*triggering to some people who have the following*
-self conscious.
-suicidal
-Self Harming
-Eating Disorders
If you are triggered by any of these please let me know.
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What if. What if this was all just some fucked up dream. A dream where psychotic people like us cannot escape. I closed my eyes and sighed. I sat at a table alone. It was my social time. Jacklyne wasn't here, I didn't feel like socializing. I felt like dying.
I stared at the blank wall pondering thoughts when I felt someone pull up a chair next to me. I glanced over and saw a tall man with gauges looking back at me with curious eyes.
"Matt right?" He nodded then cleared his throat. "Raven right?" I nodded then continued to stare. We both sat there in silent. Then I heard a tapping noise on the table. I looked over and saw him tapping the table with his thumbs. That's when I noticed the words "restless" tattoo'd on his knuckles.
"You know that's an anxiety sign right?" Wow Raven, good job making conversation make the boy feel awkward and ashamed.
Instead of being upset he chuckled. "It also is a sign of ADD. All though I do have anxiety too..." I nodded "so I guess staring at a blank wall frustrates you?" "Drives me nuts." I smiled a little bit.
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
"Why are you here?"
I took a deep breath, "self harm, suicidal attempts, bi-polar, anxiety, and severe depression." I looked down feeling ashamed for myself. I was crazy, that's why I was locked up in a house filled with crazy people.
I took a sharp breath as he put his hand on top of mine. He lifted up his shirt and revealed scars. Scarlet red lines littered his skin. "I understand completely."
I was speechless. I didn't know what to do except pull up my shirt and show my matching recent cuts and old scars. He began inspecting them then looked into my eyes. I stared back. Usually if someone saw my scars I would break down crying and push them away. But Matt, he captivated me. I turned my hand over and squeezed his hand. The corner of his mouth began to grown into a smile until a loud buzz went off. He then groaned and stood up. I looked around and saw many people acting the same way. I looked at him with a confused expression. He leaned down an whispered at me," for our group we now have Therapy."
I crinkled up my nose at the thought of having to tell someone my thoughts. Why I was quote on quote 'crazy'. I stood up and held onto Matt's hand for support. It wasn't in a romantic gesture, it was more of an "you're the only one I remotely know, and I'm scared shitless" type of gesture. We began to walk to different rooms, our hands let go and I felt the calmness I felt around Matt disappeared. We walked separate directions. That's when I saw Doctor Smith's door. I knocked twice and heard "come in Ms. Raven."
I opened the door with a deep breath, here goes nothing.
---
"You're going to have to eventually talk about things in the past that hurt you Raven." She sighed. We had been there for about an hour now. She seamed like a very patient individual but it seamed like it didn't matter how patient you were, you would quickly become impatient when you wouldn't get your way.
"I know" I whispered, "I just don't feel like spilling out my whole past story to a stranger I don't know, a stranger that thinks I'm crazy."
"I don't think your crazy."
"Bitch, lets be real. This is a mental asylum. I cause harm to myself because the pain makes me feel better, I was crazy enough to have my parents both leave me when I was 14. I'm fucking crazy enough that no amount of medication will fix me. I am me. I am crazy."
She stared at me with her jaw open a little bit. "First off, language. Second. Medication will help you develop support within yourself. Some people arent able to produce certain hormones. Third, your parents shouldn't have done that."
"They did."
"Wanna tell me about it."
"No."
She sighed. "If you don't explain to me what going on, we can't help you."
"I don't need help, I just need to die."
She looked at me with a blank expression. "I will save you Raven. Your dismissed." I rolled my eyes and stood up walking out the door. All I wanted to do was lay in my bed and just sleep. It was the closest I could be to death. I began to walk to my room when I felt a hand hold my hand. I looked back and saw smart forcing a smile. "Bad therapy session?" I asked? "Yeah. You?"
I nodded, I wanted to tell Matt everything but I knew he wouldn't care. I so I just kept quiet.
"Am I able to take a nap."
"Depends where..."
"My room."
He laughed and shook his head. "They won't let you go in there during the day unless they have a guard. With you."
"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I whisper yells. He nodded with sad eyes.
"Ugh. I need a nap."
"You could use my shoulder."
"Alright."
--
I woke up back in my room and saw Jacklyne hovering over me. "Our of ALL people why Matt?"
"What?"
"You could have dated Austin, or Oli. But Noooooo you have to date Matt."
"I'm not--"
She laughed. "Don't say you aren't. Normal people don't look at each other like that, or hold hands all day and they remain friends. "
"Jackie, its to early for this shit."
"It is the after-fucking-noon. You know what, I'm done. Bye bitch."
And with that she walked out of the room and with that. I lost my best friend. I don't understand why though.
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Sad chapter right? It's going to be a pretty sad book. If you don't like sad things then don't read it gets the sane response as last theists time. Love you guys. 7 more likes for next chapter