Okay, so he'd definitely fucked up this time. Pretty badly.
It was at least seven in the morning, and he'd woken up with someone's arm around his waist and the sense of dread you get only when you realize something terrible has just happened, and may only get worse. He laid there for a while, staring out of the opposite window and watching the sky turn blue, trying to think of some excuse he could give his cabin mates for not turning up last night. They probably weren't worried about him.
And Nick...well, Nick was quickly becoming only a thought to him, a one night stand that could potentially humiliate him. Dan was so stupid, and at the worst possible times, it seemed. He didn't think of the consequences of his actions, didn't like to contemplate how they might affect him in the long run, and that' was why he didn't have any friends and was sent to this camp and it's why he calls himself a fuck-up in general life, because he is. And nothing he did seemed to be enough to change that. No one thought of him as a person they wanted
to stick around in their lives.
But he'd deal with all of that self-deprecation later, because right now, he had bigger problems.
It was easy, removing Nick's arm from its death grip around his waist, he was a deep sleeper it seemed, and Dan gratefully grabbed his clothes from the floor and left the cabin without trouble. Having your dad own the place had its perks apparently, because Nick didn't have to share with anyone else, and he had his own bathroom. Nepotism at its finest.
"Shit," Dan muttered to himself, pressing his fingertips to his forehead and closing his eyes. He had a really distracting headache, and those stupid fucking birds weren't helping, sitting in seemingly every goddamn tree and chirping like their lives depended on it. At least the grounds were empty right now; he didn't think he could handle human interaction this early in the morning, and not in his current state of mind.
What he really needed was a shower, and he sighed in relief when he finally reached his own cabin, practically on the other side of the camp. He would endure the disease-ridden floors of it meant getting the stench of alcohol and sweat off of him.
He opened the door and nearly ran into Phil who was on his way out, carrying a towel and a change of clothes.
"Sorry," Dan said, stepping back out of his personal space. "Jeez, we need to stop running into each other, huh?" Phil didn't reply, only gave him a blank stare, and Dan recoiled into himself slightly. "Um, are you, going for a shower? Cause I was just about to, if you wouldn't mind me tagging along."
"Thought you said you wouldn't follow me to the bathrooms anymore?" Phil said.
"Promise this'll be the last time."
Phil agreed, but Dan couldn't help but feel that it was a reluctant move. He grabbed a change of clothes and his own towel before along into step beside Phil, staring down at his feet as they walked to the showers. It was quiet between them, uneasily so, and Dan struggle to find a way to break it; it was weird, because he usually didn't bother striking up conversations with people he didn't know that well, but over the three days he'd been here so far, he'd found that Phil was someone he could easily talk to. But now, it was...awkward.
Dan crossed his arms over his chest, clutching his biceps until there were ten half-crescent nail marks indented in the skin. "So, how was your night, then?" He asked casually, giving Phil a curious look. "You didn't go to the party, so..."
Phil shrugged. "After a while, all the parties and the drinking and the lowered inhibitions get to be too much, you know?" Dan nodded; he was starting to grow tired of it himself. "And lately, my tolerance for it has gotten much lower. Would rather stay inside by myself, catch up on all that summer reading and such."
It was almost admirable, or envious, how much he didn't seem to care about keeping up appearances. Most of the kids here, even Dan himself, were worried about what others thought of them, how cool and approachable and entertaining they were, and they would stay up all night and drink like their lives depended on it, and Phil was the magnificent outlier to it all. He would reject their invitations, and stand by himself, and Dan wished he had that much self-confidence.
"Understandable," Dan said. "Wish I would've stayed last night, it wasn't as fulfilling as I'd hoped."
"I don't know, I mean," Phil glanced at him once, "I heard you enjoyed yourself, or...maybe not yourself." Dan scrunched his eyebrows together; what was that supposed to mean. Phil bit his lip. "Heard about you and Nick."
Oh. Dan flushed at the words, and he couldn't stop the unbidden memories of last night from flooding his mind, the heat and the sweat and the desperate need, and then the almost instant regret and stomach-churning guilt at what he'd done. And Phil knew about it, apparently not just him either. Had the news spread already? Had Nick told them, at some point before they had left together, or maybe he'd snuck out after Dan had passed out.
"Not judging or anything, honestly," Phil reassured quickly. "I just...you know about his whole reputation, right?"
"I might have heard about it."
They'd reached the showers now, and Dan could hear people already up and about, water running and the sound of laughing and talking coming from inside. Phil stopped beside the door, and turned to face Dan.
"So I didn't really peg you as...the slutty type."
"The what?" It's like a punch in the gut, hearing that come from Phil, of all people. Anyone else, he could ignore and go on with his life, but this isn't good. This means that Phil doesn't think of him as anything more than that guy who put out for the psychotic man whore who's daddy owned the place. "Don't...why would you even presume...you don't have any right to say that about me."
"I don't?"
"No, you really fucking don't."
Phil sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "You've been here not even a week, and you're already spreading your legs for some guy who'll do nothing but screw you over, what else am I supposed to think--"
"You're fucking pathetic," Dan said, trying to sound angry and defiant, but his hands were shaking at his sides and and his throat was closing up. "You're just assuming, and you don't know a thing about me, so don't sit here and judge me like you even remotely understand my life."
They stood there and stared at each other for what felt like forever, the morning air thick with tension around them. Phil pressed his hand to his eyes and rubbed roughly. "I didn't, mean it like that."
"Then what did you mean it like?" Dan asked harshly, and Phil didn't answer, giving him this look like he had no idea what he was talking about. Dan shook his head. "Great. Thanks so much, this is exactly what I need right now, you telling me how disgusting I am."
"I didn't say that--"
"You might as well have."
Dan pushed past him into the showers, jaw clenched and hands turned into fists at his aides. Phil didn't make any move to stop him, and that was both good and bad; he would much rather not argue about it anymore, but it also meant that Phil wasn't willing to try and apologize, or even hear Dan out. And that hurt.
***
By mid-afternoon, Dan was in such a foul mood that it seemed to be affecting his whole day. After being confronted by Phil, it all went downhill from there, and so far he'd slipped in the shower and almost broken his nose, tripped over his suitcase which was still laying in the middle of the floor of their cabin, and nearly face planted trying to tie his shoes. All in all, it was turning out to be a bad day.
The only semi-good thing that had happened to him so far was that no one else had brought up anything about him and Nick, at least, not to his face, so he just cautiously assumed that they didn't know. Yet.
It was almost two in the afternoon, and everyone was packed into the cafeteria, talking and shouting and laughing and eating, and Dan was starting to get a headache. He had just grabbed a tray and joined the long line of other kids when someone grabbed his arm and dragged him unceremoniously from the room, out into the sweltering heat.
"What the hell, Finn?" Dan snatched his arm back and glared at his cabin mate. There was no one else out here, and the quiet was almost unnerving. "What's your problem?"
"I thought I told you, specifically told you, to stay away from Nick," Finn snapped, crossing his arms defiantly across his chest. Dan shifted his gaze towards the ground, but he could feel his ears turning red at the accusation. "And what, you thought that meant to immediately sleep with him?"
Dan shook his head and smiled ruefully. "Look, can we not do this right now, I'm not in the mood." He turned to leave again but Finn pulled him back.
"No, we're doing this now." Dan sighed but didn't move to leave again. "I mean, did you even hear anything I said about him? How bad he'll fuck you over, how his dad owns the camp, does any of that ring a bell?"
"And what do you want me to do about it?" Dan bit out through his teeth; he was getting angry for no good reason but he hated this, having these people dig into his business like it was theirs. "Go back there and un-fuck him? Sorry, Finn, I don't think that's gonna work, so can you please just drop it? I know I screwed up, I don't need you to remind me."
"I'm just trying to make sure you're okay," Finn said in a much more gentle tone. "I don't know how you feel or what you're going through, but I just want to make sure you're okay, because I know he's an asshole."
Dan let out a shaky breath and rubbed his across his face. "I wish I hadn't done it either, trust me, but I did. And I'd rather just forget about it, so just...please? Leave it alone?"
Finn stared at him in concern, and Dan tried to tell himself that it wasn't pitying or judging, but the spike that was suddenly being slowly pushed into his chest was saying otherwise. "I don't know if this is going to end good, Dan," he said.
"We'll just see what happens, then, I guess." And he knew that wasn't a very good solution to the problem, but it was all he could muster the energy to do right now.
Finn reached out and patted him on the shoulder before heading back into the cafeteria, but Dan didn't follow him; his mood was starting to deteriorate faster now, Phil's words and Finn's words joining the self-dread that had been building up in his mind since he'd woken up that morning, and he didn't think he could handle being in such a crowded place without lashing out or breaking down, or both.
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to calm down, and it worked slightly. At least, he wasn't on the verge of tears anymore.
He turned and made his way to his cabin, planning on sitting by himself for as long as he could before being forced to do whatever activities everyone else was supposed to be doing.
He rounded the corner, his hands shoved into his pockets, and nearly ran into someone else.
"Shit, so--" he started to apologize, but immediately stopped when he saw it was Nick. He froze where he was standing.
"Hey," Nick said softly, almost reassuringly, smiling crookedly at him. He didn't look like he would have any evil intentions, but Dan still felt his muscles tense automatically. "I've been, looking for you actually, I wanted to talk to you."
Dan shook his head, and swallowed the lump that suddenly appeared in his throat. "I, uh, can't right now, I have to...I'm busy, just, later? Possibly?"
Nick looked like he wanted to protest, but he closed his mouth and smiled again, and Dan mentally told himself not to get into deeper shit than was already in. "Okay. Later."
As soon as he was gone, Dan dragged a hand through his hair and slumped against the wall of the cabin he was standing next to, trying to put this whole crazy fucking puzzle together.
At this rate, he wasn't going to survive the next week in this place.
***
a/n: "jesus fuck courtney when are d&p gonna kiss already it's been five chapters now they're usually having sex by now"
okay so I was gonna update on saturdays, but now it's gonna be wednesday (and it's still wednesday for me, really late but it still counts)
so like, what do you guys think of this so far? i mean chapter five, is it good? i'm not wasting my time writing this right? i just, i need constant validation i'm sorry i'm a needy bitch that's no secret.
okay yeah that's it i guess, i hope you liked this and i'll see you next time (hopefully next week???????) peace :3