I couldn’t for the life of me outrun men. I had left home to run away from my dads anger, I had dodged Josh’s phone call to hide from his pleas and I had pushed Ronnie away to hide from his increasing affection.
Then out of nowhere Andreas decides to flip the switch completely and declare his undying love for me whilst smothering my face with kisses.
Well, maybe not undying love, that’s going a little too far, but couldn’t he have given me a headsup or something? I didn’t want much, just something along the lines of ‘Hey I’m going to surprise you with a kiss one day.’
That’s all I needed.
Instead he decided to press me up against the wall and suck the life out of me with his vacuum lips.I mean yeah he smelled good and the feeling of his silky hair against my cheek had me hot, and yeah he was a pretty decent kisser, but wasn’t he breaking rules? Wasn’t I breaking rules? As far as I knew, I myself had broken two.
1.Don’t make out with two friends.
2.Don’t kiss another girls boyfriend.
Of course number two had already happened, but you get what I’m saying right?
What was I supposed to do? Pull back and ask him what he was doing?
I should have, but lately I had been going against my conscious. It wasn’t until a couple of deep kisses into the session that I turned my head to the side and groaned.
Really Ariel? Seriously?
I had become a victim of wanton kisses and body fondling within the last month of me being in Ft. Worth. I wasn’t that girl, I hadn’t been that girl going around randomly making out with guys. I was a one guy type of girl, I liked to be intimate with one person at a time and so far I had messed around with three dudes.
“Fucking awesome Andres.” I said and then bit my lip. It was just sarcasm but there was a bitter tinge to it.
He inhaled sharply and let it out slowly pressing his forehead against mine, “Yeah, I don’t know what happened.”
I knew what had happened. He thought he could lay on the smooch a roo like Ronnie and I would turn into silly putty.
Silly putty.
Men.
“Lets just go and make up something. We’ve been in here too long.” I said with finality.
I ducked underneath his arms and cautiously stepped on the bed to its edge. Just as I transitioned to a sitting position to get off he stopped me, “Look, I really don’t know what happened.”
Swinging my legs over the edge of the bed and lifting up until my two feet were on the floor I shook my head, “Its ok, just don’t do it again.”
Even as I headed to the door I could hear his bed squeaking and then the soft thump of him landing on the carpeted floor, “You really want that.”
My hand stilled on the doorknob and I turned my head slowly, strands of hair grazing my cheek as I did so. He looked so….expectant. Broken even. As if my rejection of him were anything less than legitimate. He looked so forbidden,out of reach and lost to me.
Did he expect me to choose between him and Ronnie when I had no knowledge of whatever he felt for me? Was I supposed to choose someone?
Or was I supposed to choose no one?
And why did it matter so much when I would be gone in another month anyway?
Summer romances are meant to be temporary, so why had he taken so long? And why had he waited until his friend had a fair chance.
“Yeah.” I nodded slowly as I turned the door knob, “I want that.” I whispered.
Senior Year August
“Still not talking to me huh?”
A dark hand roughly pushed against my locker door until it slammed hard and rattled. The sound echoed throughout the empty hallway and the smell of his scent and sweat enveloped me. I shook visibly, tiny tremors coursing through my body as he reminded me of his power and my stolen possession. My downcast eyes inspected the linoleum floor for anything interesting, a piece of gum stuck to the floor, my plain white tennis shoes, and his jordans just a few feet from mines.
Breathe Ariel, breathe.
“I guess not.”
I didn’t know what to say,I had spent the summer trying to piece together words for a decent sentence, but all I could come up with is ‘I’m afraid of you.’ How many girls are out there who walk in silence? How many girls allow months to go by, opportunities go by without reporting a crime?
I was just an addition to that growing list and I sadly knew that I wouldn’t be the last.
“Leave me alone.” I croaked as I slowly raised my head.
His eyebrows knotted in fury, but his lips widened into a smile, “Why? Im tryna see whats up with it.”
“Aint nothing up with it.”
The words seemed more like a bark than a sentence, but the tone of my voice didn’t beset him. Jordon smiled all the more as he tapped against my closed locker, “Man ion know whats up with you. I mean you go months without calling a nigga and then you tell me to leave.”
“Get the fuck outta my face before I call the cops.” I rose up strong and held my head up high.
He crossed his arms and leaned forward, “And what you gonna tell them?”
“That you raped me.”
“But what you gonna say when they ask where you was at.”
“Your room fucktard.”
“At what time?”
I stopped cold and stared at him with a mixture of hatred and awe. Had he thought it all out before it happened? Was it planned.
“Dressed in what? And who was there?” He mocked.
He had me. He had it all.
A lone tear slid down my cheek as I thought about the gift I had been saving for my husband. My stolen gift, “You took that away from me, and you gonna lie about it?”
He shrugged nonchalantly, “Karen didn’t even believe you. Who’s gonna believe you? Ask my ex’s I promise they’ll side with me. If anything you begged for it.”
If anything you begged for it.
I couldn’t seem to run away from those taunting words. They weren’t true, but I believed them all the same. I thought about how I could have prevented it all but his words continued to haunt me. My self-esteem was injured, my pride butchered and I was broken.
Andres hadn’t pushed the situation but he did send me a friend request and ask for my number.
I held my head up with my right hand and dug my elbow into the comforter as I laid on my stomach on my bed. His pictured popped up, it was just him leaning against his university. His hair was shorter, cropped so close to his head he looked unrecognizable. Shades hid his eyes from the sun radiating around him and at the corner of the picture was the front half of Ashley bent over slightly and pointing at him while laughing. It all seemed so odd, his profile picture screamed taken. How old was the picture anyway?
Debating whether or not I would accept him I typed Ronnies name in the facebook search engine. It didn’t take too long for his profile to pop up, he was at the top of the search list. I clicked on his picture and smiled at his prayerful pose, his knees dug into the ground as he held his hands up clasped together. His head tilted upwards to the sun and I imagined him uttering a prayer.
Ronnie wasn’t too much of an updater, if anything I did enough for the both of us. I had two status updates everyday while he only had one every blue moon. I scrolled through his profile until I found a status from two days before, the day of the party.
Ronnie
RNS: I cant win for losin.
Rolling my eyes I clicked off his profile and went to my own. What did he mean? Was the status about me?
A red one popped out the little blue envelope for my message icon. Clicking on it, I opened it up and took a deep breath. It was Andres.
Andres
Hey, wuz up? I was wondering if we could exchange numbers.
Exchange numbers. He was certainly not from my hood. Where I was from guys said ‘Ay lil mama lemme get dem digits.’
I really wanted to say no, I really didn’t want to accept him as a friend, but I’m lying I did. With just a few clicks and ten numbers I sealed my fate. I was just doomed.