It's raining. Of course it's raining. Why wouldn't it be gloomy, dark and pouring rain on the day that the boys are to hold the ceremony that sends Ms. Caroline back to nature.
Why wouldn't the sky open up, joining in on the heartache and misery that everyone has been engulfed in since the day she was taken from us. The day she took herself from us, the day she gave up fighting.
"Mia..." Becca's soft voiced called out from my doorway, breaking though my grief-stricken, jam-packed brain, pulling me back into the present.
"Yeah." Mumbling my barely coherent response, never taking my eyes off the droplets of rain that were trailing down my window.
"You ready?" breathing out the question with concern as she took a few tentative steps into my room.
"No... I'm not." Whispering as the all too familiar choking feeling constricted my throat and a fresh round of tears stung my eyes, blurring my vision. "I'll never be ready." Sniffling back my sobs as I struggled to come to terms with the fact that I wasn't even here for her when she gave up.
That I was so wrapped up in my own drama with the boys and Zack that I didn't think that she would need me. That once again, I lost a mother, someone who held me when I was upset or cried and who's very presence was all the comfort I really need to wash away my concerns.
Unbearable pain shot across my heart at all the time that I had already lost over the last seven years without her and now she was gone forever. Now I would never get that kind of kindness, love or connection back.
Guilt gripped at my heart, as agony churned away in the pit of my stomach, because even though I told her I forgave her for sending me away, for keeping me from Dante and Dimitri for all those years, a part of me hadn't, a part of me still held on to all that pain and misery and anger that overwhelmed me for that last seven years. And now even with her death, I still couldn't bring myself to fully forgive her.
"I know... I do... but you have to be there... your part of the ceremony." Reasoning with me on why I had to attend. "You're going to be the future Luna to this pack."
"I still don't get that? How am I this Luna person...?" wiping the tears from my tear stained cheeks as I shook my head in confusion, I never got an explanation on how I become this Luna.
How does this all work? How could I possible replace someone as charming, kind and sophisticated as Ms. Caroline? How do I learn to make the hard decisions like tearing her sons mate away from them and sending her far away, keeping her concealed for years, because she believed it was what was best? How can I take over the role of being someone they seemed to hold at such a high standing, with so much love and respect?
"I think that Dante and Dimitri should be the ones to give you the full explanation on that." She insisted uncomfortably as she shuffled her feet uneasily, avoiding making direct eye contact with me.
"Neither one of them... has spoken to me in... days. Not since Ms....." Gasping I choked back on her name, I haven't been able to say it out loud since she left us. "They hate me." mumbling out the thought that has been torturing my every waking moment that wasn't filled with guilt and misery, since they took their mother's lifeless body from the house without a single glance or acknowledgment toward me.
"No..., They could never hate you." She vowed, crossing the room to pull me into a reassuring hug. "This... is just... a really shitty situation." Whispering as she tightened her already vise like hold.
"I know it is... but come on Becca... the day they find out that I was going to sneak off and go see Zack and try to make sense or come to terms with the intense situation I'm in with this... new world..., I blurt out... brutally confessing that I'm actually terrified of them." Sighing I hang my head as more tears sting my eyes. "All of that cringing information is thrown at them... the same... the same day they lose their mother." My voice cracked as my body heaved with uncontrollable sobs. "I-I can't... I'm not good enough for them... I don't deserve them." Confessing my true apprehension about being involved with the boys.
"Mia... that's not true. This is all still new to you, that's all." She whispered swiping the hair from my face as she cupped my cheeks, forcing me to look at her. "Deep down they know that... once your fully and officially mated to them all this nervousness and insecurity will just melt away." She promised, trying to sound as confident as she was projecting.
Wanting to believe her, I nodded my head as I reached up to wipe away the tears streaking down my red, swollen cheeks. Taking a few deep breaths to calm myself. Smiling Becca pulled me back into her arms, just as her words finally settled over my frazzled, confused brain.
"What did you mean... once I'm fully and officially mated to them?" mumbling the question into her hair, she instantly tensed and slightly tightened her grip around my shoulders. "What does that mean? I thought I was already their mate."
"Mia..." Becca whimpered, realizing that she revealed too much.
"Becca please... just be honest with me." pulling out of her arms, staring into her guilt filled eyes. "Please." Pleading for an explanation, some answers, a little honesty. I was tired of constantly being in the dark when it came to the twins and their supernatural world.
"They are so going to kill me." she mumbled with a defeated sigh, hanging her head. "You are going to want to sit down for this." Huffing out a breath as she took a seat on my bed, patting the spot next to her.
Biting my lip, building the courage to hear what she had to say, I hesitantly sat down next to her and turned to face her grim expression as she gulped nervously, eying me just as scared to tell me this new information as I was to hear it.
"Okay." Letting out a deep breath, grabbing her hand for support and to give her encouragement to defy the twins, her Alphas and tell me what I was going to have to face or come to terms with, now.
"Tonight after... the ceremony to send Ms. Caroline back to nature... they have to mark you as theirs... as they have consummate their bond with you." She grimaced, furrowing her brow at me. "It seals the bond, making you their mate... and the pack's new Luna."
"Mark me?" shaking my head, I understand what consummate meant, but I couldn't comprehend what she meant by marked as theirs. Marked how?
"Well... in our world... when a male marks his mate... it means... to... bite her." She mumbled out, cringing at having to be the one to fill me in on the intimate details of the event.
"What?" staring at her in complete shock, praying that I heard her wrong. "As... their wolves... they do this?" Not sure how or if I could bring myself to let them do that as their wolves, terror was ripping through my body at the thought of seeing them in those menacing forms, let alone letting them bite me.
"NO... no... they don't fully turn. It's just the fangs... that are needed." Trying to reassure me, as I absentmindedly nodded my head. Remembering the few times I've seen them with their fangs bared. Processing the fact that I've only ever saw them when they were extremely pissed off, in a full on rage.
"They have to bit me... and we have to be... together intimately for this to work?" staring at her, petrified and confused. "They both have to take turns doing that?" horrified that I would have to go through that whole process twice.
"No." she whimpered, tightening her grip on my sweaty, shaking hands. Looking up into her eyes, I waited for her to explain. "Since their twins... and both are your mate... they would have to do it at the same time... everything happens... at the same time. The whole thing." She cringed, watching me as the information sunk in to my fuddled brain. "It's so neither gets jealous or possessive over you... since you belong to both of them."
"We have to... and they bite... together?" Terror ripped through me at the thought that I would have to be with both of the boys sexually and they would both have to bite me to seal the mate bond between us.
How was I going to do this? I haven't had them both in me, ravaging me at the same time, since the night Ms. Caroline sent me away. I'm not prepared for this..., I'm not ready for all of this to happen. I haven't even had time to wrap my head around everything in this new world. Let alone the thought that I would have to be taken by both the boys as they bite me.
"Holy shit." Gasping desperately for air the realization crashed over my rattled, befuddled brain.
"It's a lot to take in... I know... but... shit." Becca hissed, snapping her attention to the door.
"What?" looking toward the door with her.
Her entire body went rigid with terror as both Dante and Dimitri strolled purposely into my room, blocking the doorway with their hulking forms, both of their expressions held rage and disappointment.
"Alphas..." Becca jumped to her feet, lower her head in submission as her entire body shook with fear.
"Quiet." Dante barked, glaring her down as she snapped her mouth shut.
"We told you that we wanted to be the ones to explain this to her... you defied us... you disappointed us both." Dimitri hissed, narrowing his bright, anger filled eyes on Becca's trembling form.
"I asked to her to explain it to me." jumping up from the bed and standing in front of Becca, hoping to pull their anger and attention from her to me. Despite how much I feared them, my need to protect Becca overrode my survival instincts.
"It's wasn't her place." Dante snarled, turning to flash his eyes to me. I watched as his electric blue orbs flashed between their magnificent blue to the frightening pitch black.
"Did you command her not to tell me?" cautiously stepping toward this two overwhelmingly intimidating men. "Did you?" snapping out my building anger that they were continuously keeping information from me and commanding other's to do the same or to keep tabs on me. I was tired of being treated like a prisoner.
"Not exactly." Dimitri grounded out through clenched teeth as he fisted his hands at his side. "Yet we did inform every pack member that we still needed to explain the finer points of the ceremony to you... we expressed out desire to be the ones to do it." He added, flashing his now black eyes at me.
"Still... you never commanded her... so she defied nothing." Crossing my arms over my chest in rebelliousness, trying to trick myself into believing that I was stronger and more confident then I was really feeling at the moment. "She was being honest with me... after I pleaded with her to do so."
"WHICH WASN'T HER PLACE." Dante roared, trying to reach around me to grab at Becca's arm.
As quickly as I could, I stepped in front of his hand, pushing it away with all my strength as both the twins snapped back, shocked at my intrusive actions. Not to lie, I was surprised with myself too. But I was tired of them constantly bullying her around.
"Leave her alone." Hissing back at them as my need to protect my best friend from the two men I loved and feared the most growled at my open hostility.
"Mia... don't." Becca begged, grabbing my forearm and pulling me back, out of the boys faces. "I knew the consequences when I told you... I knew they would be angry with me and I still chose to do it." Turning me to face her as her petrifying fear was replaced with determination. Pulling me behind her back she turned to face the twins. "I accept whatever you decide as my punishment... but I don't regret it. She deserved to hear it from someone she trusts and feels... comfortable and safe with." Cringing at having to say those words out loud to her Alphas, knowing how upset they already were with my own confession of fearing them.
"We'll discuss this later." Dimitri stated, struggling to keep his voice calm. "Wait downstairs until we're done talking with Mia." Making it sound more like a request, then a command.
Nodding she turned to pull me into a quick, tight, reassuring hug before she swiftly left me alone with enraged twins. Both Dante and Dimitri watched her retreating form, before turning their wounded, agony filled, angry expressions back toward me.
"Once the ceremony is complete... you will no longer feel any kind of... fear or apprehension toward us." Dante stated firmly, crossing his huge bulking arms over his taut, broad heaving chest as he struggled to appear calm, even as a furious storm of raging emotions swirled behind his piercing black eyes.
"Get ready... the ritual to send Mom off... is nearly ready." Dimitri grunted in a clipped tone, strolling over to my closet to pull out the gown I was to instructed to wear during the event. "Then after... we will seal our bond." Nodding his head as if clarifying the whole situation for himself as he gently laid the dress across my bed.
Shaking my head at how everything was playing out, I stared down at the dress feeling like my entire life was imploding before my very eyes as the sinking feeling that there was nothing I could do or say to stop it. I was losing control over my own life, watching it slip right through my fingers.
I love the twins; I do but I wasn't ready for this. It was too much, way too fast. I thought I had come to terms about what they really are, that they actually transform into wolves. But now, hearing that I was going to be physically and emotionally tethered to them in some kind of weird mystical way was terrifying, that fear was ripping through my insides at a nauseating pace.
"Your ours Mia... nothing and no one is going to come between us again." Dante snarled as he closed the gap between us, reaching out to pull open my robe I had been standing in.
"One hour Mia... then we're coming to get you for the ceremony." Dimitri demanded, pulling open the door. I spot Becca just outside the entry way, casting a worried expression. "She doesn't leave this house... That's a command." He added, looking me in the eyes before they both swiftly left me standing there staring after them in total disbelief.
Gasping for some much needed air, grabbed my robe to wrap it closely around me before sinking to the floor in defeat. They were so cold and callous toward me, oh god they hate me, this is my punishment for trying to do the right thing for everyone involved, for trying to spare everyone's feeling.
"Mia." Becca whimpered from the doorway, guilt lacing her words.
"Mick... I want Uncle Mick." Burying my head in my hands struggling to hold back the overpowering, soul crushing agony that was tearing through me.
I had to get away, to have a chance to actually process and really understand what I was being thrusted into with the twins and their world. Which was actually my world too, but I didn't grow up knowing this life and now having it forced on me by these two controlling, possessive sex gods was too much for my frazzled brain to process.
I needed clarity, someone to put it all in perspective for me. And now with Ms. Caroline gone I only had one other person like that in my life, one person who could step back and look at the whole scenario and help me figure out what I wanted and that was Uncle Mick.
"Mia... sweetheart." His comforting voice called out as he kneeled next to me, brushing my hair from my misery filled face. "What happened? Tell me what's got you so upset." He demanded pulling me into his warm embrace, engulfing me in his sympathetic and caring security.
"Get me out here." Looking up into his shocked brown eyes I gripped at his shirt, pleading for his help. "Please... I'm not ready for this life." Shaking my grief stricken, torture filled head, burying it into his broad chest as he wrapped his arms tightly around me.
"Whatever you want to do sweetheart." He vowed kissing the top of my head. "Whatever you want." Squeezing me to his chest.
I could feel his determination pumping through his entire being, giving me the strength I needed to do the worst thing I could possibly do to the boys.
But I had to go, I have to put some distance between me and them, because I don't think clearly or rationally with them in such a close proximity. I had to find out what my head and hearted both wanted, before I allowed the twins to continue to bulldoze my whole life, the life I struggled so hard to build after losing them.
"Becca?" breathing out her name, concerned with how we were to get passed her without her getting hurt or in trouble, since the twins decided that one of her punishments was going to be my jailer until I was needed to attend the burial ritual for Ms. Caroline.
"Don't worry... I got it covered." Uncle Mick stated firmly, projecting his confidence as he held my cheeks in his hands giving me a reassuring nod before he swiftly stood and headed toward the bedroom door. "Be ready to go when I call you." He added before exiting.
Momentarily stunned by how calm, collected, sure and determined he sounded, especially with my request to once again put himself in the pathway of the boys' uncontrollable rage with helping me once again leave them behind, ultimately abandoning them when they needed me the most.
Yet I was crumbling inside, literally ripping at my own seams trying wrap my head and my heart around this new mystical world. And struggling to understand this overwhelming need to coward and submit to the twins. On top of all of that losing another person I loved, another person who put my safety and needs above their own.
Finally gathering some composure, I quickly leaped up from my spot of self-wallowing on the floor and scrambled to get dressed. With one last fleeting look at the beautiful dress I was to wear for the ceremony, I quickly pulled on a pair of jeans, a crop top and grabbed an old pull over sweater from my closet.
I didn't bother with packing up the clothes I brought with me, deep down I knew I would be back. I knew that I would have to, no need to come back and at least apologize for leaving them again. For destroy this bond or connection that they continuously tried to convince me we share with each as Mates.
"MIA." Uncle Mick's booming voice hollered up the stairs.
Taking one last torturing look at my childhood bedroom, letting the flash of memory of being with the twins on my bed cross my mind. Shaking the thought from my head, I sprinted down the stairs spotting Uncle Mick at the bottom of the stairs with a blank, expressionless Becca staring off into space.
"Is she going to be okay?" Stepping off the last stair, furrowing my brow with concern for my best friend who seemed to be in a catatonic state.
"She be fine in a few moments... it's just a side effect of having her memory altered." He breathed nonchalantly. Snapping my eyes at him, I gasped in shock. "Eraser... remember." Raising his eye brows at me as he gripped me by the wrist and pulled me toward the kitchen and out the back door.
"Don't we need my rental?" struggling to keep up with his hurried pace.
"No... we'll be spotted within moments." He stated as he quickly started to strip off his clothing, surprised I whipped around to avoiding seeing my Uncle naked. "I can mask our scent... as long as I'm a wolf... so you're going to have to ride on my back."
"Right." Blowing out an anxious breath, casting nervous eyes around the yard, half expecting one or both of the twins to appear or at least one of the guys they had guarding me.
I felt a nudge on the back of my knee and turned to see Uncle Mick in his huge, pure black wolf towering next to me. He dropped onto the guard, waiting for me to climb on.
Gulping against the nervous lump in my throat, I swallowed my fear and grabbed at his thick, coarse hair to help swing my legs over his bulk, muscular back. As soon as I was secure, laying across his back, squeezing my legs around his waist as my hands held firmly onto the fur on his neck, we took off like a shot into the trees lining the back yard.
Burying my head into his fur, I released the flood gates of pain that I was holding at bay and cried my eyes out, that this time I was hurting the twins. I was the one taking myself way from them and why? Because I'm weak and scared.
Just as the agony of my decision started to seep into my soul I heard matching gut wrenching, menacing howls pierce through the storm we were running through, forcing Uncle Mick to increase his speed as I bit my lip and silently prayed that they would find a way to forgive me, not that I deserved.
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