Chapter 1 – Goodbye
Beck's POV
"You're leaving," Lucy's hesitant voice sounds from the opening of the cave, her words more a statement than a question, and I pause in the act of stuffing my last pair of jeans into my black backpack.
There's a hole forming on the left knee of them, seemingly growing in size with every day that passes, and I really need to look into finding a new pair.
I turn around to face her with a sigh, my jeans still partially hanging from my bag, and wince.
She's wearing her usual jeans and checked shirt combo, her black battered converse looking muddy and worn and her hair catching slightly in the breeze. I can't help the way my pulse jumps at the sight of her before my heart suddenly sinks all the way down to my toes.
She's not mine... and she never will be.
"Yeah," I reply with another sigh, turning back to my bag to shove my jeans the rest of the way inside before reaching for one of the T-shirt's waiting to be packed.
I had been hoping that I could take off without her knowing, as selfish as that might be. I guess I should've known it wouldn't be that easy.
Things have been weird between us for two weeks now, ever since Lucy and Justin's ceremony, but I know that there's nothing that either one of us can do to make it any better... which is why I've decided to take off. I need some space away from her... to help me get over her because it's becoming pretty clear that I can't do that with her around. I need to get over her, though, and as fast as possible because this, whatever this is, is not healthy.
I've been thinking of running for a few days now, and it was only last night that I made the definite decision to go through with it, but Lucy's always been good at reading me which is why she's decided to come and check on me. I'm usually very good at hiding emotions as I was brought up being told that they were only a sign of weakness, but Lucy's the one exception. Even when I don't want to let her in, she seems to understand exactly what's running through my mind. She can read me like a book and, I'm not going to lie, it's absolutely terrifying.
Actually, speaking of books...
I turn towards my small bookshelf and pick up my three favourite books before packing them in my bag on top of the clothes.
I don't own a lot, I never really have, so packing is always pretty easy for me. Over the years I've created a list of what I view as essential belongings to take and I quickly run through it in my head now as I look around the cave, avoiding looking at Lucy as I do so.
Clothes.
Check.
Books.
Check.
Emergency money stash.
Check.
Food.
Check.
Photographs.
Check.
Deodorant.
Check.
Shampoo.
Not check. I should probably pack some as I don't know how long I'll be on the road for. It could be a while before I find somewhere to steal some from.
"Where are you going?" Lucy asks, still standing at the cave's entrance as she watches me grab the shampoo off the shelf. There's not much left but it'll have to do until I can get my hands on some more.
My razor and shaving gel are sitting next to where my shampoo was and I quickly scoop them up, too, before dumping them in the bag. I've never been much of a fan of growing beards and usually just stick to a little stubble, so it wouldn't hurt to take them as well.
"Beck," Lucy says when I don't answer straight away. "Where are you going?"
"I don't know," I admit, finally looking at her as I close up my bag.
I honestly have no idea where I'm going, I just know that I want to start new somewhere. Somewhere where life's not so complicated and I can escape my past and my feelings for this girl. Maybe I'll head down south for a while, spend a few days searching until I come across a small little town that I can set up home in.
"Are you..." she trails off as if she's afraid to ask this question, or maybe she's just scared of my answer, before trying again. "Are you coming back?"
I don't know what to say to her. Am I coming back? Should I come back? Wouldn't it be easier if I didn't? We could just leave things as they are before everything ends up getting even more complicated, right? I'd never been planning on staying in this cave forever, only until I could convince Lucy to run away with me, and it's pretty clear now that that's never going to happen. This cave was never going to be a permanent home for me, so why is it so hard to think about leaving it behind?
Because you're leaving alone, a small voice in the back of my head reminds me for the thousandth time, and I clench my jaw slightly and look to the cave wall on the left side of her as I reply.
"I don't know."
The silence stretches between us to the point where it's becoming unbearable and I look back into her eyes to try and see what she's feeling.
My heart squeezes painfully when I see the tears beginning to form in her eyes and my brain starts to yell at it.
Why do you even care? She chose him! She doesn't want you and you need to move the fuck on!
This is exactly why I didn't want her to know that I'm leaving, because she'll get upset and I'll then feel like a complete ass and then she'll try to convince me to stay and I'll listen and we'll just end up back where we started.
No. Not this time. I have to go, even if she doesn't want me to. She can try to convince me all she wants but it won't make a difference. I need to move on with my life, I know that and, deep down, she knows it too.
Once my bag's done up properly I swing it over my shoulder in grim determination. I've made my decision and I'm sticking to it, no matter how much it upsets her. She can cry all she wants but I won't care. Maybe it'll hurt her for a little while but she'll go running back to Justin and he'll convince her that I'm a dick and then she can move on with her life.
The thought of her having a life without me in it hurts but I quickly push it away; it'll hurt a hell of a lot more if I have to sit on the side-lines and watch her and Justin get their happily ever after.
Even so, my heart literally feels like it's being torn in two when her first tear falls. It slides silently down her face and I can't help but hate myself for upsetting her like this.
She's been hurt enough in her life, she doesn't need me to do it too. I can't stay, though. I need to go, I need to-
"Don't go," she says, shaking her head slightly and wiping at her face with her hand when the movement causes another tear to fall.
I'm going to hell.
"I have to," I tell her, looking away from her again as I can't face the pain that her eyes are currently showing me.
"No, you don't," she disagrees, pulling herself together slightly and blinking back the rest of her tears. "Beck, please, I need you."
And that, right there, is like she's just stabbed me.
She needs me? She needs me? What a load of bull.
"No you don't," I tell her, hearing the resignation in my own voice as clear as a bell. "You haven't needed me in a long time, Lucy. It's just that neither of us wanted to admit it."
I notice the way she winces and instantly know that it's because I used her name instead of her nickname. I can't remember the last time I called her 'Shorty' but it must've not been for a while now, and it still sounds weird even to my own ears. Despite the fact that neither of us seem to like this change, I just can't bring myself to call her anything but her name. I need distance from her and that means no more nicknames, no more sleeping over at each other's places and no more late night visits to 'the swing-in' pub in the local town together.
"That's not true," she argues, taking a step closer to me. "I'm always going to need you, you're my best friend, Beck."
Ah, and there it is, knife number two digging its way between my ribcage. Perfect.
I told this girl I loved her... and then she dumped me in the friend zone and decided to go through with the predestined mate bond with her ex-bully. Isn't life just fantastic?
"Don't do this," I sigh, shaking my head and attempting to walk around her. She doesn't let me.
"Beck, wait!" she says, grabbing my arm to stop me from leaving. I could easily break her hold, we both know that, but I don't. Instead, I just stand and stare at her, letting her have the same hold over me that she has had from day one. I don't know what it is about this girl, but it seems I can never truly say no to her, and it's exhausting.
I want her to be happy, I really do, but I really wish it didn't have to cost me my own happiness.
"What?" I ask, and there's something in my voice that causes her to wince again.
"I... look, let's just talk about this, okay?" she says, trying to rationalise out this whole situation.
"You're not going to change my mind, Lucy," I tell her, really not wanting her to try.
"Why, Beck? Why are you doing this? You don't have to leave! Why are you leaving? Why can't you just stay and talk to me about this?" she all but screams at me, her eyes filling once again and causing me to feel like an even bigger piece of shit.
Because it hurts, I want to scream back at her, because it hurts to sit back and watch you give him the future I wanted with you!
I don't reply but I can tell that she can clearly read what I'm thinking from whatever my eyes are showing.
"Beck, I... I'm sorry," she says, her voice considerably quieter than before, and I have to turn away before I see her cry again.
I hate seeing her cry.
"Yeah, whatever," I mutter, finally breaking her hold on my arm so that I can run my hand through my hair in frustration, my back still to her as I hear her sniffling.
Why is this so difficult?
After a few more seconds I sigh and turn back around to face her, not really sure what to say next. The tears are still running down her cheeks in a steady rhythm and, suddenly, all of my anger momentarily deflates. I drop my bag back onto the floor.
Arguing with her isn't helping anything, it's just making everything ten times worse.
"Come here," I sigh, holding my arms open for a hug and wrapping them around her when she stumbles into them.
She cries and I hold her, just like old times when her Pack would upset her, and for a few seconds everything seems... okay. Well, maybe not okay, I'm still leaving and she's still upset, but the awkwardness isn't there between us.
Lucy's crying eventually stops after a few minutes and then we just stand there, deep in thought, until she pulls away slightly to look up at me.
Her eyes are red from crying but she still looks absolutely gorgeous to me, as sad as that sounds. In fact, I'm struggling to think of a time where she's looked anything but gorgeous.
"Okay," she says, trying to force some strength back into her voice to stop it wobbling. It only works to a certain extent as she still sounds pretty shaky to me. "You're leaving. You need some space, I get that."
"Thank you," I murmur, watching as she closes her eyes tightly and nods her head slightly.
"Promise me you'll be safe," she then says, opening her eyes to look directly into mine. "I mean it, Beck, don't go doing anything stupid."
"Me? Stupid?" I say with a chuckle, trying to lighten the mood slightly. "You do realise who you're talking to, right?"
"Beck," she says seriously.
"I promise I won't do anything stupid," I assure her.
"Okay, good," she says with another nod, glancing around at the cave.
I'm leaving all of the furniture, obviously, as I'm not going to be lugging all of that with me to wherever I end up going, and it somehow makes the cave look even barer than if there was no furniture at all.
"I'm going to leave this place exactly as it is," she then says, looking back at me. "Promise me you'll occasionally come back to visit."
"Luce..." I sigh, not sure what to say as I pick up my bag from the floor and throw it over my shoulder once again.
I can't promise that. The reason I'm leaving is to get over this mud I seem to be stuck in. I need to move on from her. What if I come back and everything just replays itself? I don't know if I could survive doing this twice. I could survive rogue camp more times than I could count... but I don't think I could survive this again.
"Promise me," she all but demands, her hands shaking with emotion.
Silently, I step forward and press my lips to her forehead. It only lasts for a few seconds, but it feels more like hours before I pull back again.
"Goodbye, Lucy," I murmur, unable to look her in the eyes as I walk around her and hitch my bag into a comfier position on my shoulder.
She doesn't try to stop me this time.
Then, with a heavy heart, I step one foot outside of the cave and keep on walking.
I don't look behind me at the girl I'm in love with, although I'm fairly certain that she's standing there watching me as I walk away.
Goodbye, Shorty.
(Hey guys!!!!! Sooo... here it is, LONE WOLF the sequel to OMEGA!!! I don't know how many people were planning on following this story but for those of you who do, helloooo!!! :) I'm so happy to have finally uploaded the first chapter, it took a lot longer than I expected. I was hoping to get this chapter up on Thursday but it didn't happen and then I went away for the weekend because it was my birthday and now I am FINALLY uploading :D
So, yeah, I hope you like the start to this story! BECK IS BACK!!! I'm so happy, he's remained my favorite character throughout the whole of the first book and now he's making a comeback :D Right, so I'm going to calm down now :')
I know some people were wary of this sequel because they felt that the relationship between Justin and Lucy had run it's course and, to be honest, I 100% agree. The reason I'm writing this sequel is so that you guys can get to know Beck a bit more and because I didn't like leaving him so unhappy at the end of OMEGA :( I felt kinda bad... even though he's a fictional character :') Anyways, so, yeah... I hope you like this story, I'm hoping to make it even better than the first (key word there being 'hoping', haha) and if you like it then any support you give will be very much appreciated :) My next update will hopefully be before the end of the week so stay tuned for that!
For any of you who've stumbled across this book without reading the first one, I'd recommend reading OMEGA before continuing on with this story because I'm not sure how much sense it would make without being introduced to some of these characters already.
Okay, so, yeah, thank you for reading!!! If you liked this chapter then go ahead and leave a Vote/Comment/Add/Follow as it'd be very much appreciated, thanks! Right, so I think that's all I really need to say for now as there'd not really all that much you can put in an A/N for a first chapter. Until next time, byeee!!!)