WARNING: Murder and feels is included in this chapter
Feliciano held his breath. Ludwig had stopped speaking and seemed unlikely to continue; the German stared at the floor with blank eyes, his expression unreadable. The Italian had always found himself to be a great listener, and had been told countless times that his solace and sound advice had gotten people through some tough times. It was never normally he'd be in a situation where he just didn't know what to say, how to respond to such a chilling answer. The man sat next to him on the narrow bunk had just revealed that the death of his brother had been the cause for him being put inside, caused him to commit the heinous act of murder.
The growing silence was becoming unbearable; Feliciano needed to say something, anything to get Ludwig to talk. Something the British prison guard had once told him swept across his mind; 'He doesn't have a family, he had a brother once...' and that's when it all made sense. Feliciano cleared his throat; it had gone dry, and croaked out a new question. "...and he was...your only family?"
Ludwig released his hold on the back of his neck, a soft sigh escaping his lips as he leant over on his knees, elbows resting on the top of his broad legs. "He wasn't just that." he muttered, vacant stare fixed on the cold floor. "He was my best friend, my reason for living...the only person I had in this gott verdammt world." Ludwig's voice took on a harsh tone, his fists clenching ever so slightly on top of his legs, causing him to wince slightly as he irritated his bandaged arm.
Feliciano watched him carefully. "...how come you had no one else?" he asked quietly, pressing on.
The German was silent for a few moments and the Italian worried he'd pushed it too far. He was about to apologise when Ludwig suddenly sat up on the bunk, hands braced on his knees. "Because I didn't have a family." he said sharply, turning to look at the Italian; the German sighed at Feliciano's confused expression. "Gilbert wasn't my real brother, okay? I don't have parents, und neither did he, we grew up in the same orphanage." Ludwig sounded annoyed and the Italian shrunk in on himself slightly. He took a few moments to calm down before he carried on, speaking softer as he focused his attention back on the floor at his feet.
"I'd spent my whole life there, almost straight from birth..." he muttered, tracing his fingers gently through his hair. "...abandoned on their doorstep as a newborn with no trace of my parents, the social workers tried to track them; I was taken to the hospital but there was no record anywhere of my birth." the German briefly shut his eyes, "...und I was given a name by some nurse who was working there."
Feliciano was reminded of the German signing only his first name on that medical form. "They didn't give you a last name?"
Ludwig looked across at him, quirking an eyebrow. "What last name would they give me? They had no idea who I was...they didn't see it as important, und I guess it wasn't to them." he said, his voice softening even more as he spoke. Feliciano didn't respond and the German carried on, opening up to this complete stranger. He did look away however, finding that he couldn't talk to the Italian whilst they held eye contact. "I was taken back to the orphanage und made available for adoption...but that's where I stayed. After five years in the nursery I was finally moved into the main building to live with the older children...und it was there where I first met Gilbert." a slight smile played in Ludwig's voice as he said his brother's name.
"I didn't really notice him much at first; I was shy und afraid of the other children because I was so much younger than them. They picked on me und wouldn't let me play with them or join in any games, even the social workers seemed to steer clear of me, they wouldn't give a brat like me the time of day." Ludwig spat with venom, voice shaking ever so slightly. "We were schooled in the orphanage und the bullying carried on even in the classroom, children my own gott verdammt age didn't want anything to do with me."
Feliciano listened intently beside him, gazing with wonder at the German's ever changing facial expressions. Ludwig's anger subsided slightly as he continued. "Then one day, a few weeks after I'd been moved into the main orphanage, I'd managed to join in a game of football that was going on outside, und during the game one of the older boys pushed me over in the mud." the Italian bit his lip slightly, however the German's anger remained suppressed. "...I sat up und I wanted to cry und run back inside, but then this really loud, obnoxious kid who was younger than that boy just came out of nowhere und tackled him to the ground." there was almost a smirk in his voice now. "It sent him off the pitch crying his eyes out und then the loud kid starting running around und shouting about how awesome he was." Ludwig was definitely smirking now, it was happiest the Italian had seen him. "My brother." he clarified with a glance at Feliciano.
"He was sent inside for rough housing, but I remember how he looked back at me whilst I was still in the mud und smiled, und I just stared...und even though he was older than me, I wasn't afraid of him." Ludwig murmured softly, the tiniest smile stretching his lips. "From that moment on Gilbert und I were inseparable. Everyday we spent together in the orphanage; Gilbert showed me everything he knew, he showed me how to break into the kitchens at night when we wanted to have our own midnight feast; he gave me dirt on all the other orphans und showed me how to exploit that knowledge." the German said, shaking his head fondly. "He even...he even wrote me a Christmas card und signed it from Santa Claus when I was six, he put in under my pillow so I thought Santa had left it for me on Christmas Eve..." he muttered sheepishly, looking a little embarrassed.
A smile sprung to Feliciano's lips, and he dared to inch a little closer to Ludwig, feeling strangely at ease for the first time being with him. Ludwig hadn't noticed and kept going, no intention of stopping now. "We never spent a second away from each other, he even pushed his bed all the way across the dorm to fix to mine so we could sleep next to each other." the German said with his almost smile back in place. "All the other children hated us, tried to ignore us und pick on us but we didn't care. Gilbert wouldn't take shit from anyone, not even the teenagers, und he taught me to do the same, to not be afraid..." he trailed off quietly, leaning back down over his knees.
The Italian saw something cross the German's face. His lips twitched into their usual grimace and that light of happiness that had been dancing in his blue eyes disappeared. "But then that all ended." he muttered darkly, his hands knotting together on top of his legs. "When Gilbert was twelve, a middle aged couple came to look around the orphanage, they wanted an older child because of their age...und unfortunately they took a shine to Gilbert." Ludwig's shoulders deflated and he curled his rough knuckles into the hair at the back of his neck. "If he'd have known it would mean being away from me, I'm certain he would have done everything humanly possible to not get adopted. But I can't really blame him, as much fun as I had with Gilbert the orphanage was still a terrible place to be, und deep down it was every child's dream...even mine..." he added softly. "...to one day be rescued by a family."
"Gilbert got lucky. Children that old never normally get picked, couples only ever want babies. By the time I reached five years old I'd realised that, I'd realised that any hope I had of adoption had passed...I mean what kind of loved-up young couple wants to waste their time with a problem child?" Ludwig grumbled bitterly, fingers twitching on the back of his head. "Nein...when I moved in with the older children I knew we were all in the same spot, just waiting for the glorious day of legal adulthood when we could finally leave."
The Italian felt an anxious squeeze in in his stomach as the German returned to his dark, harsh way of speaking. "But until that day I had so many miserable years alone." Ludwig's voice was trembling again. "The couple who adopted him were Mr and Mrs Beilschmidt. Gilbert wasn't taken straight away though, they visited him a few times in the orphanage und took him on day trips to spend time with him und get to know him. A couple of times they even brought me along with them because Gil wanted me to come." a brief smile tugged at his words but it vanished as quickly as it had appeared. "...but then after a few months he was sat down und they, as well as the social workers, asked him if it was okay for them to adopt him, und Gil, Gott bless him, accepted because he thought they were going to take me as well."
The German shook his head, "They didn't of course, und he had to leave me..." he muttered softly, his voice heavy, but Ludwig smiled again. "He still visited, almost every day after school he'd come to the orphanage to see me. They wouldn't let him take me out anywhere until he was an adult, but we used to sit in the garden together for hours until he had to go home...he had lied to his parents und told them he was spending his time at after school classes."
Feliciano looked at him curiously. "Why's that?"
Ludwig let out an annoyed grunt. "The Beilschmidt's hated me." he spat darkly. "They tried to hide it from me but as Gil und I got older it became clear; they wanted Gilbert as their son but they hated our relationship. They were hoping that Gil would forget about me once he'd left the orphanage, but he never did, he still saw me as often as possible." he paused for a moment, sighing softly, "...I remember the first night I spent without him, I was only eight, und the bed was so empty...but thankfully by that time Gil had taught me to stand on my own feet, defend myself und not get pushed around...but it wasn't the same without him."
The German grit his teeth. "The only thing I had in my depressing life to look forward to were his visits...und then, after ten miserable years of waiting in that hell hole, I was free." Feliciano listened intently, eyes wide with intrigue. "Gilbert came to take me away the day I turned eighteen und was allowed to leave, he was twenty-two by this point but he'd waited for me, he hadn't gone off to find a job or to start a life for himself...he was waiting to start his life with me." Ludwig said softly, that flicker of light back in his eyes.
"Needless to say his parents were distraught with rage, all those years they thought Gilbert had forgotten me only to learn I was there ready to ruin their son's life all over again...they refused to let me stay with them when Gil brought me to their home, so do you know what Gilbert did?" Ludwig asked the Italian's confused face, smirking slightly. "Packed up his bag, flipped them off on the doorstep und we left."
The Italian smiled just slightly, but Ludwig's face distorted. "I felt so guilty." he muttered, scratching the back of his neck. "I felt as though I was the reason Gilbert never had a real family, he had a chance for real parents who loved him und cared about him und I took that away..." he said in a hollow voice; Feliciano opened his mouth to speak but the German continued. "But Gil said he only cared about me, his brother, that all we needed in this world was each other, the way we'd always dreamt of." the light in his eyes was back, a soft little smile tugging at his lips. "It would be exactly like our plans, the plans that we'd set out und drawn together back in the orphanage on those rainy days sat inside."
Ludwig smirked, glancing at Feliciano with a raised eyebrow. "Und you know what? It really was. I mean granted we didn't have the swimming pool or the water slide or the magic money tree like we used to dream about as kids..." Italy smiled a little at this. "All we had was a tiny one bedroom flat above a shop und the stuff we could carry on our backs. But that was all we needed, we travelled the world, Gilbert und I, we met people und worked all over the place, doing night shifts und manual labour just to scrape by...und if we didn't have the rent we'd just sleep in the park or on the beach, we just didn't give a shit." the German laughed slightly, shaking his head. "I couldn't imagine myself doing anything like that alone, it sounds horrific." he agreed when he saw the Italian grimace slightly at his story. "But with Gil it was our life, und we loved it that way." Ludwig murmured softly, his smile more prominent than the Italian had ever seen it.
Feliciano dared to smile back at him even though the German wasn't looking at him, it was unusual to see Ludwig with a smile on his usually cold, hostile face. But now that he was the Italian felt it suited him quite well, it lit up his face and made him seem so much more youthful, full of life and, dare he say it, rather attractive. Feliciano didn't want their conversation to end, and he blurted out the next thing that came to his mind. "...so what happened to him?" the Italian regretted it the moment the question left his lips. It was as if an angelic harp chord had snapped within the German, his smile slowly crept back into a frown; the light was extinguished from his eyes. Feliciano swallowed slightly as he realised he'd struck a nerve. "...Ludwig?" he whispered anxiously, biting his lip.
The German's eyes dulled as he gazed forlorn at the floor at his feet. "It was my fault." he said suddenly into the harsh silence. "I should have been fighting my own battles." he muttered, trailing off into a whisper.
Feliciano felt slightly sick with guilt. "...you don't have to tell me anything else, if you don't want to." he said softly, hand twitching to touch the German in a comforting way but he repressed the urge.
Ludwig glanced next to him and the Italian shivered slightly at the complete absence of any warmth in the German's face. He sighed, running his fingers through his short, blond hair. "Well I've told you this much, I might as well carry on." he muttered, leaning back he rested his head on the edge of his own bunk behind him. "...he was killed in a bar...Gilbert was defending me from this guy who was threatening to kill me, but it was Gil whose life he took instead."
Feliciano watched him sadly, that urge to comfort and consol resurfacing. "...why would anyone want to kill you?" he asked softly.
The German sighed. "Because around where we lived being openly gay wasn't an okay thing...und this man had just found out that his adult son was gay und that I'd slept with him." he muttered coldly. "So naturally rather than just accepting his son's sexuality he blamed it on me...he showed up at the bar Gil und I were at, most likely blind drunk, und started threatening und yelling abuse at me." Ludwig's face twitched slightly. "I just tried to ignore him, I didn't really like fighting und I was freaked out by confrontations...but Gilbert," the German gave a harsh laugh. "he wouldn't stand for it, to see me being treated that way, he stood up to him all because of me und look what happened...stabbed to death with a broken beer bottle." Ludwig said slowly, voice trembling as he spoke.
Feliciano silently watched the German until the slight shakes in his shoulders were reduced; he thought back to the original purpose of the discussion, about how he'd ended up inside. "...so what did you do?" the Italian questioned quietly. Ludwig slowly turned on the bunk to properly face him, dark eyes boring into the Italian's own.
"I went insane."
~0~
Ludwig slumped over the bar slightly as he drained the last few drops of his sixth or seventh beer, a warm, bubbling sensation pleasantly filling his stomach. On a stool beside him the silver haired, red eyed face of his older brother grinned at him. "Another beer?" he sounded more like he was demanding rather then asking.
The German shook his head as he sat back up. "I think I've had enough."
"Lies!" Gilbert said with a laugh, "Two more beers!" he shouted down the bar at the annoyed looking bar man, hammering his fists on the surface of the bar, shaking the empty beer bottles congregating around the two of them.
Two refills were placed in front of them and Germany smirked as his brother handed the bar man a note. "If we spend anymore money on beer we won't have enough to pay the rent this month, Miss Mona will kick us our on our asses." he muttered, taking a sip of his new drink.
"So let the old biddy kick us out!" Gilbert cackled, throwing his arms up in the air. "Who cares? Open roads where you want to be anyway Ludwig."
"Maybe it's where you want to be, bruder." Ludwig said with a raised eyebrow.
"It's where we're going little brother." Gilbert said, flinging an arm around the blonds' shoulders. "Out into the big wide world."
Ludwig rolled his eyes, taking another sip of beer. "The world seems overrated."
"Ha! How can you say that? Remember Paris?" Gilbert asked with a mischievous glint in his dark red eyes.
The German couldn't help but grin, he shook his head as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Dear Gott, you're lucky you weren't arrested." he muttered with chuckle.
Gilbert laughed. "The awesome me did nothing wrong! Those stuffy French guys just couldn't handle my awesomeness." he said arrogantly, taking a swing of beer.
Ludwig shook his head. "I'm sure going up the Eiffel Tower naked is illegal no matter how awesome the individual." he said with a smirk.
Gilbert snorted through his drink. "Und they call themselves the country of love!"
"There is no love in anything you do Gil." the German muttered with a smile, leaning over the bar.
Gilbert grinned at him. "More lies little brother, you never cease to amaze the awesome me. Do I really need to give you an example of my love?" he asked, his eyebrows waggling slightly.
Ludwig smirked, "Still going on about that? It's been two years, let it go Gilbert."
"Well maybe I should just pack my back and head back to my parents! Since you clearly don't need me." Gilbert said with a pout, folding his arms across his chest.
"Feel free." the German said jokingly. "If they'll have you back that is."
Gilbert burst out laughing. "As if! They'd probably open fire if I ever stepped back on their doorstep, they hate me now!" he cried, carrying on laughing, banging his hand on top of the bar.
Ludwig felt that familiar knot of guilt, he took a sip of beer, nodding slightly. "Hmm."
Gilbert looked up when he recognised it. "Ludwig." he said firmly, swivelling around on his bar stool to properly face the blond, all laughter gone from his voice now. "You know I don't give a fuck about them, I didn't need them."
"You might have if I wasn't around." Ludwig muttered, running a hand across the back of his neck.
"That's a lie." Gilbert insisted. "Whether or not I'd even met them, let alone been their son, it'd be no different, I'd still be here right now with you." he said softly, placing a heavy hand on his brother's broad shoulder.
Ludwig sighed slightly. "You can't know that." he muttered.
"Yes I can." Gilbert said with a smile, squeezing the German's shoulder. "Our real parents chucked us away so that we could find each other, I didn't need any replacement parents, not when I had my awesome little brother, it's all I wanted and you're all I need." he leant his head gently against Ludwig's. "We're all we need."
Ludwig smirked slightly in disbelief. "You're so corny." he said softly, shaking his head.
Gilbert grinned. "Am I lying?"
"Nein." Ludwig muttered, pulling his brother into a hug.
The brotherly moment was all too swiftly cut short by a loud intrusion. The bar they were in was rather crowded and noisy at the best of times, but even that didn't drown out the bellow of, "OI!" from somewhere in the crowd that seemed to be directed at the two brother's at the bar.
Gilbert turned around on his stool, eyebrows knitted in confusion. A large, balding man who looked far too old to be in a bar like this, was pushing his way through the crowds and heading towards them, dark eyes fixed straight at them. Gilbert nudged his brother. "Was that to us?"
He shoved a few people out of his way. "OI FAGGOTS!" the man thundered towards the bar, his rounded fat face deep red with rage, veins pulsing on his neck and all the way down to his large arms.
Ludwig stared at him, his stomach dropping. "Oh Gott..."
Gilbert looked at Ludwig and back to the man. "Who's that?" he asked, poking his brother again.
The German swallowed slightly. "...that's Johan's father, Gerard." he muttered.
Gilbert's red eyes widened. "Shit."
"Ja..."
Gerard finally emerged from the crowd and reached the bar, he immediately homed in on Ludwig, breathing fire as he rounded on the young man. "Thought you could hide from me did you?" he growled.
Ludwig kept his face neutral, trying to hide any fear. "I...didn't think you were looking for me in all honestly." he said calmly.
Gilbert snorted with laughter, his brother shot him a dark look but Gerard had already heard it. "You think this is funny!?" he snarled. "You and your little faggy bum buddy having a laugh at my expense!?" his body shook with rage, his eyes popping out of his fat head. He snapped back to Ludwig and advanced on him, almost pressed right against him. "Did you think I was just going to stand by while you DISGRACE my family!?" he yelled into the frightened young man's face.
People around them had gone quiet and were starting to look over. Gilbert glared at Gerard, getting down from his stool he hit the man's shoulder hard to get him away from his brother. "Look why don't you just fuck off pal?"
"Gilbert don't bother." Ludwig said quietly, feeling his face heating up as people were staring over.
"No, let him speak." Gerard said almost with a hint of amusement. He fixed his dark eyes on Gilbert, slowly approaching him. "What did you just say to me, faggot?"
Gilbert saw Ludwig wince out of the corner of his eye. He clenched his jaw, shooting daggers at Gerard with his eyes. "Stop using that fucking word." he spat.
"I'll say whatever the fuck I like you disgusting little homo." Gerard glowered, jabbing Gilbert in the chest.
Gilbert glared at him, shoving the offending hand away. "Okay, first of all I am his brother und not his boyfriend," he said indicating to Ludwig; Gerard seemed a little taken back. "I'm not gay I like women, und I can guarantee that I've gotten laid more times in the last few years than a little punk ass like you has in your entire sad little existence." he growled with a smirk.
"Gil..." Ludwig sighed, hiding his face in his hands.
Gilbert regarded him briefly but continued, his amusement vanished and his voice darkened. "But I won't fucking stand for you saying anything against my brother." he snarled into Gerard's red face.
"HE TURNED MY SON GAY!" Gerard bellowed, clenched fists trembling at his sides, almost everyone in the bar was staring now. "I'm not here to talk to you." he spat in dismissal, advancing on Ludwig once again the German backed into the bar, staring at Gerard with wide eyes. "Listen to me you fucking sausage jockey." he snapped, fat fists braced on the bar either side of Ludwig, trapping him. "If I ever see you near my son again I swear to God I'll tie a rope to your testicles and drag you around town with a horse until they're yanked off." he said in a low, sinister voice; Ludwig's face paled and he had to resist the urge to shudder. Gerard leant in closer as he continued, deranged eyes locked onto the German's own. "Then I'll leave you in a ditch to die a slow painful death from blood loss, faggots like you don't deserve to live."
Ludwig was too shocked and terrified to speak, sat shaking on his stool as Gerard stared him down. Gilbert was also shaking, with tremors of pure, blood boiling rage. "How dare you talk to my brother like that." he said deliberately slowly, voice shaking along with his fists.
"Gilbert..." the German muttered softly, pressing his lips together as he could feel them trembling.
"What gives you the right to threaten him like that!?" Gilbert spat, yanking the back of Gerard's shirt to drag him away from his brother.
Gerard pulled himself free, growling with blind rage. "This little fag RAPED my son!" he roared, frothing at the mouth.
"He didn't rape your fucking son, your son consented to gay sex und he fucking loved it!" Gilbert taunted, a malicious grin on his face.
"Gilbert!" Ludwig blurted out in shock.
Gerard went rigid, dark eyes widening, his veins pulsating. "You little shit." before Gilbert had the chance to react one of Gerard's fists made contact with his jaw, knocking him backwards into the bar.
"Hey!" Ludwig jumped down from his stool and went to restrain Gerard.
Gilbert staggered to his feet, waving a hand at his brother. "It's okay, I got this Ludwig." he lunged himself towards Gerard, returning the favour he sent him crashing into some unoccupied stools with one blow. Gerard scrambled to his feet, touching his nose delicately he felt the blood that was slowly trickling down. His eyes darkened and Gerard let out a explosive roar, throwing himself into Gilbert he crushed him against the bar, punching left and right into his face and jaw. Gilbert gasped out with each attack, he threw his arms up and grabbed the man around the throat, reversing their positions he forced him onto the bar, smashing empty beer bottles as he held him forcibly down. Gerard's arms flailed around widely as he struggled to breathe, hands reaching for anything to use as weapon.
His hand brushed over a broken beer bottle and he grabbed the neck, bringing it towards Gilbert. Gilbert jumped backwards and Gerard lunged after him. By this point Ludwig could no longer stand frozen with shock and he had to intervene. In one stride he grabbed the back of Gerard's shirt, yanking him backwards and away from his brother, he threw him hard onto the floor behind him. "Get out!" he yelled at the crumpled man.
The entire bar was silent and staring. Ludwig hurried to his brother, whose face was bruised and bleeding slightly, he was hunched over the bar, hands cradling his stomach. "You okay Gil?" he asked, placing a hand on his shoulder.
Gilbert slowly stood up, his face was drained of any colour, even his eyes had paled. Ludwig was immediately filled with concern and his eyes darted down to his brother's hands which were still pressed into his side, where a strange dark red liquid was soaking into his navy shirt. He lowered his trembling hands and what Ludwig saw filled him with dread. In Gilbert's hands was half a beer bottle, the jagged broken glass coated in blood that was pouring from his brother's side.
Gilbert collapsed into Ludwig, his legs giving way. The German clung onto him, carefully lowering him down onto the floor. "Oh Gott, shit, Gil hang on, okay?" he stammered in panic, eyes flitting around the room to everyone in the bar who looked horrified. "Somebody calling a fucking ambulance!" he bellowed and several different people whipped out their phones. He turned back to his brother; the German pulled his jumper off over his head and used it to compress down on the wound, his hands trembling as Gilbert's eyes started glazing over. "Gilbert stay awake, look at me." he said firmly despite the quivers in his voice; Ludwig hitched him up onto his knees, cradling his head in his other hand. "Keep your eyes open, you're going to okay do you hear me? Everything will be fine."
Gilbert's sickeningly pale face lolled against the German's hand, his eyelids flickering as he desperately tried to keep them open. "...shit..." he croaked, trying to look at his brother's face above him. "...think I'm, think I'm on the way out, Ludwig..." he gripped the front of Ludwig's shirt with his trembling fingers.
"What? NO!" Ludwig yelled, pulling him closer against him. "Gil don't talk like that, you're going to be okay! We'll get you to the hospital und everything will be fine, you just have to stay with me!" he cried, clutching his brother tightly, desperate tears springing to his eyes.
Gilbert's face contorted with pain, but he smiled up at the German. "Ludwig, you know I love you...right?" he whispered shakily.
"Don't talk like that, this isn't goodbye!" Ludwig shot angrily as he fought back his tears.
"Answer me." Gilbert murmured, coughing slightly as if he was choking.
Ludwig bit his lip, tears started to drip down his face. "Ja, I know you do, und I love you, so much bruder." he said softly.
Gilbert nodded shortly, his grip on the German's shirt loosening. "...never let any asshole push you around okay? Fight them, und win, for me." his voice was trailing off as his eyes flickered.
"Gil hang on, you can't...Gilbert don't go!" Ludwig yelled in despair, tears falling from his eyes and dripping down onto his brother's inanimate face.
Gilbert gave him a weak smile. "...you're such an awesome little brother." he breathed with his final breath. Gilbert's eyes fell closed and his head went heavy in Ludwig's hand. He died in his brother's arms, blood still seeping from his wound.
Around him people were stunned, unsure of what to do. Gerard was on his feet, a look of horror on his face as he realised what he'd just done. "Oh shit, oh mother of God I..." he stammered, face paling. "Shit I...I never meant to, I mean he...oh God..."
Ludwig couldn't remember much that happened after that. It was mostly a blur. A rage filled, tormented blur. Gerard didn't have the chance to say anything else. Gilbert was laid gently on the floor as his brother slowly got to his feet with trembling legs. He could remember the clouded fury, the white flashes of pure hatred, how he'd felt rage present in the very blood that ran through his veins. No one had the chance to stop him, and before he could even think about the consequences of his actions; Ludwig had picked up a broken bottle and attacked. He killed Gerard in the same way he'd murdered his brother, only he'd stabbed multiple times, just to be sure.
He hadn't enjoyed it, taking a life. But he wanted, no, needed it to be done. Gilbert's lifeless body just lay there in the bar, revenge had seemed sweet, and oh so deserved. Just moments after he'd finished killing this man with tears in his eyes and hatred in his blood, the police had showed up to arrest him. Ludwig couldn't even recall all the events from that night even in the next couple of hours he spent in the police station being questioned. All he could think about, all he could focus on was that Gilbert was gone. Gone because he was standing up for him, gone because he hadn't stopped that man attacking him...
The only person he had in the world was gone because of him...
~0~
Feliciano's gaping mouth finally closed as Ludwig finished his heart breaking story, he felt his own eyes fill with tears just to imagine it. Ludwig's jaw quivered ever so slightly and he sighed. "Most people would probably say it was a mistake, killing him...that I should have just let him be arrested for killing Gilbert." he muttered softly, fists clenched on his lap. "But what good would that have done? He'd only be in the same position I'm in right now, in prison for life for murder...und even that's too good for that son of a bitch." he spat.
Feliciano swallowed slightly. "You don't regret it?" he asked quietly.
"I don't know...all I know is that if I was on the outside und he was in here well...I'd probably drive myself insane plotting ways to break in und finish him off." Ludwig let out an exasperated sigh, clutching the back of his neck. "...so there you go. That's everything...I bet you think I'm a monster now right?" he asked, turning his sharp eyes on the Italian.
Feliciano gazed at him for a few moments. He was sure he could see what looked like the very beginnings of tears in the German's eyes. His heart softened, this poor man was not the heartless killer he, as well as many others, must have made him out to be. He was just a lonely orphan who had lost his brother, his only companion...and who was he to say what justifies murder? That man had killed Gilbert, accidentally admittedly, but he'd still been a murderer before he died. The Italian inched closer to him, reaching out a shaking hand to touch the blonds' shoulder. "I understand."
The German flinched slightly at the unexpected contact. "What? How the hell can you understand?" he demanded.
"Well...I have a brother too." Feliciano said softly, ignoring the irritated look Ludwig was giving him. "I know it's not the same but...well our parents died quite a while ago, and when that happened we decided to move in together and run a cafe together so that we could be closer." he smiled slightly at the way Ludwig's angry expression softened. "...so in a way, we only have each other too, except for Lovino's boyfriend Antonio, but I don't know what I'd do if...if he was killed."
"...would you kill the man who did it?" Ludwig asked softly.
Feliciano bit his lip, eyes darting away. "I don't know if I could...but I understand why you did, I know how important people are to us, especially if they're all you have." he glanced back at the German anxiously, waiting for some kind of harsh remark.
Instead he received what may have been the biggest shock of his life. Ludwig had suddenly leant towards him and wrapped his strong arms around the Italian's small frame. Feliciano had let out a squeak of surprise but before he could even register the action and think to hug him back the German had released him.
Ludwig had the slightest of smiles. "What's your name again?"
Feliciano blinked in confusion. "Um, don't you call me Vargas?"
"Ja but that's your second name right?" the Italian nodded. "What's your first name?"
"Feliciano."
"Well Feliciano." the German said with a soft smile. "From now on I want you stick with me in here."
The Italian stared at him with disbelief, their last conversation in Elizaveta's office running through his mind. "Really? But...won't that make you look weak?" he asked.
Ludwig smirked slightly, patting him on the shoulder. "Well I'll just have to toughen you up a bit." he muttered softly, watching the Italian's face light up. "Won't I?" Feliciano couldn't think what to say, he only knew that he must be grinning like an idiot. Eventually Ludwig stood up off the bunk, he went to the upturned table and righted it before he began collecting together all the discarded playing cards. "Fancy a card game?" he asked the Italian over his shoulder.
Feliciano nodded numbly, hurriedly joining the blond in card collecting. "Sì...that'd be great." he said softly, beaming at the German.