Chapter 20: Devin
My eyes snapped open at a door slamming shut. Someone was mumbling curse words, over and over again. I turned my head to look at my open door, and saw my brother, Connor, walking by. I forced myself to get up from my bed, and see what was up with my brother. He didn't seem to be in a very good mood.
Getting up, I left my opened text books on my bed, and made my way out of my room. As I walked through the halls, I followed my brother to his bedroom, and just when I was going to get in the door slams shut, right in front of my face. I flinch at the sound, and th proximity of the door to my face. I could've gotten hurt, but I didn't thin too much of that, instead I knocked on Connors door. "Connor?" I said. "What are you doing here? Don't you have school today?"
Connor didn't say anything back, which I found odd. He was always the chatty one in our family. From the other side, I heard some rattling noises, and what I think sounded like things falling. "Connor! What's up with you?" I exclaimed.
Without my brothers consent, I swing open the door to his bedroom, and take a step inside. The books that once lay on his desk were now on the floor, scattered. On the bed, I saw Connor sitting with his face in his hands. "Are you okay?" I asked. Though I may not like my brother most of the time, whatever he was going through right now didn't look good. In the same time though, this situation looked way too familiar for my liking. Connor wasn't crying so I knew it wasn't that bad, but it was something that made him unhappy thats for sure.
"No," Connor was shaking his head on his hands. "I'm not."
I cautiously sat beside Connor on the bed, making sure he won't take out all his anger on me. "Why aren't you?" He didn't reply. "Is it because of someone?" He nodded, and I already knew what it would be about. "A girl?" He nodded again.
Immediately, I laughed. Though it wasn't appropriate, I couldn't help it. No wonder this situation looked familiar, whenever he was rejected he usually acted this way. I guess I wasn't used to it because him getting rejected only happens once in a blue moon. I remember the last time he was rejected. If I'm right it was because of a girl, I think her name was Ali. When Connor was still a senior in high school, he used to hang out with her a lot. She was a junior, he was a senior. But she was really obsessed with one of her best friends so she rejected Connor.
Connor was looking at me weirdly as I laughed. I tried to stop since this was definitely not the right time to laugh. Soon I was clutching my stomach and slapping my thigh. "This is not a laughing matter," Connor tries to say seriously, but I can't help but notice that the corner of his lips were slightly tilting upwards. "Stop it!"
"I'm so sorry, Connor!" I stuttered, as my laughter grew. Before I knew it, I was rolling on his bed trying to contain my laughter. When I fell of the bed, i heard it, Connor laughing. Both of us were laughing hard without any particular reason. It just felt good to laugh.
Eventually we both calmed down. Connor was still sitting on his bed, while I sat on the floor. "Why are you getting all worked up on a girl?" I finally said. "Everybody knows you can get any girl so why let this chick get to you bro?" I leaned on my palms as I waited for his answer.
"I really like her," Connor replies, running a hand through his hair.
I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "You really like every girl you meet."
"But - "
"But nothing. Just find another chick to obsess on," then I pointed a finger towards him. "I bet you only knew this girl for like two days."
Connor snorted and crossed his arms over his chest, "A little more than a week actually."
"And how many times did you guys see each other in person? Probably only once. The day you met," I retorted.
"Thrice, actually."
I threw my hands up. "Bro! You're going for the kill way too soon! Ask her when you actually know her."
"I do know her," my brother replies. I watch from the floor as he immediately stands up and walks to his coat hanging by the door. He digs a hand in one of the pockets and brings out a phone. "See! We texted and called almost everyday, I know plenty about her!" He shoves the phone to my face while scrolling down a bunch of text messages. But the text messages don't catch my eye, but what is on top. The girl he supposedly likes but was recently rejected by was someone who had five letters in her name. Starts with an F, ends with an H. F-A-I-T-H.
Faith.
"You have got to be kidding me!" I grab the phone from his hand, and scroll up and down the messages myself. I scan through them, seeing his really cliche attempts to flirt. "Faith?! The girl you were talking about was Faith?!" I exclaimed, still scanning through their multiple messages.
"Is there a problem?" Connor snatches the phone from me, and throws it on his bed, just before locking it.
"Yes, there is a problem," I try to get his phone back, but he blocks my way. "It's Faith." I look him in the eye, hoping he could see the amount of dislike I have for her. "Her only purpose in this family is to help me get Rosemarie back. Once I have Rosie back with me, thats it for her. She won't have anything to do with this family anymore. I don't want her to be your friend, much less, be your girlfriend."
Then Connor does something unexpected, he slaps me at the back of my head. "The fuck bro!?" I say rubbing the back of my head.
"You're too blind about the fact she broke up you and Rosemarie, that you don't realize she is actually this really nice girl that I like!" Connor shouts at me. Why was he defending her? He's my brother. Brothers are supposed to support brothers. "She didn't know what to expect when she did that dare. No one would have! Though it was best that she didn't do that, don't blame everything on her. What happened isn't just because of her. If I were in your situation, I would have blamed Ivy."
I was still rubbing the back of my head when I said, "Who's Ivy? And how do you know so much, anyway?"
"We texted the day after the dinner, and Ivy was her best friend in London. She was the one who made Faith do the dare."
"Why would I blame Ivy?" I questioned. "It was a dare that she didn't have to do, but she chose to do it. It's all her faul-" But I didn't finish my sentence because Connor interrupts.
"It's no ones fault! Blaming people won't get you anywhere. At least Faith is trying to help so you can get Rosemarie back. You're not doing anything but blaming her. Have you tried contacting Rosemarie recently?" I don't reply to his question because I haven't. I mean, whatever I did she still won't talk to me back. I look away from Connor, and I knew he got his answer. "See. Maybe if you still tried she can see how much you love her or something. I may not be an expert but if you really love someone, don't fucking give up."
Connor grabs onto my shoulders, and shakes them as if trying to get me to realize something. "Carpe fucking diem," Connor says, then I realize it. I don't know what it is, but I do. We stay silent for a while before he speaks again. "Also, I think it's partially your fault because with those two years being with Rosemarie, she still doesn't trust you?"
Out of instinct, I punch Connor on the shoulder. "Way to ruin the goddamn mood." Connor just laughs while rubbing his shoulder. Once his laughter died down, I said, "Sames goes for you brother. If you really like someone, don't fucking give up." I give him the biggest smile I can muster, and he does the same. We both give each other fist bumps before I leave the room.
Though the my brother and Faith dating didn't seem like an appealing idea, I had no choice. He really liked her, and he definitely proved it to me. He defended her, and gave some really good points. I guess it is partially my fault (and her best friends), but blaming someone isn't going to do any good. Blaming is just an act of desperation.
As I entered my room, I abruptly stopped three steps away from the entrance. Looking around my room, and just stared at everything. Everything that reminded me of my -- used to be -- Rosemarie. The picture on my bedside table, the small ribbon clip on my desk, the book "shiver" she gave to me on my birthday, some CDs of her fickle favorite albums, and her perfume, that was half-empty. The letters she'd given me along with the book, the CDs, and the perfume. The letter that came along with the perfume was still taped on it. I remember the exact words the letter said:
In case you miss me. With all my love, Rosemarie.
It was written in her small, cute handwriting. All the letters connected in her unique, graceful script. Something I always admired of her.
There were other things too. We didn't send much letters too each other since there was technology, but when we did, they were usually long and meaningful. I still had some opened letters spread out on my desk. I remembered reading all of them all over again after the dinner with Faith's family. I couldn't sleep that day, and the reminder of Rosemarie's voice was usually my lullaby. We'd video chat every night, but now we don't anymore, and I guess I'm not used to it.
I stared at the open textbooks on my bed. I had homework, but I knew I couldn't focus with Rosemarie in my mind. Whenever I was supposed to do my homework when actually I was video chatting with Rosemarie, she'd tell me this, "Devin, do your bloody homework or else I'll break up with you." After she said that, she'd hang up, and I'd always finish my homework, scared of a life without Rosemarie.
I gave out a loud sigh as I swiped all of my textbooks out of my bed. They fell on the floor with loud thuds, I noticed some books bent in an abnormal position, but I didn't care. I just jumped on my bed, back first, and stared at the light bulb on the ceiling.
Then I turned my head to look at the frame on my bedside table. The light was glaring on the picture, I couldn't see it clearly. I sat up, and picked it up. For a moment, I just stared at it. I stared at Rosemarie and I, like the other night. All I could think of was how much I missed her. My chest felt empty. It felt like it was caving in, and it hurt so much. I let out a small sob, and only now did I notice the small tear sliding down the side of my face.
Then my eyebrows scrunched together, and I threw the picture, all the way to the other side of the room. The sound of glass cracking came to my ears, and more tears slid down my face. I jumped out of my bed, and approached the broken picture frame. I knelt down in front of it, and swiped away the pieces of glass that lay on top of the picture.
The picture didn't change. It still showed a happy Rosemarie and I, and that slightly disappointed me. I slammed my fists on the wall in front of me, and started to shout. I banged my forehead on the wall several times, before getting my phone from the back pocket of my jeans. Without any hesitation, I called Rosemarie.
It rang three times. "Hey this is Rosemarie. I'm busy right now. Leave a message after the beep, and I'll get back to you." That cheery voice of hers brought a sad smile to my face.
Beep. "Rosie." I let out a cry. "Where are you?" I took a deep breath. "I need you. Where are you? Where are you? God, Rosemarie, I miss you. So much." Another cry. "This isn't right. I need to be with you. Where are you? Please Rosie. I love you. Come back to me."
Beep. I continued. "Rosemarie, I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't do anything without you. Come back to me."
I let out a loud desperate cry as tears continued to stream down my face. Where was she?
"Come back to me."