it is summer, and there is a sun in the sky
that shoots arrows of silver and gold that reflect off the silken mirror
that lies atop the deep oceans; and it almost hurts my eyes,
but i watch the sailboat in the distance, carefully.
he is there and i am here
the light jumps of something else, that's a lot closer.
i pause, and look down.
beside my foot is a shard of
glass.
silver glass
mirror glass
old looking glass
a fragment
broken piece
from somewhere.
that evening we cook dinner together,
and we sit out in the sand dunes and we eat it;
and afterwards we wash our hands in the ocean and we lie down and watch the stars.
a canopy of infinite stars
{ and i am happy and you are happy and we are happy }
"i'm leaving soon," he says,
and in that second the canopy shatters and everything falls.
falls.
"come with me," he says,
and in that second the canopy mends itself but then shatters again.
again.
"you've finished university, haven't you? this was your last year?"
nod.
"come to the mainland with me,
and we'll start a new life together."
"i don't want to leave."
he stares at me.
"you're staying here?"
"yes."
"forever?"
"yes."
"is that what you really want?"
"yes."
"why?"
"i need to be near the sea."
"we can live by the coast, on the mainland. there are beaches there."
"it's not the same ocean, lowell."
"does it really matter?"
"yes."
and i am angry because i thought you had understood and that was the only reason
i had let you in
kiss me
love me
the stars whispered.
"i don't understand," he whispers.
"it's okay," i whisper back,
but it's not.
you up
are wake
gone i
before
but i'm still going to stay here forevermore,
and i know i'll only ever live on this island, by this beach,
in this house with the walls like faded blue eyes;
and every summer i'll watch the sunlight dance off the ocean
and i'll sit in the tall grasses and wait for your red pickup truck
even though i know you'll never come
maybe i should've told you love you,
because now you'll never come.