( hey guys... this is a trigger warning.. this is a bit intense and there is sexual situations along with cussing because Jeff cusses.. if you like it let me know and ill write more... thanks for reading - pastel)
"I love you.."
Your hips rocked on Jeff's in rhythm. You waited for him to say it back but it never happened. Jeff dug his nails into your soft flesh and continued to go harder. You cried out in pain as you grabbed the sheets, digging your nails into them, balling them up in your fists tightly, pulling them. Jeff took this as a sign of go harder.
You felt tears prick your eyes. You're not sure if it was pain or sensory overload, a couple of tears ran down your cheeks and you just accepted it.
" i love you!" You cried out loudly. Feeling it shoot through the heaviness of the situation. "J-Jeff.." You moaned as he pushed your face into the mattress, and continued on. Tears covered your face and you were in a considerable amount of pain but you wanted to please Jeff, so you let him continue.
You always wanted to please Jeff. Ever since you first met him.
"Whose a good girl?" He yanked your hair back and continued at a steady pace.
" you're still with me right..?"
You gave out a little whine as you layed there on the line of bliss and insanity. You panted like a dog as Jeff laid panting beside you. You quickly clung to him, wrapping your arms around his strong sweaty frame.
"I love you.." You said again placing kisses on his cut cheeks and neck
"Huh..?" He glanced over at you. " yeah.. Yeah.."
You sat back up on his lap. It seems the only way you could get him to say it back was..
" love you too..." He ran his hands up your legs again.
Was sex..
The next morning you woke up sore. Jeff was gone, long gone, all around you was cold. In fact, it look like Jeff just left right after.
You felt tears come... They slowly ran down your cheeks and you sniffled slightly.
"Jeff...?" You called to an empty house. You rolled over covering yourself with blankets.
You should have known this would happen.. That one day the spark would be gone.
You cried harder as you put the sheets over your head. Suddenly you regretted being with Jeff.. This was all just one mistake...Tears stained the sheets as you sobbed harder curling up in a ball.
When you were sixteen this all seemed so simple. You never thought of a downside... You never thought once.. He would look at you a different way. You sniffled loudly and your nose started to drip. You never thought for a moment.. He wouldn't love you anymore.
"I'm not capable of love.." He whispered slightly. Your head was on his chest, his heart beat was uneven and rushed. You liked it.. It was calming.. It might have not been normal.. But it was reoccurring.. And that gave you comfort.
" so don't get attached kid.."
He was right..
"But i love you..." You whined slightly looking up at the scarred man. He laugh slightly and he rubbed your back.
You woke up a few hours later. You felt slightly sick from crying, and you still felt sad. You stretched and got up again, walking to the bathroom. The light was dim and the bathroom reeked of booze. You turned on the water and it started to steam. You adjusted it and stepped in, feeling the bliss of the warm water. You just stood there, having the water wash over you wrapping you in a warm blanket. Around 20 minuets you heard the front door open and close.
" y/n?!" Jeff slurred slightly.
Great hes drunk again.
You felt more tears prick your eyes. You hated Jeff when he was drunk. You poured soap on your arms and little bubbled formed.
"You didn't wait for me..?" Jeff's voice scared you. Jeff sounded beyond wasted and he reeked like pot. His eyes were glazed and distant. This man in front of you wasn't Jeff, he was a different person when he was wasted.
The curtain was shoved back and cold air was let in. Jeff pushed you against the tile. He was fully clothed.. Which didn't seem to matter to him, he played with his belt and his pants dropped. He poured soap on your shoulders, it dripped down your chest and onto your stomach, his leathery hands made circles on your chest, forming more bubbles. You groaned slightly and he kissed your neck. You didnt make a sound and tears started to form. You shut your eyes and Jeff pulled away.
"Huh..? Whats wrong..?" He asked rubbing his soapy hand on your cheek. You opened your eyes and soon you were staring into Jeff's. You shook your head and kissed him, giving him what he wanted. You tried to swallow the lump in your throat, Jeff wouldn't care if you were sad anyway, in fact your pretty sure crying turned him on more. He kissed back and you felt more tears spill out. He grabbed your wrists and pinned him above of you head.
"Ah!" You moaned digging your nails into Jeff's pale skin forming red marks and opening scrapes he had. He propped you up on the cool shower title, water poured over you guys.
15 minuets later Jeff finished and set you down.
" thanks.." Jeff kissed your cheek and rose off leaving the shower. You panted slightly as you slowly sank to the floor. You heard his wet foot prints leave the bathroom. More tears came and you didn't bother to wipe them, the shower hid your sadness.
That night was the night you were going to leave..
"Jeff..." You whispered. You sat at his feet as he watched the news.
"What..?" He asked annoyed. You rested your head on his knee.
" i love you.." You whispered again and you looked up at him.
" love you too i guess.." He mumbled staring at the TV.
" four found slaughtered tonight at a local camp ground, police fear its the work of a serial killer who has been connected two of the three homicides in the last month.."
Jeff was still covered in fresh blood. You knew what he did but you never really knew the details about it. The truth is you didnt care, so in a way, you were as fucked up as he was.
That's how he caught you.
That's how he got you to stay for so long.
You crawled up on the couch and laid on Jeff again. He smelled like blood, sweat booze and fear, the sent that you loved. His face still had blood on it, so did his hands, his clothes were covered in it and there was some in his hair. You knew he killed people and you didn't stay out of fear. You stayed cause you liked it.
Were you an accessory to murder? Maybe.
You laid your head on his lap and he ran his fingers through your hair.
" you know..."
You looked up to him and he looked down at you.
" for a human, you're not that shitty."
You squeezed him slightly.
You loved Jeff... in fact... You were well.. infatuated.
This sounds... Well cliché... But he was the first one to ever truly make your heart beat. You don't know why, he was an is escaped mental patient, but you liked that. It excited you... But then again you had some problems yourself. You just felt an unbearable connection. You needed to be with Jeff... And.. Jeff needed you. Well.. That's what you told yourself.
You turned off the water and grabbed a towel. You dried off and put on one of his hoodies. They made you feel better.. You would have to take one of these with you...
Your wet hair made stains in the jacket as you neatly folded and shoved your clothes into a back pack. You decided to leave while he was still passed out. A colorful drop of black liquid landed on the sheets.
Jeff convinced you to dye your hair like his.
You felt more tears come as you placed more clothes into the bag, you didn't own much since you moved a lot. You decided on leaving your more sexual apparel here.. It was for Jeff anyway. You walked over to your dresser and rummaged around in the sock drawer. Your hand came across some old Polaroids. One of you in skimpy clothing in some grimy motel room in which you spent your guys anniversary in. You sighed as the memory of that day hurt.
It was two years ago.. Before everything went downhill.
" I'm incapable of love..."
You looked up at him slightly.
"I love you though." you whined.
" No you don't.." He groaned slightly. " stop fucking lying."
" But I'm not.. I really do.." you whispered.
" No one would love me... "
" But..." You looked up at him.
Jeff was wasted... Beyond wasted.. You guys weren't a stranger to the faster side of living. Jeff drank, daily, and did other things to dull the pain from his scars. But you did it for fun and for relief from the soul crushing boredom. All you did was sit indoors all day, doing nothing.. Maybe sometimes you would watch a movie.. Or rarely, Jeff would let you go online and mess around with games and youtube... And sometimes you went out but that was incredibly rare, you were still classified as a "missing person" so you couldn't really get out much... And if you did.. It was a for a short amount of anxiety filled time.
" But I love you... " you whispered slightly. "Its more then love.."
He just laughed and you felt sort of embarrassed.
" I love you too." He groaned in your ear slightly. You blushed and he wrapped his arms around you. "Don't forget it you little dumbass..."
You smiled slightly, you loved his affectionate names.
You looked at the photos, one was you and Jeff in your guy's bed, before you left the last safe house. One was off you in Jeff's blood covered hoodie. It was covered in fresh blood.. And seeing the photo brought back the sweet metallic scent. That night was the first time Jeff ever brought his work up. You knew what he was and who he was the but this was the first time he elaborated on it.
" Personally.. Humans disgust me." Jeff had just gotten home. You clung to him on the couch. He placed your hand on his lap and you got to work. He liked to be touched afterwards.
Fear turned him on.
He groaned slightly as he looked down on you. He pushed your head down making you gag slightly.
"The only thing there good for is short lived satisfaction." He kept his hand firmly pressed on your head then he finally let go so you could breathe. " that's a good girl..." He pushed your head down again and his head went back in pleasure. " its something about them.. When there just so scared... Its so.." He growled slightly and pushed you down harder. " it turns me on..."
After going on and on.. He shot down your throat and you swallowed choking slightly. He let you go and you wiped your mouth. He took off the stained hoodie and threw it at you.
" take it off, and put on the hood."
You complied with his orders and did just that.
" they're so easy.." He ran his hands up your naked form. " you can.. Just rip them apart... Theyre so fragile..."
He dug his nails into you.
" their blood is so warm... "
" Jeff..." You moaned slightly.
"They're minds are like putty too..." He ripped at your flesh causing you to bleed. He leaned in a whispered close. "They'll do anything to keep their love ones happy... Isn't that right..?"
You nodded. You would do anything for Jeff, anything he wanted, nothing was off limits.
You sighed and decided to shove the photos in your back pack, not bothering to look at the rest. You finished up and set the heavy back on your back.
Where were you off too..?
No idea.
Home..? Possibly...
You sighed heavily and lit a cigarette puffing your worries away. You walked down the hall way and into the kitchen. You set your hand on the cool knob of the back door.
"Where are you going..?" you heard a sleepy.. rough voice.
You jumped slightly.
Shit
You glanced over and Jeff was awake.. Awake and sober..
" y/n?!" He growled pissed.
" the store..." You mumbled slightly not knowing what to say.
"With your back pack..?" he asked annoyed.
" I'm getting a lot of items.." you lied easily.
" give me the fucking bag!" He growled taking the bag from you and shoving you against the door. "all your shits in here.. Are thinking of leaving me?!"
You stayed silent.
"oh so you think you can just fucking walk out on me?!"
You looked down not bothering to make eye contact.
" huh?! he screamed causing tears to form.
"Answer me you little bitch!" He shoved you against the door with more force.
" Jeff.. I.. " you stumbled on words. " i cant.."
" you cant what?!" He grabbed your shoulders and you started crying hard. You felt like the smallest person ever, and you just wanted Jeff to hold you again. " answer me you fucking cunt!"
He slammed you again and you cried louder. You tried to cover your face, you didn't want him to see you like this. you looked down and continued to sob.
"You're not leaving me.." He forcibly grabbed your face and made you look at him. You tired to look down, it didn't matter you couldn't see him, tears blocked your vision. " do you hear me?"
You nodded.
"Do you fucking understand me?!" he screamed again making you jump.
You nodded slightly, not knowing what to feel. Suddenly you didn't want to leave, you just wanted Jeff to hold you and everything to be the same.
" answer me you little.." You felt hands wrap around your throat.
" u-u-understood.."
The hands lessened and they left, leaving you slightly shaken.
" go clean yourself up and get to my room.."
You nodded and Jeff followed on your heels. You cried harder as you made it to his room and walked in. You wiped your swollen eyes and sat on his bed. You counted to wipe your tears but they just kept forming.
" stop fucking crying.." He yelled standing in front of you making you feel smaller. You nodded and let out breathless sobs, like you were choking on your own sadness. He started pulling at your clothes but you wouldn't budge. You tried to pull them down, trying to cover you exposed state.
" Jeff stop.." You wined slightly. "Please stop..."
You didn't want Jeff right now, at least not in that way.
" shut up!" He yelled causing you to jump.
" i don't want-!"
"I said shut up!" You felt a sharp pain followed by burning, your cheek,nose and lip felt sore. Jeff back handed you again. Jeff never really hit you unless he was drunk or you hit him first, this was just out of the blue. He continued pulling at your clothes again, cutting off your bra and unbuttoning your shorts, pulling them down.
"Please.." You begged him. "Please stop..."
He cut off your panties and threw you down on the bed, using his legs to pin you down.
" please Jeff stop it.." You felt hands wrap around your throat again.
" i think you owe me.." He growled in your ear.
" stop crying.." Jeff sounded more annoyed then angry.
You continued to whimper softly. Your chest and stomach hurt from crying. You felt an unbelievable fatigue. You had managed to pull your shirt back down, but you were too shaky to do anything else. You felt disgusted.. And used.. And.. Shocked. That's what it was, a state of shock. You.. Didn't think Jeff would ever do that do you.. You didn't even think Jeff could do that to you.
But he did. You shook and continued to sob. You curled up in a ball, with your knees to your chest and your back curved making you press into them.
" i don't know why you're so upset.."
You cried harder and louder, pissing Jeff off more.
" you love me right..?" He asked sort of mockingly, he knew the answer.
You nodded slightly and continued to sob. He pulled you into his arms, resting your head on his chest how you liked it. He rubbed your back in a loving, relaxing manor.
" and you want to make me happy..?"
You nodded again. Even know Jeff hurt you, you still loved him, you still wanted to make him happy, you still wanted him.
" well you cant make me happy if you cry like that..."
You nodded and sniffled, trying your hardest to stop.
"Shh... Don't cry..." He brushed his thumb on your cheek. You nodded and sniffled.
" i love you.." You whined feeling your heart ache.
" i love you too.."
Stay tuned for part two :3
(I really hope you like it!!)