Warning: SPG ahead. Read at your own risk.
*****
Masyadong maraming emosyon ang dumadaloy sa akin upang makapag isip pa ng tama at mali.. Ng dapat at hindi.
My emotions were like a hurricane blowing every piece of remaining sanity in my head. His kiss brought a strong turmoil to my insides.. Tearing me and making me whole at the same time.
Marahas ngunit matamis ang kanyang bawat halik sa aking mga labi. The softness of his warm lips that brushes against mine brought me to the other side of the world. It was beginning to make me crazy.
Gusto kong manlaban. Gusto kong pigilan ang mga nangyayari. This is wrong. But why did it felt like it was the right thing to do? Why did it felt like to be kissed by him was the best thing that ever happened to me?
Hindi tumigil ang kanyang mainit na halik. Naghahabol ako ng hininga sa bawat pag haplos ng kanyang malambot na labi.
I was drowning in his kisses.
Paano ko pipigilan ang sarili ko kung wala na sa akin ang utak ko? Paano ko pipigilan ang kahibangang ito kung ang bawat pag lapat ng kanyang mga labi sa akin ay binabaliw ako ng todo?
Tuluyan na akong napaunan sa arm rest ng sofa. Nanghihina ako sa mga halik niya.
Itinukod niya ang kanang kamay bilang suporta at ang kaliwang kamay niya ay marahang humawak sa aking batok. His touch sent me shivers that created goosebumps.
His hands suddenly wrapped around me, snaking his right arm to the low of my back and his left hand stayed to where it was. He pulled me closer towards him, lifting me slightly from my lying back.
His warmth was comforting yet intensifying. I felt belong to his arms. I felt belong in his warm embrace.. In his little paradise that I felt like living in there forever. To stay and never leave the warmth of his arms.
I felt the knocking of his tongue to my teeth and I willingly opened my lips for him. Our tongues dwelled with each other, exploring everything to the insides of our mouths. I returned his intense kisses to an equal level.
He started tracing small and big circles to my back. Gently caressing each swollen limbs that added to the forming sexual tension between us.
Pakiramdam ko'y uminit ang temperatura sa loob ng living room. I didn't even realized where we are until that moment. Ngunit katulad ng pagtakas ng aking natitirang katinuan ay tumakas na din ang aking pakialam.
Nilubayan ng kanyang labi ang aking mga labi. Nagmulat ako ng paningin mula sa pagkakalasing sa kanyang mainit na halik.
Madilim ang mga matang tinignan niya ako. His eyes were dilated which I think reflected mine. I can see boldly what's with his gaze.. Something that I'd never saw before. Something that made my heart doubled in pace and made my body quiver in anticipation.
Muli niyang inilapit ang mukha sa akin at siniil muli ako ng isang napakainit na halik.
Nilubayan niya ang mga labi ko at nagpatak ng mga maliliit na halik sa aking panga paakyat sa aking tainga.
He licked my earlobe and grazed the soft flesh of my ear. The pain from his bite brought sensations I couldn't name through my entire body.
He kissed his way down the sides of my neck. He moved his way to my shoulders and planted wet kisses tracing my collarbones.
Ibinaba niya ang strap ng aking cropped top, revealing the whole length of my collarbone to the joint connecting my arm and shoulder.
He placed wet kisses to the spot where the joint was located and slightly bit my skin on that part. The pain brought a tingling sensation that made me feel like burning.
He moved his head away from me and stared at me intently. He lifted one of his hands and brushed my lower lip. My heart slammed against my chest. My breath was ragged from all the kisses.
Dumapong muli ang kanyang mga labi sa akin na tila walang sawang humahalik sa akin. For the first time in four years, I felt home in his touch.. in his arms.
"Tell me to stop now.." He whispered hoarsely between his kisses.
I couldn't say any word.. It seemed words fled out of my vocabulary. Mabilis na tumutol ang kalooban ko. Tell me, how could I tell him to stop if I don't want to end this?
His kisses trailed my jaw. His hands found their way to my breasts. Kneading them, assaulting them, caressing the soft flesh behind the fabric of my top and brassiere.
"Tell me to stop... Now. Before I lost control," he pleaded. His voice evident of lacking patience.
I was finding it hard to speak, to form any coherent word. And all that left my mouth was a moan when he started tracing circles to the insides of my legs. And later that moment, he found my precious bud, brushing his fingers behind the fabric of my thong.
My breath quickened. I was finding it hard to breathe. I couldn't contain the feeling of his lips on my neck and the touch of his fingers to my aching bud.
I was burning with desire. The desire to have him. To be with him. Ang pagnanasang unti unting pumipigtas sa kapiranggot kong pagpipigil.
"Don't... Stop," wika ko sa isang nahihirapang tinig.
Tumigil siya at nilisan ng kanyang mga daliri ang aking kaselanan. Tumingin siya sa akin ng malamig.
Ako man ay hindi maintindihan ang sarili ko. Sa loob ko'y naghalohalo ang lahat na naging imposibleng may maintindihan ako kahit isa sa mga ito.
"Why did you stopped?" Maliit ang tinig na tanong ko. Uminit ang aking pisngi sa sariling tanong.
Ibinaba ko ang tingin sa kanyang leeg at namataan ko ang pag alon ng kanyang adams apple. Nakaramdam ako ng pagnanais na hawakan at haplusin iyon.
"Ang sabi mo ay tumigil ako," aniya sa malamig na tinig. Nanigas ang mga kalamnan ko sa lamig ng kanyang tono.
Ngunit bago ko pa maisip ang sasabihin ko ay lumabas na ito sa bibig ko.
"I said, don't stop!"
At bago ko pa malaman ay marahas nang lumapat muli ang kanyang mainit na labi sa akin.
Hinawakan niya ang mga hita ko at inangat ako. I was straddling him as we kissed. He stood up and my legs were suddenly wrapped around his waist together with my arms that clings on his neck.
Naglakad siya patungo sa isang pintuan na kumukonekta sa living room. I heard the clicking of the door as I smelled a familiar scent in the room. I was smelling his manly scent in every corner of the room. It was his, no doubt.
His kisses continued as I felt the softness of bed at my back. Naghuramentado ang kalooban ko. Is this it? Are we really going to do it?
I want to give myself a strong reason to stop all of these but my mind did not just work. As I push myself to thinking, his touch would just pull me out of getting to the right mind.
Tuluyan nang lumipad ang kakayahan kong mag isip. Ni hindi ko namalayang wala na akong damit pang itaas.
His wet kisses trailed down my neck, and down to the exposed valley of my breasts.. Licking, nipping, and savoring the softness of my skin. My hand unconsciously travelled inside his shirt, tracing his lower abdomen up to his deliciously burning abs, and up to his pecs. I absentmindedly pinched one of his nipple that earned me a pleasured groan from him.
I was lightheaded from pure ecstasy. And the next thing I knew, we're already both peeling each other's clothes. And he was there, towering above me in his whole naked glory.
I felt my throat dry from the pleasuring sight. My eyes travelled to his firm chest, down to his sizzling six full pack abs, and down to his erection.
He was devouring my nakedness and I suddenly felt conscious about my body. I was sure this wasn't the best body he had ever seen. Of course, there's Violet's body.
I felt a pang of pain in my chest. Have he done it with her? Aba'y ano ba sa tingin ko? Handang handa si Violet na ibigay ang sarili kay Luke dahil baliw na baliw siya dito.
I came out of my short trance when I felt his mouth to my breasts. It was licking and nipping my erect nipples in circular motion. He mouth travelled from one breast to the other.
I was arching my back as my head fell back from all the sensations. My breath quickened when his mouth found its way down my stomach and down to my navel. His hands were caressing my breasts as he found the spot of my aching bud.
I was trying hard to focus my dizzying sight to his head that was in between my thighs. And before I could react, I already felt his hot lips kissing my center.
He was lapping my creamy folds with his hot mouth and I could feel the building tension inside me. His mighty tongue swirled the sensitive bud and before I knew it, I exploded.
I was still tensing from my orgasm when he positioned himself between me. I found his eyes staring at me with pure lust and desire.
"You're so beautiful.."
I blushed from the compliment. What the hell? Did I just blushed in front of him?!
"You're blushing," aniya.
"No, I am not" pagtanggi ko.
"Yes, you are."
Then suddenly, a memory in the past flashed through my mind. Sa likod ng mga bato sa Carayan noong unang beses ko roon.
Ipinilig ko ang ulo upang putulin ang pagbabalik ng mga memorya at upang pigilin ang unti unting pag init ng sulok ng aking mga mata.
His thumb brushed against my lips.
"Ako pa rin ba?"
I gaped at him. He was staring at me intently. I nodded slowly, unable to say the words. Oo, Luke. Ikaw pa rin.
He kissed me one more time before seeking my entrance. And with one thrust, he filled me.
I cried in pain. The tears flowed down my cheeks as I succumb the tearing pain. Napakakirot niyon na parang may napunit sa loob ko.
He stopped and froze in his spot. He stared at me in shock and confusion.
"You're still a virgin?" Gulat na tanong niya. "I thought... You're..."
Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin habang umiiyak pa rin sa sakit.
"Gago, anong akala mo sa akin? Ganoon kababang babae para ibigay kung kanikanino ang katawan ko?!"
"You are hurting," aniya at tinignan ang koneksyon namin.
Akma siyang aalis na nang mahigpit kong ikinawit ang mga braso ko sa leeg niya.
"No. Go on," wika ko.
"But.."
"No buts!"
Ako na ang kusang umulos ngunit agad ko iyong pinagsisihan. Gumuhit ang sakit sa kaibuturan ko at nagdulot iyon ng panibagong mga luha.
"Shit! Don't move! Masasaktan ka!"
I chuckled while tears continued to roll down my cheeks. Sa kabila ng kirot at sakit ay may tuwang umahon sa dibdib ko.
Ito iyon. Ito ang Luke na minahal ko. Kahit pala maraming pagbabagong dumating, mayroon at mayroon pa ring hindi nagbago sa kanya. I thought I've already lost everything about him. Hindi pala.
When I could finally bear with the pain, I urged him to continue thrusting. He obliged. Tiniis ko ang natitirang sakit at hapdi.
The tension build within me. And when I couldn't contain it anymore, I exploded. He followed and spilled his everything inside me, taking the both of us to the new pleasurable heights. Our moans filled the room.
We collapsed in each other's arms and cuddled 'til darkness took us to the land of dreams. I slept with a smile on my face.
Naalimpungatan ako mula sa mahimbing na pagkakatulog. The clock says it was five in the morning.
Si Luke ay mahimbing pa ring natutulog sa tabi ko. Nakakawit ang kanang braso niya sa aking tiyan.
Nilingon ko ang mukha niyang nakaharap sa direksyon ko. Nakakunot ng bahagya ang kanyang noo. Then it made me wonder, what's making him look troubled even asleep?
Marahan kong pinadaanan ng daliri ang kanyang mga makakapal na kilay. Ganoon din ang kanyang matangos na ilong.
"I miss you so much.." bulong ko. Naroon ang pangungulila sa kalooban ko.
Tumitig ako sa nakapikit niyang mga mata. Bumalik ang mga alaala sa nakalipas. Ang mga panahong tinitignan pa ako ng mga matang iyan na puno ng pagmamahal.. At ngayon ay tanging kalamigan na lamang ang natatanggap ko mula sa mga ito.
Luke, bakit ang hirap mong pakawalan?
Bumaba ang tingin ko sa kanyang mga labi. Those lips that touched mine just almost awhile ago. Ilan na kaya ang nahalikan ng mga labing iyan? Ganoon din ba kainit ang mga halik ng mga ito sa ibang babae? What about to Violet's? Ganoon mo din ba siya kung halikan?
Now that the thought of Violet entered my mind, I suddenly felt troubled. Sila ba? Are they together?
Nakaramdam ako ng bigat sa aking dibdib. Kung ganoon ay...
Nanumbalik ang mga nangyari kanina sa pagitan namin ni Luke. Binundol ng kaba at guilt ang aking dibdib. Kung sila nga ngayon ni Violet... Hindi ba't dapat ay hindi mangyari ang nangyari sa pagitan namin?!
I just gave myself to a committed man! Oh my God! Ang tanga tanga ko! Ibinigay ko ang sarili ko kay Luke! Hinayaan kong tupukin kami ng apoy at mangyari ang isang bagay na hindi dapat sa pagitan namin ng isang taong may karelasyon!
Gusto kong hambalusin ang sarili sa nagawang katangahan. Nagpadala ako sa emosyon! Nagpadala ako sa pagkakadarang! Nagpadala ako sa nararamdaman ko para sa kanya..
I messed up again! How could I be so stupid for the nth time around? Hindi ako nag isip!
Paano kung ginawa niya lang iyon upang makaganti? Katulad ng mga maaanghang na salitang sinabi niya sa bar noong kaarawan ko.
Bumangon ang pait sa dibdib ko. Naisahan ako.. Gumaganti lamang siya. At ngayong nakuha niya na ang gusto niya... Matatapos na ba?
Marahan kong inalis ang nakadagan niyang braso. Bumangon ako sa kama at isa isang pinulot ang nagkalat kong damit bago ito isinuot. Ininda ko ang hapdi sa aking gitna.
Sinulyapan ko ang natutulog na si Luke bago tahimik na lumabas ng kwarto.
Tahimik ang buong bahay. Nasaan na kaya sila Don Lucas at Donya Cynthia? Umuwi ba ang mga ito? Narinig kaya nila kami ni Luke? Nag init ang mukha ko.
Dahan dahan akong lumabas ng bahay at ng gate ni Luke. Naglakad din ako palabas ng subdivision kahit na madilim pa dahil wala pang araw.
Bawat hakbang palayo ay bumibigat ang dibdib ko. Nasasaktan akong isipin na gumaganti lamang si Luke sa akin kaya niya ginawa iyon.. Hindi dahil sa pagmamahal.. Hindi dahil sa kung ano pa man.
Ganoon siya kagalit dahil sa isang bagay sa nakaraan na walang katotohanan para gawin ito sa akin. Gusto ba niyang kunin ang lahat sa akin? Ang singilin ako na kahit sarili ko ay walang matitira sa akin?
Ganoon siya kamuhi! Ganoon siya kasama! Bakit ko ba pinapaniwala ang sarili ko sa pag asang mayroon pa rin? Na ang dating Luke na minahal ko ay nasa katauhan pa rin ng Luke na kaharap ko?
Nakalabas ako ng subdibisyon at hindi na ininda ang wirdong tingin ng gwardiya. Marahil ay nagtataka ito kung bakit ako naglalakad palabas sa oras ng alas singko ng umaga.
Nakayuko akong pumara ng taxi at pilit pinapalis ang mga luhang tumulo sa aking pisngi.
Ang tanga tanga ko para magpagamit at magpabilog ng ganito.
May Violet Mercado na siya. Isiksik mo iyan sa maliit mong utak, Empress! Tanga ka na noon, wag mo nang kaladkarin ang katangahan mo hanggang ngayon.
Hindi ko dapat daragin ang sarili ko sa kahihiyan! Hindi ko dapat patunayang ganoon ako kababang babae katulad ng tingin niya sa akin!
But even how hard I tried to convince myself, it wouldn't change the fact that I surrendered myself to him.
And I lost a battle with him, the second time around.
*****
Please READ.
Author's Note:
My goodness! Na-stress ako sa chapter na ito. First time kong magsulat ng bed scene. Oo, hindi beterana sa ganyang galawan ang lola niyo!
Halos isulat ko na ito sa English dahil gusto kong maging wholesome ito kahit may mature content. Parang masagwa kasi pag sa Filipino. I wanted it to appear as soft and gentle as possible. Please excuse my grammatical errors. Hindi po ako nagpr-proof read at sa phone lang ako nagttype.
Ngayon lang ako nag-Author's Note kaya sulitin ko na! Gusto kitang pasalamatan dahil nakaabot ka sa Chapter na ito. Salamat sa pagbabasa friend! Hindi man ako kasing galing ng iba sa paglikha ng kwento, binigyan mo pa rin ng chance itong storyang ito. Kaya salamat!
-Sevenelle ❤