My baby bump is now visible underneath my school uniform, causing rumours to spread around the school and it doesn't help that I've stopped dancing for the time being. Every time I walk up and down a corridor, all eyes follow me, seeing if they can get a glimpse of my so-called baby bump. I don't say anything to confirm or deny those rumours; instead I try and act as if this doesn't bother me. It does though because sooner rather than later, they will find out that I am pregnant and it will no longer be a rumour.
"Just ignore them." Maddie tells me one lunch time. "What does it matter to them that you are pregnant anyway? It's not like you're going to be asking them to baby sit." She tries joking with me but I'm really not in the mood.
"No, that job will most likely be going to you because you won't have any plans on a Saturday night, unlike the rest of us." I say to her. It was my attempt at a joke but it came out harsher than intended. "I'm sorry Maddie, I didn't mean that. At least you'll have Saturday nights free. In a few short months I won't."
"I know the rest of us are just counting down the days until we don't have to see you anymore." She jokes with me, giving my arm a shove and I know that everything is okay between the two of us.
"Anyway, tell me more about your mystery crush. You didn't tell me anything before because I wouldn't let you know what was going on with me and Cory but now you know." I say to Maddie, hoping to distract my mind from all the chaos that is happening.
Unfortunately for me, she is refusing to tell me anything still. "Fine, I'm just going to start guessing. Is it Jordan Lewis? Or Kieran Lockley?" I go on like this for a little while until it feels like I have mentioned every guy in our year.
"Seriously Kristen, I'm not interested in any of those guys. Can we just leave it now?" she says, close to sounding angry so I drop the subject.
The two of us make our way to our next lesson, ignoring the stares that I am getting from everyone. We walk into our performing arts classroom and begin preparing the pieces that we want to do for the exam which will be in May. I can't believe how close they are and yet I can't bring myself to think about them. I have bigger things on my mind and it doesn't help that I am nearly halfway through my pregnancy.
"Sir, can I use your computer to print something out?" I hear Skye ask which instantly makes me roll my eyes. She was the one who apparently came up with the rumour about me which is not a surprise really. It's just annoying that she is right for once.
I end up watching her on our teacher's computer rather than doing my own work. I'm finding it hard to choose a play when I really don't care about it. Rather than printing something out though, she seems to be looking for something. Skye's eyes widen at something but she then composes herself again. A few minutes later she prints her work out but instead of walking over to her table, she walks over to mine.
"What do you want?" I ask her, hoping that she goes away soon.
"Just read this." She says to me, handing me one of the papers she has just printed out. "Don't worry, you can keep that copy, I've got plenty more here." She tells me before walking off.
I look down at what she handed me and I can feel my world collapsing. It is the email that my mum sent to the teachers a few weeks ago. Somehow Skye has managed to get hold of it.
"You bitch!" I yell at her as I get up and storm towards her table. "You had no right to go and do this. You have gone too far this time!" I scream which gains the attention of the whole class.
"Kris, just try and calm down." Cory says to me which has the opposite effect.
"How can I calm down? Look what she has done!" so I show him the printed out emails. "Do you honestly expect me to be calm?"
"What's happening here ladies?" asks Mr Reynolds and he then grabs one of the many printed out sheets of paper.
I watch as his face goes from confusion and then into anger as he reads the paper, realising what it is. "Skye, straight to the headmasters office please. I'll be up in a moment to explain what you have done. Kristen, stay there a moment." He tells us both and Skye then leaves the classroom. "Everyone else back to work! Are you alright Kristen?"
"No, I want to kill her and I don't think that is uncalled for." I tell him honestly.
"Well you're not going to kill her because murder won't solve anything. However I will make sure she is severely punished by the headmaster. She has not only invaded the privacy of a student but also a teacher along with lying to me about what she was going to do." I reply by nodding. The only good thing to come out of all this will be seeing Skye get punished.
The weekend finally rolls around, meaning I don't have to go to school and see everyone. The stares have become even more intense as people know for certain now that I am pregnant. It didn't take long for Skye to spread that around the school. I try and push that out of my mind for now as I have another scan today. I just need to focus on my baby being healthy, that is my main priority.
Like before, my mum drives Cory and I down to the hospital and we sign in. The receptionist gives me the same look as before and the waiting is the same judgemental stares. No matter where I go, I always get those stares. Thankfully Jennifer calls our name rather quickly and I make my way into her room.
"Hello again Kristen. How have you been feeling?" she asks me as I walk into the room.
"Alright, I'm just getting more tired really." I tell her.
"Well that's to be expected. Right according to your notes you are now 19 weeks pregnant." She murmurs out loud to herself. "I'm going to do the same as before and place this gel on your belly. It will be quite cold, just be aware." And so she places the gel on my belly and I have to be careful not to jump from where I am laid because of how cold it is.
Jennifer starts moving the transducer around until she gets a good image of the baby on the screen. It startles me slightly how much the baby actually looks like a baby at this stage.
"Would you like to know what you're having?" Jennifer asks me.
I had completely forgotten that I would be able to find out the gender of my baby today and in all honesty, it wasn't something I had thought much about.
"No, I don't think I want to find out what I'm having. If that's alright with you?" I look up at Cory and ask.
"Yeah that is fine by me. We get to keep it as a surprise." He says while holding my hand.
"That's fine, a surprise it will be then. Have you thought about going to any birthing classes and thinking about the supplies you will need for the baby?" Jennifer asks us.
In my head I still have plenty of time to think about things like that but now that she has mentioned it, it seems like I'll have less time than I thought.
"No not yet. But we will. I'll start by making a list of things we will need. Are there any brands of anything you recommend?" I ask, realising I don't have the faintest idea what I should start buying and what is the best.
"I'll make you a list later on and send it home with you if you want?" she tells us and I thank her. "Has the baby started kicking yet?" she then moves on and asks me.
"Not yet. Is that normal?" I think about the worst case scenarios of why the baby hasn't kicked yet.
"If I were you, I wouldn't begin to worry yet. It is your first pregnancy so the baby doesn't usually start kicking until around 21 weeks. It will feel more like fluttering at first but soon enough you won't be able to mistake the kicking for anything else." She informs me and I begin to start feeling better.
Not long after that and the scan is over. Everything is perfectly healthy for both me and the baby. Only around another twenty weeks or so of this and then a child for life. The thought does scare me a bit.
We decide to start buying and looking for things tomorrow as it is better to start sooner rather than later. I still don't believe that this is happening though, that there is a baby growing inside of me. The thought seems unreal. I don't understand how Cory has remained so calm throughout all of this so far. Maybe like me, he is panicking more inside his head. Either way, he is the one who has helped me be strong enough to go through this, even if I am only halfway through the pregnancy.
Tonight is a night where it is just going to be the two of us. My mum has gone on another date with the guy she went out with on Valentine's Day. Since being with my dad, this is the most serious relationship she has been in. Anyway, this means me and Cory will have the house to ourselves most of the night, not that we are going to be using it to our advantage, I'm still not ready for that. Instead we are going to watch a couple of films and just relax, something I am unable to do after the school finding out about me and the constant pressure of exams.
"How are you doing sleepy?" Cory asks me while stroking my hair. I must have dozed off a little at some point because I wake up realising I am laid across him.
"I'm alright." I manage to say while yawning. "I just wish life is easier than what it is. It's been one week of people knowing about the pregnancy and I don't really know how to cope at times. I'll get through it though." I tell him.
"I know. It must be hard for you. It's ridiculous the amount awful things people say to you but then completely ignore me." He says while stroking my hair still.
"I know. Sexist double standards." I say through another yawn. "Anyway, I'm going to bed now. I'm so tired." And I make my way upstairs.
At some point, later in the night, Cory must have joined me. I'm only aware of this because I wake up and then struggle getting back up again. For what seems like hours, I am tossing and turning in my bed until eventually deciding I'm probably going to be better downstairs. I grab a spare blanket from one of my cupboards and make my way downstairs.
I am able to get another couple of hours of sleep until I am disrupted from noises coming from upstairs.
"You better leave now before you're caught. I'll miss you though." I hear my mum say to someone which I can only imagine is her date.
"I'm going even though it's hard to leave you too." The other voice says which makes me freeze where I am laid.
It can't be who I think it is, if so I can't believe my mother would do something like this to me. "Are you sure that Kristen and Cory won't see me at all?" I hear Reynolds say to my mum. Mr Reynolds, my performing arts teacher.
"No, at this time of night they'll both be fast asleep upstairs. You'll be fine Chris." She says to him.
Luckily for both of them, they don't have to walk through the living room to reach the front door, meaning they won't realise I now know everything. I stay where I am until I hear the front door close and my mum head back upstairs.
I feel so sick in my stomach and I know it hasnothing to do with morning sickness. Instead it is to do with how I'll have tolook at my mum tomorrow and pretend I don't know anything because I can't possiblybring it up right now. It has to do with when I go back to school, I'll have topretend to be as happy as I can be even though people are calling me names forbeing pregnant and one of my teachers is dating my mother. It is to do with mylife spiralling out of my control and that there is nothing I can do gain thatcontrol again. I honestly don't know what to do anymore