The song above is "Half-Truism" by The Offspring, and I think it goes quite well with this chapter. Fair warning: It says 'hell.' If that offends you in any way, I urge you not to watch the video. Alternatively, you can listen to "Explode" by Patrick Stump.
AJSDFKL SJDFAKLDJ WE'RE GETTING THERE GUS
WE ARE. ALMOST TO. THE ENDASDKLF JSDLFKASJDFKLASDJFDSKFLAEJEBEBAPW
AND SO MUCH HAPPENS IN THIS CHAPTER JUSTA LKSDJF KAWEB
OKAY
WHELP
TRY TO EN-JUH-HOY, MY BE-AY-YOO-TIFUL RULERS >:3
Addict
Ch 13: "Light"
"Okay," I say breathlessly as he pulls away. "I-I'll try my best."
"Thank you," Brice whispers, leaning his forehead against my mine, and I glow so brightly that Brice has to jump back and rub at his eyes. "Agh."
"Yikes, sorry, I-" I try hard to shut down my blushing. "My apologies, friend, ah, I-"
"It's cute," Brice laughs. "Blinding, but totally cute."
I bite my lip as hard as I can to prevent myself from glowing even more brightly. "Ah, I suppose I should go cast the spell, then."
"Guess so," Brice agrees, nodding slightly. "But be really careful, please? And, please, remember that I believe in you, and I know you can do this."
I smile shyly. "Thanks, Brice."
"Yeah," he says, smiling back at me. "No problem."
A few long, distracted moments later, I snap out of my daydreams and laugh awkwardly, and Brice blushes. "Okay, ah, bye, then. I'll meet you outside the HQ afterwards?" I ask.
"Uh, yeah! Okay, good plan."
"All right! We're set, then," I say, and then he and I walk down the stairs, out of the attic, into the main room of this tower. Luckily, there's only one person here, and I easily take him out. "Be wary getting back outside the HQ; I've no idea how far in we are, and I don't want you getting hurt."
"I will! Don't worry, I've got this. You just take care of the magic thing."
"Mm. I'll be seeing you in a few minutes, then?"
Brice nods confidently, and then he waves to me and darts out the door of the tower we're in. For a while, my eyes follow his figure through the window, but eventually I force myself to take a deep breath and head outside.
I need to get to a part of the HQ that gives me a clear view of the whole place. Quickly, without any regard for silence or secrecy, I shoot up into the air. I'll have this place obliterated soon, anyways. Well- that's assuming I can actually cast any Light spell worth an ounce of mana. Brushing that thought aside, I weave between two buildings and then dart up to the roof of a tower even taller than the one Brice and I teleported into. This will do nicely.
"Crepitu-" I freeze and cut the spell short when I realize how easy it is to cast. It's Dark magic, I'm still casting Dark magic.
Okay, come on, Seto. You can do this. Just- Just one spell. One tiny spell. One huge, tiny spell.
It'll be easier on me than on any other Dark mage, because I've got all three types of magic. So, think this through, Seto. I'll need to disable the entire base. But I don't want to kill anyone – I think that might taint my magic enough to make it Dark again. So I'll have to create an explosion with an area radius of at least one hundred meters, but I'll also have to cast an after-spell to protect anyone inside just enough to keep them alive. Disabled, but not dead.
Okay, I know the verbal spell for that – it shouldn't be too hard. Now, on to the visual spell. I can just sign the equivalent of "explosion," and let my visual magic handle the part of the spell that decides its strength. I can use mental magic, drawing the correct patterns in my mind, to decide the radius of the blast. But I'll only have a split second afterwards to cast the protection spell.
All right. Deep breath, Seto. You can do this.
For Brice.
The moment I begin the spell, a sharp pain attacks my hands, jaw, and head, and I groan in pain, accidentally interrupting the verbal part of the spell. Still, I push through the visual part, determined to finish this. If I don't finish it now, I'll never finish it – after this, I'll be too worn out to cast anything.
My purple magic surrounds me like a fog, and I can't see, can barely see my hands in front of my face. All I can see is purple, everywhere. Purple and pain, all I can see and all I can feel. I can't do this.
Oh, Notch, I can't do this. I can't, I can't, I'm bad, I've never been good, why did I let myself think- why did I let Brice convince me-
No, I- I have to do this! For Brice! He told me to cast the spell, and I will cast the spell, dang it! I can do this.
It's only once I've collapsed on top of the tower roof, once I'm holding my head in pain and forcing my mental spell to continue because it is my last hope, once I'm crying out in pain and biting my lip and drawing blood because I can't handle this, that I suddenly realize.
There's no way I can draw enough energy to cast the protection spell after this.
And then, a realization that is a thousand times worse: Brice may not be out of the city yet.
"Cast the spell, Brice," I whimper, though I know he can't hear me. "Cast it a lot."
The tower crumbles, and I fall.
☼☼☼
My eyes flutter open, and I groan in pain as I shakily lift myself up only to fall back onto the jagged rubble below. All around me, the only thing to be seen is rubble, the remains of buildings, a body part peeking out from under a slab of concrete every now and then.
It can't have been more than a few minutes since I cast the spell.
"Never has so much Dark magic been used by one person at one time! A crime of this caliber, and during the Dark War? This man is worthy of death," says someone not too far away.
But- wait, no, I- I used Light magic! I did, I swear I did, I know I did, I- I tried so hard just to- just to cast a stupid Light spell, and-
And, apparently? I failed. I couldn't do it.
They were right, all those years back. When they told me that I was too far gone. When they told me I could never be anything but bad ever again, not since I'd fallen to the Addiction.
They were right.
I can only be bad.
Oh, Notch.
"Is that... Sir, that's the Dark Sorcerer!"
"Wha- we've been trying to capture him for almost five years!"
"We did capture him!" shouts another Mage. "He must have escaped!"
"All that, plus today's crimes- there is no suitable punishment for something so big!"
I look down at the rubble that's digging into my knees. I thought I had it. I thought I'd finally done it, finally- finally been good.
Notch, why do I bother? Why did I get my hopes up? I've gone five years accepting the truth that I can't be anything but bad, but then Brice came along and told me I was good, even if I thought I was bad.
And I liked it.
And I let myself believe him.
"Torture. A year's worth, at the very least."
Torture. Notch, and don't I deserve it? I used to act so good - used to use nothing but Light Magic. Used to spend my time building hospitals, schools. Used to be a healer. Used to put on light shows at night, used to make people's lives better - used to be good.
How did I stray to the point where I have no chance of returning home?
"Yes, that may do. A year's worth of torture, and then execution."
I squeeze my eyes shut and clench my hands into fists, but I don't try to attack them. Even if I wanted to, I'm far too weak.
"The war is won. The Dark Sorcerer is captured. Things may just start to look up for our fair City!"
"Indeed! Someone, seize the sorcerer."
I suck in a shuddering breath and then force my eyes open to watch as three Light Mages approach me cautiously. "Go ahead," I whisper, looking down again. "I don't mind."
One of them laughs darkly. "We all thought you were so powerful - undefeatable! And now here you are, simply giving in to your tortuous fate."
"Pathetic," another says quietly, glaring down at me. Suddenly, with no warning whatsoever, he lurches forward and brings his fist down on my head, and I cry out as I throw out my hands to catch myself before I fall. I groan in pain while the Light Mage laughs, and then I squeeze my eyes shut again and hate myself for crying.
I don't deserve to cry.
"Poor fool can't even defend himself," one of them chuckles, roughly pulling me to my feet. Ignoring the intense pain in my head, I force myself to stay standing. Might as well make this easy for them.
"Enough playing around, boys," the head Mage warns them. "Is he disabled?"
"No!" shouts a familiar voice, and I bite my lip, hard. Here he is to laugh at me, to tell me I was right all along. I'm bad- it's in my DNA.
"No, please!" he shouts again, closer now. "Stop, don't hurt him!"
I furrow my eyebrows but refuse to open my eyes.
"Brice, this is not your concern."
"Yes, it is!" He's much closer now, right in front of me, so close I could probably reach out and touch him. "Oh my Jeb, you hit him," Brice breathes, gently running his finger down the side of my face, and his careful touch almost makes me cry again. "Seto."
"Brice. Let the Mages do their jobs," the head Mage commands.
"You're kidding, right?" Brice scoffs. The two rough hands that were holding me up let go, and Brice supports me as he slowly lowers me to the ground. "Seto, you can open your eyes now. It's okay."
I shake my head frantically, cursing myself when a single tear drips from one of my closed eyes.
"Oh, Seto," Brice whispers sadly, wiping my cheek with the pad of his thumb.
"Brice, step away from the sorcerer. He is dangerous."
Brice sounds furious when he responds. "He saved you! He saved us! And this is how you repay him?"
"Brice," the Mage says warningly.
"No, shut up, did you even see that!? Did you see what he did for you all!? Look how weak he is!" I crack open an eye, just a tad, and Brice, who is facing the Light Mages and waving his hands about angrily, continues. "He's- He could've died, you know! That was a huge spell, and he hasn't cast a Light spell in five years, you morons! He risked everything for you!"
"Not for you," I whisper, glancing around at all of the horrified Light Mages. "For Brice, who is a better mage than any of you will ever be."
"Ha! Brice? The puny little scout? We're far more competent than him-" one of the Light Mages starts.
"Shut up!" I roar, leaning towards them a bit, though I'm still on my knees. "Brice has a heart! Brice cares about someone other than himself! Brice is everything a sorcerer should be, but you fools have stunted his actual magical ability by putting him down and telling him he'll never be enough! He's enough! He's enough!" I shout. I sink back a little, breathing heavily. After a long silence, I say quietly in a tone of warning, "And I don't ever want to hear any of you tell him otherwise ever again."
The lead Light Mage refuses to look either me or Brice in the eyes, as do the rest of the sorcerers, most of whom are looking down guiltily. "Brice, I apologize for the childish actions of your elders and peers. I... hadn't realized. However, the Dark Sorcerer cast a very powerful Dark spell that very well could have killed everyone within a hundred meter radius. Countless Light Mage lives could have been lost. There must be a punishment for that."
"But- But-"
"I'm sorry, Brice."
"H-How can you just-"
"Come on, Brice."
"It was Light Magic," he says quietly, as a last resort.
"It was Dark," I whisper apologetically.
Brice stands stock still for a moment. But then he whirls around and hugs me tightly and refuses to let go no matter what I or the Light Mages say. "It was Light," he cries softly into my shoulder. "You are light."
I almost cry with him.
"Bricey-Boy, I'm thinking you might be guilty by association," one of the Light Mages smirks, and my eyes go wide.
The lead Light Mage quickly shakes his head. "Silence, John."
"No, he's right. Your brother is breaking the law by helping this wanted criminal scum," another Light Mage says, his eyes lighting up devilishly.
"Brice, y-you have to deny it," I plead, trying to push him away.
"Never," he whispers.
"It's the law," yet another Light Mage taunts.
"Silence!" the head Light Mage - Brice's older brother? - shouts. "I... The Dark Sorcerer did help us win the war. We would never have won without him."
Brice seems to perk up a bit. I can't believe what I'm hearing.
"Still, this does not erase his past sins." Ah, now I can believe my ears.
"Torture is not needed. The death penalty is not needed," the man continues, and I raise my eyebrows. "Exile, however... is the very least punishment we can give him."
Brice starts to protest again, but I tap him on the shoulder to signal for him to be quiet.
"Brice. Brother of mine. If you do not deny being this sorcerer's accomplice, you will be forced to carry out the same exile he goes through." The head Light Mage sighs sadly. "It is law, brother."
"Deny it," I whisper frantically in Brice's ear. "Deny it, now-"
"He is my Seto," Brice says firmly, turning a bit so that he can face his brother. "And I love him. I'm in love with him." My eyes go wide, and I swallow hard. "I'm with him, no matter what."
"Brice, no," I plead, tugging on the sleeve of his shirt.
Brice ignores me, looking bravely up at his brother.
"Then... I..." His brother looks away for a moment before finally looking back at us. "I hereby exile Brice Solace and Seto Sorcerer from the City. You may never return. I... I am sorry."
Brice sits there, frozen still next to me, as Light Mages snicker and then go about returning to their jobs. They pull living Dark Mages out of the wreckage as prisoners, and they clean up parts of the decimated base.
After a long, long while, they simply walk away.
"You didn't go with them."
Brice smiles sadly, still looking down, and nods slightly.
"Why?"
"I fell in love," he says softly, looking up at me.
"Why?"
"Can we just- I don't wanna talk about this." He stands up slowly, sniffling and avoiding eye contact with me. "I have to go... figure out how to live in exile, I guess."
"Brice, I-"
"No. Please don't- I don't want to hear another of your 'you mean nothing to me' rants. I don't want to hear you tell me how you never needed me in your life. That's not something I need in my life right now. I'm sorry I got you exiled, okay? I'm sorry."
"Run after them," I say, voice suddenly hoarse. "Please, you can convince them to let you return."
The broken Mage base is silent.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, looking up at him.
"Me, too."
"What now?" I ask, trying to hide my distress.
He shrugs, still refusing to look at me. "I'll figure things out, like I said. I guess I'll... I'll try to start my own life out here. Or in the Burg, maybe."
"Brice," I whisper.
"What other choice do I have?" he asks sharply, and it finally hits home that this is my fault.
I'm the reason he's been separated from his brother, and probably the rest of his family as well. I'm the reason he no longer has a house, a City, to go home to. I'm the reason he has to start all over.
I am.
Bad.
"Be careful," I tell him, sounding small.
"I will," he says, and then he stands up and walks away.
And there, on my knees, surrounded by all the damage I've caused, and completely and utterly alone...
I cry.