Driving with Ashton felt infinite.
I've decided that there is nothing that I like more than looking beside me and seeing him at the wheel, tapping his fingers along to whatever song is playing, singing under his breath every once in a while. And when I fell asleep I felt safe and I felt comfortable, and when I woke back up again he was there still. I found myself wishing that the road would never come to an end.
"You hungry?" Ashton asks me when I stir awake. It's pitch black outside and I have no idea what the time is, but I'm sure we have to be reaching the city soon. Blue Valley couldn't be that isolated.
I shrug. "Wouldn't mind a drink."
"We're almost at the city," he replies, looking to his left as he makes a sharp turn, making me jolt a little. "We'll stop and get something to eat then. I have some water somewhere in the backseat?"
"I'll be okay."
"Nah, have some," he pushes, and when I hesitate he reaches his arm towards the back of the truck and swerves the car.
"Ashton!" I cry, instinctively reaching to grab the wheel even though I have never driven a vehicle in my entire life.
Seeing that I have my hands on the wheel, Ashton decides to take his off, because what a good idea that is, and twists his body so uncomfortably as he reaches for this bottle of water. I sweat as I try and keep the car steady and Ashton resurfaces, with the bottle of water.
"Here," he says, handing it to me, like I'm a buffalo who has been suffering from a dried out water hole for weeks.
I take it awkwardly. "Thanks." I lean back in my chair and take a sip.
I hear Ashton laughing as I do so and I turn and scowl at him. "What's so funny?"
He shakes his head. "Nothing, nothing."
"Come on, what is it?"
"Just the way you drink," he says.
I raise my eyebrow in confusion. "What?"
"Your mouth," he says, "it doesn't ever touch the bottle."
"Because it's not my bottle," I retaliate, rather pissed off.
"You've always done it, ever since we were kids. It's funny."
"Wow, such a laugh. I don't like sharing bottles." I roll my eyes.
He glances over at me. "Hey, nah. I didn't mean it like that. It's cute."
"Whatever." Stupid Ashton and his stupidness.
"Baby."
I freeze. Did he just.
He laughs. "Knew that'd get ya."
"You're a dick," I say, but I'm smiling.
"Baby, baby."
I turn my head to look out the window, and I'm praying to god that he can't see my bright red cheeks in the reflection. I hear him laugh but he doesn't say anything more.
Stupid, stupid Ashton.
------
"Would you rather eat ice cream for the rest of your life, every single meal, or never eat ice cream again?"
I sit across from Ashton in a quaint Chinese restaurant in the city. He ordered Chicken Chow Mein with a side of dumplings, I ordered a vegetable noodle soup. He twirls a noodle around his fork as I ponder his very hard question.
"Would it have to be only one flavour?" I ask.
"No, any flavour. But you'd run out of options rather fast."
I hesitate, sipping at my soup. "Never eat ice cream," I finally answer.
"What?" He cries. "Wrong choice."
"Oh, please. You're asking me to give up all foods for one, or give up one for all? Easy."
"But it's ice cream."
"I think I could survive without it."
He points his fork at me threateningly. "It's people like you, Stanford, that make me hate the world that we live in." I just roll my eyes. "Ice cream lives on in the heart of the young."
"What does that even mean?" I shriek.
"You don't know because you're a hater."
"Okay, how about this one. Would you rather be able to fly or be able to read minds?"
He chews his food as he thinks. "They both have good points," he says. "I mean flying is flying, that's just freaking cool. But mind reading would mean I'd be able to know everything you think about in that pretty little head of yours." He shoots me a playful smile.
I blush a little. "There isn't much."
"Now that's a lie."
"W-What do you wanna know?"
He looks at me for a while, and I start to wonder if he is actually trying to read my mind. He then smiles and shakes his head. "I'll leave the deep questions for another time. Maybe I'll get you drunk first so that you'll be honest."
I laugh nervously because I'm not really sure what else to do. If Ashton knew even a tiny bit of what goes on in my head he'd run for the hills. Here I was sitting across from him in a random Chinese restaurant in Sydney, a thousand miles from home, and yet I had never felt like I've belonged more. I didn't know what Ashton and I were doing, but whatever it was it was nice. And whatever it was I wanted it to stay.
"Fortune cookie time." He rubs his hands together in a childish excitement. He then holds up his cookie to his ear and shakes it. "Come onnnn cookie, give me something good." I watch as he cracks it between his fingers and pulls out the paper slip inside.
"What does it say?" I ask since he's taking too long to read it to me himself.
"'Something you lost will soon turn up.'" He shrugs and screws it up. "Boring. You go."
I open up mine and read the message inside and I feel my heart momentarily collapse.
"Come on, what is it?" Ashton pushes. He doesn't see me tense up.
I look up at him and force a smile. "Just a stupid one about life being a journey," I say.
"Man, those fortunes sucked. Anyway, you ready to go?"
I give a nod and stand up, folding my fortune up and slipping it into my jacket pocket before following Ashton out of the restaurant.
------
The hotel we're staying in is a hundred times better than Ashton's house, and I'm ever so grateful for everything about it. It reminds me a lot of back home, but thinking about that leads me down a path I don't really want to venture down so I just watch Ashton lug the bags upstairs instead.
"We got two rooms," mum says as she walks beside me up the stairs. "You and Ashton will be sharing, there should be two single beds. It'll just be like old times, huh? How fun!"
I didn't really know what to expect from Ashton and I sharing a room and I didn't really know if the separate beds made things better or worse.
Ashton leads the way to our bedroom, just down the hall from mum and Anne, and it's very small but the beds are very separate, placed against opposite sides of the wall. An inch further and we'd be out of the room. I put my bag down on the bed by the furtherest wall and sit down on it.
"Well," Ashton says, kicking the door shut. "This should be a wild time."
"I feel like I'm at school camp."
"Don't be silly, you weren't allowed to share a room with a boy at camp." He winks. He walks around the room, checking things out. Then he walks over to me. "You nervous?"
"I've shared a room with you before," I say, but it's not as confident sounding as it was in my head.
He does his stupid little smirk thing. "Oh, I know. But that was when you didn't desire me."
I just roll my eyes and turn away from him. "Who says I desire you?"
He leans into me, inches from my face, and just when I think I know what he's about to do he pulls away. "Everyone does, sweetheart. And let me tell you, I'm not the boy you used to share a room with anymore. So you better be nervous." He walks over to his bag and fishes out some clothes. "I'm gonna take a shower, don't wait up." And then he leaves.
After Ashton leaves I change into my pyjamas and try to not think about him in the shower. I then pull the curtains and jump into bed, and although I tried not to I must've fallen asleep because I don't wake up until I hear Ashton's voice floating through the darkness.
"Hey, El, you up?"
It takes a minute but my eyes flutter open and I stir around in my bed. "Hey," I whisper. "What time is it?"
"Half two," he answers.
"Why are you awake?"
"Couldn't sleep. I'm sorry for waking you."
"No, it's okay." I rub at my eyes and turn to face him. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah, yeah." Silence. "I don't really know."
"What is it?"
"Can you come here?"
I don't understand the question. "What?"
"Can you come sleep with me?"
"I-I can't fit."
"Sure you can."
"I-"
"Please?"
I want to feel panic and anxiety but instead I just feel mellow. Maybe it's because I'm not very awake, or maybe it's because Ashton's arms are very, very appealing and I would love to be wrapped in them forever.
I get out of my bed and tip toe across the room towards his. It's all very awkward and fumbly in the dark but eventually I manage to lie down beside him. His body is very close to mine and his shirt fabric feels soft against my skin. I back against him and rest my head on his pillow. His arm wraps around my front. I've never lied like this with anyone before and I should feel nervous but all I feel is just warmth. I close my eyes.
"Hey, El?" He asks after a bit.
"Yeah?"
"Can I ask you something?" I can feel his breath tickle my ear, the vibrations of his voice creating goosebumps on my skin.
"Sure." I'm thankful that I'm facing the other way because I don't know what I'd do if I knew how close his lips were to mine.
"When you were gone, the ten years, did you really forget about me?"
I think of the best answer to give him. The truth was no, I never really forgot about him. Not in the whole grand scheme of things. But in my day to day life and my daily routines, yes. "No," I simply say. "Did you?"
"I never forgot about you," he answers quickly, like he's been waiting his entire life to say that.
"Can I ask you a question?" I ask.
"What is it?"
I turn myself around so that I can face him, and through the darkness I can almost see him. The outline of his face, his jaw, his cheek. Even right now, even in the dark, he's lit up.
"What do you think of me?" I say. "Honestly."
"Honestly?"
I nod and I suddenly feel his hand on my arm, his fingers trailing up and down gently. The goosebumps increase but so does the warmth.
"You're amazing, El. You always have been. You're beautiful, you're smart, you're funny. You're the best person I've ever known."
I smile a little. "You don't mean that."
"I do, I really do. Look at you."
I duck my head like a child, trying to hide my smile.
"Hey." I feel two fingers suddenly beneath my chin, tilting my head up. "I really like you."
"I really like you."
He kisses me softly at first, with his hand cupping the side of my face. But then the pressure intensifies and his hand moves away from my face and along my arm, down to my hip. He pulls me on top of him, my knees placing themselves either side of him, and we kiss and kiss and kiss. This is more than I've ever done and I feel light headed. I feel his hands under my shirt, roaming all over my bare skin and I feel as though I'm on fire. He sits up and I'm on his lap, and we're kissing and kissing and then-
"Fuck," he says under his breath, pulling away suddenly.
I feel momentarily embarrassed. "W-What? Did I do something wrong?"
"Hey, hey, no. Baby, no." I warm at that name again. "I just ... god, I've been wanting to do this for a long time."
"Kiss me?"
"Kiss you like that."
I trace small patterns along his arms.
"I've kissed a lot of people but no lips could ever compare to yours," he says.
"I ..." I pause, feeling stupid. "Never mind."
"What is it?" He takes my hand in his. "It's okay."
"This is really embarrassing," I say, "but I've never kissed anyone before."
He hesitates, for a while actually, and I internally cry. Then he finally speaks. "Holy shit."
Not really the answer I was hoping for.
"Holy shit, baby. Was I your first kiss?"
"Well, technically yes because you kissed me when we were seven." I'm rambling to try and fool him into thinking that I'm not freaking nervous. "So, like, I've only kissed you in my entire life and that's kind of weird, I know, but-"
"That's adorable. You're adorable."
"Please don't." I cover my face with my hands and he slowly pulls them away.
"Was it good?"
"Which one?" I crack.
I hear him laugh under his breath. "You should've told me earlier."
"I shouldn't have told you at all," I whine.
"What, why?"
"Because you're ... you know."
"I'm what?" He laughs. "Scary?"
Every second this conversation carried on for I felt myself wanting to die even more. "You kiss people, you've kissed people. You've done stuff and I .... haven't," I explain. "It's embarrassing."
"If anyone should be embarrassed it's me," he replies, his hands fiddling with my own. "Kissing lots of people isn't a good thing. Believe me. I'm just ... I'm really shocked is all."
"Why?"
"Because you're beautiful, who wouldn't want to kiss you?"
I shake my head. "Where is this all coming from, huh? You used to hate me."
"I could never hate you, El."
I pinch his shirt between my fingers and his hand rests on my thigh. I feel very peaceful. "Ashton?"
"Yeah, baby?"
God damnit that name was going to ruin my life. "I really like this." I don't know what exactly I'm referring to, but he gets it.
He kisses me again and we lay down, and the last thing I remember before I fall asleep is the kiss he leaves on my forehead and the slow beating of his heart.
omg hi???????? i'm just gonna pretend like it hasn't been 2 months since I updated this and that I am a well organised person who has the motivation to update this story regularly. The last part of this killed me and I can picture Ashton saying the word baby and everything hurts ily all im sorry im sorry but IM BACK XXXXX