(A/N this story might be triggering for some people- if you feel triggered by self-harm or abuse I would not read this- I will give warnings for people who still want to read it though)
It started a little over 1 year ago... when I was diagnosed, when I decided to go to my dorm room just to have a little sleep- just because I was tired...
That day I didn't wake up for 13 days- I mean I was in a different world, a world much crueler than this one, a world that is made up by me and my memories... My room mate realised that something was up when I was acting zoned out- spacey even, non respondent to her and not attending my classes which was rare for me, seeing that I was what people call a 'nerd' someone who got straight A's- someone who never missed a class. I still got up to eat and drink but- I wasn't in control of my body, I was still in my hallucination.
I sat in front of my TV watching another episode of Supernatural end, I hadn't gone to college since last year, my best friend or brother is always with me- which I hate because they have to hold up their life for me, all because of my sleeping disorder called KLS- Kleine-Levin Syndrome, I go to bed scared to go to sleep, in case I don't wake up the next morning.
"Selena, Did you go to bed last night" my older brother yells from the kitchen-he insists on me having a good nights sleep- he thinks that it makes my KLS less 'strongish' (in his words)
"Adam take a random guess" I yelled back to him from my bedroom. My bedroom is near the kitchen, the guest room and my brothers room so if I need anything someone is 1 yell away.
"Selena come here please" he yells back at me. I groan and pull myself up from my bed and pause the show. I open the door and walk into the kitchen.
"Adammmmm heyyyy" I grinned at him
"When did you go to sleep last night" he raises an eyebrow
"well do you want the truth or a lie?" I mock him while raising an eyebrow
"truth would be best Selena" he frowns at me
"okay truth is I didn't get any" I throw my hands up in mock happiness "yay" I roll my eyes
"Sel please you need to get on a good sleeping plan" his facial expressions soften as he pulls me into a hug, he just doesn't understand how hard it is- how hard it is to go to sleep not knowing when you next will wake up. Dead to the world...
"I'm sorry- however Supernatural was on netflix and I couldn't resist" I look him in the eye "soooo how's that girl you have been seeing- Fiona was it?" seeing the blush on his face made me laugh all the more
"she asked me to go on a trip around England next week" he said his face dropping a bit
"ANND what did you say?" I grinned at him choosing to ignore the sadness lingering on his face
"I said no" he sighs
"WHAT THE HELL ADAM SERIOUSLY WHY?" I screamed at him
"because Grandpa and Grandma are on holiday and no one can look after you in that area of time" he sighed knowing that I would never let this go
"ADAM MICHAEL WOOD WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GET YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE!! ALISON WAS GOING TO STAY WITH ME NEXT TIME YOU WEREN'T FREE?" I scream at and he comes up to me and gives me a hug- Adam and I always have had a close bond- well that's what happens when you are twins I guess... while we were in this hug I grabbed his phone from his pocket before poking him on the nose and running of to my room.
When I entered my room I turned around and locked it not before hearing a
"SELENA GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK OR I SWEAR" coming from down the stairs before footsteps reaching my door, I typed in his pass-code 1596 before clicking on the name that was set as
'Fi 😍😘😍' I had to laugh at how corny the name was before going into my bathroom and calling her
"Hey Adam" a chirpy voice comes through the phone
"Hey Fiona- this is not Adam but his sister Selena" I chirped back to her
"Oh I was wondering when I could meet you Adam has told me all about you" you can tell that she is one of those girls that don't stop smiling
"Yeah anyways... My brother said that he couldn't go backpacking around England next week?" I ask her
"Yeah it was a massive bummer- I'm still trying to find someone to go with me" she sighs
"Wellll Adam can come with you now- but he doesn't exactly know this yet"
"no why not?" she asked into the phone
"Because he thinks its his responsibility to look after me however, I don't need him to look after me- so lets make this our little secret okay"
"yeah sure" she smiles into the phone her voice had picked up in happiness
"I will give you my number so you can text me and we can get everything worked out"
"Sounds great- and thank you Selena it means a lot to me" she giggles happily
"okay I'll text you through my number" I hang up, dropping out of the call.
I quickly added her phone number to my phone, and sending her a quick text
hey Fiona, it Selena for the details just text this number :) before skipping outside and handing Adam his phone back- don't worry i got rid of history apps and his phone call history is just Fiona and sometimes me.
"Selena" Adam asked with a scarily calm voice "what did you do?"
"not much you know looked through your contacts and what not" I replied
"what did you tell Fiona" he accused me
"whaaat nothing- crap gotta Zayn. Sam and Dean are having a reunion! can't miss it" I jogged of hearing Adam calling Fiona.
The next couple of days were very similar, text Fiona to make sure it was all set when it was all set on Friday, I stayed up all night every night- I am getting tired and I have no idea how much longer I can go without sleeping.
On Friday, I packed Adams bags and told him that Alison is getting back from her trip from France.
"ADAMMM WE HAVE TO GO ALISON IS WAITING" I screamed at my brother
"Coming, coming" he ran down hallway before skidding to a stop in front of me "well Selena what are you waiting for Alison is waiting isn't she" I scowled at him before walking to the car (don't worry I already put his bags in the boot)
Adam got to the airport in record time, and I hopped out of the car before running to the boot and grabbing the bags out.
"uh Selena? why are my bags here?" he questioned. I pretended like I didn't hear him and kept on walking pulling his bags with me. Not long after I heard a long sigh before footsteps running after me. He managed to catch up to me (listen now I walked the fastest I could but me being sleep deprived, and him doing football his whole life, he easily caught up)
"Hey brother dear" I smiled at him before continuing to walk, he grabbed my arm roughly to stop me in my tracks. I flinched, and his face dropped.
"Oh My God, Selena I'm so so sorry, I completely forgot"
"I wish it was that easy to forget for me" I continued to walk, realizing that I was acting like a complete bitch.
Fiona was waiting out the front of the airport for us. I waved to her before she ran up to me and gave me a giant hug whispering
"thank you so much for doing this" I just patted her back awkwardly and she saw my brother and pulled away and smiled at me (told you she seemed like a smiler) before running to him- his face lit up at the sight of her, before they kissed.
"Awww young love" I cooed and they turned and looked at me, their faces red "absolutely sickening" I told them, my brother laughed while Fionas' face went bright red. They walked up to the door where I was.
"Selena thank you so much, for organizing this for us it means so so so much" she thanked me and jumped into me for another hug- can you say awkward.
"yeah, yeah. my brother was getting a bit overbearing" I dumped the bags on my brothers foot before putting my hand out for the keys, which he surprisingly put the keys in.
"Selena, you drive carefully OK, you know you not supposed to be driving with no one in the car, but you have been sleeping well lately and I trust you OK. do not prove me wrong" Adam told me sternly
"yes" I replied feeling slightly bad for not telling him how I haven't been sleeping lately- but if I did he wouldn't get on the plane to England.
"OK bye see you soon all that crap" I waved to them before walking off- I don't do goodbyes. suddenly two arms wrap around my waist and spin me around, I scream and not the happy scream the holy crap scream.
"really Selena you thought that you could get away without saying goodbye" my brother laughed in my ear
"no not really- but it was worth a try" I replied
"thank you so much Selena, I love you so much, I will see you soon" Adam told me, I just nodded before kissing him on his cheek
"Bye Adam, I love you too- have fun" I pause and face Fiona, "bye" I waved at her before starting to walk off letting one tear drop down my face- I don't do goodbyes very well.
I hopped in the car and started to drive, halfway home I started to feel tired. I ignored it at first than in my neighborhood I started to speed making it home, starting to feel like I was about to pass out from being tired. I kind of lied when I said to my brother that Alison was coming over to spend time with me- I mean she is coming- just not today tomorrow.
When I got back to my room I fell asleep, when I woke up again I had no idea on the time or date it was, I have been sleeping for longer now, it used to be 13 days of an alternate universe- now it's about 30-45 days, I was all set to get my dream job as a nurse finishing up my last exams... this time this dream was the worse one yet;
It was that night again the night when everything changed.
I looked to my left to see my radiant mother, there was that new hit on the radio closer by Halsey and the Chainsmokers. It was snowing and rainy.
"You would not believe the day I have had, I'm so glad that the terms over I missed you, Dad and Adam sooo much" I laughed dragging out the o in so
"Aww hon, you're dad won't tell you this but he has been waiting all week to see you and play some 1 on 1 basketball with you"
"aha, none of my friends play basketball anymore, I can't wait" I turn to mum with a smile, when it quickly faded when I saw the purplish bruise resting on her arm, she felt my gaze on her and followed my eyesight to her arm as soon as she saw I was looking at it she reached to cover it up and made up an excuse
"damn I didn't realize that when i ran into that bed post before that it would bruise" she tried to laugh it off.
"mum- h has Dad been drinking again?" I asked her wearily
"you know h how your f father i is, and h he has had uh some hard days at um uh his new uh w work"
"does Adam know?" i asked her
"no he is always out with a girl now, Fiona Greenbridge her name is I think"
"oh mum, this will not stand I am and I will confront him and he will go down, it is NEVER OK to abuse someone. I know you love him but mum he does not love you"
a tear slipped down her cheek and I felt bad but she needs to realize this. The rest of the trip was silent. When we pulled up at the driveway it was time to set my plan in place
"Mum when we get home say hi to dad act like everything is normal, grab Adam and take him upstairs when you are upstairs I want you and Adam to start packing everything I will take Dad outside and start playing some basketball, you need to go outside and put your bags in the car, have the keys in the ignition and I will come back out to the car hop in and you need to drive really fast- do you understand?"
"so I need to go upstairs- what happens if he asks where I am going?"
"say I am going to the toilet OK"
"so I go upstairs grab Adam get him packing- wait Adam will want to see you"
"tell him to do this first OK say that it is more important than seeing me"
"OK once we pack we go down stairs when you and your dad are playing basketball and shove them into the car, and we start the car"
"yes perfect" "OK mum are you ready" I asked her as we pulled up into the driveway
"y yes, Lets do this" she lent across and kissed my cheek "I love you Selena Emma Wood"
"I love you too mum- we can do this" We hopped out of the car and walked towards the door, mum opened the door allowing us to get in, Dad was sitting there with a cigarette in hand- yuck second hand smoke, he didn't use to be like this- he used to be the best father, never smoked, never drank, never did drugs- but then he got fired from his job and everything went down hill.
(From Here on some people may find this TRIGGERING DO NOT READ IF YOU STRUGGLE WITH THIS KIND OF STUFF!!!!!)
"Daddy" I exclaimed running up to him and giving him a hug resisting the urge to throw up
"Selena, how are you princess" he hugs me back a bit to roughly as I got closer you could smell the alcohol on him- he was drunk. While he was hugging me he saw my mum going upstairs
"oi oi bitch where you going" he yelled at her "you have to make dinner remember?"
Mum stumbled her words "I'm just going to the t toilet d dear"
"well who is going to do dinner than" he snapped at her
"I thought I could Dad" pretending like what he didn't just say didn't make me want to punch him
"If you want to Selena" Tom replied
"I do dad, but first I was thinking we could play some 1 on 1 basketball for a bit" I smiled at him
"sounds good hun" I dragged him outside into the backyard we played basketball for ages at least 1 hour before I heard the car engine
"hey Sel, did you hear that car engine start?" he asked
"yeah my bet is that it is one of the neighbors" I thought and said the first thing that came to mind
"oh yeah must be, I am going to get changed and speak to your mum in our room" he said before going inside and upstairs, I took this chance to sprint out the front as quietly as I could and hop in the car knowing that we had a few seconds before Tom realized that mum wasn't in her room. As soon as I got in the front seat of the car mum started to drive, after we started to drive we heard a yell in the house before someone running down the stairs.
I looked behind us and less than 100 metres behind us was Tom on a motorbike speeding after us, but the thing in his right arm made me sick, a hand gun, he looked me in the eyes before pulling the trigger aiming for the windows.
"DUCK" I screamed watching the bullet hurl towards us, I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and typed in 911.
"Hello this is 911 how may I help you"
"My dad is trying to kill me and my family we currently are driving away from him but he is on a motorbike, with a gun. He also has hit and abused my mother.
"do you know where you are?"
"WE ARE DRIVING, OMFG OMFG HE JUST HIT A TI.... HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
"Mum, mum, Adam are you ok?, OMFG crap crap"
"ma'am what just happened? Ma'am hang tight we have police on the way, ma'am stay on the line"
"NO NO TOM PLEASE DON'T DO IT DON'T DO IT PLEASE" I was full on crying when Tom pulled up next to the car on my mothers side. I looked back to see my brother knocked out like my mum. He broke the window and I watched the glass shatter onto my mum, my brother and myself.
He pointed the gun at my mum still looking me in the eye
"Selena princess, this is all your fault, for talking your mother into leaving me" he pulled the trigger making the gun go off with a bang, my eyes went even more blurry from the tears as I watched my mothers stomach stop rising, my father connected his eyes once more with me before chuckling to himself and walking to be in front of my brothers window. I could no longer breathe, think, see. He smashed the window where my brother was before repeating the words he said before
"Selena princess, this is all your fault, for talking your brother into leaving me" I opened the door with all my strength before picking up a rock and walking around the car facing my father and my father faced me his eyes sparkling, he took a couple of steps towards me and gripped my arm tightly, I drowned out the sirens, the woman on the phone, before hitting the rock on his face multiple times the force making him fall backwards but pull the trigger at me, the bullet hitting my leg. What felt like 10 hours later, was really 5 minutes later the police arrived, they surrounded the man I once called dad and handcuffed him. I started to fall but a police man caught me and got me a stretcher.
"m m my m mum, a and m my b brother please help them first" the police guy yelled at the other police woman and men to get my brother and my mum.
"It's OK sweetie everything will be fine" I think he rode with me to the hospital, he was the one in my hospital room every time I woke up- to be honest I don't think he left my side.
when I properly woke up for the first time the police man was gone and replaced with my grandparents.
I tried to sit up but I couldn't, my leg hurt but so did my stomach, my grandparents rushed over to me and pressed a button on my hospital bed and the doctor came in;
"Selena Wood, how are you feeling?"
"I'm hurting everywhere"
" OK hun" I flinched at the pet name, the doctor saw this and corrected herself "OK Selena, it seems that you were shot twice once in the stomach and once in the leg, you have a severe concussion as well.
"Ok how is my mum and your brother" I asked watching the doctor flinch when I asked about my mum
"Ms Woods how much of the incident do you remember?"
"we were getting away from my dad than... Oh god, Oh God" I said before bawling my eyes out "It's all my fault, My mum is dead isn't she, Oh god it is all my fault"
"I am so so sorry to tell you this but your mum passed, due to a gun shot in her head"
"Oh God, Adam how is Adam" I asked with tears running down my face
"he is ok, he had a mild concussion but other than that he is absolutely fine with a few cuts, he was released from the hospital a couple of days ago, he is just here for you now."
"okay, who was the police officer"
"him, he has stuck around here for a bit, officer Jake Cornett"
"Okay cool, can I see my brother please" the doctor nodded before getting on her way.
My grandparents came up to me and gave me giant- but soft hugs.
"Oh sweety we are so so so sorry that you had to go through all of that"
"SELENA" my brother rushed into my room and barreled on top of me
"ooff" I exclaimed as all the air was knocked out of me
"oh gosh did I hurt you, I did didn't I can't believe myself" he rambled, ignoring the pain I reached up and hugged him, him immediately hugging back.
From then to the funeral was a blur full of court cases and funeral planning. My dad was put in jail for life, but I am positive that there will be a chance at bail. The funeral felt fake and not true, my mum left everything she owned to Adam and I, and said she would like me to write her eulogy. I spent every waking moment writing it.
"My mum, there is no way to describe her, she is vibrant, full of life, and probably the best person I have ever met- I guess I should start describe everything about her as a was- she was vibrant, she was full of life, she was the best person anyone could have met.
I still can't believe she is gone, but it wasn't sickness, that took her its was someone she love someone she trusted even if they abused her their whole marriage.
She was a proud woman she worked hard; she was proud of a lot of things and I will list some
-her house she painted and renovated the whole 2 stories by herself in less than 3 months
-her garden, I don't remember a time when there was no flowers growing
-her friends and family, she loved everyone, and had such a big heart that she could fit everyone in the world and love them so much equally
I was looking back on pictures today and one brought a memory; it is one of my favourite memories ever;
Adam, Mum and were racing up and down the streets with our scooters and my scooter went over a rock and I fell over and I bawled my eyes out, and instead of comforting me and cleaning up my wounds and helping me up she laughed and while she was laughing at me she tripped over a rock herself and we were just laughing at each other
My mum was not like other mums she was my best friend, someone I could laugh with, tell my all secrets to, shop with, Heck when I lost my virginity she said finally. I love my mum so much and she holds such a special place in my heart, that will probably be a gaping hole waiting to be filled by her.
Mum I love you, everyone who met you loved you and you were taken from us too soon. Your love will guide us through the rest of our lives... Rest In Piece Mum
tears were running down my face and I walked over to my mothers body and kissed her head.
I woke up and looked over to my phone picked it up at checked the time and date...
17/08/16 I calculated roughly when I went to sleep last and it was roughly the 12/07/16, I checked on Siri how many days that is, 36 days, I was out for 36 days... I walk downstairs to see where Alison was and a message was on the table
Dear Selena,
I went out to get some milk if you are awake I left at 10am I will get back at
11ish, your brother gets back in 3 days by the way.
ILY
-Alison :))
I was so frustrated I made my best friend look after me by herself for 36 days, saying that we could 'hang out', pft more like she could babysit me in one of my episodes....
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A/N:
New Book, New president...
I hope you enjoy this book it is different to the books I usually write..
KLS is not a very known issue, it is 100% real, I was talking to my mum and sister about it and they had never heard of it before..
I hope this spreads some awareness...
Yours Truly
-Ally :))