Thorin left for the forge by the time I awoke that morning, my body sore in places that made me blush just thinking about them. How he could rise up early to go to the forge as if it were just any other day was beyond my comprehension. And as I lay beneath the covers, I wished that he'd stayed with me for the day even though I knew that Thorin would never have allowed himself such luxury. In a few days, we were leaving Fennhill for good.
Through the slit in the curtains, I could see the sun shining. I heard the birds singing their songs and men and women walking about the courtyard below, probably going about their chores as I lay in bed, feeling new sensations throughout my body. Everything felt so sensitive, even against the soft covers and pelts that lined the bed.
Thorin was a gentle lover - yet he could be rough when he - or I - wanted him to be. I pressed my thighs together, my belly clenching at the memory of last night. I'd surprised myself by what I had done, yet nothing about it made me feel ashamed. No, I only wished Thorin were still here with me to make love to me again.
I remembered how he had slipped his arm from beneath my head as he rose from the bed, trying hard not to wake me. It had still been dark out though I could see the sky lightening up with the coming of the dawn through the curtains. I reached out for him then, almost startling him for he had thought me asleep.
"Don't leave just yet," I whispered, my voice thick with sleep as I pulled him towards me, gathering his hair in my hands and twining them in my fingers. I was still drunk from his lovemaking the night before, not wanting to let go of that feeling so soon.
If Thorin had protested then, I did not hear him, nor did I want to. I silenced his words with kisses of my own, my hand moving down his chest and his taut belly as I welcomed him between my legs, aching to feel him inside me again. He groaned then, whispering my name in my ear as his body responded to my touch and soon, he was making love to me again, taking his time as he watched me match his own movements beneath him. I loved how his fingers laced with mine as he brought my arms over my head, our bodies moving as one that chilly dawn morning. I wanted nothing more than to feel him so close to me, smell the musky scent of his skin and feel the softness of his beard against my neck as he kissed my neck before silencing my cries with his kiss. When his release came, I savored his hold of me in his arms, feeling the rise and fall of his chest as he caught his breath, rolling onto his back and taking me with him so I ended up on top of him. And as I rained kisses upon his neck and chest, I could no longer imagine a day without him by my side.
"Do you have to go?" I asked then when he finally left the bed, telling me that he had to wash and dress in the other room lest I pull him back into bed again and make him even more late than he already was.
"Dwalin and Frerin are waiting for me. We've got one last day at the forge and the work is done," he said, stoking the fire in the bed chambers one more time as a chill had slipped through the door from the main room.
"Is it alright if I visit my mother's grave?"
Thorin looked up as he tied the laces on his dark shirt, frowning. "Today?"
"I'd like to visit her one last time before we leave," I nodded. "I'll be alright."
He slipped his tunic over his shirt and trousers and sat on the bed next to me as I began to plait a braid along his temple. "I'd rather you not go alone, Frigga. If you are willing to wait, I will take you there tomorrow," he said as I drew closer to him and inhaled his scent.
He groaned, chuckling as he pushed himself away from me. "But I will not let you tempt me back into your bed, woman, or I'll never get anything done," he said and got up to walk towards the door and as I lay back down upon the pelts, he left the room, his footsteps echoing in the hallway.
Outside the door, I heard the laughter of children and I sat up, recognizing Arna's voice calling for Kili and Fili to come back to her that instant. Poor woman, I thought. Somehow she had ended up with the task of having to rein in Thorin's nephews - though by marriage, they were my nephews now. I got up and washed myself, grateful that Thorin had refilled the pitcher by the washbasin with water before he left.
His coat now lay on the arm chair and I picked it up, bringing it close to my face so I could feel the soft pelt against my cheeks and smell the scent of him that lingered there. I slipped the pouch of jewels and coins into his coat pocket, not wanting to have all of it with me as I went about the day. I was such a fool in love, I thought as I returned the coat back onto the arm rest and quickly got dressed. Oh Mahal, I groaned. I needed to snap out of this stupor and get to work.
Just as I had thought, except for the king and the prince, most of the dwarf-men had gone to work. Some to the mines, others to the forge, and yet others to Fennhill's great library to work as scribes, like Balin. The dwarf-women, I discovered, were busy getting the supplies ready for the journey south. Salted and cured meats were to be loaded onto the wagons, and leather bladders were filled with water. There were flat breads to be wrapped and stored, as well as honey cakes, dried fruit, cheeses and more.
I found Lady Mani with the women watching the dwarf-children. Along with Kili and Fili, there were four other dwarf-children along this journey, half the number that had left Erebor. She was braiding a dwarf-girl's hair into neat plaits when she told me that her father was leaving for the Iron Hills the next morning, and along with him were half of Erebor's own folk.
"They cannot withstand the journey south," Lady Mani said. Resentment colored her voice as she watched some dwarves in the courtyard load up their own ponies with supplies. "Most of them are older dwarves, and though they are loyal to the king, even their loyalty has met its limits out here in the wilderness."
"Do not fault them, child," Arna said. She was helping two dwarf-women store food in a food wagon pulled by two ponies. "With winter approaching, it will be a hard journey for even the hardiest of dwarves like us. I hear we set out tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?" Lady Mani and I exclaimed. "Isn't that too soon?"
Arna cocked an eyebrow at us, her expression as if chastising us for our naivete. "I'd almost forgotten all about you two young brides," she said, here expression softening. "But yes, the king has decided that tomorrow we start our journey south. Hence the rushed preparations today."
"Does Thorin know?" I asked. If he had known, he wouldn't have suggested that we go visit my mother's grave tomorrow, instead of today.
"He left for the forge before the king made his decision," Arna replied. "But I doubt the prince will object. Already the journey south has been delayed by certain...situations," she said, arching her eyebrow at us.
"I wanted to say good-bye to my mother one last time," I said but Arna only shook her head.
"She will understand, child," she said as she placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder.
I learned that half of the group traveling with the king had gone ahead two days earlier. It would make for more manageable groups traveling through the wilderness, Arna said, posing less of a strain on the landscape at any given time. The line of Durin remained intact, with the king traveling with his son and grandchildren, which included Thorin, Frerin and his great-grandchildren through Dis, Fili and Kili. And now with Lady Mani and myself, the line of Durin had grown by two.
An urgency had taken over the dwarves that day. Gone was the merriment of last night, the celebration of two unions rejoiced in food, drink and song. Instead, it was replaced by the necessity of being prepared for a long winter ahead of us.
When they had left Erebor, they had had nothing, Arna told Lady Mani and I. They only had the clothes upon their backs, their hair and beards singed by dragon fire, and hollowed eyes that had seen too much death and loss in so little time. No help had come for them then, but they persevered, for that's what dwarves do.
They picked up whatever they could find along the base of the mountain - wagons, animals, and whatever they could take with them as they began their long exile south. While many traveled to the Iron Hills, the rest of them, all loyal to the line of Durin, persevered with the king. But even that number, she said, was rapidly decreasing for already dwarves traveling south had grown much fewer overnight. Some had even found steady work and lodgings in Fennhill, a town that was willing to take dwarves in. While others had returned to Greenbanu where with its new master, Bernd, there were many opportunities to be had.
As Lady Mani took over the task of watching over the children again, I asked Arna to teach me all about what food supplies there were, and what to expect on the journey south. They'd all had to learn as they went along the journey, she said. For dwarf-women hardly ever left their mountain halls, if at all.
"These are times of great need," she said. "And we don't have a choice. Hence we travel because we need to, not because we want to. And the dwarf-men are loathe to have other men look upon their dwarf-women like they do now. That's why tomorrow, child, you dress just like a dwarf-man. Thorin will not take kindly to anyone looking upon you the way some of the people here in Fennhill already do."
"But they don't look at me like that," I protested.
"That's because you have lived among men for as long as you can remember. You are used to it and you hardly notice it. But Thorin does."
I turned to look at the people around us. Were they really watching us, I wondered, seeing the men and women who now looked away from us as we turned our attention to them? Had they been observing us the entire time and I never noticed, having spent too much of my life living among them?
I wondered if they ever thought of what would become of us the moment we left the gates of Fennhill. Did they wonder what would become of us beyond the walls, or did they simply forget about us the moment the dust settled from beneath our feet?
Just then, I saw Thorin, Dwalin and Frerin walking towards us from the direction of the forge, laughing at some joke between them. Somehow they had finished their work early and the sight of three young dwarf-men walking along the town made me smile. The corners of his eyes crinkled as he laughed, and I stood up from where I'd been sitting with Arna who had been counting the blocks of cheese that we had just put into the wagon.
The marketplace stood between them and the inn and as I watched, my heart beating wildly inside my chest, Master Renner appeared next to them. He'd been coming from the opposite direction and had called Thorin by name to catch his attention.
Thorin's face darkened at something the master of Fennhill told him, as did Dwalin's. I watched as Thorin said something to Frerin, prompting Frerin to head towards the inn where Lady Mani met him with a kiss, the nephews forgotten as they now pulled on my skirts.
As Frerin and Lady Mani headed towards the inn, Arna pulled my arm. "Best to come inside, child. It appears that Thorin and Dwalin have business to discuss with Master Renner."
I let Arna pull me into the inn, but not before turning to look at Thorin again and this time, he was listening intently to something Master Renner was saying. What could the master of Fennhill possibly want to tell him, I wondered as Arna shut the main door behind me and led me and the nephews to the hallway leading to our rooms. It was time for the boys' nap anyway, she said as she disappeared inside the room just across from me, beckoning for me to follow.
Kili and Fili were tired but like most children, they refused to take their nap till I told them a story. They loved hearing stories about Erebor and a few times, they mentioned my mother's name, for she had been with them when the dragon came and had led them out to safety. If she hadn't returned back into the halls to get more children, I thought, she wouldn't have scorched her lungs from the dragon fire that almost killed her.
As I told yet another story to the sleepy boys, Arna kept herself busy with packing up whatever the nephews owned. They didn't have much, but whatever they owned still filled up a a satchel - though I could see that most of them were toys.
Since my mother had died, Arna had devoted herself to the care of Kili and Fili, trying to keep herself too busy to remember days before Smaug. It was the only way she could keep herself sane, she said. For every since Lady Lyssan, my mother, had died, she'd had no one to talk to, nor care for. Her work in Erebor, along with my mother's, had been preserving dwarven history. But all that was gone now, she said, for they were not able to carry a single manuscript with them when they fled Erebor.
"So I keep my hands busy," she said as she stroked sleeping Kili's braid. "When we start our journey tomorrow, you will have to help out any way you can as well. There are not that many women amongst us, and even then, we shall be sheltered by the men."
I nodded just as I heard a soft knock upon the door and Thorin slipped inside.
"I thought I'd find you here," he whispered as I got up and walked towards him, finding myself encased in his warm embrace. The smell of the forge clung to his shirt and his skin but I didn't care. I inhaled it all and beneath that layer of metal and leather, I smelled the musky scent of his skin.
"I missed you," I said, squeezing him tightly.
"As did I," Thorin said as he looked at me, a faint smile on his lips. "Would you like to visit your mother now?"
~~~
We spent two hours visiting my mother for the last time and I discovered that it had been Thorin who had been leaving the white flowers upon her grave those past two months. He'd brought the same exact flowers as he always did, gathered along his walk from the forge - white lupins most of them with a smattering of purple and oranges.
By the time we returned to the inn, it had gotten late and Bernd and Inge were waiting for me in the dining hall. It was wonderful to see them again, and I lost myself in Inge's embrace for a few moments as Thorin and Bernd sat down and spoke in low tones. The dining hall was filled with men and dwarves, all lost in their own conversations and thoughts.
Excitement filled the air as conversation drifted towards the journey south in the morning. There was sadness, too, for Lady Mani was spending her last few hours with her own family, and I saw the tears fall down her cheeks more than once. Her father seemed grave as he sat stoically next to her, a sense of resignation stamped upon his face at his daughter's new future as an exiled dwarf.
"Jürgen asked me to give you this," Inge said as she handed me something wrapped in cloth. "He also asked us to bring you the sword he made for you. You forgot to bring it with you yesterday."
I opened the cloth to reveal a dagger that bore Jürgen's expert craftsmanship. Its sharp blade glistened in the light. He had crafted a leather scabbard for it as well and I slipped it onto my belt beneath my tunic, pleased to feel its weight against my side. "But why of all things did he give me this?"
"For your protection," Inge whispered. "Bernd tells me that a tatooed dwarf approached you last night."
"Yes, he did. He asked me whether I was headed for the Iron hills or to Dunland."
Inge frowned. "I remember when we were children, Master Lialam used to visit you when you and I played at our house, before we were banished to live in the woods. He used to look at you, like he was studying you. And then one day, he came with a dwarf with tattoos along his arms and the back of his hands. Don't you remember?"
It took me a few moments to remember what she meant, but when I did, I paled. "That was the summer that Lunara disappeared," I whispered. "She and I looked alike, remember? She had blonde hair and green eyes just like me. And one day she disappeared while fetching water."
Inge nodded. "My father used to say that the tattooed dwarf - Master Lialam used to call him Merrick - took her and brought her to Erebor. Of course no one believed him. They always thought him mad because of his wild ideas, but though father had strange ideas about industry and dark dreams about evil lurking in the forest, he never lied."
"Two months later, father said Merrick returned with a chest filled with jewels. He overheard Master Lialam talking about it in the woods, by the bridge. Merrick said that the girl died two days after he turned her over to the dwarves, and that the alarm had been sounded that girls were being scarred to look just like you. Your parents fell for Merrick's schemes, but the girl paid a high price for she did not survive."
"Why didn't you tell me this?" I asked Inge, my hand gripping her wrist. "They must have discovered right away that she wasn't a dwarf."
"Not in their desperation they didn't," Inge said. "Father said that Merrick fled before the alarm sounded throughout Erebor and Dale. Merrick had cut off the girl's tongue so she could not speak." Inge sighed, picking her food absently. "That was when Master Lialam drove father out of town, and we had to live in the woods. He blamed my father for some crime - making sure that no one would believe him, even though a few still did, like Jürgen, Tadd and Jerrel."
That was when Lialam's power over the town grew, I thought, when he sowed fear throughout every corner and every alley. He raised the rents that year, as well as the prices on all the commodities that the townspeople needed - all to buy their silence. And he had succeeded in doing just that.
All because of the jewels he'd gotten from Erebor.
"If you saw him last night, then he's back for something," Inge said. "He could be back just for you, seeking vengeance for Lialam's death."
"I'm going to be careful," I said. "I remember him now, although he never really spoke to me then. He used to watch us all play but he was really just watching me."
Inge nodded. "That's how I remembered him, too. But now that he's back, please be careful, Frigga. If you'd only stay in Greenbanü, I'd be much happier but of course, you're married now, and wherever Thorin goes, you shall follow."
I nodded, smiling faintly as my gaze drifted over to Thorin who was still talking to Bernd as he ate. "He is my whole world now, Inge. I can't imagine life without him."
Suddenly a commotion broke out just outside the doors and I heard the voice of Balin calling for Thorin. The king and Prince Thrain had not come to the dining hall and from what I overheard, they were in their quarters in the next building.
"Thorin, come quick!" Balin shouted from the door, his yell barely audible over the conversation and laughter of the inn's patrons. Thorin shot up and without turning to look at me, hurried out, his food only half-eaten as Bernd watched him leave.
"I'll be right back, Inge," I said as I got up and ran after him. Arna tried to stop me but Kili shot out from under the table and disappeared into crowd of diners, Fili running after him. She turned away from me to fetch the boys as I made my way through the door, seeing Thorin disappear into the next building where our rooms were.
I heard the king's voice even before I slipped through the main door. He was shouting at the top of his lungs and with him, I heard Thrain's voice begging him to be still. The door to the king's quarters was wide open for Thorin had just rushed in and had not had the time to shut it behind him. But as I tried to follow him inside, Dwalin, who was standing just outside the door, caught my arm and pulled me back, shaking his head as he did so.
"No, my lady," he said. "This is no place for you."
Thorin rushed to his grandfather, the once-great king now reduced to a puddle on the stone floor, sobbing about all his gold and treasures now gone. He was mumbling about the Arkenstone, about how he had it in his hand but that the dragon Smaug had stolen it from him. The room was in shambles, everything breakable now lying on the floor, broken. A few copper coins here and there lay around the older man, his crown lying on the floor. King Thror's face was soaked with his tears, his eyes red and his lips frozen in an angry snarl as he yelled out Smaug's name to something that appeared only inside his mind before him.
Thorin gathered the older man in his arms then, holding him close as he whispered for the king to be still, that everything was going to be alright. Thrain stepped away then, pacing the floor and as he did, he caught sight of me and rushed to the door, slamming it just as Dwalin pulled me back into the corridor, the door barely missing me in the face.
"Do not speak of this to anyone," Dwalin said, his mouth set in a grim line. The king is not well, he could have told me then, but he did not need to say it out loud.
"How long has this been going on?" I asked in a whisper.
"Since we left Erebor," Dwalin replied. "He has not recovered from the loss of his kingdom. Would you?"
I shook my head just as another wail emanated from inside the door, and Thorin's voice soothing the old man into silence. Dwalin walked me to the main door leading to the dining hall, this time his grip on my arm was light.
"Return to your friends, Lady Frigga," he said. "For you will never see them again after tonight."