Before anyone gets confused, this chapter switches to the present now…
The first class of the day was the best and worst class. I loved learning French because I found it truly beautiful and really interesting, but I hated the fact that Louis sat beside me for an entire hour.
He was constantly messing with me, and he never shut up as he tried to insult me. Usually I would ignore him and try to pay attention to what our instructor was saying, but it was hard when he was constantly saying things that made me incredibly mad and upset.
Plus, I never wanted for him to think that any of his words affected me in any way, so I would fight back with as much as I could as I also tried to do my work, but it felt like it just never worked.
And it’s not like I didn’t try to switch seats, because I did. It just happened that Tomlinson and Thompson were right next to each other on the roster, and seats were chosen by alphabetical order.
There was also the small fact that Madame Webber was quite strict and she refused to do me the kind favor of separating Louis and I.
Yet it was like no other day, and as soon as I sat on my seat, Louis walked in a moment later and sat right beside me.
I let out a grunt at what I knew would be a long fifty minutes of class, merely because I was also already anticipating harsh words coming from Louis.
Sure enough, as soon as he settled on his seat, he turned to me with a mischievous grin plastered on his face.
“Bonjour Sam, vous êtes une imbécile,” He said with very bad pronunciation.
I rolled my eyes at his comment, wiggling my chair as far away as the table allowed.
“Is that all you got? Telling me I’m an idiot in French?” I chuckled at his poor try of an insult and turned back to the board. Other days, even if that was a childish try to get on my nerves, I would have gone along with it, telling him something in return, using French as he did, but like this morning, I hadn’t been feeling up for it. I was starting to feel drained of having to find ways to insult him and I felt like the demons I’ve been trying to keep suppressed for a year were surfacing little by little each passing day.
For a whole year we’ve been giving each other emotional abuse and we’ve been picking at the things that make us hurt the most.
After that Monday when I tried to talk to Louis, it was like a switch was turned on in Louis’ attitude toward me, and the hatred began.
At first I was completely baffled as to how he could go from being this loving boyfriend who told me he ‘loved me’ every time he was with me, then suddenly he was telling me how worthless I was.
It was hard, very hard to understand why he was being the way he was, and I soon began to start consuming myself in the idea that he was right, but soon, something clicked inside me too.
Two week after he began to be cold towards me, it clicked in my mind about how I should act too.
I was still confused about everything, but after having dealt with the harsh words and resentful attitude from Louis, I had enough.
That’s when it all came downhill.
What began as words, turned into actions and soon enough, it was called the norm.
Now as I sat next to him in class, all that we’ve been through for the past couple of years had began to wear me down.
I didn’t know why I wasn’t fighting him back like usual, all I knew was that I felt physically and mentally tired of it all. I didn’t want to fight him back, I just wanted to sit there and take it, which is essentially exactly what I was doing.
“What? No stupid, smart remark from you today?” Louis asked after my lame response to his insult.
I shook my head and looked the other way.
I wanted to slap myself across the face for being so weird and reacting so little to what usually is great comebacks and invective, but I just was too drained to do so.
“You are so pathetic, you know that,” He said. And there he went again, hitting a soft spot. I hated every time he said that word, I hated the way it came out of his mouth, and I hated how sometimes I believed it so much. It was the first word that started this whole feud, and I couldn’t help but feel that it would be the last word that would crack me.
Once again, I didn’t reply. Instead, I crossed my arms over the table and laid my head on top. I closed my eyes for a second and tried to focus on happy thoughts, particularly on the happy days with Louis, how much we loved each other, the endless hours of laughing until we cried, and just thinking about them made we feel like crying too.
I just couldn’t deny how much I missed those days now.
“Sam?” I heard my voice being called, but when I opened my eyes and checked for the source, it was Madame Webber who had called my name instead.
“Ça va?” She asked. I wanted to respond and say that I was not okay, but I nod my head instead.
“À quoi penses-tu?” She added. I didn’t exactly want to tell the whole class what I was thinking about, so instead I went with the answer that I knew would be suitable for the situation.
“Nourriture,” I replied. Just like I thought, people began to laugh at my ‘thoughts of food’ and I was able to hide the fact that I was daydreaming about my ex-boyfriend, whom was seated right next to me.
Louis didn’t laugh though, instead, he gave me a scowl as his index finger slowly tapped the top of the table with impatience.
“Okay,” Madame Webber said with a chuckle, turning her attention back to the lesson she was giving before she called my name.
I sighed in relief at being left alone once more, but my body tensed up once again when I noticed Louis giving me a menacing stare from beside me. I couldn’t fully see his face, but I could outline it from the corner of my eye, and it was so strong I kind of felt it too.
We didn’t speak to each other after that, and as much I was trying to focus on the lesson, my mind kept going back into thinking about Louis and I, well, when there was a Louis and I.
The countless memories kept replying in my head over and over, and I couldn’t help but feel a little more alive just thinking about them. If it wasn’t for them, I would be thinking about my miserable life and dark thoughts would have surged in my mind instead.
Don’t get me wrong, I hated the way Louis treated me, and sometimes I just hated him as a human being, notably after all the insults and pranks, but I couldn’t help but still love him. After everything that we had been trough, how could I not? He was my first love and I figured he would be for my entire life.
He still gave me butterflies, but he also made me want to stab him in the eye with a pencil.
I hated him.
But I loved him.
Yet I could love him more than anything in the world, and it still wouldn’t mean a thing.
He made it specifically clear that he stopped loving me after walking away from me that Monday.
He probably thought that it would crush me even more if I saw him hold that girl’s hand, and he was right.
By the time lunch came around, I had gotten absolutely nothing from any of my classes. My head was hurting with the amount of thoughts that were billowing around, and it even made me feel physically tired.
I grabbed a bottle of water from the food court since I’ve been with little to no appetite for the past couple of weeks now, and headed to my table.
It was kind of sad how I still sat on the same table Louis and I since shared as a couple, but it was one of the only things I couldn’t help but keep about our relationship, even if it was slightly pitiful and weird.
I drank my water in silence as I constantly checked my phone for calls and texts I knew I wouldn’t get. I didn’t even know why I had a phone since I didn’t use it, but it was a way to keep contact with my grandparents and it had games to play during situations like the one I was in at that moment were I had no one to talk to and nothing to do.
For a moment, I looked up from the device to inspect the room and check nothing in particular when I saw him looking at me. Louis was at his not-so-new table with his “pals”, and his eyes were fixated on me. They were angry, of course, so I turned away, not wanting to be involved in the awkward situation then.
Two minutes later, I could still feel his stare burning a hole on my face, so I took my finished water and started walking way from the room.
I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings, and instead kept focused on the floor beneath my feet.
That instantly turned into a bad idea when I saw a shoe get in my way, causing for me to lose my balance and land on the ground. I landed on a sitting position, so I was able to see who had caused the accident. Sure enough, Louis was standing above me, laughing at my accident, but before I could stand up, he tilted the food tray he was carrying and dropped its contents on my head.
I squealed at the cold applesauce that landed on my head, but seconds later that squeal turned into boiling anger.
“You son of a bitch!” I yelled at him as I stood up and tried to shake the slimy food from my clothes.
He smiled at my words, like he had been waiting for a response like that all day.
“Wow, Sam, you really need to watch were you are going you filthy little girl.,” He commented.
And in that moment, three things passed through my mind.
1. How much I hated him.
2. How sexual those last four words in that sentence sounded and how a bit turned on I was from them.
3. Where the f*ck were the teachers?
“Screw you, as*hole” I said whilst I fixed my shirt and brushed off some chips from it.
“Been there, done that. Never again, you weren’t very good,” He said and my eyes go wide.
Was he really going to bring our relationship to a fight? Once again, he had never done that before, and we always tried and pretend that we never even dated.
The look of other students around us seemed to know that too, for they too had expanded eyes as they waited impatiently for my response.
“Whatever,” was the only word I could say out loud, because I just really didn’t want to fight him.
I didn’t want to go through the pain of his words that I knew they would cause.
“What? Don’t have a reply back?” He asked, but it sounds more like a demand.
I ignored him, gathered my backpack from the floor and started walking away.
But just as I was about to reach the door to go to the girl’s restroom, he spoke again.
“You get more and more pathetic by the day, do you know that?” He chuckled wickedly behind me.
The pain I was looking to avoid began again. It deluged through my entire body, focused mostly in my chest.
A lump in my throat formed as well and before I knew I would start to cry, I started to walk away once again, but not before murmuring a low “I know,” in the process. I wasn’t sure if it was loud enough for him to hear it, but at that moment, I did not care.
All I wanted to do was run out of that room and never come back again.
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this story wil have a lot of going back and forth between past and present but i am trying to make it clear for you guys but if it isn't and you're confused let me know
also, i have a new story in my main account @nargles called 'Bittersweet' where Harry plays the snobby, arrogant popstar so please check it out. I will start posting chapters of that story soon, thanks!
oh and i am a beginner in french so if something sounds wrong i am really sorry and if you don't know a word let me know too