Never in my life have I done anything as utterly mortifying as what I just did. I just flashed my mother! It was kind of necessary seeing as how they didn't believe me, and I suppose it would have been too weird to just take a picture. I mean, it's already weird enough just having it. This is all Leo's fault. My disaster of a life is Leo's fault. My preferences are Leo's fault. Hell, global warming is Leo's fault! As far as I'm concerned, everything wrong on this planet is Leo's fault. Just thinking about that no-good d-
"Riley."
I sighed. Would I ever get peace and time to myself? I swear, every day there's been someone knocking on my freaking door wanting to talk. Why can't these people just LEAVE ME ALONE?!
"Riley." The voice was louder this time and it just so happened to be John's. Great. Can my life get any more messed up? I wonder if I could just drop off the face of the planet within the next thirty seconds. Leo did. Maybe he passed that ability on as well. It would sure be helpf- crap. Of course, I didn't lock the door to my room. Now, he's walking in. What am I supposed to say? I'm opting for nothing. Maybe if I just sit here and let him say what he came to say, he'll leave. I know that I said I needed to talk to him about this stuff, but I honestly don't think I can handle anymore awkwardness today. I've still been avoiding even using the bathroom.
"Riley? Can we... um... is it okay if we..." John stopped and took a deep breath. "Can we talk about this?" I merely raised an eyebrow in response. I guess he took my nonverbal response as an affirmative answer because he decided to take a seat at the foot of my bed. He appeared to be just as nervous, if not more than I am. Some part of me is hoping that he would realize how awkward this is and just leave.
"So, your mother and I... we thought it would be best if... I'm sorry. This is a conversation that I'd never thought I'd have to have. It was... easier with Alexander because it wasn't as if it was new but..."
My eyes widened as I realized where this conversation was heading.
"Whoa, wait." So much for my plan to stay quiet and wait for him to leave. "Are you talking about... is this the... are you trying to give me the sex/being-aware-of-your-body talk?" I stammered, feeling the burn of embarrassment spread rapidly across my face. I could tell by John's expression that, yes, this was indeed that dreaded talk. What makes it even worse is that this is the second time I've had to through this. Only the first time was slightly less mortifying due to it being a quick "If your age is on the clock, you're too young for the cock" when I was 10. Three years later, I was informed that it included military time which, by that point, I had already had a change in preferences anyway.
"Look, as much as I appreciate the effort and concern, I don't need this. I... I mean if I have questions about... erm... that... there's always Google. And I, um know the basics for the most part. Plus, Google's a legal adult now so it won't be weird trying to ask a minor about this stuff." I told him, chuckling nervously while a small smile crept onto his face.
"Alright, ask Google then. But, um, if you do have any questions that Google can't answer..."
"Then, I will ask you."
"Good. So, about the other thing we need to discuss," John said, standing. "I am going to just go ahead and rip off the band-aid. So, going to the bathroom..."
"Oh my god. John, I'm sure that when that time comes I'll be able to figure it out. We really don't have to talk about it."
"Oh, hallelujah!" John breathed out a sigh of relief. "Before I go, your mother told me to tell you that it would be best if you got more... settled... with your, uh, situation before you invest more time in your relationship."
"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?" I snapped, knowing exactly what he was saying.
"It means that we think that you should keep some distance from your girlfriend until we get a better understanding of what all is going on with you. And I support this decision completely. We're doing this for your benefit. Do you understand?" John said sternly.
I blinked a few times before bursting into laughter.
"Oh wow, John. Mom's got you whipped. I honestly was believing you at the beginning, but you kind of messed up near the end there." I explained between my laughter while John lost his "stern" face and replaced it with a sheepish look while rubbing the back of his neck.
"Is it that obvious?" He sheepishly asked.
"Yeah. It really is. So, what is the actual ruling?"
"Your mother is still having issues with the changes. She's actually been going through a bunch of her medical books and research which is why she sent me in here to talk to you instead of coming herself. She also thought it would be best for me to, uh, talk to you about things."
"John," I started to say but he continued speaking.
"However, concerning your girlfriend, I know that we can't keep the two of you from seeing each other, I do believe that you both should make sure that you're a lot more careful. We don't know exactly what all is going on with your situation and as responsible as you are, you are still a teenager with hormones and we don't want unintended consequences. Plus, we would also like to meet this girl. See what she's like."
I only blinked in response. It never even occurred to me that I could potentially impregnate someone. Again, I say, this is all Leo's fault.
***
"Hey, babe. So, I told them. I guess they took it fairly well. My mom's still kinda hung up on the sex change, but they were super okay with our relationship. They actually want to meet you. Not that you have to or anything but-"
"Riley, breathe. I'm glad that everything went okay, and I am perfectly okay with meeting them."
"That's cool. But, how have you been? What's going on in the life of the most amazing woman on the planet?"
"Alright, Charmer. And I guess I've just been...analyzing. Thinking about some things. Avoiding my parents. Missing you. Nothing too extravagant."
"Sara, I think we need to talk," I said as I narrowed my eyes at the ceiling.
"Why do you sound so serious all of a sudden? Did something happen?" I could hear the worry in her voice.
"Yes. Something did happen. It happened a while ago actually, but we never talked about it. And I feel that this is a conversation that we need to have. So, I'll come and pick you up and then we're going to go somewhere and talk. Okay?"
"Riley, you've got me really worried. What exactly are we going to be talking about? Is it something bad?"
"I'll be there in fifteen minutes and we can talk about it."
"...Okay, Riley. See you soon."
I hung up the phone and continued to stare at the ceiling. I realized that I probably could have handled that conversation differently, but I really wanted her to know that I am serious about this. I rolled out of bed, grabbed the keys, and headed out the door.
"Hey," Sara said as she got in the car.
"Hi," I responded back as I started to drive towards the park.
"So, umm, where are we going?" She was staring down at her hands that were wringing nervously in her lap. I reached over and intertwined our hands together before bringing her hand up to place a gentle kiss on the back of it. I saw her instantly relax out the corner of my eye.
"We're just going to the park. Although, since it's the beginning of December, I figured we could still just stay in the car."
"Okay. That's fine." She gave my hand a quick squeeze before falling silent. Neither one of us spoke during the remainder of the drive. It was only after I had parked and adjusted the seat to better face her that I began to speak.
"I am aware that there's been a lot of stuff going on lately. And I want you to know that you have been amazing throughout all of it."
"But?" She nervously whispered.
"But there's something you're not telling me. And I can tell that you're hurting about whatever it is, and I can't just sit back and watch anymore. Every time it gets brought up, you just change the subject. Each time I'd let it go because I felt like you would talk to me when you were ready. But, now I feel as if this is something that you were planning to deal with on your own and I can't just stand by and watch as you tear yourself up over this." I reached up to cup her face as I stared into her now tear-filled eyes. "Please, baby, talk to me." She closed her eyes as the first tear fell.
"I didn't tell you because it doesn't seem like that big of a deal," She croaked out. "I mean, the stuff you're dealing with now is on a whole other level and I didn't want to add to that." I pulled her into me until our faces were practically touching.
"I need you to listen to me, Sara. Don't you ever feel as if you can't talk to me. I will always be here for you. I don't care if you feel like you need to tell me you have a hangnail or that you robbed a bank. You can tell me, and I promise that I'll do whatever I can to help you in any way possible. Do you understand?"
"I'm sorry, Riley. I just- I don't even know where to start or what to say or-"
"It's okay. Let's just start at the beginning. What happened with your mom that caused for you to be sitting at the park in the middle of the night? You said that you told her something. What did you tell her?"
"I-well, that night in the park...that night when you found me in the park was the night that I came out to my mom. I don't even know why I did it. I've always known that she had a problem with people who aren't heterosexual, but for some reason, I thought, like an idiot, that maybe she would react differently if it was her own child. I was greatly mistaken. She was furious and told me to get out which is how I ended up in the park. It was a couple of days before she actually let me back into the house. I had stayed with my aunt during those days and I had hoped that my mom would have a change of heart. But, when I did go back home I-she...I..."
"What happened when you went back home?" I asked as gently as I could.
"Do you remember the night we slept together a couple of nights ago? When I told you that I wanted you to be my first?"
"I'll never forget it."
"I need you to know that I'm serious about this relationship. I need you to know that everything that has happened has been genuine and that I truly care for you. And that everything we have is all real for me. Okay? I need you to know that." Sara desperately pleaded.
"I know," I said, holding her hands. "And I care about you, too. Nothing you can tell me will change the way that I feel about you. I promise you, Sara. Nothing will change how I feel about you. You can tell me. What happened?"
"When I went back home, my mother was waiting for me. She didn't seem like she was angry anymore and I thought that maybe she had finally gotten over it... but, that wasn't the case. She had decided that I needed...therapy...to rid me of these 'impure desires'. Only she didn't mean by actually talking to a therapist.... There was this man there with her -they never told me his name- but, she...she told me that he was going to help fix me and then she left the house..." Sara stopped as she was suddenly wracked with sobs. I quickly moved my seat back before pulling her over into my lap and holding her tightly against me as I fought back tears of my own.
"Sara, did he...did he touch you?" I asked even as I dreaded the answer. I felt my heart stop as I felt her give a small nod.
"But, he didn't...he didn't go all the way. He said that he would... that he was going to wait for the next 'session' before penetration. He said that time was just a warm-up, and that everything else outside of that was fair game. And afterwards... I tried to pretend that it didn't happen. I tried to convince myself that there wouldn't be another next session. But, I was scared of what would happen if there was. He hadn't been...gentle and I just... I didn't want my first time to be with him, and I know that I truly care about you. And I...when it happens, with him, I wanted something else to remember during it. And I've been afraid to tell you because I didn't want for you to think of me as gross or to think that I was using you. Because I'm not. But, you give me the strength to keep going every day. I've been trying to avoid my mom as much as possible because I don't know when he's going to be back. And I know I should have told you, and I'm sorry for keeping this from you."
"He won't touch you!" I growled. If it wasn't for Sara sitting in my lap, I would already be well on my way to hunting him down. "I will tear that fucker to pieces before he ever touches you again. He will never even come near you again, Sara. I promise. I just...baby, I am so sorry that this has happened to you, but it won't happen again. And I would never blame for something that you had no control over. I will never think that you are gross, and I know that what we have is real. You're mine, and I will protect you in every way that I can. I promise."