Breathe..I can do this
I was away for a couple of months but that felt like years. I pulled the sleeve of my jacket,trying my best to breathe calmly. I scanned the airport terminal, its been 15 mins since i landed and im ready regretting this. The last time i been here, there was only one thought in my mind and that was running away. I wanted to hide my feelings and never look back. I thought it was that simple. Pack a bag, spent all my life savings on an airline ticket. But i had forgotten life doesn't go the way you plan it to be. I wanted to come home, completely fixed. I wanted to forget, instead i just took all my problems along with me. When i brought that airline ticket, i didnt know i was going to meet Jinyoung, i didnt know i was going to see Jungkook after all these years, i didnt know i was going to feel happy and alive again. I look back and see that broken girl trying to run away but instead she ran into another misery.
I stood and waited for my bag, i dazed at the amount of people standing around doing the same thing. They all looked so different, each filled with their own crazy story. Businessmen in suits and tie, families gathered around. Parents trying to contain their children excitement. I smiled at myself when i saw a married couple holding each other tight while thier little girl sits on the luggage carrier. They looked so happy. I never believed in marriage, Always thought it ruin the spark in relationships, being bound together for the rest for their life didnt feel so exciting. The thought of my parents came to my mine. They never stayed in love. They both grew tired of each other routines. I was 14 when they got divorce. The first few years were tough, my parents had jobs here, my dad wanted to move back to Korea but no one was offering a stable job back at home, So night after night, yelling and arguments were all i heard.
"Mom?" I smiled hugely when i saw my mom at the entrance of the airport. She hasn't change, i think she wore the same purple shirt when i left. I ran as fast as i could, i jumped into her arms and let her warm hug embrace me.
"Honey!! I missed you so much!" She yells into my ear
"I missed you mom" I Chuckled, her arms never left me.
"Lets get you home my dear" She smiles sweetly at me, she puts her arm around my shoulder and leads towards her car. The car ride was filled with endless talks of my life in Korea. I didnt tell her about Jinyoung yet, but im dying to. She would really like him. I catch myself smiling whenever his name pops up in my head. I think about his gentle smile, his charming eyes, his adorable laugh that he hides away when he smiles. The thought of Jinyoung made me less anxious. It made me less scared of being back here.
"Have you heard from Jason?" My mom asks as she pulls into a very familiar street. I felt my heart sank to the bottom of my stomach. I havent heard his name out loud since that day .. that day where all hell broke loose
"No ... I havent talked to him since i left" I quickly answered. I stared of the window , refusing any eye contact with my mom.
"What happen between you two? You guys were inseparable."
I plainly fake a smile trying my best to hide the fact i was slowing breaking on the inside.
"Nothing lasts mom" I bluntly let out. I wanted to end the conversation quick before she really hits me in the spot.
Before my mom could asks anymore questions, we reached home. The sight of the house infront of me made so much fond memories rush back . It was beach house, right behind it was the open sea.Right when my Dad left to live in Korea, My mom brought this house from lovely old couple who have been living here for years.
Living here was great, cooling during day and perfect for taking a breather, from life. I use to sit out on the balcony and watch the stars lit up the sky. I would wake up at the crack of dawn and sit at beach taking in the morning sun. As the sun rose up to start the new day, it never failed to take my breathe away.
I felt the soft fabric on my bed, being in my room felt overwhelming. I shut my eyes tight, standing in this room made everything even more harder.
"Y/N, Come down stairs, theres someone i want you to met." I heard my mom voice coming from the livingroom. I rush down to see who it was.
A tall handsome men stood beside my mom. His eyes were piercing green. He had very kind features. I looked at my mom confused. Who is he? My mom put her hands on my his shoulders,she looked rather nervous
"This is Phil" She pauses for awhile, Phil look at her and smiled along with her
"H-He's my fiance" She hesitantly said
"Fiance? What? I didnt even know you were dating"My voice was shaky, I definitely was not expecting this.
"Im sorry i didnt tell you earlier sweetheart. it was just a surprise to me too, Phil just so happen to come into my life" Her voice was filled with excitement and joy as she pull herself tighter in his arms
"I know this is a shock to you but we wanted your blessing before we go along with it" Phil looked straight into my eyes with his brightly lit face. I stood there silence, i was still processing what was happening
"Are you okay with this my dear?" My mom asked worried that i might reject her new found love.
"Y-Yes, Of Course!" "Mom thats great!" I ran up to her and hugged her tightly.
"Im so happy!" She exclaimed in my ears.
"Yea-Im happy too" As i hugged my mom,the grin on my face slowly vanished. My mom's getting married....
-
After hours of listening to Phil and My mom talk about their wedding plans, I went to the balcony. I placed my hands on the wooden rail as i gaze at night sky, the cold breeze blew thru my hair, I listened to the soothing sounds of the clashing waves. Everything felt peaceful but My mind was blowing up with so many thoughts . Hearing the news of my mom's engagement felt strange. Though Phil felt like a nice guy, it was saddening to see my mom happy with someone besides my dad. Im happy for my mom but i want both if them to be . My eyes fixed on the empty beach, my mind slowly turned to Jinyoung. I fiddle with the the "J" hanging from the sliver lace. A strange feeling overcomes me as my heart ache. I miss Jinyoung.
"Ding-Dong"
The door bell snapped me out of my daydream
"Honey go get the door!" I heard my mom yell from her bedroom
"Alright!!" i rushed to the door, It kept ringing.Whoever that was doing it was definitely impatient.
Maybe its Phil? Did he forget something?
I swung open the door. My smile fell immediately
"Jason?"
I couldn't believe my eyes, my first instinct was to shut the door.
"Y/N, Please dont shut the door!"
He immediately grabbed the door before it closed, his presence here made it hard to breathe. I felt like all the strength in my body had left. My world started spinning.
"Give me one good reason not to" I said harshly. My eyes locked to the ground, i didn't had the strength to look him in the eyes without breaking down. After all the pain i been thru, i was also restraining myself from punching him in the face.
He sighs.
"I cant .... i wish i could " He paused, i looked up at him, his head was facing the ground.I examine his appearance more closely.Sweat was dripping down from his hair.
"When i heard you were back, i needed to see you, i needed to fix this" His voice sounded desperate, still holding on to the door, he slowly looked up at me.
"After what you did ... how can you possibly fix this?" I slowly let out. I was on the brink of crying, I gathered whatever strength i had.
"Go away Jason" I quickly shut the door.
I slowly let go of the doorknob but i couldnt move. My feet were stuck. My eyes fixed to the floor, i couldnt see much as my tears were forming quick.
"Im sorry"
My head shot up as i realised he was still there. I held in my breathe, My heart racing
"Im so sorry for everything i did" He lets out softly.
Sorry? After everything he did? Sorry? I was beyong furious. If he wanted to apologize he should say it to my face.
I turned the doorknob and opened the door letting myself fall back into whatever hell i went thru.