms fit around him. He was built just like Reese.
“I’m good Daddy. How was Amsterdam?” I looked up into his blue eyes.
“It was good. Very enlightening. Your mother didn’t want to leave.” He laughed.
“I wasn’t the one who went to that timeshare seminar.”
“Mom!” I looked over and saw her sitting at the kitchen table. I hadn’t noticed her before because of her four bags piled high on the table were blocking her from my vision. I ran over and she stood to give me a hug.
Even though she’d been on another continent for three weeks she still smelled exactly the same. It was a testament to her unwavering love of incense and her stability. I buried my face into her straight hair, the same hue of mine, and let the smell fill my nostrils.
“Ah, my second daughter!”
“Hey Morris! How was your trip?” Sam’s voice came out muffled, which let me know without looking that she was hugging my dad.
“It was great. All play, no work. The ever rewarding life of an eco-warrior!” my dad said boisterously. “How were things on the homefront girls? Has my blind son wised-up and seen what a catch you are yet, Sam?”
Reese stepped in before she could answer. “Dad, I’m right here. And gross, Sam’s practically my sister.”
“Practically, son. But not quite. Now if you married her, she would actually be my daughter. And nothing would make me happier.”
“Morris! Stop trying to pawn your son off on Sam. He’s nowhere near ready for marriage and I know I’m ready to see him married.”
“Thank you, mom.” Reese came over and kissed her on the cheek, while I moved closer to Sam and my dad.
“Thanks for trying.” Sam whispered with a smile to my dad.
My dad winked at Sam. “He’ll come around.”
I stood in the kitchen talking to my mom and dad about everything they’d seen. My dad regaled us with his stories; lectures given and the recycling habits of the population. His stories were usually so boring but today I soaked up every word he was saying.
We ordered pizzas and watched foreign movies that they’d picked up. Me and Sam laughing at the male nudity, Reese trying desperately to censor my vision from halfway across the room, and my mom and dad appalled at the movie they’d chosen. I was worriless, the warning of the waitress completely faded away.
***
July 1st, 2011
(Carter’s Question)
“So do I get down on one knee?” Lars asked as he swerved from behind a slow moving semi on the E-way and got off at our exit.
“No! You’re not asking her to marry you. You’re just letting her know how you feel.”
“Right. Okay, so what if I go all Say Anything…, I’m talking boombox, trench coat, the whole 90’s feel?”
“Do you have a boombox?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
“No…but I have an iPod dock!”
“Alright bro, listen up. Girls don’t really need some huge romantic grand gesture from you. Sure, it’s cool or whatever, but movies and TV shows make it seem like it’s necessary. It’s not. Just tell them the truth, like how you really feel. They’ll take that over some elaborate public display of affection any day. Trust me.”
“Thank you for that insight into womanhood. You must really like Oprah.” He laughed, and I told him to shut up. “So, what you’re saying is I should just tell her about how she’s one of the coolest girls I’ve ever met. And at first I thought she was kind of a porker, but then at mini-golf she showed me she was hot. But not just hot, cute too! And funny. And a sneakerhead. And how now, even when I have my tongue in another girl’s mouth I’m thinking about her?”
“Yes…and no. Leave out the part about you thinking she was a porker and the part about you having your tongue in another girl’s mouth. Everything in between was perfect though.”
“Alright, bro. So, which one is her house?” he said while slowly pulling up Ashley’s street.
“6420….sooo…that one!” I pointed to a white house with red shutters and a beautiful, expansive garden. Lars pulled up and let me out.
“Good luck, bro! Tonight’s your night!” he yelled as he pulled off. He was right. Tonight was the night that I achieved The Goal. I walked up the concrete sidewalk leading to her house and called her to let her know she was outside.
As I sat on her porch and waited for her to come out, I found myself gazing up at the stars. Tonight it seemed like there were more stars out than I’d ever seen before. There were hundreds of them, burning so distantly that it only seemed like a twinkle. It reminded me of a story that my mom had read to me.
Before she left, she would read a story from this children’s bible before I went to bed every night. From what I can remember, it was a story about an old man and his wife. They wanted children but they were too old. They prayed to God, and then did something that I can’t remember to prove their faith to God and as a reward; he said that he would bless them with as many children, grandchildren, and so on, as there were stars.
I’d never really understood what was so special about that until I gazed up at the starry night sky tonight.
Everywhere I looked there was a cluster of stars and each cluster held an uncountable amount of stars. I couldn’t imagine that many children stemming from one man—I couldn’t even imagine that many possibilities of people, but there were. Just as innumerable as the stars were, so were the possibilities of life. Lars could actually like a girl. A couple well beyond child birthing years could populate the whole earth. Anything could happen. I could achieve my goal.
I could get Ashley.
Her front door opened and she stepped out. She was wearing a pair of Soffee shorts and a tank top as she came and sat next to me on the porch.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Nothing much…just stargazing,” I answered lamely.
“Oh cool.”
I took a long gulp as I thought of what to say to her. I’d spent the whole ride talking to Lars about Tiffany and what he was going to say that I hadn’t thought of anything myself.
“Ya know, the cool thing about the sky is that you can see it from everywhere. Not just my front porch.”
I chuckled. “Yeah.” But the view is a lot better with you next to me, I thought. I don’t know why I didn’t say it.
“So, anyway, I’ll probably be up like all night since I slept most of the day away.”
“ Listen Ashley, I need to tell you something.” I forced out.
She scooted closer to me. “I’m listening.”
There was no turning back now. I’d already started it, I just had to let it flow out of me. Come on, Carter. Endless possibilities, remember?
“I know we’ve only known each other for a week, but it feels longer than that. The more we talk, the more I feel like I know you. Like really know you. And the more I know you, the more I like you. And I like you a lot. I think you’re gorgeous, funny, intelligent, and you’re hands down the best mini-golfer I’ve ever seen.” She chuckled at that.
“I did kick your ass didn’t I?”
“Yeah, but I let you win. But, none of those reasons matter. What matters is that when I kiss you, I feel it through my whole body. And I love it. I really couldn’t imagine not feeling that feeling anymore. So, basically, what I’m trying to ask is…will you go out with me?”
She smiled at me and placed her hand in my hand. Her face glowed in the moonlight like a thousand stars, each of them holding a thousand different possible futures of ours in their radiance. “I like you too Carter...”
“..but I’m not looking to get into a relationship.”