The house was like something from a catalogue. The lawns were manicured and spruced within an inch of their life and the building itself was tall and statuesque. I felt overpowered by its grandeur and sudden visions of Daisy and her perfect parents sprung to mind. I imagined their own image reflected the house, polished and pristine and I guessed their attitude would be similarly stiff and guarded. My heart rate quickened and I wanted to turn and run as fast as I could in the opposite direction. There was still time to back out...
What was I doing? Was I really just going to meet the dying girl whose boyfriend I'd been hooking up with to the point of dating - sort of - like nothing was up?
We'd been over our cover story in the car. That said it all really. We were old friends (half true) and Ben had agreed to give me some extra tuition to help me with my English (true). He forgot that he'd agreed to help me today but wanted to see Daisy after bailing on her this morning so therefore had to bring me along and he hoped she wouldn't mind (lies, lies, lies!).
Ben rang the doorbell and the chimes echoed through the house marking our arrival. I heard the clacking of heels on marble as I saw a blurred imposing figure walking towards us. The sound of a lock being turned was followed by the creek of the door and a tall woman stood before us. She was incredibly beautiful and if it wasn't for the tell tale wrinkles dusted around her eyes I would not have pegged her as being more than thirty-five at most. She wore a silky cream blouse that ruffled slightly over her full cleavage, a figure-hugging plum pencil skirt that flattered her silhouette to perfection and her patent black heels emphasised her already elevated stature. Her blonde hair was scooped effortlessly into a chignon and her lips were a deep, matte ruby red... she was immaculate.
"Ahh, Ben! So lovely to see you! Who is your friend?" the woman raised an arched eyebrow in my direction.
"Hello, Mrs Peterson! This is my friend Lucy..."
"Oh please, Mrs Peterson makes me sound ancient! I've told you a million times to call me Trish!"
With that her perfect face cracked into a beaming smile and instead of offering her hand to shake, she embraced me into a huge bear like hug. I was so overwhelmed at the sudden affection, that I just stood frozen to the spot, but Trish didn't seem to notice.
"Daisy! Come down! Ben's here!"
There was sudden banging along the landing and then a girl appeared hammering down the stairs, only to falter half way and had to stop to balance herself, gripping onto the banister fervently with her tiny hands. Ben was inside the house in an instant and quickly beside of her. He grabbed her round her waist, holding her hand tenderly in his own and slowly descended the remaining steps as though she was a glass ornament that was likely to smash at any moment.
When they reached the bottom she crunched up her face and gave him an affectionate kiss on the lips, which caused a burning sensation in my heart.
I could do this.
She turned to me quizzically, then her face suddenly brightened; the features animated and alive.
"You must be Lucy! Ben text to say you were coming! Don't stand in the doorway silly, come in!"
With that she strode over, grabbed my hand and pulled me into the house before hugging me in the same warm embrace as her mother had done before her and I again I remained frozen - this level of warmth and affection was an alien concept to me.
She squeezed tighter. I didn't want to like this girl. I wanted to come and see that she wasn't that special and Ben was missing out by choosing her over me. But I couldn't, I couldn't help but smile at her overtly cheerful nature. It was like my body was a separate entity to my mind and as if on auto drive I found myself gingerly returning the hug.
"Come on lets go upstairs!" she practically squealed.
This girl was a year older than me but she had such an innocent look and attitude that she could be mistaken for someone far younger. As I followed her up the stairs though, I finally understood what everyone had meant. I'd only been in her company mere minutes and yet she already felt like a lifelong friend.
Her little body was covered in a mismatched array of colour, topped off with Sponge Bob slippers. It was an ode to frivolity and an eccentric jumble of patterns that reflected her flamboyant personality. Although I was aware she was hairless, that was not what you noticed first. Right now her head was covered in a fancy green silken turban that made her look just like an Arabic princess. Her face was bare from makeup, like my own, however she didn't need any; her natural glow and smile was all the makeup she needed and I felt like a gangly ugly duckling next to a beautiful, albeit mismatched, swan.
She beckoned me into the room and Ben was not far behind me. Her chaotic, tiny room was definitely a true reflection of her personality and a far cry from the uptight image the house projected from the outside.
The bedspread was a silken Indian batik pattern with rich colours and when I sat upon it, I found I sank effortlessly into its softness. The walls were a simple white however they were covered in an eclectic array of painting, photos and other interesting treasures. The curtains were a pale shade of orange and hanging above the window were colourful glass beads that caught the light just so, that it created dancing rainbows on the walls. Dream catchers, masquerade masks and flowers covered the empty spaces whilst cuddly toys littered the floor in a sort of organised clutter.
On closer inspection at the photos, I noticed that they were mainly of her and Ben. Some were clearly from when she had the cancer because of her lack of hair, however others showed a beautiful petite girl with flowing blonde hair. It wasn't the fake platinum blonde like Cassie and her clique; more a rich shade of honey, highlighted with softer shades alike to clover and gold. In it, she stood gazing up at Ben, his towering frame above her own. His dark hair and messy stubble was like the rough stone against the smooth gem and they quite easily looked as though they could be models. They were both smiling too; it seemed to be some form of Christmas function as I could make out a decorated branch in the corner of the picture. He had his arm around her and they just looked so... Happy. I envied her - but I couldn't hate her. He was hers first after all.
"So, Lucy what were you meant to be going over with Ben today? We both know I'm way better than him at English and I could help you to make up for him having to cancel for me! I feel awful!"
I was momentarily thrown; not only for forgetting our lie but for the crushing guilt I suddenly felt that this poor girl felt bad... for me.
"Urm..." I started only to be cut off by Ben.
"Well we were going to go over conjugated verbs and the history of the English language today..."
Daisy's face twisted into a contorted grimace and she shook her head sticking out her tongue.
Nice work Ben.
"Eugh. You take the fun out of everything! I bet you're boring poor Lucy rigid!" Daisy came to sit behind me on the bed and put her hands dramatically on my shoulders clutching me to her chest, startling me.
"Well as a matter of fact..." Ben argued, causing me to roll my eyes, knowing where this speech was going. Whenever I complained about it being boring, he hammered on about the importance of understanding the past to understand the present and the future.
Unfortunately for Ben however, before he had chance to interject and defend himself, Daisy spotted my sarcastic eye roll and grabbed my face in her hands. I was ready for it this time and played along, feigning falling asleep.
"See!"
"She hasn't even said anything yet!" Ben protested.
"Yes but look at her eyes Benjamin! If that's not an admission that you bore her senseless I don't know what is!" Ben stuck out his tongue at Daisy in an immature fashion and I started to laugh. They bickered like an old married couple; it was the sweetest thing to watch. We all started laughing then and I almost forgot the situation entirely before I caught uneasy eye contact with Ben. I quickly looked away.
"Ben, why don't you go make us a drink?" said Daisy, blissfully unaware as to what was happening around her.
"Will do darling!" he said, standing up and kissing her chastely on the cheek. I flared red and turned my face away so neither of them saw me blush. I knew where we stood, it may have made me jealous but if he did that for my benefit, it was a petty move.
Once he was gone an uncomfortable silence came down like a blanket on the room. We smiled at each other as we searched the others face, wondering what to say. The pictures caught my eye again and I stood up to observe closer.
"These are all great pictures!" I offered, genuinely. They were all such natural shots, none looked staged or set up, yet they were all so clear in colour and clarity. The pictures captured the subject in a moment of realism and most were taken mid-movement.
"Thanks! I wanted to try and catch everyone when they were being their most natural self; when they weren't faking a smile because some camera was forced in front of their face. They were all just enjoying the here and now, living in the moment and they weren't pretending for anyone. I know everyone on this wall, in that moment, was genuinely happy and that's a beautiful thing. Whenever I feel down, about dying I mean, I just look at the wall and know that life goes on and people smile through."
It was one of the most profound things I had heard and so tragically poetic. I wasn't comfortable enough to embrace her but I offered a sympathetic smile and a sincere nod of my head, hoping it conveyed that I understood.
One other picture caught my eye however. It was in a bronzed filigree photo frame by the side of the bed and it was of a young couple who couldn't have been any older than I was now, sat on a chequered blanket on the grass. The fresh faced girl had long, wavy blonde hair and was cradling a small baby, beaming at the camera lens, but he was simply looking at her, the love in his eyes evident for everyone to see. The woman's face looked familiar but I couldn't quite place it.
"My parents..." Daisy began, catching where my glance was focused and going over to fetch the picture, stroking it lovingly.
"They were hippies when they were younger, rebelling over something or other. My mum's parents, my grandparents, came from a wealthy background so I think she was protesting against the money. They were so in love and had all these crazy plans to travel the world together. Then she got pregnant when she was seventeen, my grandparents were not happy, that's for sure! They tried to make it work for a year, braving it on their own. Not that I remember obviously, but we lived in a rundown tiny little caravan and my dad, Stuart, used to play his guitar to send me off to sleep whilst mum hummed The Seekers' "When the Carnival is Over", she still does to this day when I'm sad... But I guess it just got too much for her."
"My grandparent's offered her a way out. If she left my dad and came home then she would have all the support she needed. The worst thing was my dad was totally supportive of this, he loved her so much that he just wanted what was best for her and me, even if it meant letting her go. I know she regrets it to this day. He carried on, out on the road, whilst mum and I moved back here to live with my Grandparents. This used to be their house but they downsized a few years back to something smaller. I got to see him a few times a year when he was passing through but not nearly as much as I wanted to. When we did though, we used to do things as a family, they still loved each other, they just wanted different things. I really loved him, you know..."
Daisy's voice cracked and I was anxious for her to continue, wrapped up in the forbidden romance of it all, but scared for what came next. Instinctively, I went to her, where she was now sat on the bed and put my arm around her. She put her hand on my knee and gazed up at me through her watery eyes.
"I got a call from him one day saying that he was going to be passing through and he couldn't wait to see me; only he never came. He never even called to say sorry. I was so mad and sulked for a whole day... I was seven and I didn't really understand what was going on... I only saw my mum on the phone; fall to the floor, screaming through sobs. 'Is it Daddy?' I had asked, 'Is he coming?' She pulled me to her then on the floor and cradled me like a baby, whispering 'No sweetie, Daddy's not coming...' whilst her tears fell wet against my skin. I cried too then because she was sad and I was scared, because I didn't understand. I didn't understand till a lot later and..."
She then began to sob in my arms and I just rocked her. I didn't know what to say! I didn't even understand what had happened, my curiosity was mixed with worry and I was helpless to the situation. Just at that moment Ben came through the door, a look of bewilderment on his face, as he took in the scene. His eyes widened to my own, as he looked at me accusingly, fearing the worst but I was quick to shake my eye before anyone put their foot in it more.
Ben breathed a quick sigh of relief before coming to sit the other side of Daisy and taking in the picture frame on her knee. Understanding suddenly dawned on him, as he put it back onto the bedside cabinet and kissed Daisy on the head, whispering to her soothingly that it was okay.
Daisy let out a few more whimpers, before coming to a stop and turning to me aghast and grabbing my hands in her own.
"I'm so sorry Lucy! You must wonder what you've walked into! I think it's just the tablets driving my hormones crazy!" she wiped her eyes and leant into Ben, "We're all just a little bit broken I suppose..."
She smiled at Ben, who smiled at me and I smiled at Daisy.
We were, we all are a little bit broken I supposed and we all needed saving. I thought of Scott and knew I needed to get back to the hospital.
"Look, it was lovely to meet you Daisy but I must get going now-"
"Oh crumbs! I haven't scared you off have I?"
"No! No, of course not, it's just there's somewhere that I need to be right now..." Ben nodded at me understanding and I hoped Daisy wouldn't push it.
"Oh..." Her face dropped but then just as quickly it picked up again and broke into an enchanting smile, "but you must come again! Maybe we can all do something soon? All my friends are off at Uni and whatever, so it will be nice to have someone other than this idiot to look at!" Ben made a face in mock horror and we both laughed.
So we were friends now?
"Okay, it sounds brilliant, just get Ben to give you my number and we'll sort something out..."
I told myself I was agreeing because you couldn't deny the wishes of a dying girl; but I knew it was more than that, even more than spending time with Ben. I wanted to be around her because she was broken too.
"I'll show you out..." Ben started, standing up and then together we walked out of the room. I waved at Daisy who now, overwhelmed, had begun to lie back on the bed to rest. When we were downstairs and out of earshot I turned to Ben and grabbed his arm.
"What was all that back there?"
"He dad was killed in a car crash. Some idiot guy on a motorbike wasn't watching where he was going and Stu swerved to avoid him but ended up coming of the road. The van flipped six times and wrapped around a tree. Apparently it was a blood bath. He didn't stand a chance... All she and Trish can hope was that it was as quick and painless as possible. It would kill her if she knew he had suffered because she knows what it's like to suffer. I think that thought scares her as much as dying herself."
"Shit."
"Yep... Look Luce; are you okay with all of this? I mean I know it was your idea to come but if it's too weird we can-"
"Ben!" I cut him off, "It's fine. She's just helped me more than she knows already."
***
I was going to go to the hospital. That was where I should have gone; but instead I went home. As expected no one was there. I got my phone out my bag and sat down in the darkness at the kitchen table, chewing my lip as I dialled the number, making sure to add the Greek region number at the beginning. I nearly shut it up again immediately but then I thought of Daisy and let it ring.
Time seemed to stand still and my heart quickened, as the dialler beeped slowly before crackling into life. My breath caught sharp in my throat as a deep voice, rich like coffee, filled my ears.
"Hello?"
The line was quiet, a stagnant hum, before I finally answered...
"Daddy?"