The car ride to the hospital was quiet.
Larry concentrated on the road ahead and refused to look at his son who had his forehead pressed up against the back of the headrest attached to the driver's seat - Larry's street. Ben was convinced that he was going to lose everyone he cared about and had vowed to himself that he would remain close to them for as long as everyone managed to live. Ben had offered to sit on the area above the dashboard of the car, but Larry had refused suggesting that he wouldn't be able to see and that the car would crash. Ben thought Larry was spouting nonsense and then offered to sit on the bumper of the car and move the wipers when it rained, but Larry refused again. In the end Ben decided to sit in the back of the car and press his face against the back of Larry's headrest, until the seatbelt was strained against Ben's stomach and chest. Ben felt very accomplished, though this sense of accomplishment was tainted by the worry he felt for his mother.
Pepe el had fallen asleep and was drooling out of the open window, as he had decided to stick his entire head out of the car before falling asleep. He jolted upright however when Larry slammed on the breaks, parking in an actual parking spot outside the hospital. Pepe el was disgusted by Larry's parking but decided to keep his comments to himself. When Larry and Ben began walking off to the hospital however, Pepe el asked to borrow the keys and offered to pay for the parking ticket. He stayed behind for a few minutes and made sure that the car was parked firmly into a tree, and figured that he had done a wonderful job for Larry who still had a lot to learn about driving.
"Pepe are you coming?" Larry asked, walking out of the automatic doors as Pepe el made his way towards the main entrance of the hospital. "What took you so long? Never mind. Forget it. Ben's already gone up but I stayed back because you didn't know which room they've put Hillary in."
Pepe el nodded and walked with Larry into the lift and up to the first floor. Pepe el saw rows and rows of hospital rooms and lots of people with food on the tables near their hospital beds. His stomach rumbled and Pepe el realised he hadn't eaten breakfast that day and also hadn't found any burgers in Susanna's car, so he continued to walk with Larry but also kept an eye out for any patients who were asleep. If he was lucky they could have some nice food which Pepe el could tuck into on their behalf.
"It's just past this corner," Larry told Pepe el. "I think we're just about there."
Pepe el kept following Larry who seemed to know the hospital like the back of his hand. Pepe el hadn't really been to the hospital very much. Whenever he'd broken any bones, his father had normally fixed them up as his father had been a doctor. That was before a lady said he had inappropriately touched her and then Pepe's father had lost his job. Pepe didn't really know what to think about the issue especially as the lady had been his mother, who had been married to his father for at least five years at the time of the crime.
"And we're here," Larry announced.
Pepe el and Larry arrived outside Hillary's room but were both surprised to see Ben standing outside the door as well. Pepe el also realised there was food at the nurse's desk near Ben's mother's room and saw that no nurses were about. He dashed towards the food and was slightly disappointed to see healthy foods like pasta and cake and fizzy drinks, but he tucked in anyway.
Whilst Pepe el happily ate, Ben felt a lump rise up in his throat and tried not to cry when he saw his mother. She was propped up against a pillow and Wren and Hen were around her. The three of them were laughing and his mother didn't seem very tired or hurt by what had happened to her, so Ben assumed that her heart attack hadn't been a very big one.
"Let's watch it again," Hillary said to one of Ben's siblings - he didn't know which. "Yeah, I don't think you can rewind things on the hospital TV. It must be online though. Maybe we can see it again there."
"I don't think they've uploaded the video yet," Wren said, walking towards his mother's hospital bed. "But I recorded it as soon as I saw him on TV so we can just watch it back on my phone. Do you want to see it again, Hen?"
Hen nodded and grinned and they all watched a video together on Wren's phone. Ben couldn't see the screen from the angle he was standing at, but he heard his own voice and a woman's voice. He didn't know who it was but it did sound familiar, and Ben managed to link it to someone in the shopping centre. It had been the microphone lady! He realised this as Wren played the video again.
"So we've sent our team out to the Moriale shopping centre in Berkton and they're there right now," a man said, as a crowd laughed. "And we asked the general public questions about war just to see how much they know. And this is what we found out. Enjoy."
Ben heard the woman's voice as she asked people questions about the war, and then finally she landed on him.
"Do you know how many world wars we've had?" the woman asked.
"I don't know," Ben heard himself answering. "Three maybe? Which world do you mean because there are lots of worlds, like Pluto. I really don't know. Sorry, I have to go."
Ben's family started howling with laughter as soon as he started speaking and he felt sad all over again. He quickly realised that he had been on a TV show and that, once again, he'd acted like a fool in front of a large audience. Ben knew the answer was two world wars, but he hadn't been thinking straight when she'd asked him the question. Ben cursed himself for not thinking to just ignore the woman with the microphone but there was nothing he could do at that point. He decided to shrug it off, laugh about it because anyone would laugh, wouldn't they? And perhaps if he made a joke of everything, he wouldn't feel so hurt.
Ben decided to do this and was about to finally walk into the hospital room, when he stopped again.
"He's so incredibly stupid," Hen said, giggling. "When we were in school together, I had to pretend I didn't know him and then when the truth finally came out, people kept wondering how I turned out so normal with him as my brother and everything."
"Yeah, I remember I went to one of your parent's evening one time," Ben's mother said, laughing at the memory. "It was that Mrs Weaver. Do you remember her? She taught you and Wren and Ben too. Anyway she was really happy with your progress and she'd always liked Wren, but she kept talking about how Ben was a bit slow and that you'd done miles better than him at least."
"And I guess nothing's changed since then," Hen giggled. "Gosh, I'm so glad all my friends took the whole Ben dying and then not dying thing so well. I'd hate to think what would have happened if they weren't such good friends. I would've been a laughing stock in school otherwise. Ben ruins everything."
Wren laughed quietly from the corner he had moved to. "At least everything's over now, and honestly how much more can he do now? He can't do anything stupider than he already has, so we're all good. We've just got to move on now."
Hillary smiled at her two children. "I'm so glad I have you two with me. Come here and give me a hug. I don't know what I would have done today after that panic attack if you two hadn't been there with me. It's going to get better from now on, with me and my two children beside me. Everything's going to be okay."
As they hugged, Ben died inside.
Everything seemed to close in on him. All the walls seemed like they were much closer and he couldn't breathe and he felt incredibly small in the hospital and his vision was blurry and his mouth was dry and that goddamn lump was still in his throat. Ben felt weak for crying especially where everyone could see him, but sometimes it was good to cry in front of other people. At least that way you actually dealt with your feelings out in the open and couldn't lie to yourself about it afterwards, Ben thought.
Ben realised he had lost a lot more than he thought he thought he had when he'd first told his life changing lie.
"Come on, son," Larry said, wrapping an arm around Ben's shoulders. "Let's get out of here."
And they did.
When Ben, Larry and Pepe el all got back to Larry's house, Larry made some tea. They'd had to get a taxi back as Pepe el had crashed Larry's car into a tree. Larry wrote a note on the fridge, telling himself to get into contact with his lawyer as soon as possible to see if he could press charges against Pepe el. Right now though, Larry was content with making himself and his son tea, and leaving Pepe el to drink hot chocolate through a spiral straw.
"I didn't mean to lie, dad," Ben said, taking the cup of tea that Larry offered. "I didn't want them to hate me, but it wouldn't have mattered, would it? It wouldn't have made a difference whether I lied this time or not, because I always embarrassed them."
Larry sighed. "Don't beat yourself up about it, kid. You were wrong to go around lying like that, but you're right. Your mother's reaction was definitely not what I would expect of a mother, though I did expect more from your brother and sister. Henrietta and Wren should have known better, and I'm disappointed that they've taken after your mum when it comes to the importance they place on family."
Ben instinctively rose to defend his siblings and mother but then sunk back down into his seat again. What was there to defend anymore? Not very much, he thought.
"You told me she'd had a heart attack," Ben said. "But when we were at the hospital, she said she'd had a panic attack."
"Yeah, I was quite surprised about that too," Larry muttered. "On the phone, Wren said two guys had broken into the house saying they were producers for a reality TV show, but they left when they saw all the cameras. Apparently that Mike fella broke up with your mum as soon as the truth came out as well, and Wren said she'd had a heart attack as everything kind of came down on her. I don't know why he lied about it though, or why she wanted to see you at the hospital."
"Probably so she could tell me to my face that she's embarrassed by me," Ben muttered, feeling like a little kid sulking. "What do I do now anyway? I can't go back to that house and I haven't earned enough money from my job to buy my own place right now. Hey, do you know any cheap hotels around here? Maybe I can get a room at a hotel until I find a better solution... or, Pepe el?"
"Yeah, Ben man?" Pepe el asked, as he finished his hot chocolate and threw the cup out of the kitchen window and into the concrete of the garden. "Wassup?"
"Have you got a spare room in your house?" Ben asked, feeling bad for putting Pepe el on the spot. "I'd pay you what I have now, and then I could get another job and keep paying you."
Larry watched the scene with confusion. He had assumed that Ben would be staying with him, so was wondering why his son would want to spend money elsewhere. Larry would have thought he would be the first person Ben would turn to, especially as Larry had shown such fatherly affection back in the hospital and not marched into Hillary's room to confront her and defend his son.
"Aren't you staying here?" Larry asked. "It's free and you're my son."
Ben was immediately suspicious of his father, but agreed to stay anyway. Ben had been using something smart called tactics the whole time anyway. Ben didn't want to ask Larry directly if he could stay at Larry's house, as Ben was incredibly proud when it came to things like that. Thus he had used his wonderful tactics to make Larry feel guilty about all the years Larry had not spent in Ben's life, and had also hoped to stir up the desire to be a father in Larry, until he was forced to ask Ben if he would stay. Ben felt accomplished for the second time that day.
"Okay then," Ben said, as though he was doing Larry a favour. "I suppose I'll stay."
Larry smiled. "Good."
That evening, Pepe el stayed back for dinner at Larry's house. He and Ben laid the table as Larry cooked, and Ben felt momentarily at peace. The walls of Larry's house felt protective rather than constrictive and he was safe from the reporters, his mother, his siblings and Susanna. Well perhaps not Susanna, but pretty much everyone else.
"I want to do something productive," Ben said at the table, when Pepe el asked him what he was going to do now. "I just keep thinking over the same things over and over again, and I want to get out of this rut. After things have died down enough, I'll start looking for a proper job and then get settled that way. Right now, I suppose I'll just have to wait."
Larry stopped eating for a second. "I actually think I might have a job for you and you wouldn't really have to leave the house for it I don't think."
Ben looked up. "Really?"
"Yeah," Larry said, holding his fork in mid air. "The business I'm running right now... well, I have a business partner and her daughter got injured in a biking accident about two months ago. She kind of worked just under us, and made sure everything was running smoothly. We've got someone temporary filling in the job right now, but I could train you up if Helena's alright with it and maybe you can get a job in my company. If the manager role isn't right for you then there's probably something else that is."
"But wouldn't I be cheating the system?" Ben asked. "Everyone else has to work hard to get to where they want to be. I'm skipping ahead. Actually I can't skip because it hurts my little toe when I do."
"Well, I'm going to be home a lot of the time in the next few months anyway and if you're staying with me, then you'd probably be one of the only people to see how I work as I work," Larry said. "It would be more like a training thing than an actual job at first, and the guy we've put in the job temporarily would probably carry on for a little while longer. I can't really put you in charge of my employees straight away."
Ben told his father that he would think it over, and Larry said that Helena - his business partner - would come around to the house the very next day anyway. Ben figured that he could have a chat with her when she did come over and speak to her about what the job was really like and what he would have to do. He briefly remembered a Helena from the last time he had come to see his father and she had seemed okay. Ben also didn't entirely trust his father just yet and wanted someone else's opinion on whether he should try out for the job or not, and also whether it was the right thing to do - getting a high position in the company because his father owned it. Besides, Ben had a reason to be suspicious. Why hadn't Larry offered him this job all along? Why now?
"I'll meet Helena tomorrow," Ben told himself, and then reached for another fish finger. "Hey, Pepe? Can you pass me the sauce?"
Pepe handed Ben the sauce and all three men ate together. Pepe talked about Mexico and Larry spoke about politics, and then Pepe el remembered the guy who had tried to build a wall and then they made a wall out of mashed potatoes and Pepe el smashed through it. Ben laughed a little bit and they ignored the flashes from outside the windows, which weren't too bad as Larry had drawn all the curtains.
Things were still out of place and Ben's mother had tried calling Ben too many times, but Ben tried not to care all that much. He had a lot of questions for his mother and his father and for himself, but he decided to put them aside and focus on the present for the meantime. He had no idea when something would go wrong again.