I've been on my bed looking at the ceiling ever since John walked away from me. It's been at least an hour.
His hurt look keeps flashing through my head. Those eyes. He fell apart. He didn't cry or stomp or get red in the face. Quite the opposite actually. He was silent and blunt and compared to his every day attitude, that was his way of falling to pieces.
I hear footsteps near the door. I roll over to see Sophie standing gingerly in the hallway.
"Hey, Soph."
"What's wrong, Ramona." She climbs in my lap.
"Mmm. I'm just fine Sophie."
She furrows her eyebrows together.
"But you've been crying." She wipes her fingers across my face, clearing away the thin trace of tears. "Don't cry, Ramona." Her face turns up into a concerned frown as if she would also burst into tears just because I was.
"No, no I'm alright," I say trying to reassure her. Her face turns back to normal and she stares at me intently.
"But you are by far the sweetest girl I have ever met, you know that? Stay six forever. Don't ever change. So when I leave and then come back, I'll know that the old Soph is here waiting for me."
She smiles as wide as the Cheshire Cat when I said that. Then her smile fades.
"You're leaving?"
"Yeah. I am."
The face she makes reminds me so much of John.
"Oh."
"But don't you worry your pretty little head about it, alright. Just take care of your siblings while I'm gone, ok?"
"Ok." She reaches forward and hugs me around my neck and I embrace her.
"Bye, Ramona." She walks out the door.
A few minutes later I hear the door click from downstairs. Someone rushes up quickly with anxious footsteps. I stand up and walk to the door just in time for John to meet me there.
Before I could utter a word he kisses me hard on the mouth and cups my face in his hands. There was a certain passion to it that made it different than any other kiss. It was a kind of kiss that made me not want to come up for air. But we didn't. It seemed like we never would, but nonetheless we ended up tangled in each other on my bed, breathless.
"So I guess it's safe to say you're not mad anymore," I say.
"I was never mad. Disappointed, yes. Confused, yes. Hurt, yes. But I wasn't mad. I don't think I could ever be angry at someone like you."
"These schools actually like me, John. They really do. I'm doing everything from instructing students to painting murals in these amazing places. But despite all that, being away from you is going to tear me apart." He looks at me and strokes my hair gently.
"Then come back whenever you want. I'll be waiting to put you back together." I smile sadly at him.
"You love me?" I ask looking up at him.
"Dearly."
"Why?"
"That is the question isn't it?" he asks slightly chuckling. "I'd be lying if I told you I didn't fall for you as soon as I saw you. I tried not to, though. I tried so hard, Mona. When I picked up Sophie on the first day of art class, you walked up to me with paint clinging to you like there was no place it would rather be. At first, I told myself snap out of it, Andrews it's just a girl. But then I saw you asleep in the tree. And then we danced in the rain. And then you became apart of my life. You had this light to you that I hadn't seen in a long while, so I stuck with you. I loved you just as fast as I met you."
"John?"
"Yes, Ramona?"
"I love you more than you could ever know."
:::
Me, Amelia, and John stand outside circled in luggage. John offered to help me pack last night, which caused us to be up past 2 AM. My eyelids are giving me hell for it.
A taxi sits on the road, engine purring while it awaits its passenger. I give everyone hugs before I go, not forgetting to shed a tear for each person.
"Don't forget us little people down here when you make it big," Amelia says as I pull away from her.
"Never," I respond.
She was the last person left to hug. I wish she wasn't. I wish I could hug them forever and ever but the driver charges by the hour and he doesn't seem like the nicest puppy in the litter.
I load my stuff into the trunk and get inside. I wave one last time before the window rolls up and fades their smiling faces to gray.