I was outta school for three days the next week, on account of Thanksgiving. I was bummed when I saw that Momz was actually off for the holiday. When I realized that meant she would be working the weekend and the guys and I would have three days to play games pretty much nonstop, I was down with it. I could play nice with Seth on Thanksgiving, but I hoped Momz would talk to him about my deal before then so we could get that settled. Then Clarence and I could make plans to visit Popz before Christmas.
On Monday, Jake asked, "Can you, like, leave the windows to F2 unlocked tomorrow? It's supposed to get really cold tonight. Our teachers ain't gonna to be doing anything cause half of the kids bounced early for the holidays. We want to take the day off and thought maybe we could hang in your crib for the afternoon, you know, after Wicked leaves for work."
When the guys hadn't bought my first excuses for locking F2 up tighter than a drum, I told them that it didn't matter anyway because Momz made me lock F2. Evidently there had been some B&Es in our neighborhood. The second part was true, and if I hadn't already been locking up, I'm sure she would have made me. Blaming Momz kept me off the hook and made her look even more evil.
"What about detention? You skip and you're gonna end up in Alternative School."
"Nah, Veep likes you. You got our backs," Marlow said. "Besides we'll be out all day, we just can't show at your place until Wicked leaves. They'll think we're sick or left for the holidays. Nobody's gonna be checking for slackers the day before Thanksgiving break."
The next morning, Momz was dressed and in the kitchen when I got downstairs. "Where're you going all decked out this early on a work day?" I asked.
Mom grinned at me. "Some of my 'homies' are going wedding dress shopping with me."
"A girl would say she and her BFFs are going to hit the shops for wedding threads, Momz. Just stick with old lady talk."
She rolled her eyes. "Whatever." She grabbed a hanger with her uniform. "I'm outta here. See you tonight."
I quickly texted Jake, "Momz bounced F2 safe."
I briefly thought about joining the guys, but I knew if Momz got a call from the school, I would be grounded for both Turkey Day and Christmas. I couldn't risk that. I wasn't as sure as Marlow that the school could care in the least what we did the day before the holidays.
When I got home and opened the door to F2, I was met with a haze; the smoke in the room was, like, major.
"You guys don't know how to ventilate?" I pushed a window open.
"Too cold," Jake said. "The NHW old bags might connect the dots and call the cops."
"You're probably right. The Sue Sue Maya next door is a bitchin' witch."
"What's a Sue Sue Maya?" Marlow asked.
"It's supposed to be Finish for busybody. My aunt named her dog Sue Sue Maya. It's sort of a family thing."
"Sue Sue Maya," Jake said. "I like it."
"Welcome to the family," I said with a laugh.
We played like demons. We almost forgot to eat. When angry dog noises came from my gut, I looked at my phone.
"Man, it's already after 8. Pizza again?"
Jake took a swig of his beer. He'd been drinking pretty much nonstop since I got there and was getting sloshed.
"Chure, man, whatever." He was starting to slur his words.
By the time the pizza actually showed an hour later, Jake and Marlow both were losing energy and weapons right and left.
"Let's shut this down before we're dead. You guys are too shit-faced to play, anyway."
"Says goodie two shoes," Jake slurred.
I waved my beer at him. "I can get a buzz on without getting so pissed I can't shoot straight."
"Chure," he said. "You ain't been here all day."
"Whatever."
We scarfed down the pizza and chugged a liter of coke.
Jake leaned back in the recliner and fell asleep. Marlow was in the wooden desk chair, but he turned sideways and leaned back, following suit.
I shook my head and got a garbage bag. I bagged the bottles, the cigarette butts and pizza box. I fished Jake's keys out of his pocket and let myself out the back gate into the ally. I put the bag of trash in the trunk. There were a couple of boxes in the trunk. I spied a computer monitor in one.
"What the???" I wondered.
Back inside, I shook the guys. "Time to book," I hollered.
Jake let out a snort but didn't even open an eye. Marlow's head rolled off the chair, and he sat up with a jerk.
"Whassup?" He demanded.
"Momz will be here in about 10 minutes. You guys gotta bounce, but Jake is wasted. I can't wake him."
I pulled the lever and lowered the recliner, but Jake just slid forward a little.
"We're going to have to carry him. I'll take the left side, you get the right."
I threw Jake's left arm over my shoulder. Marlow mirrored me on the right. We pulled him up and dragged him outside and through the back gate. We draped him over the hood while I opened the passenger door. We dumped him in the seat.
"I'll take it from here," Marlow said.
I reluctantly gave him the keys. "You're too buzzed to drive."
"I'll sleep it off first," he said. "We'll be good."
I rushed back, locked up F2 and was in my bed reading when Momz got home. Luckily, she was running a few minutes late.
She stopped by my room. "You want to see my wedding dress?" she asked, dangling a dress bag from her finger.
"Isn't showing your dress supposed to be bad luck or something?"
"Only if you show it to the groom." She laughed. "You're my son. You're safe."
"I suppose you're going to make me check it out no matter what I say." I raised my eyebrows and rolled my eyes.
She gave me an impish grin. "Yep." She turned towards her room and swaggered away, calling over her shoulder, "I'm gonna model it for you."
"Momz, I'm not your girlfriend," I hollered.
"I know. All my BFFs saw it already. I want you to see how pretty your Mom can look."
"Geez, Momz. It's bad enough that Jake called you a hot cougar? My friends aren't supposed to think my Momz is eye candy," I finished as Momz reappeared in the door in a cream colored dress. The back of the skirt was longer that the front and the neckline sorta plunged.
"So, your homies think I'm eye candy. I don't have a problem with that as long as they show some respect."
"Get real,. I wondered what she'd think if she knew they called her Wicked. "Isn't it kinda low cut?" I traced my fingers in a V on my chest.
She laughed. "It's not like I'm a virgin or anything. This is my second time around, remember?"
"Yeah. If you were a virgin that'd make me an immaculate conception." I put my finger on my lips and peered at her. "You do look pretty, Momz." I made a shooing motion with my hand. "But I've had about all the bonding I can take. Go talk to Aunt Glory on Skype. She'll oh and ah over your dress. It's noon in Hong Kong. Doesn't her school get American Thanksgiving holidays because the teachers are mostly American?"
"What a good idea! Night, party pooper." She blew me a kiss and turned to leave. Suddenly she stopped and looked back over her shoulder. "And, oh, by the way, tomorrow Seth is going to come over. We're going to fix a Thanksgiving feast. We've, um, invited his family for Turkey Day. We're going to tell them about our wedding plans."
"I thought his family lived in Florida or something."
"They do, but they're coming here for the holiday weekend."
"So you've been planning this for a while, but chose to spring it on me tonight."
"Things have been kind of out of whack, around here. I guess it slipped my mind."
"Yeah, right," I mumbled as she left.
"I heard that," she called.
I stayed up and read until my eyes started to feel sandy. Finally, I put my book up and went to sleep. I woke to the smell of bacon frying and something baking. I checked my phone. It was already 10. My stomach grumbled.
I found my way to the kitchen. "Good Morning, sleepyhead," Momz said cheerfully.
"Morning." I yawned. "Notice the absence of good."
Momz took a pan of her cinnamon rolls out of the oven and started to drizzle icing on them. She raised her eyebrows at me.
"Good morning," I said with a grin.
She laughed. "That's better."
She set the pan on the table, poured glasses of milk for everyone, and sat down.
"What's the bacon for?" I asked when she didn't add it to the eats.
"I'm making green bean and mushroom soup casserole."
I rolled my eyes. "What a waste of perfectly good pig." I picked up a gooey roll and took a mouthful.
Momz took a nibble of her roll. She shot Seth a look. He cleared his throat.
"Your Mom said she told you of our wedding plans. Have you thought about being my best man?"
"I told Momz my condition." I licked goo off my fingers.
"She told me." He paused and looked at Momz. "But visiting your Dad has no bearing on our relationship."
"It could. If you bring her around, I'd be in your debt."
"I don't want you to agree because you're in my debt," he said slowly. "I want you to agree because you're happy to see us tie the knot."
"So you couldn't get her to listen to reason, either."
"I didn't try." He motioned his thumb towards me and his little finger towards Momz. "That's something you and your Mom have to work out."
I looked at Momz.
"I told you we'd revisit it after this school year." Her voice was tight.
I looked from Momz to Seth and back again.
"I want you to be happy, Momz, I really do." I jerked my thumb towards Seth. "Does he really make you happy, or did he just use his shrink skills to trick you into thinking he does? I saw your face when you showed me the book with you and Popz in it. Can you give Seth all of your heart or does Popz still hold some of it?"
"Everyone you love always holds a piece of your heart." Momz looked me directly in the eyes, her gaze never wavering. "But the piece your Dad holds is tiny and broken. He can never make me happy the way Seth can. He has to learn to love himself before anyone can love him the way he needs to be loved."
"Momz, you haven't seen Popz for six years. He's changed. You don't know if he can make you happy or not."
"Maybe he's changed. But even if he's done an about face, that doesn't change the water that's already under the bridge. He can't take back the hurts, pains and disappointments of all those years together. I'd still remember the addicted Paul. I'd live in fear of a relapse. I've been down that road. I can't go there again."
"You don't have to. You can have Seth, for all I care. He seems to be good for you. But that doesn't mean he gets to be my Popz or my pal."
"I'm not asking you to think of me as Dad," Seth said, "just as a friend, someone who's in your corner."
"Duh, what do you think pal means?"
"Pal means someone you hang out with. I don't want to be your buddy. You've got lots of buddies. I want to be your friend, an adult friend, someone you know who will tell it like it is whether or not you want to hear it."
"So, tell me like it is," I sneered.
He sighed. "Okay. Your Mom and I are going to get married on Valentine's Day. I would like for you to stand up with me as my best man, but I want you to do it voluntarily, because you believe that your Mom and I will make each other happy. I would like for you to think of me as family. I don't expect you to think of me as Popz. Like you said, you already have one."
"So what am I to think of you as, my uncle? Naw, that would be incest."
Mom started to say something, but Seth put a finger on her lips. He chuckled. "Not if I was an uncle from your Dad's side or maybe adopted."
I couldn't believe it. How could I make this man to get his crazy on?
"Think about it," he said. "I'll have a backup in case you stick to your guns. I've got two brothers. They'll both be here for the wedding. In fact they'll both be here this weekend."
"Who all is coming, anyway?"
"My brothers, their wives and kids, and my parents."
"So how many kids?" I asked.
"Four, two each. There are three girls and a boy. They're all between the ages of 10 and 14."
"Maybe you can take them out to the Funk Too," Momz said. "After dinner of course."
I sighed. "Geez. No wonder you didn't warn me."
I started to stand. "Wait," Momz said. "There's one other thing." She plastered a fake smile on her face. "How would you like to spend Christmas vacation with your grandparents?"
"Momz, we talked about them living in Old Geezerville."
"I know, but they really want to see you, and it will only be for a couple of weeks. Besides, I have to take some of my annual leave before January or lose it."
"So you're gonna come with?"
She looked at Seth. "No. We're going to take a ski holiday in Aspen. Seth's family has a time share there we can use."
I looked at her in disbelief. "Aren't you the one always preaching to me about no sex before marriage? I guess you meant no sex until the date is set."
Mom turned beat red. "CW!" She floundered for words. "That's no way to talk to your mother, and for your information, we won't be sleeping together."
Seth rubbed Mom's arm. "Calm down, Patsy," he said. Then he turned to me. "It's a condo with two bedrooms and two baths. We won't be sharing a bed. We'll just be spending our days together skiing and having a good time."
"Yeah, like you expect me to believe that! Two hot blooded adults, who've both been married, not sleeping together when they're alone in a condo in Aspen! Get real Momz. I have eyes. He gets a boner whenever you bend over."
Both Momz and Seth turned red this time.
"That's enough," Momz said.
"Whatever." I left the room and bounded up the stairs. I climbed out the window and sank down on a beanbag in the Funk. I needed to think, not get lost in a mindless game.
Momz and Seth came out the back door carrying cups of tea. They sat at a table on the patio. Momz was so far gone she didn't even turn her back to the tinkling beer bottle wind chimes.
Momz was crying. Seth leaned over and rubbed her back. They didn't know I could see and hear them. I held my breath.
"He didn't mean it, Patsy," Seth said. "He was just mad about his Dad and not getting to see him. He took it out on you."
She wiped her eyes and took a swig of tea. "Maybe so, but that doesn't make him wrong."
"I knew it," I thought. "Hypocrite."
"I'm not talking about the not sleeping together part," she continued. "He was wrong about that. But he was right about what people will think. In today's world, no one will believe that we could spend two weeks together in the same condo and not have sex. If I can't even convince my own son that we're going to be celibate, how can I expect anyone else to believe me? We'll kill out witness, Seth."
"You can't live your life for other people, Patsy. We're not doing anything wrong. God is not going to condemn you."
"But the Bible does tell us not to do anything that would cause our brother to stumble. I've been leading a Bible study with some student nurses. What if my actions cause them to decide sex before marriage is okay."
"Be realistic, Patsy. Those girls are probably already sexually active. Christian kids are just as likely to have sex as ones who aren't Christian. And most of the girls in your group aren't Christian, so what's the chances that they are virginal?"
"Probably slim," she admitted. "But I don't want to be the one to cause one of them to stumble into a sexual relationship she's not ready for."
Seth sighed. "I'll see if there's a vacant condo nearby. You can have your own condo, if that'll make you feel more comfortable."
"How about we invite a couple of the girls? I can stay with them and then they'll know we're on the up and up."
"Patsy. I want to spend time with you, not time with you and your Bible study group."
She emptied her cup and stood up. "We'll figure something." She squared her shoulders and blew her nose loudly into a Kleenex. "We've got cooking to do."