A U G U S T
I've been in kitchen slaving for four hours and I was finally done. After having Kaliyah for the whole weekend I had convinced Kash to come to my place to pick her up so we could all go out to dinner. What she didn't know was that we weren't going out but staying in because I had cooked something I haven't really done in a minute. I had made a little bit of everything from fried chicken wings, baked mac and cheese, yams, just to name a few.
I've been cooking ever since this morning and I was tired but I knew all my hard work would pay off. I had been trying to get her to go out, get her smiling and laughing as much as I could and she was doing a lot better but sometimes I could see just my looking at her that she still had some stuff to work on. I just thought I could do something out of the ordinary for her.
"Is mommy on her way yet," I walked into the living room where she sat on the couch with a book in her hand looking at me.
"She should be. Go wash your hands and help me set the table."
She slid off the couch and did what I told her to while I finished buttoning up my shirt. I didn't just cook but I went all out and was dressed to impress as well as Kaliyah who was dressed up as well.
We sat everything out on the table and as soon as we were done there was a knock on the door. Kaliyah looked at me and took off towards the front door. She stood hand on her hip waiting for me to open the door because she knew better than to open up the door.
I looked through the peephole and smile.
"Is it mommy," Liyah asked.
Instead of answering I opened the door and when she saw Kash she her face lit up.
"Mommy," she hugged her before she could even take a step inside.
"Hi," Kash bent down and hugged her, "I missed you."
"I missed you too mommy."
"You did," Kash smiled, "Did you have fun with Daddy?"
"Lots of fun," she nodded her head.
"Did daddy do this," Kash asked looking over her hair.
"Yes," Kaliyah touched her hair, "You like my bows?"
"There very pretty and they go perfect with your dress," Kash kissed her cheek and sat her down and turned her attention to me.
"Hey," she smiled at me.
I looked her up and down. I had told her to dress nice but I wasn't expecting her to put on a dress. She had gained back all of the weight she lost and then some and the dress showed off all her curves. Her hair was in it's natural state and in a messy bun and her makeup was minimum. She was fine as hell and I felt like punching myself for letting her go.
"Me and Daddy cooked you dinner," Liyah smiled letting the cat out the bag. I guess she was waiting for me to tell her since all I could do was stare at her.
"I thought we were going out?"
"No. Surprise," Kaliyah smiled taking her hand, "Come on and look."
Kaliyah dragged her to the dining room and I followed behind them watching her face go from shocked to confused before she turned around to face me.
"You cooked all this, by yourself?"
"I had help," I smiled at Kaliyah who smiled back at me.
"It's a lot of food."
"It is so I hope your hungry."
"I am. What's the occasion," she asked taking off her jacket.
"Aint no occasion, I just felt like cooking taking her jacket from her so I could hang it up.
-
An hour later everybody was stuffed.
"I can't eat anymore. I feel like I'm about to burst," Kash held her stomach.
"You like like it to," I stared at her stomach and she looked down and frowned before tossing a napkin my way. I caught it and tossed it back at her and it hit her on the side of her head and I laughed.
I chuckled while she frowned, "You see that kaliyah, daddy is so mean to mommy."
Kaliyah looked at me with her eyes narrowed, "Say sorry daddy."
"She threw it at-okay I'm sorry."
Kash smiled at me, "Apology accepted."
I shook my head but couldn't hold back my smile. We hung out together as a family but it was nothing like this, this just felt right. Like this was how shit was supposed to be.
"Can we play go fish," Kaliyah asked looking between me and Kash.
"Sure," Kash nodded.
"I'm bout to whoop both of ya'll, let's go."
=====
After an hour of go fish Kaliyah was nodding off. Kash didn't want to bother taking her home so she was going to stay another night and I was going to drop her off tomorrow. After she was tucked in bed me Kash helped me clean up the kitchen and put the food away and when we were done we sat on the couch watching Game of Thrones, a show she got me interested in a few years ago.
When it went off and the credits started rolling she was planning to head home but I wasn't ready for her to leave yet.
"Stay the night."
She looked at me like I lost my mind.
"What?"
"I said you should stay the night."
She looked me in my eyes probably to see if I was serious and I just smiled.
"I'm serious. You can have my bed and I'll sleep on the couch. It's late and I don't want you out this late at night by yourself."
I thought I was going to have to say a lot more than that to convince her but apparently not.
"No funny business?"
"I promise."
She looked like she was debating and nodded, "Okay."
I was glad that we would be spending some alone time together. I missed her, still loved her and as of late we been hanging out and it honestly felt like old times.
"Why do you look so mischievous," she gave me a look.
"Who?"
"You," she smiled.
"I'm straight," my phone was going off so I pulled it out only to see a number that wasn't saved in my phone anymore but I knew who it was, Deja. I haven't messed with her in months and instead of forgetting about me and moving on she been calling me back to back.
"Who is it," Kash asked me and I just looked at her not sure if I should tell her because I didn't want to ruin the mood.
"Is it your Chihuahua," she asked.
"She's not mine. I ended shit with her a long time ago."
"And now she decides to call you up?"
"She been blowing up my phone for weeks now."
"What does she want."
"Me," I told her and she rolled her eyes at my answer.
"Why don't you just block her," she suggested, "Let me see your phone."
She held out her hand and I felt like she was testing me. The phone had stopped ringing and she needed my passcode to open it. I wanted to show her that she could trust me so without her even asking for my code I told her what it was and I didn't miss the look of surprise on her face.
When she was done doing what she needed to do she handed my phone back to me.
"There," Kash smiled like she did me a good deed.
"You tired," I asked her.
She shook her head, "Are you, your the one that's been playing Chef Boy Ar-Negro."
I mugged her and she laughed at her little joke.
"It wasn't that funny."
"But your face was," she laughed.
"What did you do this weekend," I asked her.
"Nothing, I went out with Braeden and Danielle yesterday and this morning I slept in before you called waking me up telling me to come by at six. If I would of known we were staying in I wouldn't have dressed up."
"Yeah but I'm glad you did, you look good by the way."
"Thanks. I'm just trying to get my sexy back you know."
"You never lost it."
She looked at me like she was expecting me to laugh or crack a joke but when I didn't she looked like she didn't know what to do or say.
I thought that this was a good time for us to have a talk but there was a knock at the door. It was after 11 now so no one should have been at my door this late without calling first.
"Expecting company," Kash asked.
"No," I stood up and looked back at her and before walking over to the door looking out the peephole. The fuck?
I didn't plan on opening the door but she started knocking like she aint have no sense so I aint have no choice but to open the door.
She was just about to knock and once she saw me her hand dropped. She just stared at me like she wasn't expecting me to invite her in.
"Can I help you," I asked leaning against the door frame staring at her.
She put her hand on her hip, "You blocked me, really August?"
I looked at her like she was crazy, I just blocked her like 10 damn minutes ago so I don't even know how she figured it out that fast. I damn sure never expected her to. Plus I don't even know how she got her ass upstairs.
"You blocked me and you cant even lie and say you didn't. I've been calling you and the line only rung once and then went straight to voice-mail. I called again from another phone because I thought maybe you switched your phone off, that rung and rung and rung. I called from my phone again and like before it only rung once."
"Yea I blocked you and you obviously still aint get the hint. I haven't been wit you for months so why the hell are you on my doorstep and matter affect how did you even know what apartment I live in."
"That doesn't matter, I'm not leaving here until you talk to me and if I have to act a fool and bang on your door all night then so be it."
"I wish you would, my daughter is inside sleep."
"Does it look like I care?"
I sighed getting pissed off, "I suggest you get away from my door Deja."
"Or what, like I said I'm not leaving until we talk."
I stood there looking her over thinking only one thing could be so urgent that she had to be showing up at my place this late. I looked at her stomach and it was flat as hell and since we haven't slept together in over four months there was no way if she was her stomach would be that flat.
"Can I come in?"
"Hell to the no. If you gon' speak then speak, I aint got all night."
She looked upset and I almost laughed in her face.
"You wont even let me come in, after everything we been through?"
"Been through," I questioned, "We weren't even together, all we did was fuck and when we weren't doing that you were begging me for money to buy this or get that."
"I miss you August. We could be so good together if you actually just give me a chance. I can prove it to you," she begged looked like the she trying to tear up.
I was about to send her on her way and slam the door in her face that was until her eyes widened and she looked behind me.
"August," I heard Kashmere say from behind me and I turned just as I felt her arms wrap around me. She smiled at me and then focused her attention on Deja, "Oh, I didn't know we had company. Hello again."
I tried my best to hold back my smile at how much of a savage she was. I looked back at Deja and she still looked surprised she wasn't the only one.
I cleared my throat and looked back at Kash, "She was just leaving."
Kash smiled looking between me and Deja.
"Good," Kash reached out pulling me closer to her and I almost lost my cool when she kissed me. It was the first time we kissed in I don't know how long and I know she was messing around but I almost forgot all about Deja.
She pulled away from me before I got to carried away and pecked my lips one more time, "Hurry up, I'll be in bed...waiting."
Kash licked her lips before sending Deja a smug look and walking off swinging her hips as she went. I watched her walk off and once she was out of sight I turned my attention back to Deja.
"I'm done wit you and as you can see I got business to take care of. Enjoy the rest of your night."
I closed the door in her face before she could say anything else and made sure I locked it. I looked out the peep just in time to see her walk away.
I walked back in the living room with a smirk on my face and when I seen Kash sitting on the couch and when we locked eyes she started laughing and I let out the laugh I was holding in.
"You think she got the hint," Kash asked as I sat down next to her.
"Hell yea."
"We'll see but if she didn't you need to file a restraining order on her."
I scrunched up my face, "The fuck I look like going down to the police station, willingly?"
She laughed, "True. Leave it to you to date a stalker."
"I aint date her, she was just a cuddy buddy and you know how it is."
Kash shook her head like she was in thought before she looked back at me, "After we slept together those months back I kind of felt sorry for her."
I looked at her, "Really."
"Yeah. I knew about her and I slept with you knowing she was whatever she was to you. I didn't want to be one of those cliché baby mama's who creeps around with her baby's father."
I looked at her and knew she was serious. One of the things I loved about her is she had a good heart. Despite all the years of being with me she was still a good girl deep down once you got past that hard outer shell. I knew if I died god forbid Liyah would be in good hands with Kash and she was being raised right.
After all the bullshit that she's been through, I've been through in the past year I was fucking done. I wanted out the game and was already distancing myself. I know Mace groomed me into taking over but I don't think I had the patience for all that. My family has been through enough and I be damned if I put them through any more bullshit.
I knew how much shit Kash has been that's why I haven't been pressuring her but I wanted my family back. I needed my family back. I was done with the games, the lies, the cheating. I wanted her living with me, I wanted to wake with her laying next to me. I wanted to grow up in the same house as my daughter and I knew to do that I had to make some sacrifices but I was willing and ready to do whatever.
"We need to talk," I told her after sitting in silence for a while. She looked at me and I knew off the bat shit was about to get heavy. She sighed and turned around so that she was facing me.
"About?"
"About everything, us."
She nodded and looked away from me like she was nervous so I reached out and grabbed her hand expecting her to pull it away but was surprised when she didn't. These past couple of months I was honestly afraid to touch her because I didn't know how she was gonna react.
I didn't plan on making no long speech, I just wanted to cut to the chase and see where she was at. See if she was ready to be with me again. Hell maybe she wasn't even ready with everything that she been through. I didn't want to come off as selfish but I missed her and I needed her.
"I love you, you know that right?"
She nodded but didn't say a word.
"I used to think I didn't deserve you and I still don't. I cant help but feel like you and Kaliyah would be better off without me."
"And you cant think like that. You tell me all the time I have to think positive, think of the bigger picture and so should you. Yes we may not be together, yes we both said a lot of things to each other but that's why they say you shouldn't speak in anger. What happened to me wasn't your fault and I'm sorry if I made you feel that way."
I was happy to hear her say that because it was something I had been beating myself up over. But sometimes I still felt like shit was my fault.
"When I got locked up I knew how bad I had hurt you. You always talked about ending shit with me and I thought I was doing you a favor. Plus I aint want you sitting around waiting on me to get home. I wanted you to be happy so I thought us going our separate ways was for the best and it was at the time."
"It was. I honestly-I was miserable. That time apart did me some good. I had to reevaluate a lot of things in my life and I honestly couldn't do that with you around."
"And where are you at now?"
"What do you mean," she waited for me to elaborate.
"After everything that happened how do you feel about me."
She looked down, "I know you feel guilty about what happened to me, it's written all over your face every time your around me but I'm okay now. I don't hold any of what happened to me against you, your not the one that hurt me."
"Yeah but I was supposed to keep you safe, protect you-"
"And no matter how hard you try you cant. Some time bad things just happen but the most important thing of all is you didn't give up on me. You found me and I'm safe now. Your the one who even talked me into getting help, I know you didn't think you save me but you did."
I couldn't help but look at her and admire her. A few months ago I thought she would never be the same again and now she was sitting in front of me talking positive and putting things into perspective. I don't know what I would of done if I lost her but I didn't even want to think about that right now.
"After D died I was hurt and I didn't care who I hurt, not even you. I was out in the streets doing what I wanted, stuff that I'm not proud of. Stuff I swore I would never do not just to you but to myself. I thought I was invincible, that no one could touch me. I know now that I was wrong. I aint invincible and my action not only affect me but my family to. I swear from this point out my main focus is gonna be my family."
She looked at me like she had been waiting on this moment for years, and she probably has but she still looked skeptical.
"I promise you no matter what I'm a keep you, Liyah and my mom safe. Away from the bull shit and I already started distancing myself. I told Mace that by the end of the year I was done, for good this time."
"Really," she still looked a bit skeptical because even when I told her I was out the first time I was still fucking around in the streets from time to time.
"I don't want to pressure you and I know I cant change what I put you though in the past two years. All I can do is prove to you how much I'm willing to do better by you if you give me another chance. I want my family back, I want you back and I'm willing to do whatever it takes. I want another chance and I promise I'll prove it to you."
K A S H M E R E
I stared at him in shock that he was even asking me for another chance. I was glad that he had plans to be done with all of the street shit and I also couldn't deny the fact that I still loved him.
I stared at him trying to word what I was about to say so he didn't get the wrong idea. He put not only me but his daughter through so much but I was willingly to put all of that in the past.
"I want us to get back together and be a family, I really do. But I still have some things to work on, things I need to work on by myself. You don't understand what I went though, physically and emotionally over these past two, three years. From our relationship problems to you going off to jail to me trying to be happy again. When I finally felt content I got kidnapped and violated and thought I was going to die. I still have a lot to work on and before I do then I think it's better if we just stay friends."
He nodded his head but looked a bit disappointed. I grabbed his hand and sighed before speaking, "I love you and I don't think I ever stopped or ever could. We've been through so much like you said but I just don't think I'm ready yet. We just repaired our relationship and I fell like I have the old August back, one of my best friends back. Were good right now and I love our relationship and I just want to take things slow, work on us and maybe you can come with me to see Ms. Baxter. She does couple counseling to and I think it would be great if we made and appointment and went to see her."
I looked at him wondering how he was going to react to my request and he nodded, "I'm willing to go, I think it would actually be a good idea."
"You do?"
"Yeah."
"And your not just saying that because you think it's what I want to hear?"
"Maybe talking to her will help. Help me understood why I acted how I did after D died. Maybe then we can just clear everything up and finally move forward."
"That's all that I want."
"It's what I want to."
I smiled at him, grateful that he was so understanding, "Thank you."
"You know I got you. And if you feel like you you need me to come around and show you what you been missing you know I'm only one phone call away," he joked biting his lip and winking at me.
"I'll keep that in mind," I patted his arm feeling a lot better about the future and what was to come.
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