Needs to be edited, you've been warned.
*Up above is how I see Aaron's mum*
I swear to you, my eyes never closed that night. My finger hovered over that send button but after an hour, my wits and common sense came back to me and slowly I back spaced that sentence. The wrest of the night I had turned off my phone and put it into a shoe box in my closet so I couldn't make any swift stupid decisions at a moments notice. Though that meant I didn't talk to her at all that night.
I didn't talk to anyone, not even my mum. Well I did but only a few words.
"How did she do?" She asked.
"She won first place," I mumbled as I laid my pathetic self down on the couch. She sat in front of me, I only looked at her hands.
"Does that mean...?"
"Yes," I spat. She smiled I could see. "That's wonderful!" I glared down at her hands and rolled my eyes.
"I guess." That was it the whole day, those were the only words we exchanged. The rest I spent doing homework. It was a bit of maths, and art homework. The art homework was to draw a person in your art class so I just decides to draw Lucas. I spent all of the next day meaning Sunday drawing and then finishing my math homework later on that night. That brought us to Monday.
Monday's are usually a bad day because it ends all good things, it ends your micro vacation, ends the two day streak of sleeping in, ends the blissful two days where you don't have to see any of the people who bother the crap out of you. But in this case it also ended my short but sweet love story.
Well... It didn't end it, it put it on pause. Let's back up a bit... Let's go to Sunday evening. The night before she left. I finally had the guts to turn my phone back on. I had one text from her, she sent it Saturday night.
Maddy: I have a request
That made my mind explore all the possibilities of that sentence, it could really mean anything. And of course being Aaron Faulkner - I thought of the worst. My palms sweat as I typed a request.
Me: what might that be?
She didn't waste any time responding to it, I did take a whole day to reply and she was going to be gone the next day so time was precious at this point.
Maddy: do you sleep in a t shirt?
I won't lie, a smirk came to my face when I realized the request. I sat on my bed and then laid on it, stretching out like a starfish. My hand went behind my head as I laid down and typed a reply.
Me: not usually... Depends. Why?
Maddy: do you think you could tonight? 'Cause I want to bring something that belongs to you with me and it would be even better if smelt like you
My smirk became wider and a little bit of my doubts and insecurities melted away. You know she loves you, you idiot I thought to myself.
Me: do you want a t shirt or long sleeve?
Maddy: surprise me
I wasn't going to school tomorrow so I stayed up for quite a while talking to her. She sent me the picture her mum took of us that night of the dance, The picture took me back to that night, every event came flooding back in the duration of ten seconds. The guilt of knowing I caused heartbreak, telling her I knew, she telling me she didn't love me anymore, wanting her to love me again, seeing her kissed by jamie, running off, figuring out I loved her too, going home a broken person and being ignored by her for a little while. That was all in one picture of her in that dress with her hair put back the way it was and I in a navy suit with my arm around her waist, secretly but not so secretly looking dotingly upon her. All of that caught in one photo. If all of that was caught in only a photo, what was shown in real life?
We said our good nights around 3:30 Monday morning which meant that I had 4 hours till I had to get up and get to her house.
Before I slept, I made sure I put on my favourite shirt to take with her. As I laid awake I put my hands on my tummy where the cloth of the nice grey and blue t shirt was, this was going all the way to Italy with her. I didn't know what she would do with it, if she would sleep in it or just have it with her but I was happy a part of me in some stretch was going to be with her.
I pet the fabric as weird as that was and hoped she wouldn't forget about me. Then I rolled over on my side, grabbed a pillow from beside me to wrap my arms round and fell asleep.
My mum came in to wake me up. I laid with my hands above my head and just let everything come back to me. 7:30 am, today was the day. Exactly four hours till she takes off.
I rolled myself out of bed, stripped the shirt off of me, folding it neatly, again petting the fabric. I showered quickly, ate only a little bit of porridge. When I went to go get her shirt, something caught my eye.
I picked up her shirt and walked to it. On my chair was my rugby shirt, it was long sleeved, thick material and warm. I loved that shirt, maybe a little more than the one I was sending to Milan.
It needs to go with her I thought. I took it and folded it as well with the t shirt and held it in my hands. I walked down the hallway with a lump in my throat that would go away. My mum had her car keys in hand, she had her reddish hair down in the curls that she claimed were the ugliest thing you could ever lay your eyes on. I never thought that because I had a slight wave to my hair and I quite liked it. Her hair reached her shoulders and framed her freckled face, I had those freckles as well. Not as many but I had them.
She put her light rain jacket over her favourite loose grey shirt and tucked her jeans into her socks as she put her Wellington boots on. My mum turned to me me inhaled as she handed me my jacket.
"Ready to go my love?" She mouthed. I walked towards her and hugged her unexpectedly. She seemed surprised but not at the same time, she hugged me back and rubbed my back like she did when I was younger.
"I love you mum," I told her. I knew I wouldn't be able to hear her say it back but I told her. She pulled me back so she could look at me. She smiled warmly and put her hand on my cheek
"I love you too monkey face," she mouthed.
"Let's go," my mum smiled. I put my coat on and held those shirts close to my chest. I held my mums arm like I used to, it might have been that I was a little fragile today but I couldn't help but act like I was 8 again, being a little dependent on my mum. It didn't take to long for us to get to her house. I saw four suitcases packed and two carryons. Maddy's mum was going to stay in Milan with her, she didn't want her going alone and she knew Maddy needed moral support through this. They were going to rent an apartment for the academic year and Maddy would stay there during the weekends.
Seeing the suitcases did make me realize this was indeed happening. The lump in my throat came back and I didn't think it was going to go away. We knocked on the door and the door just sort of pushed open.
My mum told me that Maddy's father had just yelled to come in.
Everyone was rushing around. Calum was there weighing a bag and mr Kingsley was on his laptop.
I knew where Maddy was, my legs took me to her bedroom and I pushed the door open. She was sitting on her bed with her phone on her chest.
She waved me over to her.
"This is it," she sighed as she peered up to me. I climbed onto the bed beside her, putting my arm under her head and petting her hair with the palm of my hand.
"The start of a great adventure," I spoke trying to whisper. Maddy rolled to me and let me hold her close to me. That lump in my throat grew and felt like a rock lodged into my windpipe. My hand went over her back, rubbing her spine with my palm flat against her and my fingers firmly rolling over the tight muscles.
When I moved her back a little, her eyes were wet and my shirt was slightly soaked.
"Why are you crying?" I signed. Maddy's palm swiped her eyes and she blew air from her mouth up to her eyes to dry her face.
"This is the last time in a little while that you will be this close to me like this." She stayed quiet for a second and then looked back up at me.
"Is this the right decision?"
I nodded.
"It's the most right decision."
She nodded her head and I kissed her nose, we got up from the bed and she grabbed a crumpled up piece of paper and put it in her back pocket.
I watched her walk to her newly empty closest and grab the last thing that was in there, a light pink scarf, it was an ashy kind of colour. The same pinky colour dress she wore the night after the dance, the one she wore during the dress rehearsal that softened her appearance. Made her look sweeter, softer, kinder.
Maddy reached into her backpack and sprayed it with a little bottle of perfume. She wrapped it loosely around her neck and adjusted it in the mirror.
I put my hand out for her as she walked over, she held it tightly.
"Ready?" I asked, that lump in my throat just kept growing and growing. I held my breath as she walked out of her room for the last time. We both dragged our feet and slowly made our way out of the house. The six of us piled into the car and the suitcases sat in the boot of the car. Calum sat next to his sister and I sat next to her on the other side. She leaned her head on my shoulder as the car started to move. I put my shirts on my lap and then put it on hers.
The drive was long ish, I spent most of it looking out the window watching the cars wiz passed. It was interesting to think that every car on the road was going somewhere to accomplish a task. One car could be heading to an old friends house, another could be on its way to a job interview and this car... On the way to great adventure. At least that how I tried to make myself think.
One of the things about being sad about something is that you're allowed to be sad and down but I was slowly learning that you can only dwell on it for so long before it becomes depressing. I didn't want to dwell on it but I couldn't help it. How would you feel if you had something spectacular ripped from you just as it became apart of your life? It felt like being teased. This situation felt like somebody was just toying with me.
You know - like when you all into a pet store as see this puppy, it's got fireball energy - probably a terrier of some sorts - and it craves love. Then someone walks into the pet store, takes out its keys and shakes it at the window which separates the dog from the outside world. The dog thinks the keys are toys and follows the keys back and forth, clawing at the window. The dog thinks it's finally found a playmate, a new family member who will take it home. Then just when the puppy is positive it's secured a home... The person leaves. That's how it felt.
I knew I talked a good enough game to her about this only making us stronger but I was beginning to doubt my own words again. It felt like a rollercoaster, when I was sure of us we were at the highest point of the rollercoaster when you get that wonderful fluttery feeling of excitement and when I began losing hope and second guessing myself, we were at the parts where you hold onto the handle for dear life, praying you don't shake out of your seat because you are so sure that you'll go plummeting to your doom and splat onto the concrete.
I had a friend, a girl, she went for week to a different country without her and come back totally different, she wished she knew what happened and desperately wanted to go back to what their relationship was like before the trip. She started to regret the trip because it changed everything, completely screwed up their perfectly settled life and replaced it with mayhem. So she began to tell herself that this is okay, you just came back from a trip and you're disappointed it ended so quickly. But it doesn't work. That feeling hung on for a weeks, she couldn't look at her boyfriend that she used to be crazy about in the eye and truthfully say I love you without feeling like a liar. She felt like a walking big fat lie. It's all that filled her mind. She told me that when she slept, she dreamt about having already told the truth to him.
Instead of kissing him hello when she got back, they just hugged each other, she didn't tell him what was going on with her and come up with weak excuses for why she was acting so strange.
I've just had so much to catch up on and I'm out of it, I'm sorry. Or my personal favourite Ive had so much on my mind, I promise everything is fine. Which really meant I don't know what fucking happened and I need time to figure out what fucked up dimension I've fallen back into so I can try and fix this and I've been seriously thinking about us taking a break so I can get my shit together but I don't want to tell you because I would never dream of hurting you. Then a week later they are taking a long trip splits-ville, they were too close to do a real break up so they say it's just a short break and she said it was great in the beginning because they went back to being best friends but then they lost touch, they can't even text each other without a real valid reason to, whether it's to ask about something stupid and insignificant or to tell them that another person is trying to get in touch with them.
He was very in love whilst she wished she was. Then a few months later... Nothing, they didn't get back together and they both grew apart not feeling very much for each other. Their beautiful fairytale love story had disappeared into thin air and no one truly knows what happened besides that one matured or found something better or discovered a part of themselves that didn't exist when they were still so in love. That is what I was truly afraid of. The more I thought about that couple I knew - or used to be couple, the more that rock in my throat began to feel like a bolder. I couldn't bare for what my friend went through to happen to Maddy and I. That's why I nearly sent that damned text, but I kept thinking these words in my head. If you love her, let her go. You can't chain her up for your own selfish desire, you're clipping her wings if you send that text. You know she'll stay if you tell her to but you can't do that. You must let her fly.
So there we sat in the car, I put a brave face on and put my arm around her. She closed her eyes and rested on my shoulder. Then Maddy took off her scarf and rested it on her lap on top of the shirt. Her eyes fluttered shut and curled into my chest again. I felt eyes on me and saw Calum staring at us, it didn't make me feel uncomfortable for the first time. His face was empathetic, I'm sure he knew how his sister felt. We locked eyes for a second, his lips tightened to his teeth and blinked softly.
I exhaled softly and closed my eyes as well, kissed her temple and rested. It was another little bit of time before the airport but not long enough, time was slipping out of our hands like like a frog in a child's hands. We were pulling into the parking lot when I my eyes opened, I look down and she had her eyes wide open, looking more optimistic than 45 minutes ago.
All of use piled out, her brother grabbing her suitcases and her father pulling Mrs. Kingsley's. I stepped out of the car and grabbed Maddy's carry on. She was in the car getting something, then she got out.
"Ready?" I said again. She shrugged her shoulder. "Yeah."
We walked through the sliding doors and we went to the check in to label the suitcase and put onto the conveyer belt. There was an hour to kill until our goodbyes. Every time I would look down at my watch it felt as if time was speeding up. 1 minute turned into 5 and 5 turned into 20. We sat near security at a fountain, Maddy and her brother talking to me about random things. We played a game called red hands where you rest your hands on another persons hands and you would have to try and not get your hands slapped. Painful game I tell you. I tried to laugh and enjoy myself, not worrying about how much time I had left with her. But then I did something I will regret forever, I looked down.
Ten minutes, 600 seconds, 1/6 of an hour. Ten measly minutes till I said good bye. But I didn't want to say good-bye, I couldn't. When you think about it, you should never say good bye to someone you love. Now, in the words of Peter Pan "never say goodbye, because saying goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting."
You see - I had never be good at goodbyes, well as far as I know lots of people aren't good at goodbyes but of course all good things must come to an end. Now I will spare you the moment we parted, what you need to know is that there were a lot of tears shared equally between us, there were lots of prolonged hugs and kisses until it was really time to go. It was only when I got back to the car I realized she had left something behind. Her soft pink scarf. So I texted her, knowing she still wouldn't have taken off yet, probably still waiting for her flight to be called.
I was confused to what she meant. I pulled the scarf on my lap as we drove examining it. Calum gave me weird looks as if I was crazy for paying lots of attending to a scarf until I lifted it up and something fell out. A slip of paper the size of two post stamps put together with words written in pink ink. If there ever comes a day where we can't be together, keep me in your heart and i'll stay there forever. - I'll be back by the 19 of December. All my love - MK. I smiled at the clever quote. I took that piece of paper and put it into my phone case, between the phone and the case itself to keep it safe.
I bet she knew that I felt insecure about her going away, I bet she knew I needed something of hers just as much as she needed something of mine. I should have given her a little more credit, not just to this specific situation but to everything. Who was the thick headed loser who said no girl would learn a whole language for some boy? If she loved me that much, I knew we would be fine. All I had to do was hold on for the both of us until Christmas and then when she came back next and then for our graduation. All I had to do was set her free and trust she would come back. All I had to do was trust we would be fine. And ladies and gentleman, let me be the first to tell you that Madeline Kingsley and I were fine in the end and still are to this day.
The End
That's it folks, trust that there will be an epilogue. Don't know when but soon. School starts up again in not to long and I really just want to spend the rest of my summer writing without worrying about updates. To tell you the truth, I have 3 or 4 stories I am writing but not posting because I just enjoy jumping from one to another without worrying about updates. So I did it, I have written a book cover to cover. I thank you tremendously for your support and votes and comments and love.
Besides the epilogue there will notes and fas about the characters that I will add in an extra part. Basically facts you might not know about the characters that might interest you. Like that jamie is allergic to grass or that Aaron's mum is named Abigail or that Calum never ever liked jamie. A billion thank-you's go for all of your patience. I must admit there were times where I just wanted to forget about this book and leave it to collect dust but I didn't, now all there is left is to edit this thing, If you liked the ending comment or inbox, don't forget to vote as well. If you thought it would end differently, comment or inbox as well.
I love you all and the epilogue will be up in due time.
Thank you and goodnight.
Margo