"Hey Ash, I was wondering...what would you think if I said I haven't had my period in two or so months and have been feeling really sick, usually in the morning until lunch time, especially if I haven't eaten?"
I hit send on the text and waited anxiously for a reply from my cousin.
"Tara...I would say you need to take a pregnancy test and tell your father..."
My anxiety spiked. "No, no, I'm fine it's probably nothing, I have a shitty memory and the flu, that's all."
I replied hastily and immediately regretted asking her.
"I really think you need to tell him."
"I'm fine, just forget it, okay?"
"You NEED to tell him this week, or I WILL."
"I'll do it soon, God."
I shut off my phone and closed my eyes, attempting to calm my nerves.
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About a week later, I got an unexpected text. Curiously, I unlocked my phone only to find a text from my cousin.
"Have you told him yet?"
"No, I was planning to soon."
"You said that last week."
"Yes, well I'm trying to get my shit together, okay?"
"Tara. Look. If you can't handle telling your father you're pregnant, then you can't handle the responsibility of a child. You're being really immature."
My anger flared as I reread her last text over.
"Then I guess I'm being immature."
By this time I was shaking, and I don't know of it was because I was anxious, scared or angry. Maybe all three.
"I'm going to tell him myself then, since you won't."
I shut off my phone and slammed it on my desk, almost forgetting I was in the middle of math class.
That did it. That triggered everything. I couldn't hear the teacher talking to the class anymore, all I could focus on was my burning face and shaking hands.
I wasn't thinking.
I turned my phone back on and unlocked it, then went straight through my contacts until I found my father's.
Because I only live with him and not my mother, he usually keeps track of my periods because he buys me my menstrual items and sometimes let's me stay home because of the cramps, so I knew he would have an idea.
"Hey dad, when was my last period? I haven't gotten it yet and I don't remember getting it last month and I can't remember Febuary, since I had my surgery."
"I don't know. Do you think you're pregnant?"
"Maybe. I don't know, I haven't been feeling well very much."
My heart was racing. My hands were sweaty and I could hardly breathe. I didn't know what was gonna happen once I got home.
Would he hit me? Scream at me? Kick me out? Take away my phone? My computer? Make me break up with Alex?
It had been 10 minutes, and my father still hadn't replied to me yet. I felt like passing out.
Suddenly, my phone went off and I snatched it up, checking to see who had messaged me.
It was my father.
"You have an apointment at the clinic right after school, don't pee. I'll pick you up in front of the office."
I closed my eyes, breathing deep through my nose.
Then I texted Alex, telling him what had happened and what was going to happen.
Finally, I texted Ash. "There. Are you happy now? I did it."
My phone turned to screen saver and I sighed, waiting for the last bell to sound off so I could go to my apointment.
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After school, I dreaded going home. Only I wasn't going home right away.
I found my father parked outside in the truck and climbed in. It was too quiet, and I aimlessly tried to create small talk, which failed miserably. So instead of talking, we both sat in silence on the way to the clinic.
When we arrived to the small building, we went inside and almost immediately were attended too.
A small woman met up with me, and after asking some basic questions, she lead me to a little check up room in the back, alone.
"So Tara, I believe you're here because you think you're pregnant, correct?"
I nodded.
"Have you and your partner been using protection? Always? Sometimes? Never?"
"Most of the time, yes." I lied through my teeth.
"Alright, well I'll just have you go pee in this cup and leave it on the back of the toilet, alright?"
I agreed numbly and took the cup with me to the bathroom.
After finishing my business, I was instructed to go back to the small room. I sat and waited for the woman to come back, and when she did she came back with a small white, thick stick dipped into the cup.
"Well, we're just gonna have to wait for the result now I guess." She tried to make the wait less anxious.
"Well Tara, it looks like you are indeed pregnant. Here, see for yourself." She wiped off the stick and washed her hands then proceeded to hand me the small stick with two dark red lines across it before sitting in a chair across from me.
"Was this an accident or planned?"
"Accident." I whispered, almost inaudibly.
"How far along do you think you are?" Her voice sounded a million miles away.
"Uhm...I'm not sure..."
"Alright, when did your last period end?"
"I don't know the exact date, but the end of January."
I kept staring at the dark lines.
"Well, let's say that you ended on the 25th. You would be 12 weeks along. Now, because you are already 12 weeks...we can't do anything as in terms of terminating the pregnancy, unless we send you to the city so you can get a special surgery. But that being said, there are other options if you don't want this baby, like adoption."
"I want it." I mumbled, still in shock at the result.
My hand automatically reached for my phone and I texted Alex quickly, telling him the result.
"Are you sure? A baby is a huge responsibility...maybe you should think about it. Here, I have some pamphlets for you to look at."
The woman spun her chair around and reached into some drawers before handing me some papers about options of pregnancy and hotlines to call.
"I'm gonna text my dad, be better to tell him while we're not in the same room, cause I don't know how he'll react."
She nodded politely and waited for me to finish typing. I hit send and turned off my phone.
"So, since you want to keep the baby, I have a list of numbers you can call. With these, you can get free prenatal vitamins, support, counselors, classes and the women in these support classes will help you find free and cheap baby things to help you when you're further along." She handed me a paper with numbers circled. "You might want to call about the pills today or tomorrow, they're very important. You also need to plan a prenatal visit at the clinic as well within the next week."
My head nodded without my consent. I was hardly able to pay attention.
"Well, good luck. Should I text you in a week to make sure that everyone has taken the news well?"
"Yes, please..."
"Alright then, have a good night and good luck with your father."
I stood up and collected all my papers and the small stick and slowly headed to the waiting room.
Without words, I showed my father the positive.
He sighed. "What now?"
"I want to keep it. I'm too far along to do anything else, and I don't want to just give it away."
With that, he stood up and we walked back to the truck.
"I was hoping you'd finish school before you got pregnant."
"Well I am basically done, I just need three more class credits because I've already taken all my classes, so that's less then a semester...and all my classes next year are easy. Besides, I have a job now so I can get credits from work hours." My mind frantically searched for a way out.
"You need to finish school."
"I know, I will."
We sat in silence for a few minutes. He hadn't even turned the engine on.
"I have some numbers for you to call, the lady in there said I need to make a doctor appointment within a week and that we should call for prenatal vitamins soon because I'll need them."
My breath came out heavily but I kept it quiet.
Suddenly my phone went off.
"How's he taking the news?"
"Surprisingly well. He seems more pissed at you then he does at me though...but he hasn't yelled at me or anything." Send.
My phone went back to screen saver.
My father sighed and reached for his cell phone before taking my paper and calling the doctor office and the place with the pills.
-vrrrrroom-
The shitty android phone I had on me lit up with a new notification.
"Good, hopefully he stays like that. I don't blame him for being mad at me though."
"Yeah...Alex, you need to tell your parents now that he knows."
"I will...just give me time."
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