Epilogue:
When I arrive at our village after a long arduous incessant journey, I get off my horse and cry at the wreck that my village has become. I feel a singe inside my heart but what shatters it into terrible pieces is seeing my father kneeling like a hermit beside a hut made from the remnants of the village rubble.
He is facing the Mountain of Dark Skull; his shoulders slump in defeat; his eyes watery although there are no tears falling from them. I, however, can see the toil of sorrow and exhaustion in him; the despair and helplessness that literally emanates from his mighty posture. It does not suit him but I'm certain that I am the one who reduce him to this pathetic state. Why have I ever done this to him — my very own father?
I hold back the lump in my throat and try not to stutter as I call him. "Baba..."
I watch him close his eyes slowly and the tears that he has been holding back stream down. "Ai Nyu, it has been a long time since I have heard your voice but I want to tell you, I miss you very much. I really miss you. This might have been too late but I want you to know that I love you and I am extremely proud of you. I might have not told you but the happiest day of my life is the moment that I first hold you in my arms; I am thinking during that time that you are the gods' greatest gift to me. You may be stubborn but you are strong and intelligent. You are everything that I wish that my daughter should be even if I have never told you." He presses his face against the ash-filled ground and weeps agonizingly. "Please talk to me for the last time, I don't mind if I will be insane until the rest of my life as long as I hear your voice today. I beg you."
"Baba..."
"I am sorry for not being the best father to you; I am sorry for neglecting you; I am sorry for not taking care of you in a way that a parent should; I am sorry for not living up to the promise that I made to your mother to always protect you. I am the worst person — the worst father. But even if everything is too late, I will always love you and no one can ever replace you inside my heart. You will always be my beloved daughter. Wherever you may be, I hope that you will be happy at and peace."
"Baba, don't!" I cry and rush to my father unable to take his torment. I try to assist him to an upright position but just like a vegetable, he staggers back.
"Ahhh!!!" He wails to the ground like an infant as his shoulders shakes convulsively. The guilt and anguish that I feel magnified; I wish the ground will just swallow me.
"Hhhhh... I am the worst person. I am worthless — totally worthless."
What have I done?
"Baba, listen," I shake my father, trying to put some semblance of sanity within him but he just continues to cry. "Please, baba, I beg you listen to me. I am not dead! I am alive. Please don't do this! I can't stand you crying for a worthless daughter like this — I don't deserve your pain and sorrow..."
My father looks at me; the cloud in his eyes still hovering over them. "Did you know that your mother tells me that you look just like me?" He laughs tremulously before breaking down. "I told her with pride in my heart, certainly, after all you are my daughter. My very own and flesh blood. Your mother loves you and before she breathes her last breath, she beseeches me to give you love and affection that you may not feel the need for any maternal love." His face twists into self-loathing. "I promised her but I haven't fulfilled it! I have treated you coldly because I am being a coward and I let my grief pull me down. I should have done better as a father but no, you're gone. You're viciously taken away from me!"
My chest tightens from the heaviness inside.
"Remember your cousin, Princess Li Lei Shuang? You are very fond of her. I saved her and killed her abductor. I know this will make you happy because you love her very much."
I smile in relief upon hearing his words but I need to bring back my strong father who never cries and is always looking brave. The father that I very much admire and look up to; the person who inspires me to be a warrior — my father; my hero. "Baba, I am alive. Please stop crying. I never died; I was somewhere safe and... the villagers are safe too. They are currently in the Mountain of Dark Skull." I lift his face and wipe his tears. "I am strong just like you, remember? It will take more than the entire Hsien army to kill me. I am, after all, your daughter; your very own flesh and blood!" I lift my arms to flex them.
My father chuckles but this time out of humor. "Am I not talking to my daughter's ghost?"
"No, baba."
He exhales deeply and smiles. There are still tears in his eyes but those are happy ones. "I am happy that you are alive." He pulls me to him and engulfs me in a warm embrace. Surprisingly, a memory of me surges through. A memory of him cradling and comforting me, an infant me, lovingly in his arms as I cry.
"You say that the villagers are alive?"
"Yes, baba..."
We both stand up and he tells me, "Good. We better hurry and fetch them so we can start rebuilding our village."
"Yes, baba." I reply. "Oh, I have something to ask of you."
"What is it, my daughter?"
I bow my head respectfully and request, "Please allow me to become a warrior, baba."
There is a moment of silence so I start to blabber, "I mean, I don't need to join the military since females are not allowed but I really want to become a warrior..."
My father smiles and I know that I get his approval when he taps my shoulder. "You are my daughter. Being a warrior is in your blood so there is no sense saying no to you." He looks behind me and say, "I see that you have something with you."
I touch the linen-wrapped sword hanging at my back. "It is a jian given to me."
"I see." He comments while nodding his head. " Anyway, I haven't told you this but we are actually descended from the first dragon warrior."
"What is his name, baba?"
My father beams brightly and looks ahead. "Well, I will tell you everything I know about him while we walk to the Mountain of Dark Skull, how is that?"
I bob happily and we start to walk to do the direction of the mountain.
°°°°°°°°°°°°
The moon looks glorious as it stakes its claim on the milk-streak dark sky. It's light shone like a glimmer of diamonds descending down the World Under Heaven. Beneath the light-splashed cape of darkness, a gentle fall of thin snow cascades down to the sparsely covered wet ground.
The trees and plants in the garden are in hibernation but nonetheless they still look beautiful in the winter-conquered land. But their beauty lack a certain luster, maybe because of the somber palette or the absence of colorful butterflies and playful birds that are conspicuous during the spring and summer; or maybe something else.
Li Lei Shuang stares listlessly around, noticing the dreary stillness of her garden. Everything may have looked beautiful but it feels so unnatural.
'If winter comes and you feel sad, just call me, and together, we will reminisce the wonderful memories that happens during the last spring season.'
The princess breaks down in tears at the recollection.
'I promise that I will become the strongest warrior in Chixian Shenzhou because I want to protect you. I will never leave you, Li Lei Shuang.'
Words so sweet to hear; promises laden with passion and spoken with utter honesty but they only end up like a distant reminiscence in the past. Unfortunately, they are naught but unfounded promises and painful relics of the past.
A nightingale sings from a distance. It surprises her considering that it is something rare especially during the winter. The bird's song is so beautiful although a bit melancholic or maybe her perception is mirroring what is inside her heart? But it's wonderful melody resonates throughout the garden, singing to her heart, appealing to the longing that is within.
It is hopeless — utterly hopeless. What is the sense of longing for someone that you know will never come back? What comfort will she get in longing when her heart breaks every time she remembers the sad and even the happy memories? However, she has no choice for those memories will always be a part of her. Maybe she'll keep them as souvenir for her to dream on whenever she is asleep. At least in dreaming, she finds a real refuge that makes her forget the bitter reality that is constantly smothering her. Perhaps it is better if she dies, then she won't feel this heart-wrenching pain.
The moonlight continues to bathe her with its majestic radiance but it does not give her any comfort. In fact, it's beauty seems superfluous, seemingly mocking her. Why doesn't it when her life has become too ironic amidst the wonders that surrounds her?
A gentle sound of footstep is heard but the princess pays it no heed. Whoever that person and whether he kills her or not, she doesn't care. Her heart, that once beats with emotion, is now filled with void.
"Li Lei Shuang..."
Li Lei Shuang's heart thudded violently upon hearing that beloved and familiar voice. Is she the one who invoke it? Does her sorrows drown her into its abysmal depths which makes her delusional? She turns her head to its direction and her heart comes to a halt. She must have been tethering precariously in the ropes of insanity if the vision projected in front of her is Yan Mei Ling.
"Li Lei Shuang," the precious voice calls again.
"Yan Mei Ling?" The princess' voice comes out like a hoarse gasp.
Her beloved best friend stands a few distance away from her, staring at her as if she is the most precious person in the World under Heaven; her beautiful dark eyes shine like gems, reflecting a love so great, it is astounding.
Unable to contain the excitement and emotion that are simmering inside my heart, I run to my best friend and warily settle down in front of her. I swallow the heaviness in my throat as my tears start to mimic the snow that descends from the sky. "I am here, Li Lei Shuang. I am here..."
"Is that really you, Yan Mei Ling?" Li Lei Shuang asks, her pretty pale face is still full of doubt.
I'm reduced to silence as I gaze into her and without restrain, I tenderly touch her face which is something I have dreamt of doing during the lonely times I spend at the campaign; I lovingly trace her features in a way that a sculptor will do to its priceless craft; and softly I wipe the tears the smear her beauty. "Yes, it is me. Please don't think that I am just a figment of your imagination. I am real and I am alive. I made a promise to you, remember?"
Li Lei Shuang whimpers dejectedly upon hearing her best friend's words. In a angst-filled voice, she admonishes Yan Mei Ling, "You told me that you will never leave me but where were you when I needed you the most? You didn't have any idea of what I felt when I learned that you were dead! It literally killed my soul! I felt so lonely that even the mere act of breathing was so hard to do."
"I'm sorry." My voice quivers in guilt and anguish. If Li Lei Shuang will lash out on me, I will gladly take it if that will ease even a bit of the enormous pain that I have caused her. "I know that asking for your forgiveness will not undo the pain that I've done to you so if you will hate and get angry at me, I will not stop you." I take her hands and press it to my face. "If you want to hurt me for hurting you, do so. I will not mind because I deserve it not the tears that fall from your eyes."
The princess stares at her best friend blankly before her teary face softens with affection. She gingerly strokes Yan Mei Ling's face with her hands, feeling the warmness that emanates from her best friend's skin to her fingertips. She carefully withdraws her hands and patiently waits if the vision before her will fade but then, Yan Mei Ling remains and never leaves. "You will never leave me again, won't you, Yan Mei Ling?"
I gaze into Li Lei Shuang's eyes through the tears that obscure my vision and earnestly vow to her, "Yes, I promise you that I will never leave you again, and this time I will do well with my promise."
Li Lei Shuang closes her eyes and sheds more tears as a poignant emotion overwhelms her entire being. She shortens the distance between her and Yan Mei Ling, and places an affectionate kiss on the latter's forehead. "I love you, Yan Mei Ling."
"I love you too, Li Lei Shuang." I answer back and find myself snuggled into a tranquil sanctuary that is her arms.
The moon illuminates above and I am certain that the goddess Chang'e is smiling down at us. I can hear a distant nightingale's serenading the garden but I am not exactly sure as to where it is. But I really cannot care anything less as long as I feel the warmness of Li Lei Shuang's embrace and the wonderful scent of her silky black hair wrapping around me like a protective curtain.
My painful and weary odyssey is over. I am finally safe now.
~~~~~~~~~~
Author's Note:
I guess this update ends the Moonlight Ninja. I actually feel emotional after the last update considering that it takes me several years before I finish the Wattpad version (I uploaded this on December of the year 2012). It is hard as there are too many obstacles and stuff that get in the way of my writing but I continue to toil although the progress may have been too slow. Anyway, the important thing is I finish this story.
A brief history of Moonlight Ninja, I started to write this when I was 15 or 16 years old (a high school student) to find an outlet to take a grasp of the perplexity that my sexuality caused and to cope with the depression that it brought me. I was in the closet before as I feared the stigma and rejection that it might bring me. I kind of had this weird obsession with adventure and martial arts (I actually did Taekwondo before) so I decided to integrate everything and then came Moonlight. Originally, its title was "Cherry blossoms" with Japanese characters but as I went with the second chapter, I decided to switch to Chinese characters primarily because I thought the plot suited it better. It was year 2009 or early 2010 when I finished Moonlight's draft, originally with 24 chapter. I discovered Wattpad during the year 2012 so it was uploaded pretty late. The story actually went to several hiatuses spanning up to 6 months which delayed its finish. However, I was grateful for the break because I was able to evaluate the story which led to its total revamp. Almost 3 years later, Moonlight became Moonlight Ninja with 65 chapters, and 1 epilogue and prologue.
I never consider myself a good writer but I do enjoy writing. Some of you may have been fond of the story so I decide to write its prequel and sequel. I think it is only fair to write the prequel. So yeah, I will soon upload the first chapter of Moonlight Ninja's prequel "Song of The Dragon Warrior" however no tentative date yet. There is already a teaser cover but it is not the final one. Don't add it on your list because I might delete and upload a new cover. I will make announcements on my profile.
P.S.
Thank you very much for being patient with me and also for reading my weird story. Is it weird? Well, I guess so. Bye!
-Midnight_Carousel