He didn't have any nightmares that night. He didn't even remember his dreams at all. It concerned Roy. He was used to stifling hot nightmares every night and daymares in the morning; Waking up not being able to breathe with sweat pouring down the back of his neck.
It was a restless sleep this time. His body as restless as his motionless legs could be. The pain in his spine came back again. It throbbed and buzzed like a million wasps biting and stinging their way into his vertebrae. Still Roy bit his lip, tempted to down another three pills but chose not to. No, he had to make them last as long as possible. And although the amount he'd taken had given him a sort of high, it took the pain away just enough.
Despite being up most of the night, Roy hadn't heard Whit come back. His eyes fluttered open when there was a knock at the door.
Roy wasn't sure if it was his place to open it but everyone seemed to still be sleeping. He quietly unlocked the front door.
"Dade. Hi."
"I'm sorry. Is it appropriate me being here?"
"I don't see why not. No one is awake yet."
"Dahlia hasn't left for work yet. She wanted me to see if you were up to going to the library or not."
"Yeah," Roy nodded.
"May I come in?"
"Let's-let's just get going," Roy said groggily and closed the door behind him.
"How'd it go?" Whit asked.
"I'm not sure," Roy replied.
"Elaborate."
"I thought Whit was totally okay at first but he's pissed."
"At you or at the situation?"
"I think it's a little of both," Roy admitted.
"Understandable."
"I made my mother cry yesterday." They'd soon reached Dade's house. Dahlia sat on the porch with a cup of coffee. "I didn't want her to see me like this."
"It was inevitable, Roy. You know it."
Dahlia rose. "Will you be joining me today?"
"Yeah," Roy mumbled.
"You gonna stay here or at home?" Whit asked as Dahlia started the car.
"Possibly home. Possibly here. I don't know yet. I think my parents think I'm addicted to drugs. I passed out and they walked in on me."
"Did you take anything?"
"I had a painkiller, that's all."
"How much?"
"Like three or four."
"One probably would've been enough."
"Don't judge me, Dade."
Dade smiled. "You're right. Sometimes one isn't enough."
"Mmm," Roy agreed.
Dahlia didn't say a single word to Roy on their way to the library. A smile was across her face, though, and Roy questioned her when they got inside.
"How was dinner with William?"
"Oh? Fine. It was fine. It was nice."
"Hello!" Amanda called.
"I hate Amanda," Roy whispered.
"What?" Dahlia laughed rather loudly and stopped herself.
"She reminds me of someone I knew. Real character."
"Weren't you wearing that shirt yesterday?" Amanda looked at Roy when they opened the door to the front room.
"Is that a problem?" Roy asked and raised an eyebrow. He hadn't gone inside Dade's house to change his clothes.
Dahlia tried to stop herself from laughing.
"Making an observation," Amanda smiled. "I talked to Kevin about having you at the front desk today. He said you should be ready!"
"Oh yeah? Second day on the job and you already trust me dealing with people."
"It's so easy, Roy. You just stamp the books and write the date down. It's so easy. You can totally do it."
"I'm sure."
"Please, if you need anything just holler. I'll be downstairs. Dahlia, what are you doing?"
"I think paperwork needs to be done," Dahlia shrugged.
"Hmm," Amanda replied before disappearing.
"Honestly I think she just sleeps in the basement," Dahlia mentioned to Roy.
"I believe it," he said.
She pulled up a chair next to him and sighed. "You wanna tell me what happened?"
"Last night?"
She nodded.
"Uh...well. Hmm."
"Was it good? Was it bad?"
"Both I guess," Roy sighed.
"Did Whit even see you in the library?"
"I didn't mention it to him. I'm assuming not."
"What did he say, Roy?"
"That I brought this upon myself."
Dahlia chewed the bottom of a pen. "Oh."
"I should...I should go back to California."
"What? Roy, you just got here."
"I'm not wanted here," he shook his head.
"You're needed at the library," Dahlia assured him.
"Yeah, to you."
"Hypothetically speaking, if you were to go back, would you have anyone?"
"I don't know," Roy said.
"Listen, I understand why your family might be angry at you, and they have every reason to be. And they might not know how to cope with your injury, Roy. Not yet, anyway. But you're among friends. You're not alone in this. Not here."
"I appreciate that."
"I hope you believe me," she smiled.
"Possibly."
The rest of the day was relatively slow. Roy was left to himself besides the occasional check up of Amanda and Dahlia running up to replace and grab more papers.
He greeted each customer with a fake smile, and you could tell if you watched him carefully because his eyes didn't crinkle; checked out their books and told them "you have a good day."
Monotonous, heavy, and boring. And it made Roy's thoughts wander.
He found himself staring blankly ahead of him, rarely making eye contact with strangers. The only sounds in the library were that of the ticking of the clock and every so often a sudden hearty laugh downstairs from Amanda.
All of his movements felt mechanical, fake, like he was looking in at himself performing tasks but wasn't actually doing them. He felt hollow, like an old grandfather clock. And he couldn't wait for the hand to land on the six.
"You have a good day, miss," Roy said to a young blonde preparing to leave.
The woman smiled, bending over to Roy's level. "It's so nice that they have work here for people like you."
Roy's blood pressure was through the roof. He bit his tongue to hold back a response likely to get him fired. He couldn't help but think she looked like MacKenzie from the back and he swallowed a sort of pride. He'd have rather swallowed morphine, and he ran his fingers along the bottle kept always in his sweater pocket.
"It's about closing time. Are there people still up there?" Dahlia asked.
"No," Roy replied, and locked the door when the blonde left.
Roy frowned, but he smiled.