--Chapter Seven: Alex--
"The fear of death follows from the dear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time." -Mark Twain
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The darkness faded into different hues of green. Trees became prominent and I recognized the forest. I didn't recall the memory however. What awful experience was I exploring now? Hopefully this was the last one because this was the third one. Isn't three the lucky number? I mean genies give you three wishes.
"Bexley," the voice called out, oh that smooth voice.
Alex. It's Alex. This was a day that I will never be able to forget, a day that haunts me in the wee hours of the night, a day that I'd give anything to relive. And now here is my chance. Now, I get to relive this day. I just hope we don't have to relive the days after this one.
I grinned and looked around, "Alex! Where are you?" I called. I glanced around the forest, searching for the spritely boy. I didn't spot him and I frowned, where could he have gone? Suddenly I felt my shoulders being grabbed, and I looked back to see him. I screamed at my best friend and playfully hit him. "Why did you do that?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.
He shrugged his shoulders, "I am a sixteen year old boy, I love seeing girl's looking scared," he said.
"You're a stupid sixteen year old boy," I replied.
"Aren't they all?" he asked, swinging an arm over my shoulder. We continued to walk the forest trail, passing tall trees that were beautiful hues of red, orange and yellow.
"We should date," Alex said quietly, looking over at me.
I froze and gave him a confused look, "What?" I asked.
Alex stopped in front of me and grinned, "we would be great together," he replied. I actually never thought of me and Alex as a couple. I didn't think of me and any boy as a couple though after Aidan. I thought about it. Holding hands with Alex, kissing Alex, we already knew each other, so chances are neither of us would get heart broken. I liked Alex. But I didn't know if I would ever grow to like him that way. The way I liked Aidan. I had to recover somewhere though and Alex was great.
"Why not?" I asked, grinning at him.
And that's how I started to date Alex.
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It had been three months since Alex and I started to date. To celebrate we went to a café, a cute one in some boulevard in downtown Toronto. "We've been dating for three months," he said, giving me a small grin.
We lasted a long time, me and Alex. I think I grew to love him. I defiantly grew to like him romantically at least which I didn't think would ever happen. Alex made things so much brighter. The world was dull to him. He made it interesting. He made colour pop vividly, flowers bloom, and birds sing. Besides that, he made me brighter. He made me happier than I had ever been in my whole life. I was happy when I was his friend but after dating him for some time I begun to realize his outlook on life. I learnt how to make things interesting. I learnt how to always be positive from Alex. I owed him my happiness. Alex made me the best I had ever been. He made me a better person.
I nodded my head, "can you still stand to be around me?" I asked.
He shrugged, "ah, I don't know; you are kind of annoying to be honest," he said.
I rolled my eyes, and leaned over the table to give him a peck on the lips. Tingles shot though my whole body at the contact. Alex electrified me and his surroundings. I pulled back, and sat back down in my chair. Alex ran a hand through his red hair and grinned.
"Aw you are such a tease," he said.
"Only for you," I replied.
Alex made me feel a lot. When he first asked me out I was confused. I didn't really feel anything there, but oh the first time we kissed. I sure as hell felt it. I felt it in my heart first and then it erupted everywhere. He had become a huge part of my life, and I was so happy to have him in it. I really cared about him, and I had never felt this way. Well I had, but it wasn't mutual. With Alex it's mutual; with Alex it was just easy. We were there for each other, we shared stories about each other, we had these deep and meaningful conversations, and I just loved it.
"Do you love me?" he asked, raising one of his thick eyebrows at me.
I pondered for a moment and shook my head, "no, I care about you. I don't love you necessarily. What about you? Do you love me?" I asked.
He gave me a small smile, "I don't. I mean I am getting there, but I don't think I do."
"How long does it even take until you love a person?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.
"I am not sure, long enough that you realize how great they are?" he responded.
"Love is just such a strange thing," I said.
Alex agreed with it, "It is. It's something that you feel, but you don't know when or if you feel it. It just happens. You can't control it, otherwise it isn't actually love. It's like feelings. You can't think of feelings otherwise they are thoughts, not feelings. You just have to embrace your feelings. You have to listen to what they are saying and follow them."
I nodded in agreement, getting everything Alex said. I was not sure if I ever had loved Aidan, but I knew I cared about him so much that I wouldn't hesitate to protect him. With Alex it was different, very different.
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We were at my house, me and Alex. We were watching some cartoon show on TV that had all these animals in it. I could care less about the show, it was more that I was with Alex that made it such a great time. I snuggled more into his body, while we were sitting on the couch. Alex looked away from the TV and down at me. He grinned wildly, that amazing, beautiful grin of his.
I loved him. It was only two months after that day in the café when we discussed love. I didn't know if it was real love, I simply felt it. He made me feel so much more than anyone ever had before. My heart just fluttered at the mention of his name.
I knew it sounded stupid, and it sounded so childish to fall in love at this young age but I couldn't help it. I did love him. Could you possibly put an age restriction on love? That was just like telling two women or two men they couldn't love each other. Love isn't logical it isn't supposed to make sense. It isn't meant to be controlled. It doesn't matter about age or gender or anything. If I am sixteen and I am in love, I am in love. If I am a woman who is love with another woman, I am in love. There is no difference. You can't tell people how to feel. You can't tell them when to feel, it just happens.
How did I know I was in love with Alex? One day, my friend Andrew took a picture of us together and I saw the way I looked at him. There was just this gleam in my eye, and I just knew. I simply knew I loved him, and whenever I am with him I feet this kind of happiness.
"You know what?" Alex asked, smiling at me.
"What?" I replied, playing with the ends of his hair.
"I really, really care about you, Bexley Tate," he said.
"I really, really care about you too, Alex," I replied, grinning at him.
"I love you," he suddenly said, staring at me, with his gorgeous blue eyes.
I froze, Alex felt the same? This was great! "I love you too," I said genuinely. And that was the first time I said I love you. Oh but don't worry, this story doesn't end yet. It wasn't happily ever after for me and Alex. This was the part that I wished I didn't remember. Because two weeks later he died in a car crash. It hurt, it hurt for a long time, a very long time. His parents couldn't even go and identify that it was him, so I had to.
His pale lifeless body was beat up and scratched up. His face was so cut up that he was unrecognizable. His usual red hair was completely saturated in blood that it honestly could have been any colour. There was blood everywhere, and the only way I could tell it was Alex was his tattoo on his wrist. The little, small, black dragon was so unique. Sometimes I'd look over at him to see him stroking it with his thumb. I'd ask him what it was but he'd always change the subject. I found out from his mother that he got the tattoo to commemorate his grandfather's death. That just showed what a sweetheart he was.
It took me so long to get over Alex. I cried every day for so long. He was so young and he had so much potential. He was only sixteen years old when the accident happened. He was dead thanks to his friend who was the drunk driver. I don't remember his name, but it was something like Blade. That boy sure as hell was a blade, a blade that cut my heart into tiny little pieces because he took Alex away from me.
I got a tattoo to remember Alex, just like he had done for his grandfather. I wanted to remember my first love. So I got his birthday in roman numerals tattooed on my wrist. So I would never forget that glorious day. I dreaded June 7th. I dreaded going to his grave because it was so real.
A couple months later I met Leo at my house because my brother and mom got stuck in traffic. It turned out Leo knew Alex. They went to elementary school together. Leo helped me through it.
Alex, Aidan, and my dad all had one thing in common. They all broke me, no matter if they had the intention to hurt me, they all still did. They all were the reasons why I didn't love anyone. I couldn't lose another person. I couldn't deal with another heart break.
It hurt the first three times, and I was still not over a single one of those experiences. I miss them all, I wish I could reverse time, and fix being in love with them. I would take it all back in a second, just to save myself from all the pain they caused. If it was possible I would go back in time to make sure I was never in love.
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Sorry for late update oops.
-Misaxx