I love you.
Three words, that's all they were. Yet coming from Thorin, they became my world. Before coming to Fennhill knowing that I'd join the dwarves to Dunland, I wanted so much to be independent, to prove to everyone that I could be just like them - resilient, stubborn and willing to do all this alone for after all, I had my craft to keep me busy, just as it had always kept me single-mindedly busy for as long as I could remember.
But those three words changed all that, and now all I wanted was Thorin by my side through it all, the mere thought of being without him making my chest ache, as if a deep pit had opened up inside me on its own accord, driven only to seal itself with him next to me. It was horrible. I hated feeling like this, but I could not deny that with him, I also felt complete - as if I was never going to be alone from here on. Didn't Mahal create partners for the dwarven lords he created? Maybe Thorin was mine.
"I wish we could stay here forever," I whispered as Thorin kissed me again, his tongue lazily tracing the outline of my lips and making me shiver as my belly knotted up again. We'd been lying in bed for some time just holding each other, trying to ignore the sounds of merriment from the main building. It was a reminder that we needed to be somewhere other than here snuggled in bed. It was decadent, Thorin said. After months on the road and having to sleep only on hard ground, sleeping on a real bed - a soft one at that - was luxury that he missed from home. Somehow Master Renner's news that he had received enough gold to warrant some much needed luxury for the wedding party had lifted the dwarves' spirits. Even king Thror, Thorin said, had finally cracked a rare smile when he stood before a luxurious bed in the midst of the inn’s best room. Thorin wondered if his uncle, King Gror of the Iron Hills, had sent it, for if he had, his messenger would certainly have stayed for the ceremony. But Master Renner said the messenger had left as soon as he had arrived.
“It came from the Iron Hills was all Master Renner knew,” Thorin said. “I was at the forge the whole time with Frerin when he came and left.”
I bit my lip, not wanting to say anything that would lead to the truth. So what if men, not dwarves, had paid for such a celebration? I had seen the unbridled happiness during the wedding, just as Thorin and I could hear the sounds of music and laughter wafting from the dining hall. Bernd was right. No one needed to know the truth.
“But we need to join everyone else before Bernd and Jürgen send out a search party for you,” Thorin smiled, rolling over to his back and sitting up on the side of the bed. I watched the muscles of his broad back ripple as he moved, bringing my hand across it to feel its warmth and smoothness, catching a lock of hair that had come loose from its braid. I saw the marks of my fingernails against his shoulder blades, relieved that I did not cut through his skin.
Thorin’s skin prickled and he shivered. When I traced the dip of his spine along the middle of his back, his hand shot behind him and caught my wrist. He turned to face me, smiling playfully. “Any more of that, my dearest, and we’ll never make it out of here.”
We washed and dressed, smoothing out the wrinkles from our clothes and braiding loose plaits, doing our best to look as if nothing had happened in the past hour or so. I pulled open the curtains to look at my faint reflection on the glass window. Outside it was dark, the blinking lights of the city below us.
But I hadn’t been the only one leaving marks on Thorin’s body. For he, too, had left a mark along the base of my neck and I brought my hand up to cover it, blushing.
“I can’t go into the dining hall like this!” I exclaimed as I let go of the curtain and turned around to face Thorin. “What will they think?”
“They will know that you’re mine,” he said, lifting up the ruby and emerald necklace that I thought I had lost the night of the goblin raid. He had fixed the links with mithril, I remembered now, as he walked towards me and clasped the necklace behind my neck, the precious stones resting cool and heavy upon my chest.
“I thought I’d lost it,” I whispered, fighting the tears that threatened to fall down my cheeks.
“Dwalin found it on the ground that night,” Thorin said, arranging my hair about my shoulders. “He gave it to me as soon as I was awake. And now it’s yours again, as it was always meant to be.”
I touched the precious jewels upon my skin, closing my eyes as I felt each intricately cut edges designed to catch the light. “Thank you,” I said.
“We shall marry tonight, while Bernd and Jürgen are here, for I want them to leave Fennhill with the knowledge that you are now in good hands, just as I had promised them. Mine.”
I frowned, watching Thorin carefully. There was something in the expression on his face that told me he was withholding information from me. “What do you mean? You’ve spoken to them about this?”
He smiled. “Two weeks ago, they came to talk with Master Renner about town matters - mostly about trade between their two towns. It was then that I asked Bernd for your hand in marriage.”
I stared at him. “But he never told me.”
“Because he did not say yes,” Thorin said as I gasped, shaking my head in disbelief.
“How could he say no?”
“He didn’t,” Thorin said. “He didn’t want to make the same mistake that he did with Lialam again - giving your hand in marriage after learning that as a dwarf, you make the decision yourself.”
“I don’t understand,” I said, perplexed. “I thought it was always arranged - wasn’t that the case between Frerin and Lady Máni?”
“Oh, Frigga, you’ve lived in the towns of men for so long, there is so much you need to learn about our culture,” Thorin said, his thumb stroking my jaw tenderly. “You, as a dwarf-woman, make the decision to marry whoever you choose. Of course, if your father were still alive, he would consult with my father - and grandfather - and make the arrangements for our betrothal. It would have involved the giving of something quite valuable from me to you.” As he said this, my hand went to the necklace he had just given back to me.
“It could be jewels, or it could be a token in the form of gold coins. It can even be something shared between us, like this,” he kissed me, his arms drawing me close to him, rendering me weak as my arms went around his neck. Thorin began to walk forward, forcing me to move backwards till my back hit something hard and I found myself pinned between him and the door.
The butterflies in my belly fluttered wildly again, my knees becoming weak as I clung to him. The smell of Thorin drove me mad, and I wound my fingers through his hair, pulling him closer as his kiss deepened, his mouth catching my tongue and sucking it gently as I moaned.
But the sound of someone walking past my door brought me back to my senses. My face burned as I pulled away from him, feeling his arousal against my belly.
“I don’t think Bernd will take kindly to what has just happened between us, Thorin - dwarf practice or not. At least not until we’re married,” I said as I began to unclasp the necklace from behind my neck. “We need to get to the dining hall, but I can’t wear this.”
“Why not?” Thorin asked as he drew back, frowning.
“Because the necklace is going to detract from Lady Máni’s special evening,” I said. I had seen the jewelry that she wore when I passed her in the hall, and although they were as large and as beautiful as Thorin’s necklace, I didn’t feel good wearing it in front of her on her wedding day. “It’s just something between women - even between dwarf-women.”
Thorin sighed and opened his palm to accept the necklace, pocketing it into his tunic. “I’m afraid you do have a point,” he said as he opened the door, allowing me to slip past him and step outside into the hallway. “The last thing I want is to upset any more dwarf-women tonight.”
“Oh, shush,” I laughed but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me close to him, leaning forward to whisper in my ear.
“But when I make love to you again later tonight, you will wear it for me. Just the necklace - and nothing else.”
~~~
In front of everyone else, Thorin seemed more aloof and distant as we entered the dining hall. His chin lifted higher and his shoulders rolled back, making his chest seem broader. Even the way he walked changed. He walked with an authority befitting a dwarf of power, one who had been born with the promise of greatness already in his blood.
Yet except for the promise of greatness flowing in his blood - and his usual regal bearing - all that changed when we heard the shrieks from one end of the room calling out his name, as Kili and Fili ran up to their uncle. They clung to his legs screaming and laughing as his face broke into a wide grin and he scooped both of them, balancing them precariously - one in each arm. It was the first time I'd seen Thorin so happy, every ounce of worry erased from his face as Kili and Fili smothered him with hugs, pulling at his braids even after he told them not to.
Uncle Thorin, where have you been?
Uncle Thorin, Kili pulled your hair. Look, he’s doing it again!
Uncle Thorin, will you play the harp later?
It was an endless barrage of questions and news and statements only children can make, and it made me smile. Arna had been trying to catch up with them but I could see that the poor dwarf was exhausted. She looked at Thorin being attentive to them and smiled, relieved.
Still carrying them but under his arms this time like he were lifting two small squirmy lumps of potatoes, he turned to me, urging me to walk next to him with a nod of his head. I looked about the room, feeling eyes watching me. I looked for Bernd and Jürgen but did not find them. I wondered if they’d even come to the dining hall at all, although if they had come, they would have been so out of place. The place was filled with dwarves, laughing and enjoying themselves. Food and wine flowed freely, and the smell made my stomach growl. I didn’t realize how hungry I was.
“Come,” Thorin said, finally releasing the boys and taking my hand, walked me over to where his father and the King sat. They were seated behind a long table at the front of the room and were engrossed in conversation, hardly noticing anyone around them.
Kili and Fili ran around us, making progress through the room difficult and I could not help but smile at their antics. Oh, to be young again, I thought. Around them, Thorin seemed to smile more, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he told Kili to stop pulling at his tunic or Fili to lower his sword lest he poke Kili in the eye by accident. The lines on his face seemed to disappear as he gazed at them.
Suddenly a younger version of Thorin appeared in front of me, a big smile on his face. Though his hair was as long as Thorin’s and with braids fastened in golden cuffs, it was brown to Thorin’s black.
“Frigga,” Frerin laughed, his hands grabbing me around my waist and almost lifting me up from the floor as he spun me around. “It is you! I’ve always known it was you! The last time I saw you, you were wee high.”
“As were you,” I said as he finally set me down. “We used to pretend that we were sick and then sneak out of the sick room so we could play outside-“
“Instead of working on our Cirth alphabet,” Frerin laughed as Thorin raised an eyebrow, as if the revelation was new to him. “It was only once or twice, Thorin,” Frerin added quickly. “Really.”
I couldn’t help smiling as the memories flooded in, almost overwhelming me as I sucked my breath in. The sight of Frerin and Thorin together made Dis’ absence so acute, more so as her children ran around us. Frerin hugged me again tightly, finally letting me go when Thorin cleared his throat.
“You are coming with us then to Dunland?” Frerin asked as I nodded. “Good, Lady Máni will like that. And is it true that you are to be married to my brother tonight?”
“Yes,” Thorin answered, pinning me with his eyes as he took my hand and led me to the table.
Next to Frerin, Lady Máni walked up shyly, and Frerin introduced us. As I gazed at her, my decision not to wear Thorin’s necklace had been right. Lady Máni wore an intricate necklace of rubies and diamonds, accentuating her luminous skin and red hair, setting her apart from everyone else as a dwarf-woman celebrating a special day. Every other dwarf-woman in the room - though they were outnumbered by the dwarf-men three to one - wore more subdued clothing and hardly any jewelry except for the golden cuffs in their hair and simple necklaces and bracelets. Some of the dwarf-women were dressed just like the men and I realized then that it was probably the only clothes they owned now as dwarf-women dressed as dwarf-men when traveling great distances. With my emerald green dress, I stood out as much as Lady Máni with her rose-colored gown.
Frerin’s new bride was softspoken and shy. She wore her hair in an elaborate arrangement that fell gracefully about her face and I envied the grace with which she moved. It was elegant and befitting that of a princess.
A princess without a mountain, I thought as she embraced me, calling me her sister. She pulled me towards her place at the table, sitting me down as she asked me what I thought of her wedding, whether I was enjoying myself.
As we conversed, mostly about how her journey from the Iron Hills had been uneventful, and how her father still wasn’t too happy about her decision to join the Erebor dwarves out in the wilderness when she and Frerin could return to the Iron Hills with him, I watched Thorin approach his father and grandfather. The formality between them was unmistakable. They were, even in the absence of Erebor, still royalty, and as they spoke in low tones, I could almost feel the weight of responsibility descend upon Thorin’s shoulders like a mantle. The lines appeared upon his face again.
“Frerin told me that Thorin found you in a small town just north of here,” Lady Máni said. “He told me that the moment Thorin saw you, he knew who you were, but that the years had made you forget that you were a dwarf. Is it true they made you shave your beard? That must have been horrible.”
I smiled. “I was too young to know any better. But they were good to me, and they treated me like their only daughter.”
Lady Máni smiled. “That’s good to know. Not too many people are kind to dwarves. Father tells me that I shall face much hardship on this journey and though I don’t ever want Frerin to worry about me, I’m afraid father might be right.”
“Would you rather return home to the Iron Hills?” I asked.
Lady Máni shook her head. “I would never do that,” she replied. “I love Frerin too much to force him to live with me in the Iron Hills. No, my fate lies with Frerin, just as your fate lies with his brother.”
We turned our attention to Thorin and Frerin deep in conversation with King Thror and Prince Thrain for a few minutes. A few moments later, Dwalin and Balin approached as well.
I was about to excuse myself so I could get some food when a shadow crossed our table. A dwarf placed a plate filled with food in front of me.
“For you, my lady,” he said.
“Thank you,” I said. Beside me, Lady Máni was giving air kisses to her new husband, not noticing my visitor as picked up the fork.
“Will the lady be traveling with the dwarves to Dunland or back to the Iron Hills?” The dwarf asked. He seemed older than Thorin by a few years and he wore a gray tunic with dark trim. On his left wrist I could see the edge of a tattoo. Straight lines had been tattooed down the back of his hand and back, as if he were wearing some sort of fierce hand guard with pins at its ends.
But just as I stabbed a piece of meat with the fork, I saw his skin from the edge of his sleeve. It bore another tattoo, its top hidden by his sleeve, but by the crease of his wrist, I saw the mark of what would be a mouth. A skeleton-like jaw. I lowered the fork and looked up at him. My mouth turned dry.
Before I could answer, Dwalin appeared next to the dwarf. “Do you know this dwarf, Lady Frigga?”
I shook my head. “No,” my voice was barely a whispere. “No, I don’t, Lord Dwalin. He brought me a plate of food.”
Dwalin pushed the plate away from me, his eyes never leaving the dwarf. “What is your business with the lady, dwarf?”
The dwarf lowered his eyes for a moment, before returning his gaze towards Dwalin, smiling nervously. “I only wished to bring her food, sire, as Prince Thorin is quite occupied at the moment and has ignored her.”
There was something reedy about his voice now, the friendly tone he had spoken to me earlier now long gone. Then bowing hastily, the dwarf added, “Forgive me for my impertinence. I realize now that it was bold of me to have done so.”
As Dwalin watched him with narrowed eyes, the dwarf retreated into the center of the room, disappearing among the rest of the dwarves. But we continued to watch him as he slipped out the door with not a single dwarf in the room having engaged him in conversation, not even to say hello.
“Dwalin, what is it?” Thorin asked as he walked up alongside his friend. He'd managed to extricate the two nephews from his arms.
“That dwarf did not travel with us,” Dwalin said. “Nor is he from the Iron Hills.”
“Did you know him, Frigga?” Thorin asked, turning to look at me.
“I don't know him,” I said. “He only came to bring me a plate of food.”
“Food that could have been poisoned,” Dwalin said as he grabbed the plate and walked to the nearest window. He flung it open and tossed it, plate and all, outside.
“Poisoned?” Lady Máni whispered, her face turning pale. Frerin appeared by her side and after a few hasty excuses about needing to finally retire to their chambers, they left the dining hall amid loud yells and cheers. Her father and his group of dwarves from the Iron Hills followed close behind them.
“Frigga, come,” Thorin said, extending his hand towards me. “I should never have left you alone.”
“Where are we going?” I asked as Thorin took my hand and led me out of the dining hall. He took me back to the building where Frerin and Lady Máni’s wedding had taken place. We followed the hallway, walking past my room, and continued towards the wedding hall. He opened the door and led me inside.
Bernd was sitting on one of the chairs close to the front of the room, and when we entered he stood up. I hurried towards him, the broad smile on my face fading when I noticed that Jürgen was not with him.
“Where is Jürgen?” I asked as Bernd clasped me tightly.
“He had to return sooner than we planned. But he is alright,” Bernd replied. “I will return first thing tomorrow morning, but not until I see you.”
“But why did Jürgen have to leave? Did something happen? Does this have anything to do with that man who brought me a plate of food at the dining hall?”
Bernd’s eyes snapped towards Thorin, alarm written all over his face. “What man?”
“Dwalin got to her just in time,” Thorin said. “We know he is not from Erebor nor from the Iron Hills.”
“He asked me where I was headed,” I said. “Whether it was to Dunland or back to the Iron Hills.”
“What did you tell him?” Thorin asked.
“I didn’t tell him anything.” I turned to back to Bernd. “Who was he?”
“He’s nobody. And he’s the last thing you’re to think about right this minute,” Bernd replied, grinning as he turned me around by the shoulders to face Thorin. Just then, the door opened and King Thror and Prince Thrain entered, followed by Frerin and Lady Máni, Dwalin, Balin and Arna, with Kili asleep over one shoulder and Fili following right next to her, holding on to the edge of her tunic, wiping his eyes wearily.
“What is going on?” I asked in a low whisper. Encountering the man at the dining hall had left me confused as memories swirled in my mind as where I had last seen him. It had been a long time ago, but I knew it had scared me then, just as it frightened me now. But the dwarves that filled the front of the room forced me back to the present, and I felt Bernd squeeze my shoulder.
Bernd towered next to me, grinning as he peered down at me like he always did. Before me, Thorin retrieved his necklace and placed it around my neck.
“What do you think, Frigga?” Thorin chuckled, pride brightening his face.
Then it hit me. It was happening, I - or rather, the four-year-old me who had foreseen this night so long ago and announced it to the King himself so brazenly - thought.
I was finally getting married to my Prince.