“I really miss you. Its been weeks and I can’t stop thinking about you A, I’m apologetic can’t you see that? Please call me b- “
Delete.
“I went to the store and I saw that book you liked so much. You know the one? Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansen played in the movie. The Other Boleyn Girl. Well I bought it, can you believe it? I actually started reading it, I’m on page O-“
Delete.
“Ariel call me back, please I’m dying over here. I don’t care about the age thing anymore, I don’t care, I miss you, and I love you.”
My thumb hovered over the number seven as I thought about the words. I miss you, and I love you. Why would he backtrack like that? As if I didn’t have enough issues he thought it would be ok to say ‘oops my bad I didn’t mean what I said the other day, you know on second thought, I do love you.’
Delete.
“but that’s not how it works.” I said this to the water as I moved my legs back and forth in the pool. Marie had once again come up with a brilliant plan to ‘hang out’. This time it consisted of water, big t-shirts, shorts and bathing suits of sorts. My Onesie was covered up by blue jean shorts and a extra large t-shirt.
“Not how what works?”
Andres, beautiful Andres placed his forearms on the edge of the pool right next to my thighs. He looked good in water, amazingly good.
“Nothing.” I really wanted him to go somewhere else and stop gazing up at me as if I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, it was unnerving.
“A lot of nothing? Or is it something?”
Word games, I had no patience for it. I had no patience for him and his pretty eyes and quivering lips, “I’ll be back.” I muttered as I slowly stood up.
“Yeah sure.”
He sounded hurt, but I didn’t really care, his problem not mine.
I didn’t know where I was headed to, but as soon as I pressed the gate surrounding the pool I knew that I wanted to get out of there.
Dripping wet my sandals squished with water as I moved down the street slowly. The hot summer air blew at my wet clothes as a breeze drifted through. I thought about my dad and how he still hadn’t called me. I thought about how I had called him myself, just a few weeks ago and he hadn’t called back. Was he really that angry with me?
Did I mess up that bad?
I would beg his forgiveness and denounce Josh wholeheartedly if he would just forgive me. To be honest, I missed my old man. I missed the way he belched too loud and laughed like he was choking on a chicken bone. I even missed the scent of his too heavy cologne clouding the air as he passed my bedroom
Four weeks into my break and I wanted to go home, it wouldn’t be long now. I had a little over a month of my summer left and then college would start soon, and we would have to face eachother eventually.
_____________________________________________________________
I don’t even know where he came from, but there he was leaning against the fence talking to some girl. I poked Marie in the side, “There he is.”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with you Ariel. I could’ve sworn you didn’t like the guy.”
After a week of not seeing Ronnie, I realized that I regrettably did missed him. Not an ‘oh I haven’t seen you a minute’ missed you, but an ‘oh my god where have you been, I’ve been thinking about you’ missed him.
And I knew that I liked Andres as well.
I liked the both of them.
Did I feel bad?
No.
I didn’t act on anything, they had.
Ok so I lied a little bit, but I wasn’t going to stand for being the bad girl all the time. When could I be the good girl?
Like I used to be?
Before I met that douche who stole my virginity and friends, before I flirted with Josh until he finally came through, before I made out with Ginger (amazing kisser btw), before I tempted Ronnie and before Andreas kissed me because of this bogus idea that I was on full time hawk watch.
“I don’t,” I lied, “I just haven’t seen him since forever.”
From where I sat I saw everything he was doing, flirting. The girl leaned in and hit at his arm as she laughed. I bet whatever he had to say wasn’t funny to begin with. I bet it was some lame joke about what he could do to her if he had the chance.
Asshole.
I mentally hit myself then.
Was I jealous?
Over a guy I said I didn’t want?
Over a guy I pushed away on numerous occasions?
Over him?
Him?
Irrationality had by then flooded my brain and all I wanted to do was smash that tricks head into the brick wall Ronnie was leaning against.
“I’ll be back,” I said to Marie as I brushed the grass and dirt off my shorts.
“Where?” She asked warily, I could hear the concern in her voice but I brushed it away.
“Don’t worry about it, I’ll be back.”
She sighed and muttered something, but I wasn’t listening, I had my eye set on Ronnie and the blonde weaved bimbo he was talking to. He looked up, maybe once maybe twice but it was only for a brief second and then his eyes were on her again. She leaned forward and shoved him away one more time, and he smiled along with it, pretty lips spreading apart as he did so.
I shoved my hands into my pockets and moved forward, walking slowly as I approached him and her. She didn’t see me,but I knew he did. He was just too busy trying to ignore me.
“Ahem,” I cleared my throat, to which only the blonde girl turned to.
She did a quick once over with a solemn expression and then looked at Ronnie. He had his head turned to the side, and then they flickered back over to her, “You were saying?” He reminded her.
“Ronnie,” I quipped, digging my hands deeper into my pocket.
Ronnie glanced over, “Wasup?” He asked coolly.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?”
About what Ariel?
What exactly did you want to talk to him about?
“Later maybe?”
I couldn’t just leave and look like a clown, I cleared my throat, “I was hoping we could talk now.”
The blonde girl crossed her arms, “Do you know her?”
“Something like that,” Ronnie confessed.
“Do you want me to leave?” Her eyes were steely, and focused on me.
Ronnie bit his lip, “For a minute, this won’t take long ok?”
The girl popped her gum and gave me the stank eye, “Ok,” and then made her way to a group of girls that looked equally as ratchet as her.
“What up?” He asked.
I looked at him gently and smoke in a softer tone, “I haven’t seen you for awhile.”
“I’ve been busy, moving and other stuff.”
At least he was talking to me, I hung on to the moving part, “Moving?”
“Yeah, I got my own place and I’ve been moving stuff around. I’m still not through.”
“Oh.”
Should I offer to help or something?
“Do you need some help?”
He scratched his head considering this, “Maybe.” He admitted.
“I can help you, if you want.”
It was all my ploy to get back in his good graces, because even though he irritated the hell out of me, the few weeks I had known him I had grown to like him. His weird sense of humor, his cute smile and everything.
“Cool.” I smiled.
______________________________________________________________
When he said he needed help he wasn’t lying. This guy hadn’t even opened his cardboard boxes, he hadn’t even taken out his kitchen supplies. I took a beer out of his fridge and sat next to an empty cardboard box that I had just rid of its contents, “And how long have you been in here?”
“A week.” He smiled sheepishly and took a beer for himself.
I couldn’t’ help but ask him the question that had been nagging me. I took a sip of my beer, “Ronnie, are we cool?”
He sunk onto his couch and kicked a box to the side as he gulped down some of his beer, “I guess so.”
“No,” I stood up and sunk into a squatting position as I went through another box of his, “I mean, for what happened? Last week?”
Ronnie chuckled as I took out more supplies from the box and set them in the kitchen, looking around I noticed that we were through with everything and I sighed in relief. It had taken us a good three hours to set his apartment in order and now that we had, it was in great shape and looked pretty decent.
“Punk ass.”
Mid gulp I stared at him, “Sorry?” I laughed when the beer had went down.
“I was being a punk ass, all in my feelings.”
“Maybe it was my fault.” I admitted.
I had to think about it seriously. I knew that he had a thing for me and yet I had allowed him to kiss me when I should have told him no.
“Nah, I was just in my feelings.”
I felt like he was saying those things just to be nice to me, like he didn’t want to unleash he rage because he thought that I was too frail to hear the truth.
“Its ok,” I leaned against the sink and watched him through the opening right above the sink, “You don’t have to be so nice.”
He rested his foot on the cardboard box in front of him, playing with it, “I’m not.”
Damn he looked so gloomy, it was depressing. I looked to the side and saw a game of monopoly laying on the counter, I grabbed it and held it up to him, “Hey lets christen your living room.”
“What?” First there was confusion and then laughter, “What kind of christening.”
I tsked, “Dirty boy, I mean lets play monopoly.”
“Where did you even find that? I was supposed to throw it away.”
I rounded the corner and found a spot on the floor in front of him, “Good thing you didn’t, we should play.”
“We could play strip poker.” He wriggled his eyebrows as he sunk onto the floor next to me. I wriggled mines too and smiled, “I could castrate you.”
“Fair deal, alright tell me how to play this.”
I scowled, “I don’t know how to play.”
“Then read the instructions.”
“I hate instructions.”
“Then wing it.”
“I hate win—“
“—winging it, ok I got it. You hate everything.”
I laughed and fished the instructions from under the cardboard, “Nah I’ll go ahead and read them.
An hour later the sun had went completely down and the sky outside was a deep purple black as we knocked each others men off the board.
“You’re cheating!” I giggled as he held my arm back so I wouldn’t place my figure back in its rightful place.
“No I’m not! You did the same thing!”
He was right there across from me attempting to place his figure in a more advanced spot. I knocked it over so fast.
“There, we’re even now.”
“Hey,” He leaned back and stared at me calmly, “You ready to go home? Or do you want to stay longer?”
I shrugged, “There’s no reason for me to go home right now, no ones there.”
Marie was definitely with her boo and my auntie was…wherever she was at all the time.
“Oh, just let me know when you’re ready.”
“Trying to get rid of me?” I teased.
He smirked, “Not really, you’re cool when you don’t have a stick up your ass.”
I smacked his arm, “I never do.”
He rolled his eyes, “You always do.”
“prove it.”
“Sit still.”
“Why?”
“Just do it.”
I did as commanded waiting for him to prove it to me. He leaned forward and I instantly leaned back, it was more like a reflex, “See.” He smirked.
“What was that proving.”
“That you have a stick up your ass.”
“I don’t.”
I didn’t think I did anyway.
“Prove it.”
What could I do to prove that? Did I need to prove it?
No.
So why did I want to?
“Ok.”
I moved forward, pressing my knees into the hard cardboard as I leaned in closer. He flinched visibly but I kept going until my lips were just a few millimeters from his, “Proof.” I breathed against his lips.
Strength is a strange thing, it comes and goes whenever it pleases. Weakness takes it place and things that you said you wouldn’t do, you do it anyway.
He did nothing.
I was the one.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and breathed against his ear as a shiver raced down my spin, “Why are you shaking?”
“I’m not.” He lied.
I blew against his lips and swept mines against his, once, twice, three times.
But he was the one who won the game. He brought his hands to my head and pressed me closer, covered my lips with his. At that point, lust took over and I was so tired of denying her release that I allowed her to rule. For just a night.
Ronnie’s hands moved feverishly and all thoughts of Monopoly were lost as our bodies crushed the cardboard.
We said nothing, no words, no declarations. We just moved.