So I'm all moved into my new home. It's very pleasant and I'm just trying to get myself accustomed to everything. Still, I'm trying to update as frequent as possible for myself and my readers -- who are amazing btw.
Thank you for the current support. I genuinely am thankful.
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chapter sixteen. undo.
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There's a differentiation between being shocked and surprised — I think the definition of shock is more negative than surprised. You can have a surprise party which consists of all positive morals behind the gesture, while you can be shocked that someone passed on one or two days ago. There's a distinction between the two characteristics over obsequious actions.
AT SCHOOL I AVOID everyone except Louis because he's been in the most shite mood like myself. He just isn't so aware of it since I keep everything reflected within me. That's my main purpose: to not surface anything at the moment between my usual group of friends. Though, we're all going through our single or duo amount of conflicts with each other.
Louis sits across from me in the hall for lunch, playing with his thumbs and wearing his oversized hood as am myself. Mine intentionally shields my eyes from reality. I'm in no interest to see nor converse with the person closest to me, except Louis, of course. But he seems to be stuck in his own head with his own thoughts in his own world, a population of one as his bottom lip juts out miserably. Then he blurts out:
"I think Zayn's cheating on me!" And the two of us simultaneously freeze to look at each other. I questionably and Louis thoughtfully as his eyebrows scrunch up disappointedly at my quietness. He elaborates, "I went to pay him a visit yesterday and I saw a used rubber in the rubbish of his room. It wasn't from me because we haven't had sex in weeks, Niall." Louis eyes me up suspiciously.
I look at him speechlessly. The two, Zayn and Louis, are the ultimate couple. Friends before lovers duo and they've loved each other for the past several years already. The two are my friends. Once I'm able to reply, Zayn and Harry approach our lunch table.
My stomach abruptly drops at the sight of Harry. He's wearing a black shirt that easily reveals the mass amount of tattoos on his skin. (Him and Zayn discovered this shop that tattooed underage children years ago. They've used the store to their advantage ever since with the many amount of tattoos littering their pure skin before our last year of secondary). All the same Harry looks beyond fit right now. Even if I'm upset with him and we haven't been on the greatest speaking terms — nor speaking at all.
His head lowers when he sits beside me. I look anywhere but at him. My eyes land on the couple across from me. Zayn leans over to press his lips against Louis's, but Louis quickly moves away. Zayn frowns deeply before Louis whispers inaudible words into his ear. The two announce they'll be back momentarily and I nod slowly yet understandingly at the two as they disappear from the lunch hall.
Then there are two. Two extremely close best friend going through a reoccurrence, known as déjà vu, when the two friends consciously ignore and cross the invisible line of platonic behaviour. Two best friends that have known each other for seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years — almost one decade. A decade I wouldn't trade in for the many amount of arguments I've encountered with Harry.
I begin to distress a change of heart by glancing at Harry. But then the past Friday encounter I had with him and Liam gives me a sudden whiplash that my head, automatically, faces another direction away from him. I hear the sound of Harry's voice, low and throaty sound through the lunch hall.
He mutters a whispered apology underneath his breath. Automatically I frown to myself.
"Can you look at me, please?" he says.
I comply with a shrug and faintly, I say, "Okay." Deep down Harry and I know, are aware, that our situation is beyond an okay.
Two friends can habitually go through tribulations, but it's very uncommon to hear two best friends that've lost their virginity to each other years back then engaged in a recent kiss -- déjà vu -- and are now avoiding each other because one friend may or may not be continuously pursing his prior sex buddy — kind of uncommon.
I feel a hand reach for my cheek and I, quickly, move away from the soft gesture. My eyes meet Harry's and I shake my head denyingly. I'm in no search for comfort. "No," I say quietly before turning away from Harry's hard stare. A burning gaze of green coloured trees and the broad green stem of a bright pink chrysanthemum. Just generally naturalistic.
And they're beautiful, to me. That night at the lake his eyes didn't scream just bright and pretty. They shouted and cried and yelled beauty -- through a glance or a gaze or when they expand because they're caught off guard by an appearance. That night, when I was nearing exhaustion and low altitudinal I stood awake because Harry's bright eyes held the function of a night light.
Still, I'm angered with him. Mostly angered at his thoughtless actions and his interim tainted heart.
"Why not?" he asks just as quietly as his previous words. I snap at him, I feel it from within. The pint up anger and the burning fire heating my heart up so it can intentionally combust. I snap, and that's something very rare for the demeanour I carry on my shoulders.
"You're with Liam again! After you kissed me that night at Hollingsworth, you think it's okay to carry on with Liam afterwords," I hiss at Harry. My eyes narrowed into slits. "You bring Liam to our movie night and canoodle with him in front of me and you expect me to be dandy about this?"
Harry's a fish. His mouth opens and closes and then it reopens once more as he fumbles and jumbles over each word he tries to enunciate. And I watch him with similar defeat because what else can I possibly say or express to him and his recklessness? Nothing.
Just as abrupt Louis hurries to our table silently. He says not a word as he grabs all of his belongings in such a rush that it signals concern. He exits while Zayn approaches us, deliberately ignoring the distraught calls of his name being echoed through the hall from Zayn.
Then Louis is gone and Zayn deeply sighs to an extent that I see his lungs expand from the breath he just took. He sits back in his seat with his head buried in both his hands before myself and Harry, exhaustedly.
With the argument and Harry's words long gone from my priorities, they shift to Louis and Zayn's. A longterm couple but also my good friend and my best friend.
"What's wrong?" I question Zayn with confidence and that same concern buried in my chest. I can't help but shake that irregular feeling people sometime obtain when a routine or a habitual detail in their life is altered. Or that feeling in the gut when a bold voice, your conscience, tells you something utmost true.
He doesn't answer me, but the brown of his eyes meet my eyes. Zayn shakes his head repeatedly as he mutters words to himself. His eyes shift from myself to Harry as Harry sports a worrisome expression on his face too. "I -- we," Zayn stammers unconfidently, silently, to us. "We just – we, just, broke up." his voice crack when he says it.
Disregarding the dispute, Harry and I looked towards each other then to Zayn, our best friend. Someone we've grown and have got to know over the many many amount of years. And this news, this news Zayn's telling us is shocking — him and Louis have called it quits because of what's been happening between them. Because –-
"Why?" Harry asks with nothing but curiosity fresh and prominent in his tone. "What happened?" his eyes land and stay on Zayn's as he waits for an answer Zayn stutters to say.
There's a chilling pause between the three of us. It almost strikes as comforting silence until Zayn begins whispering and muttering distressed sorries to Harry with nothing but remorse on his face.
I glance at my two best friends -- because yes, Harry is still my best friend -- confusingly. Yet Harry looks just as confused as myself.
"What?" Harry falters. His bright eyes flash worriedly. "What aren't you telling me, Zayn? Why do you keep apologising to me?" questions spurt out continuously like answers from a calculator.
"Because," Zayn says softly, softer than his usual faint tone of voice when he speaks. "Because – I cheated on Louis," he waits for us to process the horrid yet unexpected news before speaking again. To drop an even more toxic bomb when he utters, "With Liam."
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gUYS. GUYS. GUYS. Another bomb has dropped -- not literally -- and how do you all feel about this? ZIAM THEN ZOUIS AND MAYBE JUST MAYBE LIRRY IS BACK ON. But narry guys, I know you all want your narry. I'm telling you be patient oKAY. it's coming, it's coming. I swear it.
comment any other thoughts you're having, I'd love to hear them ((:: .