when she was eight, her mama told her not to fall in love and that love was an atrocious thing that should be avoided at all costs; she nodded her head, then, because her mama was unerring and could give no wrong advice, could do no such thing that fell in the category of mistake; her mama kept her eyes on her daughter long after the latter turned her attention to her dolls because she knew, somehow, that her words weren't enough protection and someday the little girl would grow up and find something alluring about love, about being loved and loving back
when she was thirteen she had her first kiss and it was on the swings in an abandoned park with a self-proclaimed bad boy who had an affinity with leather jackets and liked to talk about drugs and alcohol; he was experienced in the art of kissing and so she was entranced, all traces of her mama's words vanishing the moment his tongue touched her bottom lip; she was in the grey, leaning dangerously towards the black; she liked chess and kissing was kind of like a game; he made his move and she made hers and it was like sparks were erupting, and as cliché as it sounded, she was hooked
when she was fifteen she found herself in a car, her hands clutching a older boy's collar and his hands running over her body and lingering in places no one had touched before; she was scared, but she couldn't stop when all she wanted to feel was the thrill running through her veins, forever and ever until it was what she breathed; he smelled musky and wore cologne much too strongly but she didn't care; he had slipped a hand until her shirt and moved up, and the rest was history
when she was eighteen she found herself undressing for several men which hunger in their eyes and lust on their tongues; she thought that they worshipped her body and she loved it; they did, in fact, worship her body, but only that and nothing else; they used her for the night and threw her away in the morning and called again the night after; she didn't care, she starved for the attention; her job was to stand naked as they touched, and she been fine with it until more hands touched longer than they should have and moved harsher than they should have; she had been fine with it until she burst into tears that one night she had been forced to do something she didn't want to, and she had been fine with it until her boss hit her across the face; she had been fine with it until her boss used her for more things afterwards to teach her a lesson; she had been fine with it until she wasn't anymore
when she was twenty one and still dancing under the dim lights on stage wearing strips of clothing to cover herself; a man with dark skin had approached her; she felt fear lace her thoughts because her mama had said that people with dark skin,specially men, were more dangerous than anyone else and that they were monsters of the shadows; so when his hand had clasped around hers and pulled her forcefully off the stage, she held a scream back before it ripped out of her throat; he had led her outside and had pulled an oversized shirt over her head that fell above her knees and she had choked up, waiting for the treacherous monster her mama had warned her about; but there was none, and even with the harsh lines of his face and the steely eyes, he was kind to her and it scared her more than anything else
when she was twenty four she fell in love again; she was prone to loving much too hard and much too easily, but she thought that she could feel the rightness this time; she felt the rightness because of his smile that she adored, his chocolate skin that she loved the feeling of, and the kind heart that he hid behind layers and layers of walls; she did the unthinkable and had brought him home with her to meet her parents; she had naively thought that her mama would love him as much as she did as a son-in-law, but her mama had spat racist comments at him unabashedly and had left her hand print on her daughter's face; she cried in his car as he held her, and although he didn't shed a tear, she shed enough for the both of them because she knew how hard her mama's words had hurt him; she cried and she cried for how cruel the world was and also because when she had first met him, she had thought the same
when she was twenty eight, he proposed and they had eloped in a small church with an audience of one, but they didn't mind because all they could see was each other; he had leaned down to kiss her and at the same time his lips met hers, her doubts and insecurities fled, if even for just that moment; they were in love, and she finally understood; love was, indeed, an atrocious thing, but only if you made it out to be that way and only if that was all you were ever going to aim for; unlike her mama, she would persevere and she knew that one day she would get her happy ending, and today was that day.
- HER MAMA TOLD HER [ALTERNATIVELY NAMED: (N.) LOVE, AN INTENSE FEELING OF DEEP AFFECTION - 7.1.16]