"No amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of worry can change the future"
-Umar Ibn Khattab (RA)
Dua is all we have.
Rahmat's POV
*Flashback/Dream*
A couple of days before the accident, Hadaf and I had gone to the supermarket to get some food for ourselves. Considering the fact that our parents didn't care, we had to feed ourselves.
As we were walking to the market, Hadaf's phone rang and he handed me the phone.
"Hello?" I whispered into the phone.
"Why are you whispering? Its only me" he said.
"Aseef" I said, giggling, like the youth I was.
"I got this new pokemon card set, and I was hoping you and Hadaf could come over later" he said.
"That sounds nice but my sister won't allow us, because she wants us to go to her beauty pageant" I said to him.
Aseef sighed through the phone.
"Tomorrow? Maybe you guys can even stay over tomorrow!" he said.
By the way he was talking, it was evident he was flashing that hopeful smile of his.
"Yeah, sure thing, tomorrow I'm free all day!" I said, excited.
"Yes!" he yelled in his victory tone.
I laughed, and I saw Hadaf smile, next to me.
"Well I gotta go eat now, I'll talk to you later" I said.
"Okay bye!"
"Bye" I said, and hung up the phone, and handing it to my brother.
"He makes you smile different" Hadaf said.
"Different?" I said.
"Yeah" he said, pointing to my smile.
"The way you smile with the world, is different from how he makes you smile" Hadaf continued.
"If you're implying what I think you're implying, then no I do not like him" I said.
"Oh come on, stop acting like you don't like him. You totally have a crush on him. He probably does too. He's always talking about you" Hadaf said.
"That's cause we're best friends, of course he'd talk about me. I'm amazing" I said, with my playful smile.
Hadaf rolled his eyes, and we walked into the store.
Hadaf and I went our separate ways, into this medium sized market, if that makes any sense.
I was walking, thinking about tonight's pageant, until I bumped into someone.
"Ouch! Can you watch where you're —" he said, but then paused.
He looked about a year or two older than Hadaf, almost my sister's age.
"I-im sorry. I didn't mean to" I said.
"No, no, I'm sorry, I didn't think I bumped into a girl" he said.
What he just said, pissed me off.
"Oh, so just because I'm a girl, means I deserve special treatment? Listen, you should be treating everyone the same" I said.
"RAHIII" I heard my brother.
"Oh for Allah's sake, what did you get yourself into now??" he said walking over.
"Wait you guys look familiar" the mysterious kid said.
I frowned.
"Let's leave" I said to Hadaf.
Hadaf raised an eyebrow.
"Wait! You guys are the siblings of Hanifa! I knew I recognized you!" the kid yelled.
I shuttered at her name. Then I put on a fake smile.
"Yeah...we're her siblings. And you are?" Hadaf asked.
"Oh, I'm Karim, call me Karim" he said, and held out his hand.
Hadaf shook it and I automatically got bad vibes from Karim. Something about him felt like no good.
But then, judging someone without knowing them isn't fair. So I decided to push those thoughts away. Little did I know they would affect me later.
"Well, I'm Hadaf, and this is my little sister Rahmat" my brother said.
I knew he was getting bad vibes from Karim too.
"So Karim, how do you know Hanifa?" I asked.
As I mentioned Hanifa, his eyes lit up and he smiled.
"She's a former classmate and, well, we're very good friends. Are you guys attending the pageant tonight?" Karim asked.
That's when it hit me. Karim probably liked Hanifa. This explained the curiosity towards wanting to know us, and the mention of her name.
"Yes we will be attending" I said.
"Well then I hope to see you both there" Karim said, and then left the store.
I got my food and so did Hadaf. As we were walking to the local park to eat, we began talking about Karim.
"I know that its wrong to judge someone before you get to know them, but that kid strongly gives me bad vibes" he said.
"I agree, I was thinking the same thing. He seems heads over heals for Hanifa" I said.
"Yeah, did you see the way his face lit up when you mentioned her name?" he said.
I nodded.
"I feel bad for him. He has to go through seeing Hanifa and her boyfriend's constant PDA" I said.
"Please don't remind me, I'd like to keep my appetite, thank you very much" he said, with a disgusted look.
After we ate, we played for a bit on the swing set and then went home.
"Come on! You both need to get ready! You two are so dysfunctional! Why are you both so disobedient compared to your sister?" my mother yelled.
I felt my whole body shake at her tone. Hadaf's grip on my sleeve tightened.
We then went upstairs as our mother continued to curse us. She used words that only a pirate would use. Astagfirullah.
Hadaf and I went to his room, where I hid all the good clothes that Hanifa hadn't ruined.
"Hadaf Bhai, are you okay?" I said softly as he buried his face in his hands.
"Oh Allah, when will they see that we are suffering? When will they understand the things they're putting us through?" he mumbled.
I removed his hands from his face only to reveal his red face, tear stained cheeks, and bloodshot eyes.
I hugged him, and comforted him.
"I'm sorry Rahmat, you shouldn't be seeing me like this, I should be stronger I know" he said.
"Bhai, its okay to break down sometimes, you are not a robot, you are a human being. Just because you are older does not mean I can't take care of you also. I know its hard for you but inshallah, we'll be free of this one day" I said.
Hadaf smiled and kissed my forehead.
"You really are amazing. I'm so proud of you little sis" he said.
I smiled and hugged him.
Hadaf was the mother and father that I never had. I couldn't be more grateful.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Our parents were driving us to the pageant, gushing at how proud they were of Hanifa.
Yes it stung, but both Hadaf and I were used to the ignorance.
"We're here!" my mother yelled.
Hanifa was there, standing in the parking lot in her beautiful golden dress, and 4 inch high heels. Every curve on her body was standing out and her skin was glowing.
Her beautiful dark brown hair flowed in the slight breeze that was coming forth and her hazel eyes sparkled in the light of the sunset.
In other words, she looked like a freaking model, or a Bollywood actress.
It was literally as if I was watching a movie. Hadaf scowled but then quickly put on an innocent expression.
My parents congratulated Hanifa, hugged, kissed, praised her, etc.
"Ammy, Abbu, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to have a word with my siblings" she said, ever so kindly.
I wish my parents knew how demonic she really was.
Ammu and Abbu left inside. And that's when Hanifa began her taunting.
"So dorks, ready to be jealous?" she said, with her mischievous smile.
"Who you calling a dork?" Hadaf said, in his most intimidating tone.
Hanifa scowled and stepped on Hadaf"s foot with one of her high heels. Hadaf fell to the ground, groaning in pain.
I looked at Hanifa with my most angry look and opened my mouth to speak.
"Say anything Rahmat, and I'll do worst things to you" she threatened.
She took out her cigar, and smoked it and laughed.
"Time to go show Ammu and Abbu that I'm not a family disappointment. You rats have 10 minutes to get inside" she sang, and then headed off inside.
Once she left, I helped Hadaf off the ground.
"Its okay Rahi, I'll be fine" he said to me.
"But you're limping, bhai" I replied.
I took his arm, put it around my neck and we began to walk.
As we walked in, we approached a huge stadium, that had red and white lights, sweets put out on tables, and very loud music in the background.
Hadaf grunted in annoyance. We took two seats in the back, and within a few minutes of our arrival, the pageant began.
"Hey guys" said a familiar voice, half way into the pageant.
We turned around, only to see it was Karim.
"Hi Karim" I said, offering a smile.
"How are you guys enjoying the pageant so far?" he asked.
"Oh it's going great" Hadaf lied.
I felt so much pain for my brother. I was just a burden on him and I wish I could be stronger just for him. He is so strong. May Allah grant him the highest in Jannah, one day.
"That's good!" Karim said.
And then Karim walked off, and my brother scowled.
For the rest of the show, Hadaf and I just sat there, talking and laughing as if none of this was happening.
And then the show ended, and we had to get home. So we searched for our parents everywhere, until we were told they had left.
"Great! How will we go home now?" Hadaf said.
"I'll take you guys" said a voice behind us.
Hadaf and I turned around and saw Karim.
"You really don't have to" Hadaf said.
"Its alright, I insist that I do, as I am a good friend of Hanifa" he said.
We both nodded and thanked him. He was our only chance of getting home.
We followed him to his car and sat in the back seat.
"So Hanifa tells me how jealous you both are of her success" Karim says.
"No we are grateful with how we are" I said, with a bit of an edge to my voice.
"That's shocking, you both aren't nearly as good as her. She's such a beautiful angel" he said.
I really did not want to hear him fantasize about Hanifa. Or else I would need a bag to let out all of my lunch.
"Well you guys sure are lucky to be apart of her family" he continued.
Okay, I was wrong when I said he liked her. Clearly, he was obsessed.
"Yeah we very much are" Hadaf said, and then scowled.
Karim couldn't seen us as we sat in the back and it was dark, so we were in the clear.
I squeezed Hadaf's hand to comfort him. He smiled at me.
"She's really smart too. Have you guys seen her grades?" he continued to talk about her and envy her.
Hadaf and I just sat in the back, in boredom, once in a while, agreeing with what he was saying so he wouldn't get suspicious.
"She always tells me how you both are burdens but she loves you anyway" Karim continued.
Hadaf quietly laughed to himself, his facial expression, a mixture of annoyance and bitterness.
"That's so sweet of her" I said, in the most fake tone, I could ever fake.
Hadaf quietly laughed to himself once again.
"Yeah" Karim replied, as if he was on cloud 9.
Eww.
So for the rest of the ride, Karim finally kept his mouth shut and we also did as well.
Once we arrived home, he parked in front of our home but still kept the doors locked.
"H-hey, could you uhhh, unlock the doors..." I asked politely.
Karim laughed and said "of course".
So we waited for him to unlock it and he still didn't do it. And then I started to panic.
"Um...Karim?" I asked.
He turned around to face us in the backseat, and even though it was dark, I knew his face probably looked intimidating.
"Listen you dorks, if you try to ruin Hanifa's life, or you try to take her down in anyway, I will personally find you both and be sure to exterminate you little rats" he said.
His tone was bold and direct. Anger was laced in his voice.
"No problem" I said, with my innocent smile and face.
He unlocked our doors and we left, but before we did, I went to the window of where he was sitting.
"Screw you" I said to him, before running into our home with Hadaf.
As Hadaf and I entered our house, we saw our mother reaching for the antidepressants, until she noticed us.
"Where were you two disappointments?" she said, humor in her tone.
"We were back at the pageant" I responded casually.
Really, I was extremely frightened, but I tried not to show her how frightened I was.
"Why didn't you come home earlier?" she yelled, and Hadaf flinched.
"Its because you left us at the pageant" he growled.
"Don't you dare use that tone with me, Hadaf" she said.
In the blink of an eye, she slapped Hadaf across the face, and Hadaf fell to the floor.
"But you left us there! Ammu, why did you leave us?" I yelled.
She slapped me, and pushed me down to the floor.
Ouch, that was definitely going to leave a bruise.
"Ammu, she's only a kid, stop torturing her" Hadaf said.
"Oh look at the two disappointments stand up for one another! How sweet" she cooed sarcastically.
I wanted to break down, but I didn't show her my weakness. I wasn't going to do that, so I played it off as a casual look.
"Why can't you both be more like your sister?" she growled, before walking away with her depressants.
Hadaf and I quickly ran upstairs before we could face my father, since he was the worst. We ran into our room.
Tears started to pour down my cheeks, but I didn't make a sound nor did I scrunch up my face. I wasn't crying. I was simply letting unleashed tears just flow.
"Rahi, its okay" Hadaf said softly, and hugged me.
I smiled.
"I feel kind of empty but I'll be fine" I said.
He looked at me and smiled.
"Inshallah, one day, we will have our own families with our own spouses and such" he began.
Then paused.
"Let's promise to be the best parents that we could be to our future kids, and raise them right" he said.
"I promise" I said.
He nodded.
"So have you spoken to Aseef, you can tell him how the pageant went" Hadaf said.
"Oh! Aseef! I forgot about him!" I said, before reaching for Hadaf's phone.
I speed dialed Aseef's number.
"Hello?" I spoke into the phone.
I heard Aseef, quietly sob on the phone.
"Aseef, are you okay, what's wrong?" I said.
I hated when Aseef was sad.
"I'm moving the day after tomorrow" he said.
This time, tears brimmed at corner of my eyes, and I began to cry.
"To where?" I asked.
"Canada" he replied.
"Ouch" he yelled over the phone.
"Aseef, a-a-are you hurt?" I asked.
"My parents beat me and left bruises on my back" he said.
"Aseef, its okay, Allah is with you. Shhh you'll be fine" I said, comforting him.
I didn't want him to hear me cry, so I used a normal tone.
"Aseef, no matter what, we'll always be best friends...okay?" I said.
"Yeah Rahi, I'll miss you a whole lot" he said.
"I'll miss you too" I replied.
"Wait Rahi, are you crying?" he asked.
"Yes, maybe..." I said, before breaking down over the phone.
"I don't want you to go. You're one of the only people who actually care about me, and I care about you" I said.
"I know Rahi, but my parents..." he replied.
"I know, its okay, I don't want you to get beat again" I said.
I heard the front door shut, meaning Hanifa was home.
"Aseef, listen I got to go. Hanifa is home. Wish me luck. And don't cry, okay? We'll talk tomorrow" I quickly said.
"Okay Rahi, bye" he said.
We hung up and Hadaf quickly hid his phone while we heard steps approaching up the stairs.
And then our doorknob turned my heart started to beat faster.
"Hey rats" Hanifa said, causally as she sat on our bed.
"Hi" I said casually greeting her.
"No fear? Anger? Hate?" she said, laughing like it was nothing.
"No not really" I said with a shrug.
She took me by the shirt and picked me up.
"Listen, you better not be giving me that attitude" she said.
"H-hanifa, put her down" Hadaf pleaded.
I gave her the most bored look ever. I wasn't going to show her I was scared.
"Why Hadaf? Don't you see she's a burden on your life?" Hanifa said.
Hanifa dropped me to the ground and I just sat there, with a neutral expression.
"Alright rats, I hear you've encountered Karim" she said with a smirk.
I nodded.
"I need you rats to do me a favor" she continued.
"What is the favor?" I asked.
"I need you to tell Karim that I don't like him, nor will I ever like him. He is such a kiss up" she said.
"And what if we don't" I retorted.
She grabbed Hadaf by his shirt.
"If you don't, you can watch Hadaf die" she said, smiling.
"Okay, okay we'll do it" I said.
She dropped Hadaf and he fell to the ground. I took him in my arms and slowly guided him to bed, as Hanifa walked away, laughing.
"Bhai are you okay?" I said, slowly putting him on his bed.
"Yeah I'm fine, she injured my leg even more by dropping me" he said.
He was in pain.
I took a pillow and put it under his leg.
"Thank you, Rahi" he said.
"You're welcome" I replied.
I went into the bathroom to change, and I thought about what Hanifa said. Am I really a burden on Hadaf?
Why do I exist?
I left the bathroom, only to see Hadaf already in his PJs ready for bed.
"Hadaf?" I asked.
Tears were threatening to fall.
"Yes" he said.
I was laying in my own bed, as he was laying in his.
"Am I really a burden to you?" I asked him.
My voice was shaky and I couldn't hold it back.
"Rahi, come here" he said.
I went over to his bed and sat next to him.
"You are not a burden at all Rahi. If it wasn't for you, I would've given up by now. You are the reason I live, smile and laugh everyday" he said.
"But Hadaf, I'm always troubling you?" I said.
"Of course not, you are always taking care of me, just as much as I'm taking care of you" he said.
I cried. I broke down. Letting in all out.
"Thanks Bhai, for being the mother and father I never had" I said to him.
"I should be thanking you for the same reason" he replied.
And then there was peaceful silence for a while.
"Hey Rahmat?" he said.
"Yeah" I replied.
"Tomorrow, I have to go to a sleepover for a birthday party" he said.
"Alright, so go" I said.
"Will you be fine?" he asked.
"I'll be okay, Hanifa probably won't be home tomorrow anyway" I replied.
"Its really important that I go. Or else they'll reject me as friends, but I don't want to leave you" he said.
"Hadaf if you don't shut up and go, I'm going to punch you" I said.
"Geez, for a 12 year old you sure are violent" he said.
"Well considering the family..." I said.
And then we laughed.
"But really Rahi? Will you be okay?" he asked.
"I will be fine, inshallah" I replied, before dozing off in my brother's arms.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
The next day I helped Hadaf pack his things. He hugged me, kissed my forehead and left.
I thought it was going to be a normal day. Little did I know, I would end up in an accident the next.