Let me know if you can read this chapter. There seems to be a problem with Wattpad and people can't see the chapters after Chapter 10.
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Dinnertime had struck, yet Suzie had not returned from the barn.
Jeanne sent Angie to look for her sister and to tell her that dinner was ready. She first tried the barn but Suzie was not there. She then heard voices and giggles. Quietly, she approached the end of the barn and looked through a crack in the door. She saw her sister kissing a boy. Suzie had a boyfriend.
As Angie leaned on the door, the door suddenly gave way and she fell into the manure pile. She tried to get out, but it soon covered her head. She was drowning. What an idiotic way to die!
I laughed when I saw that. It was much worst than me almost dying with mashed potatoes.
Luckily, Suzie saw my mother falling into her death trap and she pulled her out by the arm.
After that incident, Suzie could no longer deny that she had a boyfriend. She started to go more and more often to the boy's house. She wanted to spend more time with him.
Seeing one of his girls slipping away, Charles talked about sins. He called her a sinner. Suzie stood up to him, telling him she still wanted to go and see her boyfriend and that one day he would have to let his daughter go. She insisted she was old enough and could do what she wanted.
Their father became angry and ran after her to give her a beating, ignoring all the guests who were at the house at that time—uncles, aunts, and cousins included. The uncomfortable guests quietly walked out of the house. They assumed it was better not to get involved. They left the family to its horror.
Suzie ran to her room and blocked the door with her dresser. This only slowed down the angry man for a few moments. He soon broke down the door and ran after his daughter. He beat her as she ran up and down the bed, screaming hysterically.
Meanwhile, Agnes, Emma, and Angie—the three youngest—sat on the stairs and rocked each other saying, "Daddy is mean, daddy is mean."
When the blows stopped, Suzie simply said, "That was the last time you touch me." That same night, she moved out to live with her boyfriend. She escaped.
Angie's dream of becoming a nun ended in high school. A religion teacher told her the story of Adam and Eve was a myth. How could that be? She thought it was a historical fact. Disappointed, she then began to doubt the veracity of the Bible, which she had always considered factual. She felt like she had been lied to since childhood, fed with illusions. She became interested in what she had forbidden herself from since the day she had decided to become a nun—boys.
It worked for Suzie. A boy took her away from the hell they lived in. It should work for her as well.
One evening when they were staying at Suzie's, the three girls escaped through a window. They vanished into the night to go to a pool hall where they knew they would meet boys.
Their plan did not work. Suzie realized they were missing and contacted Jeanne. Shortly after, Jeanne opened the pool hall door and ordered them to go to the car immediately. The boys, who had appeared so tough before, became frightened by the angry woman and fled like rabbits.
They were definitely not the heroes Angie was expecting.
In the car, Jeanne told them what they did was wrong. She tried to convince them by telling them the story of the young girl who went missing in Roxton Pond. She had also disobeyed her parents and went out at night to go dancing. During the evening, the girl danced with the devil without knowing who he was. The devil then took her away and enclosed her in a rock on an island in the lake.
''You see why it is important not to disobey? The devil could take you and you will never return."
Angie was careful not to disobey again. Plus, a few months later, the girls were allowed to go out dancing at a club for teenagers. Angie swore to obey her mother and be a good little girl.
"Before going to dance," said Jeanne in a serious tone, "remember that men have black feet and women have white feet." Angie did not understand what her mother was trying to tell her, but she did remember the girl from Roxton Pond who became enclosed in a rock. She thought her mother meant that boys with black shoes were incarnations of the devil.
Not wishing the same fate as the girl of the legend, she made sure to check the color of the shoes of the boys who asked her to dance before accepting. If they had black shoes, she declined their invitation. She felt good about doing the right thing. She felt again as if she could be the queen she was born to be.
But she felt ashamed of herself again when, later, her sister told her that this was not what their mother meant. "If you walk in shit with black shoes, it's less noticeable than with white shoes." Jeanne was warning them not to do things with boys because if she became pregnant, as a girl, it would be far more troublesome than if she were boy. Everyone would know what she had done, while the father could simply deny being the father and nobody would ever know.
These dances started at the same time as high school, another difficult dose of reality for me. Especially when a boy put his tongue in Angie's mouth at a party. Puzzled, she believed he wanted to steal her gum. The boy laughed at her when she took out a pack of gum and offered him a piece.
A few days later, it was as if the entire high school was aware of her ignorance. People pointed at her saying that she was the girl who did not know what a French kiss was.
Angie began smoking at age thirteen. Her body changed and became more like that of a woman, although boys continued to tease her by saying she did not need a bikini top—two aspirins were enough.
She learned, however, to refine her appearance by wearing pumps. She tried to get a tan as well, but it seemed as if only her sisters could change their skin color. Emma and Agnes both had black hair, looking more like exotic Native American princesses. Angie looked like an Irish fairy with blond and red hair and fair skin. She used to envy her sisters for their complexions.
After a few more humiliations with boys, she eventually fell in love. His name was Richard. They knew each other from school and always stood together during breaks. They had, moreover, the same group of friends. She found him incredibly handsome. He had black hair and was tall and beefy.
He rode his bike to see her on the farm. He was too young to have a car, but he talked like he was an adult. At least, he thought he was. He failed many of his courses and had to restart them over and over again, so he was the oldest in the class. To him, that meant he knew everything.
She was one of his fans. She thought he was her prince charming. She dreamed of ruling with him and be happy forever after. She thought that everything he did was great. He built a cabin in the woods with branches. She admired his talent as an architect and carpenter. He also seemed eager to leave school to enter the work place. He wanted to go to work in the mushroom manufacturer so he could earn enough money to buy a car. He talked a lot about his dream car, not about marriage or having children with my mother, the infamous queen.
Richard was the first boy she offered herself to, in his cabin in the woods. She did not like her first time. She found it very painful and begged him to stop but he did not. She pushed him away, but he was much stronger and, as he said, in the heat of the moment "it was impossible to stop."
Things degenerated after that. He stopped coming by to see her that often. One could even say he stopped coming by at all. Angie kept calling him, asking him to come by, telling him she missed him. He told her he was going to come later, but he never did. Obviously, she thought, he has another girlfriend. Without a doubt, she is prettier and less dumb than I am.
She thought she was an idiot, but soon realized Richard was far more stupid than she was. He told her he had joined a biker club. He said he was part of the Hells Angels although Angie knew that he only had his bicycle as means of transportation. He was proud when he told her, like he wanted her to idolize him, idolize the bad boy. He was just a wannabe, a loser. How could he be in the Hells Angels if he has no motor bike.
In the end, they quarreled. She showed her strong character and he tried to scare her by grabbing her arms. She was not afraid. She told herself she knew what it was like to be beaten by a man and she did not fear it. Anyway, Richard was not even a man—he was just a boy who thought too much of himself. She would not let such a kid tell her what to do.
She walked away from him.
The young man telephoned her a few days later and told her he no longer wanted to see her. She did not care. She did not want to have anything to do with him anymore, but she did feel betrayed, dirty. She wanted to keep her virginity for the man she would marry and she thought it was going to be him.
She cried and since the cries did not make things any easier, she went to her father's liquor cabinet and drank his bottle of whisky. She wanted to forget.
After all, she thought, my father never seemed to remember hitting mebecause he was always drunk when he did it. Drinking seemed to stop him from having a bad conscience. Perhaps I also would forget about the sucker after swallowing the entire contents of my father's reserve of alcohol.
In the end, the breakup with Richard affected her more than she thought it would. She decided not to return to school. She did not want to meet him face-to-face again. She also felt that she could not hang out with the same friends anymore.
And thus started the fall of the infamous queen. This is when my mother started losing hope about life. She stopped believing she was special.
Shortly after her breakup with Richard, Suzie also returned home. It did not work out with her boyfriend either. She felt as if she was coming back home like a dog with its tail between its legs. Submissive to the alpha male. It was humiliating.
This is when Mario started to hang around the house. He had his eye on Angie. He was in his early twenties and skinny like a toothpick.
He offered to help Suzie move out of her boyfriend's house. He said he would help carry boxes although it was obvious his body shape prevented this fly from bearing weight.
"Can't you see, Mom? There is certainly something wrong with him. He can't lift a box!"
"Stop complaining. At least he finished high school and he comes from a good family. He is a good match for you."
"But he is ugly..."
"Beauty does not put food on the table, Angie."
Admittedly, he did come from a good family. He did not have nine brothers and sisters—he was an only child—and his father had enough money to retire early. His wife had died not so long ago, and he was now dating a young nurse.
Mario invited Angie to a wedding. She was happy that he offered her the chance to be part of a better and more affluent class even for one evening. She was impressed by the large number of guests, the magnificent bridal dress, the exquisite white tablecloths, and the servers with freshly ironed clothes.
The hosts showed them to a round table hosted by one of Mario's uncles. The uncle was a businessman who loved to display his economic knowledge to anyone who cared to listen.
Soon, the conversation reached its zenith when he began talking about the difficulties encountered on the European market.
"I have been to France several times to offer my help. It is a shame I cannot go more often."
"Why not?"
"Well, dear child, the issue has nothing to do with the money. I would go everyday if it was not so far away."
"It's only a few hours away by car. It's not like it is on the other side of the world."
The uncle stared at her, perplexed. He thought Angie was accusing him of being low on cash when, in fact, she had no idea where France was. She thought it was part of Canada.
Mario cleared his throat and excused himself, asking her to follow him outside.
Once outside, she nonchalantly lit a cigarette, sensing that the boy was going to show her some attitude based on the pissed off expression on his face.
"Do me a favor, will you? Just be pretty and shut your mouth."
She put her cigarette out and followed him back inside. She said nothing, but she felt insulted. She refuses that a man tells her what to do.
When the server came close to their table, she waved at him and asked for a beer. Not wine; she wanted beer. When the server arrived later with a bottle and a glass, she ignored the latter and drank directly from the bottle.
Fine, I will shut up. But I will show you how elegant I can be, she thought.
Mario never wanted to see her again after that night.
Another weird man entered into the sisters' lives—Agnes became engaged.
The engagement was unexpected. The whole family thought Agnes and Daniel were actually going to break up. They did not seem to be in love. They argued all the time.
They had already broken up once before. They broke up because Daniel was unable to be faithful. But once the breakup was official, he ran back to Jeanne and told her, in tears, how much he loved her daughter. "If I cannot be with her, I don't know what I will do. Most certainly I will take a .38 and shoot myself."
Jeanne felt sorry for him and convinced Agnes to give the poor man another chance. Agnes ultimately accepted and this was how they became engaged.
This is not really my idea of romance.
Angie did not trust the man at all. He would be nice for a moment and then go crazy. Like the time Angie, Agnes and him went on a picnic in the field. They were suddenly interrupted by the arrival of an ox. Daniel pulled out a knife, jumped up, and shouted at the ox, telling it to attack him if it dared. Acting completely crazy.
The wedding date approached. He stopped looking at other women, but started paying particular attention to the youngest of the sisters. Angie.
The man asked her to accompany him to fetch the food they had ordered. She was a bit reluctant.
"Come on, dummy. Jump in the car."
She finally agreed after consulting with my sister's gaze.
The ride was quiet and the fiancé drove very fast. They arrived at Maurice's store in a jiffy. When they entered the store, their order was not ready yet. They returned to the car to wait a few minutes.
While they waited, the fiancé leaned toward Angie and opened her blouse by popping the buttons. Surprised, but thinking he was only fooling around, she recoiled to the back of her seat, sticking as close as possible to the door.
She thought her body language was clear—she did not want to play this kind of game. But he continued and tried to kiss her. She struggled as best she could. He became angry and wrapped his fingers around her neck.
He was strangling her. She tried to reach the door handle with her right hand. She could not reach it. She managed to stick two of her fingers in his eyes.
He screamed in pain and withdrew, which allowed her to get out the car. She stayed on the sidewalk, motionless, trying to make sense of what had just happened. Daniel also got out of the car. He grabbed her and threw her in the trash. He then went into the store to get the food.
When he came out, she was out of the container and was walking on the sidewalk towards home.
He jumped in his car and slowed down beside her.
"Get in," he said through the lowered window.
Angie stopped walking. She stared at him a moment, undecided about getting in or not.
"Get in, damn it!"
She got in and he revved his engine.
Back at home, Agnes asked him why his eyes were red. He said it was because he ate something he was allergic to. Angie said nothing. She did not want to make her sister mad. She did not want to ruin her sister's chance to escape from home.
His eyes were still red on his wedding day.
"Okay, the family and sons-in-law take your places for the picture," the photographer said.
Angie, the maid of honor, made sure to stand as far as possible from her new brother-in-law, but the photographer did not like it.
"No, no, no. The maid of honor should sit on the groom's knees."
It turned out he was a friend of the groom, and he knew what had happened.
Slowly, Angie obeyed. She wondered why no one said anything. Maybe if you did not think anything could happen, you wouldn't see what was really going on. People were blind.
Agnes, the bride, should be the one to sit on her husband's lap.
The groom smiled, amused. He jiggled his knees and whispered in my ear, "You little slut, I will end up nailing you. Just watch."
He never did. Agnes divorced him a few months later. Neither Angie nor Agnes saw him again.
It was definitive, Angie's idea of a husband in shining armor was gravely destroyed.
One day a friend of Emma's boyfriend came to pick Emma up. He saw her. She was fifteen. He was twenty-six. Emma and her boyfriend matched them together and they double-dated. But the man was shy. Angie knew he liked her—when she stopped in front of a store and admired a purse, he bought it for her. That was a sign that could not be mistaken. Nevertheless, the man was too shy to go a step further.
When he drove her home one night, she asked him, "So, are you going to kiss me or what?" And so he did. They started dating.
She liked dating him because he was older. He was already working and had his own apartment. She left home and moved in with him.
Five months later, she became pregnant with her first child, Jeremy. They decided to marry.
It was all too fast for her. She could not adapt. On her wedding day, she wondered if she was doing the right thing. He did not beat me. He never would. But his personality was not the type I was looking for. He is too nice. He just does what I want.
She still married him. They bought a house, had their second child, me; and a year and a half later had another child, Audrey.
My mother wishes she had not done it. She still sometimes wishes she was a nun or had found another escape. Sometimes she felt resentment toward them, because things are never the way she wants them to be. She does not want to have to tell them how to do things, but when things are not the way she wants, she gets deeply upset. She gets depressed, melancholic. Life has never been fair to her. She made mistakes she cannot repair and she cannot forgive herself for that. She had become a fallen queen.