It was during my shower that I truly started to think of all the things that have happened since we moved here. I was expecting just another typical lifestyle with a typical step-father and typical step-siblings. I wasn't expecting to find out that my step-siblings are actually my freaking cousins and that my step-dad had two kids with my aunt. I most definitely wasn't expecting for that to be the most normal thing out of everything that's happened. That even sounds freaking weird just saying it. My mom is engaged to the same guy who knocked up my aunt. Twice. That's freaking disgusting. Though, technically, it was the aunt on my gene donor's side of the family, but still. And that in itself leads to the next big life changer that I've had since we've moved here. My "father". The other half of my DNA. My gene donor. The paternal part of my genetics. That man has made my life do a complete one-eighty. I won't say that I was happy, but I was... satisfied with how things used to be. I knew I had a deadbeat dad. I knew that he dropped off the face of the Earth before I was ever born. I knew that my mother found love again. I knew that she got pregnant with my little sister. I knew that even though he was technically my sister's dad, he met all of the requirements of being my father. I knew that after he died, I wouldn't ever be able to call anyone 'Dad' ever again. I knew that there was no chance that I would ever be able to actually even meet my own father. The one who abandoned my mother and left her to raise me alone. I knew all these things as fact.
Only, now they aren't. I've actually met my father. This Leo. I've learned that he actually had a semi-legitimate reason for abandoning me and my mother. I've learned that I have not only a biological father, but I actually have siblings that share some of my same story and were conceived from the same man that I was. I learned that my father isn't human. I learned that I'm not human. And it's not enough that I'm not even one hundred percent human, but I'm actually supposed to be the next leader, the next Alpha, of a world that I know nothing about. I honestly don't even know how I'm going to react the next time I see my supposed father. I don't know what all I could possibly say to him to get him to realize that I don't want this. He says that I don't have a choice, but this is my life. Not his. Not anybody else's. He's only worried about his damn lineage and status and I'm over here concerned about the rest of my life. I actually had plans before all of this. I was going to be the best damn professional soccer player on Earth; maybe even play Olympic soccer and be in the World Cup if I could get there. And now he's telling me that I might as well just throw all that away. That my life is not my own to live. That because he helped in my conception that I owe him. That I am just going to blindly follow him because he's my "father". He doesn't even know a thing about me. All he knows is that I was the first one of his blood to pop out of my mother's womb. That's it. That is all that he cares about. Me being his first child and Alex being his sister's first.
And that's another thing. Alex. He's never even expressed being not human. Maybe I've overlooked it or maybe he's just gotten really good at hiding it, but if he wasn't human wouldn't somebody have noticed something. There's no way that not even one person knows the truth about him. And I can't help but to think 'so what?'. So what he's not human? So what he's my aunt's child? So what? Why can't he be the alpha or whatever? Why does it have to be me? God, all I wanted was to live as normal a life as I could. I just wanted to be a normal teenager who has lived through the tragedy of losing the only father that she's ever known but still manages to pull through and be a daughter that he'd be proud of. That even though he wasn't a father through blood that he still was in every way that mattered. Why can't I just have that life? Why do I have to be different? How am I even supposed to look at myself now? How am I supposed to act around everybody else now? And what am I supposed to do about my mother? Should I just tell her, and hope that she understands, or should I just keep it from her? They say that a mother's love is unconditional, but does that apply to the mother of a child who is part animal? Or does she already know? She said that she knew I wasn't completely human, but does she know the extent to what that means? What are my plans for my life going to be now? Am I supposed to try and follow Leo, the one who did this to me, or should I still try to stick to my own path? Should I stay, or should I go? What do I do?
I have so many questions and not enough answers that I can't even begin to sort this all out by myself. There's so much I have to do and there are so many things that I need to ask so many different people. And it's just so overwhelming the number of things that have happened in such a short period of time. There's so much I don't know and so many things that I need to find out about my family and about myself. There is just so much! And I don't even know where to start. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Benjamin told me that Leo would be in touch with me, but when? When was he supposed to contact me? Did he plan on waiting another sixteen years or so, just so I could get my life together only for him to come along and uproot it? Or was he planning to pull another stunt like he did earlier and just peruse in while I'm with my family or my friends? He's shown how much he dislikes Alex and Maya, so what were his plans concerning them?
The questions kept circulating in my head long after the shower water had run cold. I know that I've been in here for forever, but I can't seem to bring myself to leave. To leave means that I will have to start making decisions that not only concern my life but the lives of other people, too. What am I supposed to tell Sara when she inevitably asks? I get the feeling that the more she knows, the more danger I'm putting her in. And I definitely can't tell Sam. I don't want her to have anything to do with this mess that I've found myself in.
I took a deep, calming breath.
"Whatever happens, happens."
***
"Do you know what you're going to tell them? Or were you planning on keeping this a secret?" Sara asked, breaking the comfortable silence we had been in. I looked up at her from my spot on her lap.
"I'll come up with something."
"It's easier if you plan out what you're going to say. It'll help with the nerves. Although, planning out what you're going to say doesn't necessarily prepare you for their reactions. I planned out my whole speech, but like an idiot, I thought that my parents were going to be accepting and understanding but..." Sara trailed off, shrugging.
"Wait. What?" I asked, tilting my head in confusion. "What did you tell your parents?"
"Your mom and Alex's dad are supposed to be back today, aren't they?"
"Yes?" I answered. I was unsure of what exactly she was talking about. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I didn't know if you would want to tell them or not. Thinking about it, it might just be easier to keep it quiet for a while," She answered while shrugging. I sat up and turned to face her.
"Sara, what are you talking about? I don't think that we're thinking about the same thing and it's causing a bit of confusion right now. Care to explain what you're talking about?" She burst out laughing at the very confused expression on my face. She moved back to sit against the headboard and pulled me to sit in between her legs with my back against her chest.
"I'm talking about," she started, whispering sensually in my ear. "Telling your mom about us." She intertwined our fingers, placing a lingering kiss on my neck while her other hand began trailing down the side of my body. "And telling her about this." I jumped as her hand cupped in between my legs.
"Oh!" I couldn't stop the strangled moan from escaping. Based on the smirk against my neck, she knew exactly what she was doing. After all that has happened recently, I had completely forgotten about having to tell my mom about my sexuality and my relationship with Sara. I hadn't even thought about the fact that I would have to tell my mother about my new addition. This impending conversation is going to be the most awkward and uncomfortable conversation I will ever have with my mother. I don't even know how I'm going to start that conversation. What would I even-
"Riley! You okay?"
"Yeah. Sorry. I just got lost in thought for a moment. What were you saying?"
"I was saying that I should probably head home. But, I really don't want to leave you." She whispered, wrapping her arms around me tighter.
"How about I drive you home? I don't want you going back by yourself. And we'll have a little more time together."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive," I said, before pulling her into a passionate kiss.
***
"Hey. Can we talk?" It was taking everything I had to just stand in the doorway right now. I have no idea how I'm going to make it through an entire conversation.
"Of course." Mom said from where she was cuddled up with John in their bed. She started to get up but was stopped by John placing a gentle hand on her arm and motioning for her to sit back down.
"You can both stay here and talk. I'll be downstairs." John said, standing from the bed.
"Umm, I actually wanted to talk to the both of you if that's okay." I was now regretting not taking Sara's advice of planning out what I was going to say. Although, in my defense, it took a lot longer to drop off Sara than planned. A simple goodbye kiss turned into a full-on make-out session that left me in a very awkward situation afterward. That is one of the things that I actually need to talk to John about which I'm sure will be even more awkward.
"That's fine, Riley. What's on your mind?" He asked as I sat on the corner of the bed. I was trying really hard not to think about all the things that could have possibly happened between the two adults in front of me on this bed.
"Okay. So, first things first. I'm bisexual and I have a girlfriend...or at least, I used to be bisexual? I like both sexes, but I prefer girls." I hadn't actually thought about my current sexuality with my new situation. I guess I am still technically bisexual.
"Okay," My mom said with a smile on her face. "What's her name?"
I raised an eyebrow. "That's it? Okay?"
"Riley, I'm your mother. I've known you since before you even came into this world. I even knew about that girl you were dating a few years ago even though I'm sure you thought you hid it well. I've just been waiting for you to come to me when you were ready."
"Wow. That's a relief, I guess. But, I'm dating Sara." I calmly responded. Internally, I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.
"Sara...Hamilton? She seems like a very nice young lady." John said with a smile of his own. "What was the other thing that you wanted to talk to us about?"
"Umm, this one is a lot harder to explain." I nervously wrung my hands together as I stared down into my lap. "And I'm not really sure how to tell you guys. And I don't want you to think that I'm completely different now, but I know that sometimes reactions are instinctual and that people can't always control them and that-"
"Riley, baby, breathe. You don't have to be nervous to talk to us. I promise. Just tell us and we will be here to support you or help you in any way that we can. Okay?" Mom gently coaxed.
"I have a..." I started, but the word got caught in my throat.
"You have a what, Riley?"
I closed my eyes. I could do this. It was just one sentence and then it'll be over with. It'll be out.
"Riley?"
Clearing my throat, I stood from the bed to face my mom and John.
"I have male reproductive organs now." Wow, could I have said that any worse? But, at least I said it. They just continued to stare at me with confusion plastered over their faces.
"Are you being...serious?" Mom hesitantly asked. I could tell that she wasn't one hundred percent sure how to respond. Whatever she thought I was going to tell them, this definitely wasn't it.
"Yes. Deadly. It happened last night, and I can't explain how. I just figured that the both of you should know."
"Riley, is this code for something?"
"What? No, this isn't code for anything. I am being completely honest right now. I told you that it would be hard to explain."
"And you're sure that you actually have...you know?"
I let out a frustrated sigh. I guess there is really only one way to get them to believe me. I took a deep breath before grabbing the waistband of my shorts. This was going to be truly mortifying. I closed my eyes and yanked my shorts down to my knees before I could talk myself out of it. I heard their gasps, but I refused to open my eyes.
"Yes. I'm sure." I calmly said before pulling my shorts back up. I counted down from ten in my head before I opened my eyes. "Do you believe me now?"