jennifer whitman | the mom
about familial love | 03
My beloved son,
The idea of never talking to you again or hearing the sound of your voice sounds like the stupidest thing ever. You've always been by our side, sticking with our family since the very beginning, Axel. You've always been a bedroom door away or a few feet out of reach, but suddenly, you're gone, and we don't know what to do. I still don't know what to do. I wake up every morning with this newfound realization that you're dead, and I. don't. know. what. to. do. How can I possibly live in a world where you don't exist? Aren't the parents supposed to go first? What kind of cruel joke is this?
I miss the sound of your voice -- the way it felt like different landscapes, taking different shapes and forms. I miss your smile -- the way it made everyone smile along with you. I miss you laugh -- the way it started from deep within before making its way out. I miss your green eyes -- the way it lit up every time I made pancakes. I miss all your little habits. I miss you.
It's not only me. Everyone misses you, Axel.
You've always been a family oriented person. Ever since you were a small child, you've always unconditionally loved our family, including your cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents and the whole ordeal. You'd always do everything to make us smile and laugh, even at a young age. And as you grew older, that love never faded away, unlike a lot of children these days. Not only would you still make us smile and laugh when you were older, but you'd also defend us and protect us and be the wonderful son that you were and still are.
Death is such a funny thing, isn't it? No one ever expects it to happen to them, but still, it comes, and it takes, and it destroys.
You're my son, Axel, my first born child. Not only have you been with us, but I've been with you every step of the way. I carried you for nine months, I gave birth to you, I held your hand, I fed you, I made your bed, I cleaned your wounds, I took you to school, I watched you grow up, I learned about your personality gave you advice for your first girlfriend, I saw all your good and bad decisions, I was at your funeral. I was there, experiencing most of these moments along with you, even if it didn't seem like it at times.
You're indescribable.
And you've made it so damn hard to let go of someone like you. Of course, you're my child, but I'm sure everyone else feels like the same way. You're the one who held us down; you're the one who held us together. You've always been the glue, the gravity, the chainlink. In every waking moment, you'd always try your best to spend time with everyone and anyone.
However, nothing was more important to you than family. That's something I can't help but admire. It's one of your best qualities, I believe. Sometimes, I think you are capable of loving me more than I ever could love you. Once you've learned to appreciate family, everything else seemed to come easily to you. For example, choosing other people who deemed to be worthy of your love and trust.
For you, the other people you chose were Daniel and Reagan Farrow. I know you'd do anything for them, Axel, just like you'd do anything for us. They're not only your personally selected family, but they're ours now, too. Ever since you passed, our connection with the Farrows never ended. We still love and support them through everything, my son. Don't worry. They're taking care of us, and we're taking care of them. You left everyone in good hands.
This letter isn't as long as I wanted it to be, sadly. It's okay, though, because I'll always have something to say in my heart and mind.
But I'll end with a few last words: I love you so much.
Love,
Mom
______________________________
*Edited*
this was supposed to be longer, but oh well.
hope you enjoyed or cried idk
btw, THANKS FOR 1.1K! LOVE YOU ALL.
•vote•comment•follow•