"Why can't you be happy with me?"
—Happy with Me by Holly Child
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[ N A S H ]
Pinch me if I am dreaming, which I think I am, otherwise, I don't think Max would be in my house right now. My breathing quickly picks up pace, causing me to break into one of my little fits.
"Master Collins? Should I get your inhaler? It's been ages since you last used it." The old man says but I hold up a hand for him to realise that I don't need it.
Inhalers are for kids. I'm a freaking 18 year old teen now.
"No." I pant, closing my eyes. I try to stablise myself. "It's okay." I tell him and sit down again on the bed.
I don't want to see Max but at the same time, I want to see him. It's like I want to hug him and be his best friend again but I don't..
"Very well, sir." He says in a professional way, "Mr. Anderson is waiting down in the living room for you then. He seemed...frantic. Didn't even sit down when I told him to."
I get a sudden mini panic attack. Max was frantic? He used to have these panic attacks when we were little and that moment was when he took my hand in his and I used to calm him down. Now that we weren't friends anymore, he mustn't have had anyone to tell him that it was okay.
"Ten! Ready or not! Here I come!" I yelled and ran across the green lush garden. I tip toed my way quietly through the garden until I spotted Leah.
"I found you Leah! You don't even know how to hide!" I jump at her from behind, causing her to lose her balance. She immediately fell down and so did I. Laughing, she got up and gave me a hand which I gladly accepted.
"You can't blame me! Where else is a nine year old supposed to hide?" She pouts. I reach for her hair and sooth our the creases, removing the grass that was stuck in her hair.
"Well, definitely not behind a tree. That is just so obvious!" I laugh. "Okay, now I have to find Max. I'm sure he's hid himself in a nice spot unlike you." I look at Leah who's behind me.
"Okay fine. I'll help you, even if it counts as cheating. I'll go look upstairs, you check the living room." She tells me and climbs up the stairs.
"Okay." I whisper and tip toe my way into the living room. I'm sure Max is in here somewhere. He's too lazy to climb the stairs and hide there so I'm guessing, he's in here somewhere.
"Oh Max, I know you're somewhere in here!" I sing and hear a voice. "Ha!" I laugh and jump behind the couch, only to see Max panicking. His lips were shaking and so were his hands. I immediately knew what this was -- he was having another panic attack.
"Max! It's okay. I'm here. Leah is here, Gregory is here. Don't panic. You're okay." I tell him and hug my best friend. He looked like a small frightened baby who had just seen a ghost.
"No, Nash." His breathing hitches, "I think something bad is going to happen. I just know it." His hands won't stop trembling.
"No Max. It's just your mind playing games with you. Everything is fine." I tell him again, hoping that he'll calm down.
He frantically shakes his head and doesn't stop for a few minutes. I knew Max had panic attacks but never this severe. He would usually calm down after a few minutes but this time he wasn't calming down.
"Max...come on man. Don't scare me." I hug him tighter and so does he.
"Nash? I think something is definitely wrong..." he says and passes out in my arms.
"Gregory! Gregory! Max fainted! Come here! Anyone! Please!" I yelled on the top of my lungs with Max still in my arms, where we're both cradled onto the floor.
"What happened here!" Gregory rushes into the living room. He sees my crying face and rushes over to us. "It'll be fine. Don't worry." He tells me and takes Max in his arms, carrying him to the car.
We leave Leah with one of the neighbours, as for Gregory, Max and I, we rush him to the hospital. I didn't think the situation would be like this where Max could be hospitalised but Gregory said we had to take him there because he was now faint for almost half an hour.
"Emergency!" Gregory yelled, catching the attention of the doctors in the room. They all came rushing down to Max and loaded him onto one of the stretchers, rolling him into a room.
I cry alone in the waiting area, hoping that it's nothing too serious and that, he will be fine. I kept on my thinking back to what could happen bad? What did Max mean when he said that something was definitely wrong?
And to answer my questions, another stretcher moved passed me which almost made me vomit. "No." I whispered, seeing the sight before me. I slapped a hand to my mouth and hugged my knees closer to my chest.
"Patient's name?" The doctor asked the familiar man, the same man I saw almost everyday.
He kept on weeping but finally managed to croak, "Laura, Laura Anderson." He sobbed. What he didn't know was his son was in the same hospital as his wife. "How did this happen?" The doctor asked.
"Car accident." He whispered, almost numb. I witnessed the entire scene before my eyes, I bet Mr. Anderson didn't even know that I was here..
"Will she be okay?" He asked as the doctors took her into the ICU. The doctor nodded, giving him a sympathetic smile.
What he didn't know what that she wasn't going to make it out alive, he was lucky enough for his son who was the only one who managed to get out of the hospital alive.
That was the time Max stopped having panic attacks, because he went into 2 years of depression.
"Master Collins? Are you still with me?" Gregory says and I snap out of my thoughts. I nod at him and close my eyes.
"Tell him I'm not home." I quickly say to Gregory, our family's butler, the one who was with me through all thick and thin of my life.
"But Master Collins, I already said you're in your room. Pardon me." He says obediently and ties his hands behind his back.
"I...I can't see him Gregory. You don't get it. I just can't.." I stop mid-sentence and sigh. Gregory sighs, closing his eyes. He opens them shortly after, giving me sympathetic smile.
From that incident onwards, Max stopped having panic attacks until today. Things must be bad.
Gregory sits beside me.
"At least don't leave the only person who's with you since your childhood Master Collins. After your parents, you know he's the only one you have. He's your best friend. Don't let this be finished because of a girl." He pats my back a little, his wrinkles showing clearly as he smiles at me.
"How did you know it was about a girl?" I ask him suspiciously, smirking slyly.
At my words, his lips curve into a smug grin. "Now, master Collins, I was once a teenager too now, weren't I?"
"You must have been a rebel." I tell him, getting off the bed.
"Hmm. Maybe. I don't quite remember. It's been a long time." He smiles at me.
"Okay, I'll go see him." I brush my hands on my jeans and take a deep breath.
"This is gonna be awkward." I say to myself as I brush a hand across my untamed hair.
I slowly walk down the stairs and head to the familiar living room where I last found him having a panic attack. He wasn't even sitting, instead, he was pacing the room. Max stopped once he saw me.
We stood there, looking at each other, neither of us saying a word. He pursed his lips into a thin line just like me. He rocked back and forth on his heels, increasing the aura of awkwardness in the room.
I pull out my phone from my pocket and type something on it before I pass it to Max. Max furrows his eyebrows in confusion but takes the phone from my hand anyway.
"Hi. You finally showed up, huh? Good to see you again." He reads my text before erasing it and typing something on my phone.
He tosses me the phone carelessly, knowing that I will catch it.
"Erm...yeah? I wanted to show you something. But first...can you please...like, talk to me?" It read. I pout at the screen and type again. My etes dart to a note in his hand.
He must want to show me that, I thought.
"Okay. I'll start talking. Only because I miss you. -__-" as expected, he breaks into a smile at my words on the screen.
"Hi Max." I utter, awkwardly scratching the back of my head.
"Hey." He blurts, still rocking on his heels. I wave at him even though we're in the same room.
"Took you long to get down, eh? I thought you'd never show up." He says, looking around. I know he's looking around to avoid my gaze even though he has seen this place all his life.
"But I came, didn't I?" I shrug.
"Yeah..." he replies, still not looking at me.
"So, um..." I say, "Why are you here Max?"
He looks at me for a moment and then plays with the note in his hands. That's definitely the reason he came here.
"I'm sorry Nash." He whispered, I noticed his hands were shaking again. Looks like he really was frantic. That's when I closed the space between us and hugged him. He didn't even hesitate a moment and engulfed me in a hug.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Nash. I was a jerk, an idiot for letting something like a small kiss between you and her become a reason for us to stop talking. I...I just, I just couldn't take in the fact that it happened. I'm sorry, I..I had so many things rushing my mind and I just took it all out on you." His eyes bore into mine, "I shouldn't have hurt you by saying all that crap and even picking a fight with you. Heck, I shouldn't have done that to Sophia, too. But I had an anger attack...and I just couldn't handle myself. I'm sorry." He seemed breathless when he stopped.
"I'm..I'm sorry. Please." He panted and I patted his shoulder, a smile tugging on my lips. "Max...it's ok--"
"No, don't you say that just yet. I'm not finished." He tells me and I stop.
I should probably let him finish first.
"Nash, it's been four depressing weeks for me. Without you, without her. I... I just can't do it anymore. I'm afraid of going into fucking depression again, Nash. I don't want to be in that place again because to hurts, it fucking hurts." He closes his eyes and rakes a hand through his hair.
"I...want to show you something, I... I'm afraid if I open it on my own, I'll be the old Max I was. The one when my mom died or when Leah died...that's why I was want you to open it up with me."he finishes, giving me the crumpled note.
"It's gonna be fine, don't worry." I tell him and take the note from him. His hands were still trembling as gave me the paper.
"Hey? It's fine." I told him and he nodded at me.
I opened the note in my hands, my fingers tracing out the creases. I took it away from Max, afraid that whatever was in it, he won't be able to handle it. "What is it?" He says from behind me.
I gasp at the thing before me.
"What is it Nash?" He says again. Tears welled up on my eyes. This is so disgusting, it makes me want to vomit my guts out.
"Its nothing Max. Really." I shove the note down my pocket but Max comes over to me.
"No, it's definitely something. What is it Nash?" Max thrusts a hand in my pocket. It's useless to stop him so I don't, I let him have it so he can see for himself.
Max takes the note from my pocket and before he could read the text scribbled on the note, he screams on top of his lungs.
It's painful. Seeing him so weak is painful. We're both hurting right now and I don't know how I can calm myself down.
You want to know why Max screamed? Well, you'd definitely scream if your sister's murder's photo catches your eye and that's what happened.
A picture of Leah from the same Valentine's day when she was brutally murdered by her ex-boyfriend. She laid sprawled across the road in her white dress which was now covered on blood stains. Her arms were bruised and her stomach was bleeding due to the knife that pierced through her body. That was the same day I was preparing myself for our date after she broke up with her ex a few weeks ago.
It was our first big shot...and we never made it.
Max couldn't even read the text but I did. I slowly picked up the note from the ground and gulped.
It said...
Missed me? Well, let's see how many can you save or...can you save your the one? We'll meet soon Max, I hope you liked your belated birthday present.
All the love,
Jack Mills.
The son of a bitch was back to torture us again..