After several cups of steaming vending machine coffees. The doctor came out the room. Cleaning his hands in antibacterial jell. He had clean scrubs on now. I stood, the coffee long forgotten. He walked towards me. Taking off his surgical mask.
“She’s alive.”
When the doctors meant alive, they didn’t mean walking, talking, jumping and laughing alive. Courts was in a coma. Her body had tried to shut down during the surgery and had instead become comatose. It had been six weeks since the birth; I had held our babies three times each, before casting them away. Her mother was looking after them. I couldn’t bear to stand the sight of them. They were the reason she was half dead in the hospital room, with the white washed walls and beeping of her heart machine. Every now and then I would go and take a shower. I rarely ate. Staring at her motionless body I willed her to move. To open her beautiful eyes and look up at me, to see her smile and jump into my arms. Kiss my lips. I started to shake. “I miss you baby girl… the nurse told me, maybe talking to you would help bring you back. Maybe music. I don’t know. I don’t know. I just want you back, god damn it baby girl, please. Please open your eyes. Tell me, show me you’re okay.” I watched her body, nothing. Nothing moved. I stood up, and walked out of the room.