✺ K A T E ' S ✺ P O V ✺
In the morning when I wake up, I'm pleasantly surprised to find that Harry is still snuggled up beside me in my bed. Even in my groggy state I find it satisfying that he didn't up and leave as soon as he realized he ended up drunk and in my bed last night.
"Good morning." His low voice grumbles from above me, suddenly waking me up much more. Only now do I notice just how close our bodies are together. Our legs are slotted together and one of his arms is lazily draped around my waist. I can feel his fingers rubbing slow circles against my skin where my shirt has ridden up on my hip, but I can tell its a mindless action that he seemingly doesn't even recognize.
"Hi. How are you feeling?" I lean back further to look at him but I can't get too far without interrupting our cuddling. His cheeks are pink and his hair is a mess, but he looks breathtaking with his head laying on our shared pillow.
"I'm fine. I've got a bit of a headache but I'll live. Thanks for letting me crash here... And for putting up with me." He chuckles softly and I crack a small smile along with him.
"It's okay. I like having you here." I shrug my shoulders and look away immediately afterwards, feeling embarrassed from my admittance.
Harry doesn't say anything in return which I'm thankful for. We continue to lay together in silence while we both pretend to be looking anywhere but at each other. He's staring out the window behind me while I'm keeping my eyes focused on the tattoos covering his arm. His hand has moved down a noticeable few inches from my hip and now is resting on the curve of my backside. I'm trying my hardest to ignore it but just his hand feels like a one hundred pound weight on my body.
I eventually take it upon myself to look up at him again. As soon as I've moved up the pillow to face him I know he's already been staring at me. I search his eyes for any sort of indication of what my next move should be, but I get too caught up in the beautiful jade color surrounding his pupils. I notice his tongue jut out to wet his lips seconds before he moves in merely an inch towards me. My mind is slow to respond, but I manage to do the same until our foreheads are pressed together. Our mouths are open and our lips are seconds from touching, but we both seem to be playing it safe. The mood disappears just as quickly though and finally our lips meet in the middle.
"I'm sorry that I keep kissing you." Harry pulls away to whisper, then leans back in immediately. I tangle my fingers through his hair and tug gently when he shifts our bodies so that he has more access to kiss me.
"Don't be sorry." I answer in a whisper, giving myself only a second to catch my breath before going back in for another kiss.
It's a slow process of trying to get ourselves to move forward from just kissing. The exchange of making out feels heated despite the fact that it's the furthest we've gotten in a long time. Harry's hands are roaming anywhere from my hips to cupping my backside while my own hands are pressed against his chest. He's somehow pulled me on top of him and our hips are slowly rolling together while our kissing continues. I feel completely in control until his lips move to my neck and gently press against the sensitive area he knows all too well. His hands are creeping up my shirt and making it hard for me to even think straight.
"Is this okay?" Harry pulls away to ask. His chest is rising and falling noticeably quickly under my hands while I stare down at his messy hair and pink lips.
"Yeah, of course. I'm impressed we got this far." I admit back, lifting my hand to cover my smile. It doesn't feel right to joke about but I also don't want a serious mood lingering between us.
"Don't hide. You're so beautiful." He pulls my hand away from my face and brings it back to kiss my knuckles. Blush takes over covering my cheeks for me and Harry notices, but only smiles wider.
Once we seem to get back into the rhythm of kissing once again, Harry seems hesitant to move any further. I have to be the one to initiate his hands being the ones to pull my shirt off my body. I'm pleasantly surprised when he doesn't proceed to pull my shirt off all the way but instead stops when the fabric is covering my eyes, similar to a blindfold.
"Bear with me, darling." Harry chuckles softly, kissing my shoulder playfully as he moves down further on my body. I gasp in surprise when his lips graze the swell of my breast, then again when he sinks his teeth into my sensitive nipple. He's gentle about it but I know he knows exactly what it's doing to me. I want desperately to take my shirt off from over my eyes and watch him, but I'm finding it equally as satisfying to not know where he'll move next.
I'm surprised moments later when his touch disappears completely. Panic floods my mind and I go against my own promise by moving my shirt down from my eyes so I can look around. Harry's still beside me on the bed but now clumsily working to take off his boxers. He manages to remove them from his waist and toss them on the floor beside the bed before noticing me watching him.
"Hey, cheater. You're not supposed to be looking." He cracks a playful smirk and sits up to look at me.
"I know. I like looking at you, though. Can I take this off?" I don't wait for him to answer before sitting up and pulling my shirt off to toss on the floor beside his boxers.
"Maybe you can really blindfold me sometime. We could use one of your ties or something." I wiggle my eyebrows at him and he seems too surprised by my suggestion to return it.
"Lay down." He snaps out of his trance finally to state his order. I nod happily and lay down in the middle of the bed with my legs apart. He eyes me from across the bed for only a moment before crawling over to me. He sits on his knees in front of me with his eyes focused below my waist. Not wasting any time at all, he lifts my legs so that he has access to pull my panties off, which is followed by him tossing the fabric on the ground with the rest of our clothing. He looks down at our bodies pressed together, then back up at me again.
"I'm sorry that it's been so long since we've..." He motions his hand between us and I crack a small smile.
"Why are you sorry? I think we've both contributed to our sex life, or rather, lack there of." I reach my hands up to him and he chuckles along with me. With a swift tug on our clasped hands, he's hovering above me and we're giggling in between kissing.
"I'm just... Sorry. About our sex life and our failed relationship and our-"
"Don't bring this up now." I cup his cheeks with my hands to stop him and he nods quickly in understanding.
"Okay. Sorry." He leans down to kiss me again and I can't even correct him this time. Our giggles turn into more kisses, and our kisses turn into heavy breathing as soon as we seem to shift our minds back to what we were trying to do in the first place. In almost no time at all Harry's got his hand reached between us and is pushing himself inside of me. I bury my face into his neck and hold my arms around his waist. I can tell he's trying to be gentle and it oddly reminds me of the first time we slept together.
Thinking back to those days makes me both happy and sad. Harry was so sweet and nervous back then, even though we had agreed we wanted nothing but sex. Somehow when we made something more of our relationship that's when things went wrong.
"Oh my god," he pants against my ear. I can tell he's trying to keep it together but the slow pace he's thrusting at makes me feel like I may melt into a puddle of pure bliss.
"You feel so good." I whisper back. My hands are alternating between holding his hips and digging my fingernails into his back when he hits a particular spot inside of me.
As we continue to move while working ourselves closer to the edge, Harry's pace turns slower. He's got his head resting on the pillow beside mine and we're attempting to lazily kiss each other while our hips rut together. His body on top of mine is both making me feel pinned down as well as weightless. Our sleepy morning sex has proved to be exactly the thing I needed to feel whole once again. Even if neither of us are really paying much attention to getting each other off, just having the intimacy between us once again has shown both my mind and my heart the peace I've been craving.
It seems like hours pass that we lay in my bed giggling over nothing and stealing kisses every chance we get. Harry finished in the first round after nearly a twenty minutes, then we eventually moved on to trying again, which proved to not be anymore rushed than the first. It's slow and sweet and as much as I hate to admit it, the eye contact and passionate kissing makes my chest ache with happiness. I really feel for a change that he's trying to be there in the moment with me rather than just trying to get off and carry on with his day.
On Monday morning when I wake up, I feel oddly refreshed. Seeing Harry in class isn't awkward and we actually wave at each other when I enter his lecture hall. No one is paying attention to us which allows me a moment to smile at him without having to hide it. I can see the collar of his shirt is buttoned a bit higher than usual and try not to feel giddy while knowing it's because of the purple love bites I left on his neck. It seems immature of us to be giving each other hickeys well into adulthood, but I also don't mind what anyone else thinks of it. Marking him is satisfying whether anyone knows it's my doing or not.
The week continues on as it always does without anything too out of the ordinary coming up. Harry and I attempt to make plans multiple times to see each other but each attempt somehow is unsuccessful. The month of January is quickly coming to an end and I feel refreshed to be heading further into the year. The day's passing make me realize that I've lasted much longer living in Chicago than I ever thought I would. When I first moved I assumed I'd last a week or two before going insane and either ending up in jail or moved to another random state.
On Thursday afternoon I find myself in Mia's familiar office while she stares intently at me, expecting me to get carried away talking about my life and my problems. I don't have much to complain about for once, though. Even though things aren't great I know that if it was in my power I already would have made things better.
Once the appointment is over and I've gathered my things, I make my way out of her office. She's still seated in her chair and filing her notes for the day along with all of the other things in my personal file. I'm too busy rushing out of the office to pay any mind to the person walking in front of me, who seems to be equally as distracted. As soon as our bodies collide my head snaps upwards, but I'm calmed seconds later when I see the sweet smile of someone I know all too well.
"Well if this isn't déjà vu." Harry's voice comes out low and makes me giggle as soon as he makes the comment. I can almost picture us in the same moment months ago before I even knew him. Just seeing him out in public even before I had officially met him was a moment to remember; you don't forget a beautiful man like him.
"Hey, you. Do you have an appointment today?" I tuck a lock of hair behind my ear and stare up at him with blush rising on my cheeks. I haven't had a real conversation with him since Sunday and other than that it's been friendly smiles and short waves during lectures.
"No, I'm just here to-"
"Harry?" Mia appears behind me suddenly, looking stunned as she stares between Harry and I.
"Oh, hey Mia. I was just dropping by to make my final payment." He holds up a check in his hand and I continue to watch him. He looks so effortlessly handsome with his short hair pushed up off of his forehead and his pink lips set in an undeniably attractive smirk.
"Oh, great. You can just leave it with the receptionist." Mia answers with her voice monotone. She looks over at me again, then back at Harry, then down at her feet.
"Okay, well, I'll move along then. It was good to see you, Kate." He glances down at me and my smile doesn't even falter the slightest bit.
"You too. I'll see you tomorrow in class?" I try to make a clean getaway but the question feels odd coming from my mouth. Despite how much time has passed I still feel am accustomed to having him around me at all times. Even though we barely spend time together anymore it seems as though nothing has changed.
"Yeah, of course. Have a great afternoon." He smiles at me once more then turns away to walk over to the desk in the corner. Mia looks up at me and offers a stiff smile, then steps back into her office.
I make my way out of the building without thinking too much further into the odd encounter. Both Harry and Mia acted strange as soon as they saw each other. As far as I know Harry is being treated for the death of his wife-- I'm sure she's had stranger patients.
With the snoopy thoughts on my mind, I turn around to look back through the glass door of the building. Harry is walking away from the receptionist but is stopped before he can leave. Mia appears outside of her office again and is now nervously fiddling with her hands as she speaks to him. She's always been a confident woman since I've known her-- it doesn't seem like her to let down that wall around another patient.
Unless... There's something going on between her and Harry?
Their relationship has to be purely business. She's his therapist for god sake. Although, he did mention he was dropping off his final payment. He could be ending his appointments there so that they can see each other. He wouldn't do that though... Right?
I walk away from the building and off into the crowd of pedestrians around me. The thoughts of Harry being involved with someone other than me are fresh on my mind and ripping open a freshly healed wound in my heart. Not once over the time that we've known each other have I been worried that he's interested in someone else. I suppose with all of the other issues between us it was never something that crossed my mind. Mia would make a good match for him, though. She's beautiful, well educated, and far closer to him in age than I am. What if they've bonded over her being there for him when he's been upset? Therapy is intended to be confidential but she could certainly be using his problems as his weaknesses and weaseling her way into making him think fondly of her.
The thought makes me sick.
I manage to make it home within an hour and begin preparing dinner for myself. James texts me while I'm cooking but I ignore him for a change. I can't think of anything else that could potentially weigh on my mind even more.
While trying to eat, I come to find that I've lost my appetite. I've abandoned my food and attempted to busy myself with television to pass the time. I can't shake my own thoughts though and eventually give into the one thing I can think to do.
With my phone in my hand, I type out a simple message and hit send. I can't sit still and do nothing for the remainder of the evening.
To Harry:
What are you up to?
He responds in record time and it makes me smile thinking he was expecting to hear from me. My smile just as quickly fades though when I realize he could have been already using his phone to be talking to someone else.
From Harry:
Sitting at home. Do you need something?
His message isn't as friendly as I was hoping for and I immediately regret texting him. He probably is busy with someone else and I'm just interrupting him.
After deciding to not respond to his question, I set my phone down and curl up further into the blanket covering my body. I don't want to embarrass myself if he has no interest in carrying on the conversation.
A moment into me laying silently, my phone vibrates again. I pick it up from the coffee table and squint at the bright screen while reading the new message.
From Harry:
I'm not good at texting, I'm sorry if that last one seemed rude. What are you doing?
His new message makes me feel a bit better, but not much. At least I know he's not intentionally trying to be rude, but I'm still feeling heavy with all of the thoughts from this afternoon of him being involved with another woman.
To Harry:
Just sitting at home. Sorry to bother you... I just wanted to check in.
I sink back into the couch moments after sending the message. I really had better intentions of starting a conversation with him, but all of that disappeared as soon as we actually began talking. Seconds into my moment of pity, my phone vibrates in my hand. Harry's name lights up on the screen again and I hold my breath while reading his message.
From Harry:
Do you want to come over? Doesn't make much sense for us to be across town from each other doing the same thing when we could be doing it together.
His text has me sitting up straight on the couch and analyzing my options. I want to grill him with questions about his potential other relationships, but I also want to curl up in his arms and ignore any other issues surrounding us. All I know is that I want to be there with him.
Within an hour, I get exactly what I want. Harry and I are seated side by side on his couch while he sips a glass of whiskey and I cuddle against his side. For once we didn't even try to pretend like we didn't want anything to do with each other. He said nothing when I draped his arm around my shoulders so that I could lay my head on his chest. Instead, he kissed my forehead and held me close as I had implied I needed.
"Why aren't you going to therapy anymore?" I turn over to ask when the show we're watching is on commercial. His hand is rubbing my thigh and makes an abrupt stop as soon as I ask the question.
"Because I don't find it necessary. Mia has helped me work through a lot and every time I go now I feel like I'm wasting my money." He shrugs his shoulders and takes a sip of his whiskey as an excuse to look away from me. I can't help but continue to worry he's dancing around the real answer because of whatever is really going on with Mia.
"It's not... Because of Mia? You just don't need therapy anymore?" I sit up straighter to look at him, which seems to confuse him slightly.
"Why would it be because of Mia?" He seems to pick up on my strange mood. With his lips pursed and his eyes settled on mine, he lifts his hand to tuck some hair behind my ear.
"What's on your mind, baby?" He continues to be gentle with his touch and strokes his fingers down my cheek.
"Nothing, I was just thinking a lot earlier. Don't worry about me, though." I shake my head to rid myself of the thoughts. As an attempt at a distraction, I link my arms around his shoulders and lean in towards him.
"Let's talk about something else. Or... we could just not talk at all." I lean in to kiss the very corner of his mouth, then over to his cheek.
"Don't do that now. There's clearly something on your mind." He tries to pull away to look at me again, but I instead nuzzle my way into his neck and kiss the sensitive place below his ear that I know drives him insane.
"Baby, c'mon. I'm trying to talk to you." He whines lowly, failing as he tries to move his head so that I can't continue to kiss him.
"I don't want to talk. Let's mess around. Isn't that why I came over?" I drop my hands to his lap and pop the button on his jeans. He groans lowly and bucks his hips up, but I can tell its out of habit and makes him blush a bit.
"That's not why you came over. As much as I love doing that with you, I didn't only invite you over to get laid." He manages to finally lean back to look at me, which makes the moment much less heated. I manage to ignore his comment and proceed to get the zipper down on his pants. My lips move down the column of his neck while my hands slip under the band of his boxers.
"We're going to talk at some point. Don't think you'll get off the hook just because you know how weak I am when it comes to you." He finally relaxes into the couch and I smirk victoriously. With my fingers hooked around the waistband of his pants and boxers, he bucks his hips up and allows me to pull the fabric down his legs until it's pooling around his ankles. I don't know why I'm feeling the need to jump into bed with him rather than talking about everything that led up to me needing to see him tonight in the first place; it doesn't feel right to talk about it with him-- it feels right to take action and do the thing I know I do best with him. The only way he's allowed me to claim him in the past besides the pathetic two weeks we so-called dated. Sex has always been our solution to everything.
With his body still seated on the couch and me on my knees in front of him, I manage to get back my small piece of mental sanity. He fills my mouth and holds my hands while I work at a slow pace to get him fully aroused. The tv is on behind me but he's got his eyes focused solely on me. I feel empowered for a change. I feel as though of all the thoughts that pass his mind I'm the only thing on it for a change.
Around midnight, I find myself curled up naked beside him in his bed. He's lazily rubbing my back with his hand while we lay in the dark and attempt to fall asleep. I'm not sure when it was decided that I was staying the night, but I didn't complain when he pulled me against him to cuddle and turned out the lights.
He seems to be exhausted but I'm as awake as ever. With my body laid towards him, it gives me the perfect view of his flawless features from the chest up above where the blankets are covering his body. I assume I'm in the clear to admire him without worry, but he opens his eyes eventually and stares back at me.
"Can't sleep?" He asks softly, his voice low and husky from exhaustion. He rubs his hands over his eyes then rustles his hair with his fingers.
"No..." I feel awkward being caught staring at him, but he doesn't seem to mind.
"Got a lot on your mind?" He tucks his arms behind his head and sighs lowly. I know he's tired but I'm glad he's awake with me.
"Yeah, sorta." I lay my hand on his chest and run my fingertips of the small patch of fine hairs he's accumulated. I used to tease him about having no chest hair when we first met, but now I find it comforting. His unique features will always be burned into my mind no matter what the stance between us is.
"Why were you asking about Mia earlier? Are you worried that I'm not going to therapy anymore? I'm not going to have a breakdown or anything. Mia helped me through my wife's death... It wasn't anything deeper than that." He turns his head down to look at me just as I move to prop my chin up on his chest. Our eyes meet and make my heart flutter in my chest just from his gaze on me.
"I'm not worried about you not going to therapy anymore. Actually, I'm not worried about you at all." I trace a circle on his chest with my finger and ignore the look of his brows knitting together in confusion.
"Are you worried about... Mia?" He purses his lips and I sigh while nodding the slightest bit.
"Today she seemed like she was... Fascinated with you. It makes sense, though. You're breathtaking." I really do feel silly even bringing it up to him that I'm worried about it. We've been broken up long enough to where I shouldn't still care about who he sees.
"Kate, don't be ridiculous. Do you think I'm sleeping with Mia?" He props his head up further to look at me just as I'm digging my face into his chest to hide my embarrassment.
"Look at me, baby." He runs his fingers through my hair and gently uses the hold on my head to make me look up at him.
"Do you really think I'm sleeping with Mia? Or, anyone besides you for that matter?" He continues to run his fingers through my hair while I rub my fingers against his chest.
"Is it really that crazy for me to think? I mean, look at you. And Mia is beautiful and closer to you in age and-" I'm cut off by the sound of his usually sweet laughter darkly ruining the moment. I feel embarrassed even further and finally give up on trying to justify my thoughts. With my head hung in shame, I hurry to get out of the bed and find my clothes wherever they ended up in our heated moment earlier.
"Kate, come here." Harry's deep voice states, but it doesn't phase me. I continue rushing around until I give up on finding my own clothes and instead grab his shirt off of the floor.
"Kate, stop. Don't be ridiculous. Come here and talk to me." Harry shoots up from the bed and successfully manages to grab my waist just as I'm walking past him to leave. He's far stronger than me and his touch makes me stop but he knows his limit and let's go as soon as I've stopped walking.
"Do you really expect me to sit here and let you laugh at me while I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you? Why do you think I didn't even want to talk to you in the first place?" I shove my hands against his chest so that I can leave the bedroom, which leads to him grabbing my wrists to hold me back. I don't know what's got me so worked up or why I'm resorting to shoving him, but I do know all I want to do is scream.
"Calm down, god dammit!" Harry shouts for me instead. His loud voice surprises me and manages to stop me from raging for a moment. I freeze in his hold, but I can't bring myself to look at him.
"What the hell is wrong with you? Are you really shoving me? I haven't done anything wrong! I'm trying to calm you down!" He releases his hold on my wrists and I immediately step in towards him. He steps backwards, but recognizes what I'm doing seconds later when I snake my arms around his waist.
"I shouldn't have pushed you. I'm so sorry." I frantically rub his back and nuzzle my face into his chest, desperate to take back my actions from a moment ago. I should have never resorted to pushing him. I should have just walked out.
"I'm sorry, Harry, I'm so sorry." I continue to murmur. His chest is heaving still but he's calmed down the slightest bit since a moment ago.
"God, Kate, I can't do this." He sighs lowly, but I only hug him tighter.
"I'm sorry. I lost it for a minute but I'm back now, baby. I will never push you again I swear on my life." I reach my hands up to cup his cheeks so that he's looking down at me. His eyes are blazing still but he seems slightly more calm.
"Damn straight you'll never push me again. I love you but I will not put up with that shit." He leans in to kiss my forehead, but I can't focus on anything but his words. I lean back to look at him and he seems to catch onto my surprise, yet he still doesn't seem phased.
"Don't look at me like that. How many times do I need to say it before you take me seriously?" He's leaned in close to me once again, making it even harder to focus.
"You... You've been drinking. You're always drunk when you say it." I shake my head but he stops me by cupping my cheeks to hold me in place.
"Kate, I ate dinner, drank a small glass of whiskey, we had sex twice, then I laid in bed afterwards. Those few sips of whiskey did absolutely nothing to me. I'm not anywhere near drunk right now." He takes a step in closer to me and suddenly I can think of nothing that's happened over the course of the day. All I can of now is that he's finally told me he loves me and not taken it back.
"But..." I can't even bring myself to form a coherent thought. Harry leans in to kiss me-- it's the most gentle and affection kiss I've ever experienced with anyone.
"I love you, baby." One of his hands drops to my waist and pulls my body against his. Our lips meet again but I can't find the strength to kiss back. My heart is hammering in my chest and I'm sure he can hear it. He pulls away the slightest bit and cracks a small smile.
"Calm down. You're going to go into cardiac arrest." He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and I manage to finally look away.
"You... You can't do this right now. We're not together. We haven't been together for weeks and the time that we were together was full of arguing." I tangle my fingers through my hair and step away while my panicked brain runs repeatedly through thoughts of confusion. His hand reached for my waist and grazes my hip while I continue to pace back and forth.
"You're overthinking this completely. I really don't see there being a right or wrong time for this to come up. Was it the right time the first time you told me? Absolutely not." His voice is low and I know I should listen to him, but I can't bring myself to do it.
"There may not be a right time, but this certainly isn't it whether that exists or not." I finally stop pacing long enough to look up at him. His gaze brings me back to my senses and makes me realize how absurd I'm being. Why am I fighting him on this? I've wanted desperately for months to hear him say it now here I am rejecting him.
"Let's just go back to bed. We can discuss this in the morning." He holds his hand out to me and I swallow hard, unsure of what to do. It doesn't take much swaying from him though to get me to follow him back to the bed and crawl right back into my typical spot. He settles in beside me and holds my waist with one arm while the other is resting alongside mine on his stomach. Our faces are inches apart and he seems to take advantage of it to steal a few sleepy kisses once we're settled in.
"Goodnight. I know nothing's made sense lately but I'm so glad you're here with me." His voice is a low grumble and as much as I want to blame it on his exhaustion, his words still make me smile.
"I'm glad I'm here too." I whisper back. We stare at each other for a few more seconds as if contemplating saying the three words that seem to always get us in trouble. It doesn't come, though. I can tell in his eyes he means it and it's enough to put me to sleep.
✺
Happy Saturday guyz