WARNING: This chapter has mention of murder.
Feliciano had never thought himself to be a poor judge of character. Admittedly he could be very susceptible to trickery and misinterpretation, however once the Italian's mind had been set he found his assessment of people very unwilling to change. But as the young man took in the sight of his supposedly rampant, savage, cold-hearted German cellmate, he found that his perception was indeed once again being tested.
Ludwig was in his usual spot in the middle of his own personal table, breakfast was sat under his nose however he made no move to eat it. The German's strict composure and dominant stance was slumped into what Feliciano could only describe as a broken down man. His eyes were red raw and face sickly pale; no doubt a consequence of last night's intrusion, a clearly horrific nightmare. Yet Ludwig somehow still retained some of his power, no one else seemed to have picked up on these subtle declines in the German's pristine presence except the Italian. He wondered why that was.
Feliciano himself knew he must look a similar, though not nearly as rough, state to the German. Ludwig's hollowing cries and spine-chilling screams had prevented any slumbering he wanted to fall into last night. If it wasn't for the German's disarray appearance and his unfathomable silence when they awoke early that morning, Feliciano could have almost convinced himself he'd dreamt the whole thing.
He hadn't of course; it was all too real, and Feliciano was dying to know what had caused the German such pain, such twisted, emotional pain.
"Arthur..." Feliciano abandoned his breakfast tray on the serving station to sidle up to Brit, he thought it perhaps in Ludwig's best interest if the Brit knew what was going on.
Arthur looked up, smiling kindly, "Oh hi Feliciano, are you doing okay? I noticed you were getting along a lot better with Ludwig yesterday." he said, thinking back to the day before where he'd witnessed what could almost be described as a friendly conversation between the two inmates in Elizaveta's office.
Feliciano nodded, smiling slightly himself, "Sì, but I think that's just because he's tired of being mean to me..." he said with a shrug, gazing over at the German at the other end of the cafeteria.
Arthur gave him a brief glance as well. "Perhaps, but that's not necessarily a bad thing." he said with a shrug.
The Italian nodded slowly. "Sì...um, Arthur..." he said quietly, turning to the Brit.
"Yes?"
Feliciano bit his lip, hoping he was making the right choice. "Last night...Ludwig was making really strange noises...and moving around a lot." he said delicately.
Arthur sighed slightly, "Oh yes I heard it happened again from Alfred this morning, he was on night watch last night." he informed him without so much as note of surprise in his voice.
Italy stared at him. "Again?" he asked in astonishment.
The Brit nodded, quite despondent. "Recurring night terrors, it happens quite a lot actually, scares some of the other inmates half to death the way he wails like a demented psychiatric patient in the night."
"That's awful..." Feliciano gasped, covering his open mouth. He bit the top of his knuckle, eyes drifting over to the melancholy German. "...he kept saying weird things." the Italian murmured softly, he had a sudden brain wave. "...hey...it wasn't anything to do with why he's in here, was it?" he asked the Brit thoughtfully.
Arthur suddenly looked quite awkward. "I...I wouldn't know." he muttered.
Feliciano's gaze shifted from Ludwig to the Brit, biting his bottom lip as desperate curiosity was getting the better of him. "Arthur, do you think you could tell me...why Ludwig's in here?" he asked slowly.
"No, I can't." Arthur said, surprising firm and straight to the point.
Feliciano frowned in confusion. "Oh...are you sure?"
Arthur sighed, "Yes, I'm sorry Feliciano but that's one of our most important rules in here, prisoner confidentiality, we're not really even supposed to discuss the crimes amongst us guards, but especially not with other inmates...for protection." he clarified.
"Protection?" Feliciano inquired.
The Brit nodded, lowering his voice slightly as he spoke to the Italian. "You may not think it, but people in here do understand the concept of indecency, certain crimes are still considered barbaric and inhumane even by men who have committed crimes of their own." he sighed inwardly as Feliciano gave him a vacant look. "...you know...sexual assaults, particularly on children." he muttered, sending the Italian's eyebrows skyrocketing. "We have to keep details of inmate's crimes secret otherwise their lives would be in serious danger, especially inmates incarcerated for those reasons, prisoners who have children of their own would be out to kill them."
Feliciano nodded slowly as he understood. A wave of nausea suddenly flipped his stomach and made him feel sick. "...and Ludwig, he's not, I mean he didn't...?" he stammered with wide eyes.
The Brit shook his head. "No. I can tell you than much at least, no it's nothing to do with anything of that nature." he said firmly.
"Oh right..." Feliciano said quietly with a sigh of relief. The Italian was drawn to the German again; he'd been in prison long enough to build up a reputation for himself, and long enough for his night terrors to be renowned. He bit his lip in thought, "...can you tell me how long his sentence is?" he asked the Brit.
"Life." Arthur replied shortly.
Again the Italian's stomach suddenly felt quite sick, "Really? So...so what he did must have been really bad!" he squeaked, his chest giving that familiar clench of unease.
Feliciano could have sworn he saw a flicker of something cross the Brit's face, as is practising serious restraint, but perhaps he imagined it. "...right well I better get off." he muttered hurriedly, spotting Alfred some way off he swiftly tried to make his way over.
"Wait Arthur..." Feliciano called, going after him, sidestepping around a large crowded table, and giving it a wide girth, to reach the Brit. "...do you think Ludwig would tell me about his crime? I mean...if I asked?" he questioned in a whisper.
Arthur took a long time to answer, large eyebrows creasing with the struggle in his mind. "I don't know Feliciano, it might just be safer to never mention it." he said awkwardly, glancing back at Alfred's annoyed face. "...however," he muttered, turning back to the Italian. "If curiosity does get the better of you I'd warn you be careful about what you say...and more important than that...be understanding."
With that, the Brit went after his friend, or boyfriend, or spouse...whatever those two were, and left the Italian alone. Feliciano wasn't quite as scared as he used to be now that the other inmates seemed to think he was indeed Ludwig's bitch, and therefore off limits, the German defending him countless times had proved that enough. The Italian's breakfast had vanished from the serving station, someone had clearly helped themselves, he didn't care. The door to the courtyard was already open anyway and Feliciano could go out for a walk and think long and hard about how to bring up the subject of Ludwig's crime...
~0~
Feliciano was surprised by what Ludwig did the second they were let back into their cell in the afternoon. He'd spent an intensely awkward lunch sat with the dismal blond, whereby the German didn't eat a thing, and the Italian was dreading the even heavier solitude that would follow when they were finished and went back to their confinement...he was tempted to go about finding some work again to avoid the situation.
But rather than collapse onto his bunk and stare blankly up at the ceiling for hours on end; the German instead slid into the seat opposite Feliciano at the small wooden table beside the toilet in their cell. He produced an old pack of playing cards from the pockets of his jumpsuit and began laying out the cards across the table in a solitaire pattern. Ludwig then began to play the game silently; he hadn't once acknowledged Feliciano's presence in the cell as he started stacking the cards into their suits.
For a long while the Italian watched him. Not his hands moving across the table, but rather the concentration in his face, deep lines creasing across his forehead as he focused on the game in play. Feliciano's left leg began jittering slightly under the table and he placed a hand on his knee to stop the quivers. He was anxious to talk to the German about his incarceration, but how would he even begin to approach him about it? The Italian swallowed heavily, heart lurching every time Ludwig's hands halted their movement when he was thinking about his next move and Feliciano thought he was going to catch him looking at him.
Eventually the blond must have felt he was being watched because his striking blue eyes suddenly shot up to match Feliciano's, who didn't avert his gaze in time. "...what?" he grunted with a frown.
Feliciano blinked rapidly, leg jittering again. "What?" he squeaked involuntarily.
"Why are you staring at me?" Ludwig muttered, his eyes were still staring, unblinking, yet they didn't hold their usual darkness.
"I'm not staring." Italy blurted out, dropping his head to the table at Ludwig's suddenly very interesting card game.
The German rolled his eyes, going back to the cards. Feliciano bit his lip, his heart hammering uncomfortably as his mind desperately prodded him to ask Ludwig what he'd done, to find a way of bringing it up. He let his eyes drift back up to the blonds' face, searching for clues. This time Ludwig didn't even need to look up to know he was being stared at.
"Stop it." he growled.
The Italian gulped, eyes darting away, "Wha..."
Ludwig sighed in frustration, slapping the card he was holding down on the table. "Stop feigning confusion, you know what I mean!" he snapped, glaring at him. "Just..." he trailed off, clenching his jaw, "...stop staring at me, it's creeping me out." the German hissed, forcing himself to go back to his game. His teeth grit together as he tried to concentrate on the cards in hand but Feliciano's presence was still causing him distress. "What now?" he said coldly, his head still lowered to the table.
The Italian looked incredibly confused; he hadn't even been staring that time. He shifted awkwardly in his chair. "I...I didn't say-"
"You didn't have to." Germany muttered, glaring up at him. "I can see it in your stupid face, you want to say something but you're too spineless." he shook his head in disbelief. "What the hell do you think I'll do to you if you talk to me?"
Feliciano's jaw quivered slightly, squirming under Ludwig's stare. "You...you told me not to talk to you...ever." he managed in a shaky whisper.
Ludwig slowly raised an eyebrow, "...if that rule still applied do you think we'd be talking right now?"
"...no?" Feliciano squeaked out in a questioning tone.
Germany rolled his eyes. "You're a genius, you know that?" he muttered; the German leant back in his seat, folding his hands together on top of the table. "Well go on."
"What?"
"What do you want to say?" he said deliberately slowly.
Feliciano bit his lip, "Um..."
"Go on, you might as well say it." the German grunted, cracking his knuckles together with boredom.
The Italian jumped slightly, the German's hands actions unnerving him to no end. "...it's um...it's..." he stuttered nervously, legs shaking beneath the table.
Ludwig lost what little patience he had. "Just spit it out!" he barked.
"Everyone thinks I'm your bitch!" Feliciano cried out suddenly, eyes screwed shut and hunching over in his chair. The Italian was shocked with himself for the sudden unexpected outburst, it was certainly not what he'd wanted to say, but under the pressure and fear of the German's reaction to his real question it was the first thing that came to mind.
When Feliciano peeked out of one eye he was relieved to see Ludwig didn't look angry, more confused and disgruntled. "...und I should care because...?" he muttered.
The Italian swallowed slightly, straitening up "You...but you said I'm not, that...that I should deny it, if...if people ask-"
"...und have people been asking?" The German queried, his eyebrow ascending.
"...no."
"Well then." Ludwig grunted, leaning over the table slightly he picked up the cards again. "Deny it if they ask, but if those fucking morons still think so otherwise then that's their problem. I don't care, doesn't damage my reputation." he muttered, eyes scanning the table top as he continued his game.
Feliciano nodded shortly, knotting his hands together between his knees that were still quaking. His heart thumping an uneasy rhythm; the Italian cleared his throat. "Ludwig..."
"...what?" the German muttered, eyes focused on the table.
Feliciano bit his lip, "That's not what I wanted..." he whispered.
Ludwig's head slowly rose to stare at him. "What?"
The Italian squeezed his hands together to prevent them from shaking. "...that's not what I wanted to tell you I...I wanted to ask you something." he said quietly.
Ludwig seemed intrigued. "...ja?"
Feliciano winced slightly as he spoke. "I...I wanted to know if...if you're okay talking about it, I mean I...I won't tell anyone I swear! I just keep wondering, especially with what happen last night-"
"What about last night!?" The German suddenly barked across the table with wide eyes.
The Italian jumped violently in his chair, heart rate rapidly increasing. "...just that...that you sounded um...you were kind of screaming-" he stopped himself immediately when he saw the look on Ludwig's face, it was slowly reddening, veins bursting forth on his forehead. Feliciano squeaked in fright, trembling in his seat. "S-Sorry, I-I won't bring it up again! I-"
"...what did you want to ask me?" Ludwig asked slowly, his temper reigned back yet his dark eyes never once left Feliciano's.
The younger man didn't want to enrage him any further, with a soft, shaking voice he quietly answered. "...I wanted to know what you're in here for."
Ludwig's eyes narrowed with suspicion, suspicion and just a little confusion. "Why would you want to know that?" he muttered slowly, shaking his head. "It'll just give you nightmares." he grunted, tearing his eyes away to look at the forgotten cards.
"...not any worse than yours." Feliciano let slip before he could stop himself.
He clamped a hand to his mouth in shock, eyes wide as the German's head shot up to glare at him. Ludwig took a deep, slow breath in through his nose, jaw clenched. "Fine, Vargas...I'm in here for life because I killed a man, okay? I'm a murderer." he growled, slapping down the card he was holding so hard the table shuddered.
Alarms bells went off in Feliciano's head, he'd spent the last few hours contemplating all sorts of wild ideas about what Ludwig may have done to land himself in here, and indeed thoughts of that nature had most certainly crossed his mind, but actually having it confirmed that this man sat in front of him was a murderer filled him with absolute dread. "O-Oh..." a tremble went right down Feliciano's spine, dear God, he was sharing a cell with a murderer, he was sat just inches away from a man who had taken a life! He felt suddenly sick with fear, he couldn't even feel his heart beating anymore.
Ludwig gave him a dark grimace. "Great." he spat, eyelid twitching ever so slightly. "I've just scarred you, haven't I?" the younger man said nothing, trying with such intense focus to steady his body as it shook under Ludwig's glare. Feliciano saw something dark flash in the German's eyes. In a outburst of sudden fury the table between them was smashed to the floor with one swift movement of Ludwig's fist, sending the cards scattering to the to all corners of the cell.
Feliciano fell backwards in his chair from the shock, landing hard on the stone floor he desperately scrambled away on his hands and knees, his back met the wall as the German rounded on him. "Ludwig please! Please don't!" the Italian cried, body trembling uncontrollably, fearful tears springing to his eyes.
"Please don't what!?" Ludwig screamed into the young man's frightened face, a blazing fire in his eyes. "KILL YOU!? Is that what you wanted to say!?" he thundered, fisting a hand into the Italian's jumpsuit he yanked him off the floor, crushing him against the wall. "Because that's all you think of me now isn't it!?" he spat into the young man's face.
Feliciano was paralyzed with fear, shaking internally as the German had him trapped to the wall. "W-What? Ludwig...n-no that wasn't-"
"What you think I'm some kind of cold blooded killer is that it!?" Ludwig snarled, fists trembling with rage. "Slice a man's throat for fun und leave him to die!? You think I'm that psychotic!?"
Feliciano desperately shook his head, tears spurting down his face. "N-No! I never said that!" he cried.
"You're just like EVERYBODY else!" Ludwig lashed out, his face completely livid. "They hear the word murder und then their minds are closed, ANY justification falls on death ears und I am labelled with the title of a HEARTLESS BLOOD THIRSTY KILLER!" he bellowed, fingers digging harshly into the Italian's shoulders. "Well I've got news for you! YOU WEREN'T THERE! YOU DON'T KNOW MY STORY! SO HOW DARE YOU STAND THERE UND JUDGE ME!" Ludwig exploded, his voice thundering so loudly and his face so close to Feliciano's he sprayed him with spit.
The Italian felt liked his shoulders were going to give way under the pressure from Ludwig's crushing hands. Feliciano was reduced to a whimpering mess, tears dripping down his face. His breath hitched suddenly in his chest as his German released him; Ludwig growled deep in his throat, storming to the other end of the cell where he sank onto the Italian's bed, elbows resting on his knees, head lowered to glower at the floor.
Feliciano's heart was pounding so hard he couldn't be sure it would ever be normal again. His body was frozen rigid against the wall, wide eyes locked on the German. For several tense minutes that's the way they stayed, at opposite ends of the cell, Feliciano watching Ludwig who was staring at the floor, the only sound was from the German's intense, heavy breathing. Eventually his breathing quietened down, and Feliciano twitched his fingers, attempting to move.
Still trembling ever so slightly, the Italian took slow steps towards the blond. He thought about Ludwig's words, how everyone jumped to assumptions about him when discovering who he was, what he was...and the Italian's involuntary fearful reaction clearly didn't help matters. Feliciano actually felt rather guilty for what had just happened; the German was right, he didn't know what had happened, what his reasons were, no matter what they may be.
Feliciano sat down slowly beside the German on the edge of his bed, keeping a good space between them. Ludwig remained perfectly still yet the sound of his breathing increased just the tiniest bit. The Italian gulped back his fear, opening his mouth to speak.
"Tell me."
Ludwig slowly looked up, eyes narrowed. "What?"
Feliciano turned on the bed to face him. "Tell me what happened." he whispered.
"You wouldn't understand." Ludwig grunted, lowering his head again.
Italy bit his lip. "Then help me."
Ludwig sat up properly this time. "What?"
"Help me to understand." Feliciano said softly, gazing up at him. "...please."
The German shook his head. "Why the hell do you want to know?" he growled.
"...because I know you want to tell me." the Italian murmured, hands knotted together on his lap. "...you want to justify yourself to me."
Ludwig glared at him. "That isn't what I want!" he snapped irritably, jabbing his finger in the Italian's chest. "I don't give a damn what you think of me!"
Feliciano shuddered slightly at the tone he took, but he wouldn't cower away. He continued to gaze at him. "...then will you tell me because I asked?" he whispered, shifting ever so slightly closer to him.
Ludwig still had that disgruntled, disapproving look about his features, but he remained with Feliciano on the bed. The Italian could see his inner mind working furiously, desperate to come up with a counter argument. With a hefty, deep sigh the German relented, threading a hand into the hair at the back of his neck he took a calming breath, his face slowly returning to a neutral expression.
"The man I killed..." Ludwig started softly, deliberately avoiding the Italian's eyes. "I took away his life, because he took away mine." Feliciano opened his mouth to voice his confusion when the German carried on. "Everything I had was gone in the blink of an eye, taken by his hand...no reason, und no second chances, my life was over." he muttered, hunching over his lap as he ran his fingers across his head. "...I know murder isn't exactly seen in a good light, but if you'd lost everything...und the man who had done it, had caused you such pain, was standing right in front of you..." he sat up with his hands on the back of his neck, staring up at the ceiling with a misted look in his eyes. "...what would you do?" he whispered in hollow voice
Feliciano stared at him, clasping his hands together as they shook. "...how did he take everything from you?" he asked quietly. Ludwig closed his eyes, inhaling sharply before he spoke, a slight quiver in his voice.
"That man killed my brother."