(Febuary)
"I love you."
"I'm in love with you."
"I'm more in love with you." I snuggled closer into Alex's arms, breathing in his cologne happily.
"Not possible." He smiled.
"It is, though."
"How?"
We had talked frequently about having a baby together; but only over text. Neither of us had the courage enough to actually mention it in person.
I played with his bed sheets between my fingers, my heart pounding.
"I...I just do."
I knew Alex knew what I wanted to say.
"Please tell me, Tara?"
My eyes filled with tears. My throat formed a lump and it suddenly became very difficult to speak at all. Instead, I just stared at him with tears in my eyes.
He was too beautiful. Too perfect for this world.
A tear slid down my cheek and he gasped quietly before wiping it.
"Shh, it's okay, you can say it." Alex said quietly.
My voice shook. "I...I want to have a baby with you..."
A small, sweet smile spread across Alex's face.
"I want to have a baby with you too."
"Now?..."
"Yes now, of that's what you would like, love."
I breathed heavily in relief and smiled before cuddled into him, listening to the calming beat of his heart.
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(March)
"I'm always so sore and cranky now, maybe I'm pregnant." I laughed and my friend, Jess laughed too.
"Oh maybe, have you gotten your period yet?"
"Well, not yet, no. But I'm usually late."
Jess and I laughed and joked about things like this constantly, so it really wasn't a surprise when she asked this.
I brushed it off, and went to play Mario Kart with her in the living room.
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"Well my periods due in a week and there's no sign of it." I signed and hit send on my phone.
Alex replied almost instantly, like always. "Do you want me to buy you a pregnancy test?"
"Maybe..."
"If you don't get your period by next week then I will. ♡"
I smiled and went to bed.
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A week later, I woke up to yet another pair of ruined panties and cramps that made me want to cry.
I sighed and texted Alex that it wasn't our month.
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(June)
"You know, it kind of looks like I'm pregnant, I have a belly after all."
I smiled and excitedly poked at my stomach.
"Well, maybe it's a baby bump after all. Wouldn't that be nice?"
"It would, I hope I don't get my period."
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A couple weeks had passed by now and I still hadnt gotten my period. I mentioned this to Alex hopefully and waited for a response.
"How about we get you a test this weekend?"
My heart leapt into my throat."
"Yes please, can I try it while you're here?"
"That's what I had planned, love."
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Buying a pregnancy test in a drugstore where everyone knows you is very nerve wracking, so therefor I got my boyfriend to go pay for It after we had chosen it and I waited outside so nobody would recognize me and tell my father.
After getting the test, we made our way back to my house and up to my bedroom. I drank as much water as I could.
Once I was certain that I would burst if I couldn't pee soon, I decided to go take the test.
I opened the box and took out the digital test, putting the pieces together and checking the instructions.
After I had finished the main business, I washed my hands and waited for the stick to show me a result anxiously while my boyfriend sat in my room waiting for me.
I couldn't stand being alone anymore, so I took the test and walked into my room staring at it.
"What does it say?"
"It doesn't have a result yet, it's still loading."
I stood in front of Alex who was sitting cross legged on my bed, anxiously watching me.
My heart sank as I handed him the test.
"It's okay honey, we can try again right?"
I nodded and silently crawled into bed, curling up into his lap.
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(December)
"I'm sure it worked this time, I haven't had my period this month." My hopes rose again.
"Let's just wait till the end of the month and see what happens." Alex smiled reassuringly.
"Yeah, i guess we could."
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(January)
"Well...I have light bleeding but no period?" I sat on the bathroom floor, my heart pounding. "I read somewhere that it could be implantation bleeding? Do you think it is?"
"I dunno honey, maybe it is. Let's see what happens this month."
At the end of the month I was visited, once again, by Aunt Flow. My heart sunk and we decided to stop trying.