Midnight has a calming effect on people such as myself. The city is, for the most part, quiet, and the other people in the building are peacefully asleep in their cozy beds.
On the other hand, there's me, sitting on the couch with my sock-covered feet kicked up on the coffee table and anime on the television at a medium volume.
"Coming up next on-"
"You’re alone on a Saturday night?" Marco asked, waltzing into the living room and turning on the light. "Shocker.”
"Shut it, Marco," I retorted, never taking my eyes off the commercials on the screen. "Saturday’s are my anime nights and you know it.”
Marco plopped down in a seat next to me and nudged my shoulder."Are you so lonely you have to watch fictional characters in non-realistic situations and fantasize about the hot ones?"
“Of course I do, but the plots are the main reason I watch them. Without an interesting plot and character development, I can’t get into it. I love it when the characters can relate to other people too!”
“Okay, Miss Obsessed, we’ve had this conversation before," Marco commented monotonously. "The characters aren’t real and neither are the stories.”
I put on my grossest sob face and exclaimed, “They’re real to me, dammit!”
“No matter how ugly a face you make, I’ll still think you’re weird.” He slung his arms around me and pulled me into a hug. “But you’re adorable so you make up for it. Difference is the spice of life, Roxanne.”
I sneered away from him and tisked. “Oh Marco, how you always find the right way to put things I’ll never know.”
“Oh, I just know how to-” Marco was about to finish when he was interrupted by a knock at the door. I cocked my head to the side, watching a confused Marco get up and check to see who it was. “It’s for you,” he called from the other side of the room.
It’s the middle of the fucking night, who visits at this hour? I sighed and trudged over to Marco, finding a wide-eyed and very much awake Jean Kirschstein at my door. “What do you need lover-boy?” I questioned, crossing my arms and flashing him a sarcastic grin.
He blinked a few times, stating, “It’s Saturday, correct?”
“Well, no duh," I said vapidly. "Why, what’s up? You know it’s like twelve thirty in the morning, right? Shouldn’t good boys like you be asleep?”
“Guys like me don’t need sleep, we live off inspiration, creativity and coffee. But forget that, I came by to clarify if Saturday’s are indeed anime nights.” He smiled at me, waiting for my reply.
I clearly remembered telling him I watched anime and how I was the biggest fangirl on the planet. To which he had responded I should act my age. We got into a small arguement about it, that I won by ranting to him about how anime can be enjoyed no matter the age limit and that it spoke to me on a deep level.
Seems like the big boy has come around to the idea of watching it.
"You best hurry on in then, the next one should be starting soon." I beckoned him inside, leading the way to the living room.
"You kids have fun, but I'm off to bed," Marco said, waving both of us off. "I have psychology classes tomorrow afternoon and I need my sleep."
The shuffling of footsteps echoed the halls before the door shut with a gentle thud. Thanks Marco, for leaving me alone with Jean. Nice friend you turned out to be.
I turned to Jean, remarking, "I swear if you try anything on me when we're on the couch, I won't hesitate to throw you out on your ass."
"I won't, don't get your panties in a bunch," he scoffed, raising a brow smugly. "I came over to watch anime. Harmless, really."
Exhaling a grunt, I pushed him onto the cushions and turn the volume down on the TV. "Not so much noise either, we don't want to wake Marco."
"Tch, whatever." He smirked, settling himself against the back of the couch and catching a blanket I decided to toss at him. “I never would have taken you to be a hospitable person Roxanne.”
“Yeah, well, now you know.” I cuddled up next to him, forcing him to share the blankie and let me in. His body tensed up when I nestled myself into place, causing me to give him a wary look.
He glanced down at me and sneered. “I thought you said-”
I squeezed his thigh to shush him. “I never said anything about cuddling. I just told you not to try anything on me, that’s all.”
“So that gives you the right to be all affectionate with me?” he inquired, taking my hand in his. “And here I thought you didn’t like me.”
“I don’t like your tone right now, and that’s a fact. Maybe it’s because it’s the middle of the night and I’m a bit frisky, but . . .” I paused, tilting my head up at him. “You’re making me feel things Kirschstein.”
“Roxanne, I’m not sure how to react in this situation,” he said, his voice shaky, nervous, at that. “You know I like you, but why are you doing this?”
His cheeks were tinted with a soft pink hue, his face glowing from the muted light filling the room. I removed my hand from it's place on his thigh and stated, “I’ll stop if it’s making you uncomfortable.”
“I’m not uncomfortable at all, I mean-” He gulped and attempted to word it again, gripping my wrist. “I don’t want you to stop.”
Using my free hand, I pulled him closer, eventually causing him to pin me down and dominate the situation. I gazed at him for a moment, entranced by the spark in his golden eyes and the race of emotions piling up inside of me.
There isn’t anything stopping me from doing this with Jean, right? He leaned in, softening his hold on my wrist. To let my guard down for someone as idiotic and persistent as Jean Kirschstein astounded me. His eyes were half-lidded, as if he were waiting for my permission to continue.
But think about it, are you really going to fall for him? A kiss is just a kiss if you think about it. I swallowed my pride and responded with a slight nod, the tightness in my chest slowly strangling my heart.
He pressed his lips to mine, his right knee rubbing against the insides of my thighs. To be honest, Jean tasted vaguely of mint, or possibly something sweeter, like chocolate. He pulled back for breath, only to have me drag him back down for another one. I washed away my fears, enveloping myself in the numbing sensation he was giving me.
But wait, if there's nothing wrong with doing this, then why do I feel so guilty? Amidst the touching and rising heat between Jean and I, the answer struck me.
It was because of Levi.
I drew back and propped my back against the arm of the couch, Jean making a curious, yet disappointed, look at me. The strap to my bra was loose and the back was unhooked, the awkward feeling of my breasts no longer secured setting in.
"You were planning on-"
"We were so into it and I thought you wouldn't notice," Jean cut me off erratically.
"You were going to use me?" I asked, the corners of my eyes pricking with tears.
"Now that's a harsh way of putting it," he said, scowling. "It's not like you haven't shagged anyone before, right?"
The muscles in my abdomen contracted as I was overcome with pure betrayal. "You thought I wanted to have sex with you?"
"Hey, you're the one who implied it in the first place," he accused, his brows furrowed and teeth clenched. "I would have doing you a favor!"
"A favor?" I pressed my left hand to my breasts to prevent my bra from slipping away any further. "Jean, you have a lot to learn if you think one measly kiss automatically means I'll spread my legs for you."
"If that's the case, then why don't I just leave?" he proposed, standing up defiantly.
"I'd really fucking appreciate that," I replied, pointing to the door. "Hopefully next time I see you, you'll learn how to treat a woman."
"Don't tell me how to live my life," he spat back, storming out and leaving the door wide open.
Abandoning the couch, I shut the door and removed my bra, seeing as though there wasn't any reason to keep it on for the rest of the night. I turned off the T.V. and the lights, then made my way down the hall to Marco's bedroom.
He was fast asleep from the looks of it as I slinked under the covers and pressed my chest to his back. The scent of linen filled my lungs and I draped an arm around his waist, finding comfort in the action. My heart had calmed down as well, but the occasional skipped beat awakened my mind and constantly berated my earlier judgement.
"It's okay," Marco murmured, grazing his fingertips across my knuckles. "Whatever happened, it's going to be okay."
My lips curved into a relieved smile and I inched as close as I could to Marco, relishing in the warmth of his body and the steady rhythm of his breathing.
Marco had said to me once that it was the little things that made a person the happiest. Maybe he was right; people often undermine the fact that we, as human beings, find joy in the various aspects of our lives.
I found mine thinking of Levi that night. I remembered the soft way he would speak to me, the feel of his silky hair between my fingers and the way it always smelled of crisp shampoo. I remembered how soothing his touch was on my skin, and the tender look in his cobalt eyes as he stared at me.
To me, Levi was the one who made me the happiest, I just never took a moment to realize it. Emotions are beautiful and equally painful, like longing and desire. Your heart craves for something that might never be, yet you still imagine the possibilities.
You ponder the outcomes of life, amazed, perplexed and perturbed by the fact that humans are simplistic, as well as complex creatures. It's the thoughts that keep you up at night and wonder aimlessly about the world around you.
That night, I made a decision. I had to tell Levi my feelings for him, no matter the cost of our friendship.
The thing was, I didn't exactly know how to tell him in the first place.
~*~
I walked briskly into work, keeping my head held low and brushing off anyone who tried to contact me. It had been been like that for the past few days. Me ignoring everyone and them giving me my space.
Though, once I got in one morning they scattered like normal, except for a lone person waiting outside my office.
“Levi,” I calmly stated, striding up to him.
He glanced over with a blank look on his face. “You’ve been looking down. What’s been going on?”
I relaxed my shoulders and exhaled sharply. “You noticed?”
“It’s hard not to," he remarked, slightly frowning. "You’re normally bouncing around with a smile on your face. Seeing you all depressed just ain’t normal. Something’s bugging you.”
I shook my head and vaguely said, “It’s nothing.”
“Nothing you say?” he queried worriedly. “Come now, up to my office, we’re going to talk about this.”
“Levi, I don’t believe talking about it will make me feel any better, I-”
However, it was too late on my part to say anything back; he was already pulling me alongside him to the third floor. Even though his grip was strong, his expression remained poised.
“You’ve never been inside of my office, have you?” Levi asked, fumbling to grab his keys and unlock the door. I shook my head, watching my reflection in the glass pane as he managed to get the door opened. “It’s not what you’d expect, so no harsh comments, please.”
He was right, his office was peculiar. For one, all the blinds were closed, only the soft glow of an overhead light illuminated the room. He had a main desk, where his papers were stacked neatly and organized. There was also a half cup of coffee, meaning he had only been at the firm for an hour or so.
Despite it all, everything was cozy and gave off a pleasant aura. He even kept a few books on an end table and a small couch opposite to his desk.
“See? It’s not professional at all.” The door closed with a click and Levi flopped onto the couch. “I prefer it over some plain, mundane office like Erwin’s though. Which reminds me, did you notice if anyone saw us together?”
“Hm? Sorry, I didn’t.” I smoothed out my skirt and perched myself next to Levi, defensively inquiring, “Why? Are you, possibly, ashamed to be seen with me?”
“Oh no, no, no, nothing of the sort.” He wrapped his arm around my side. “I’m just, afraid of someone, you know, telling Erwin about the two of us together. If he heard of a hinted romantic partnership, he’d surely be outraged at his employee’s behavior.”
“I . . . can actually see that happening. I mean, I heard him on the phone the other day and he didn’t sound all too pleased with you.”
“You-” He cleared his throat and took a pause. “Overheard the conversation?”
I nodded sheepishly. “I’m not sure what it was about though. You have to forgive me for being nosy in your business with him.”
“It’s alright, I won’t hold it against you," he reassured, his left leg bumping my right one as he fidgeted next to me. "You were a curious one and didn’t realize what you were getting into. Kinda cute, really.”
Cute, he thinks I’m cute. Oh jeez, oh man, this isn’t helping me cope with my feelings for him! Starting to feel myself tremble, I redirected my eyesight to all the corners in the room. Levi began to poke my shoulders, demanding I answer him on why I wasn't responding.
“Hey, Roxanne, do you have something you want to tell me or-”
“Levi, I think you’re hot and smart and cool and I’m pretty sure I like you in a non-platonic kinda way if that makes sense and I don’t know why I feel this way I like being with you and talking to you heck I really liked it when we slept in the same bed but I’m not sure how you feel about me or if you even feel the same way and I just--And I-I--Holy shit.”
It had all come out so fast, I barely had time to think in the end that I started stammering. Everything that came out sounded so idiotic that I buried my face in my hands and groaned irritably.
“Oh, um, well then,” he replied slowly. “That’s a lot to take in.”
“Fuck, Levi, I’m sorry. I just, I couldn’t keep it in any longer,” I mumbled through my fingers. World’s biggest idiot, that’s me.
“Uh, please don’t apologize, it’s fine. You were always caring and soft around me, I guess, I don’t know, maybe I was oblivious to everything.”
I peeked up at him. “What do you mean?”
He made eye contact with me, which quickly shifted away in the other direction. “I was so caught up with what Erwin wanted, that I never stopped to ask myself how I felt about you. I, um, what I’m trying to say is--Crap, I’m not good at this at all.”
He grit his teeth and I saw it; his cheeks were that of scarlet. Levi, the normally stoic-faced lawyer, was embarrassed beyond belief. All because of me.
“Levi, could you, by any chance, you know . . .”
“Er, if you must know, it is a definite yes that I hold some affection towards you. I didn’t want to say anything because I thought it would jeopardize what we had and you would think I’m a sleaze for trying to get at you. But, that doesn’t matter anymore because now we know how we feel about each other.”
“So what do suppose we do?”
He pulled me into a full embrace. “Do what everybody else does start something serious. That’s just my opinion though, you don’t have to listen to me and my dumb ideas.”
“I’d really like it if we started going out.” I squirmed in his arms, laying my back on his chest. Sure, the way we were sitting wasn’t what one would call “comfortable”, but I could really care less. I was genuinely happy just being with the guy. Although, I had to keep reminding myself that we were still at work and couldn’t continue things further.
. . . Which was what I thought before Levi uttered, “Let's take a sick day and go back to my place. Tomorrow’s the big meeting and I don’t have any cases to work on.”
“And I’m waiting for Erwin to send the paperwork regarding the taxes, so I don’t think he’ll mind if I slack off.” I lightly tilted my head back and looked at the ceiling. “He can’t find out about us.”
“I promise you, if we keep work and personal business separate, he won’t have a clue about any of this,” he cooed, brushing away my hair and pressing a kiss to my neck.
Yeah, I’m starting to believe everything’s going to work out just dandy.
-
(I meant to put this in last time, but I have this headcanon that Levi is a clean freak because he has a weak immune system and the slightest cold could upset him. He's just a big dork and I love him.)