Almost Is Never Enough
Chapter 77
Jay walked up to the door and lightly knocked on it. "Love? It's me. Can I come in?" Jay asked softly.
You mumbled a quick yes. He found you inside, curled up on the bed, trying to restrain your tears. Jay sat down beside you and reached out for your hand, kissing it before rubbing circles on it with his thumb. "How could he say that?" You whispered.
"I don't know. It was probably because he was pissed off that you didn't explain it how he wanted you to," Jay said. "Which would have been all in his favor if you did, making him feel better."
"He's such an asshole!" You said.
"He's only being one at the moment," Jay said softly.
You hugged him. "You're so sweet you know that? The way you just took everything that I was forced to say down there, and how you always put your feelings aside to comfort me," you whispered.
"It's alright, love. I just want to see you happy, and when we were downstairs you definitely weren't," Jay said.
You kissed him gently. Everything about him felt so right. He slowly broke apart from you and quickly pecked your lips, smiling. "How about we get changed for bed and forget this whole thing ever happened?" Jay suggested.
"Okay Jaybird," you said, smiling at him.
*Meanwhile with Nath*
"Really Nath? You're really going to go that low and call her a bitch?" Nareesha asked, glaring at him.
"I'm sorry it just...came out! I didn't mean it in a harsh way!" Nathan said.
"Well it came out pretty harsh and now Jay is upstairs trying to calm her down," Nareesha said.
"Damn it," Nathan muttered, "I always fuck up."
"Well you really did it this time," Kelsey said, a hint of anger in her voice.
"What the hell do I do?" Nathan asked.
"You figure it out on your own. All she knows was that you weren't joking when you said that and now she's hurt," Siva said, taking Nareesha's hand and leaving the room to go to bed.
Nathan sighed, turning to Annie. "Sorry about all of this drama, Annie."
"It's whatever," Annie said, slightly harsher than intended. "I'm gonna go home, it's getting late," she said, getting up and giving a slight smile to Tom, Kelsey, and Max before leaving.
"Why do I always screw up? Even Annie doesn't like me," Nathan said.
"That wasn't a great first impression of you, Nath," Tom said.
"I know it wasn't," Nathan said, really angry with himself.
"I'm going to bed," Kelsey said, getting up and leaving.
"Tom? Please help me out? Do I apologize?" Nathan pleaded.
"You're gonna have to. That was probably one of the worst things you could've said to her," Tom said, getting up and following Kelsey upstairs.
Nathan just sat with Max. "I'm an asshole aren't I? She's not going to want to talk to me," Nathan said.
"At the moment, you're a major asshole. Just leave her alone for awhile, she'll probably avoid you anyways, just saying," Max said.
Suddenly, an idea popped into Nathan's head on how to apologize. "She may not want to talk to me, but maybe...maybe if I write her a note?" Nathan said.
"That's not enough Nath, and you know it," Max said.
"Well maybe just for now because I won't be able to sleep without apologizing somehow. Then maybe we can talk face to face?" Nathan said.
"Well it looks like you're not sleeping tonight then," Max said. "Just leave her alone for awhile, she's not going to want to talk to you. I suggest you figure something out and soon," Max said, leaving Nathan in the living room alone.
"I'm an actual asshole." He whispered, hating himself at the moment. He ran his hands through his hair repeatedly, very stressed out. He decided to send you a quick text to start off.
Nath: Love, I know you hate me right now and don't want to talk to me. Just please, let me apologize, please.
Yours always, Nathy xx
He kept looking at his text, re-reading it, hoping you would respond. You didn't. He sighed and turned off his phone, realizing that you wouldn't talk to him now even if he was the last person on Earth. He opened his phone again and went on twitter. "Don't you hate it when you screw things up with someone you really care about?" He tweeted.
He couldn't stop thinking about what happened, how he could've changed it, what he should've done. It was all spinning around in his head and it only made him feel even worse. He went to the kitchen and grabbed a cold beer, chugging it down, trying to drown out his feelings. You kept running through his mind as he looked over at the empty beer bottle. You would've been ashamed of him now and he knew it. He knew that you always stopped people from drinking their feelings away and it made him feel guilty. "Wow...even when I'm coping with screwing up, I screw up," he said, almost crying.
Nathan stood there in the kitchen, putting his head in his hands. For a second-just a second-he looked at the beer bottle again, picturing it in shards. He couldn't even do that though. No matter what he had thought about to try and cope with himself, you always seemed to rush into his mind and stop him, like always. He eventually just broke down with tears streaming down his face. "How could I say that to her?" He wondered aloud. "God I'm such a horrible person," he whispered through his sobs.
*Meanwhile with you*
You curled up into Jay in bed as he wrapped an arm around you. "You're so beautiful," Jay whispered as he nuzzled into your neck.
"And you're so sweet," you said. You were worried about Nath, but still very pissed.
Jay could feel the tension radiating off of you, but decided to not bring Nathan up again, it would only upset you even more. You checked your phone, seeing his text and tweet. You sighed and turned your phone off for the night. You couldn't let him get to you, not this easily.
"I'm sorry babe," Jay mumbled, kissing your head.
"It's okay," you said, turning around so that your head was on his chest. "You know, I love this," you mumbled.
"I love it more," Jay said, wrapping his arms around you fully and resting his chin on top of your head.
"You have no idea how I feel in moments like these," you whispered.
Jay smiled and kissed the top of your head. "I probably feel the same way," he said.
"Is it like you're at peace? Like you feel safe and loved? You feel on top of the world or sort of like you're flying with no wings? And your heart pounds insanely, but at the same time everything is just perfect? Like time slows down before basically melting into this one moment, that you wished would be endless?" You whispered.
"It's all of that and more," Jay said. "I feel as though I can protect you from everything in these moments, when I wrap my arms around you and you fall asleep into my chest. It's like I can stop anything and everything from ruining this. In a different way though, you feel my protection as you lay in my arms, like nothing can ever hurt you because of me, like I'm your hero."
"You are my hero, Jay," you whispered, kissing him.
"Well you're mine," Jay whispered against your lips before kissing you again.
You pulled away and smiled. "Thank you, Jay. For telling me that you love me. Without that, there would be no us," you whispered.
"I only wish I had done it sooner. I know it all sounds cliche, but love at first sight is actually real," Jay said.
You smiled at him and pressed your lips against his again. "I love you. I feel like I don't tell you that enough...but I do. I love you," you whispered.
"I love you too," Jay whispered, smiling and kissing your nose, making you giggle.
*Meanwhile with Nath*
He took out a notebook, unsure of what to do, how to make it up to you. "God what am I supposed to write?" Nathan said, looking at the blank page in front of him. Then he had an idea. Maybe instead of, or in addition to a long letter, he could write you a bunch of sticky notes and hide them around the house. It sounded like a sweet gesture. He got out a pad of sticky notes and started to write on them.
"I love you."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm an idiot."
"I love the way you smile, you should do it more often."
"If I shouted I'm sorry through the rooftops, would you forgive me?"
He wanted to cry at how badly he made you felt. He doubted you would forgive him and felt a tear slip down his face. He knew he had to write as many as he could though, so he pushed through, regardless if he was crying. "I hate myself," he muttered.
"I should always be your strength, not the person who takes it away. You'll never know how much I love you. Forever and always<3," Nathan wrote on his last note for you.
He went around hiding the notes in different places. He was hoping that you would see at least a few of these and forgive him. With that he sighed and walked over to the piano, starting to play.
"You gave me chances, and I let you down
You waited for words, that I couldn't get out
I have no excuses, for the way that I am
I was clueless and I couldn't understand," Nathan sang, a tear slipping down his cheek.
He walked away from the piano, looking lost and forlorn. He then went over to the couch and laid down, staring up at the ceiling. Eventually he fell asleep on the couch, thoughts running through his mind, regretting every single one.
*Meanwhile with you*
You rested your head on Jay's chest and listened to his heartbeat which had always seemed to calm you down. "Go to sleep, lovely," he mumbled.
"I don't know. I just can't fall asleep," you said into his chest.
"Love..." Jay sighed, "it'll all be better."
"I hope so," you mumbled.
"It will," he said, kissing your head.
"Okay," you whispered, snuggling into him. Eventually, you relaxed and fell asleep.
-----
The next morning you woke up in Jay's arms. He was still asleep, a slight smile on his face. You sighed, he reminded you so much of Nath sometimes. You just snuggled back into his chest, enjoying the comfort he brought. "I love you," you mumbled. You lifted your head and quickly kissed his lips, smiling into it.
He woke up, smiling. "Morning love," he said, pecking your forehead.
"Morning," you said. He pulled you closer and rested his head on top of yours while wrapping his arms securely around you. "Babe, we should get up. Breakfast won't make itself," you said.
"Aww can't we stay a little longer?" Jay asked childishly.
You grinned at him and pecked his nose. "Love you babe," he smiled.
"Love you too, clumsy," you said, getting out of bed. Jay struggled to get out of bed, mostly due to the fact he was being lazy. "Come on, lazy bird," you said.
"Help me up?" Jay asked with hopeful eyes.
"Okay birdy," you said, lending him a hand. You couldn't lift him up all the way and he wasn't even helping you. So, in result, he landed on the floor. You burst out laughing and he pulled you down with him.
"Love you too babe," Jay said with a laugh.
*Meanwhile with Nath*
Nathan woke up on the couch, sunlight shining on him through the windows. For a moment, he expected you to be next to him, but then again, he expected that every morning. He rubbed his eyes and sighed, remembering that you were still pissed off at him. He decided to get out of bed and make your favorite breakfast, hoping that some small attempts at making you forgive him would help for now. However, he knew he screwed up big time. It would take awhile to make it up to you, plus he had studio hours to finish. He took out another sticky note.
"I shouldn't ever speak to my princess like that, I'm sorry your majesty :(" he wrote, and then stuck it on the bottom of your plate.
He needed more ways to show you that he was extremely sorry. Sadly, none came to mind. He set up breakfast for everyone else, ate a quick bowl of cereal, then went back up to his room, knowing you wouldn't want to see him.
*Back with you*
"You ready bird?" You asked as you stepped out of the closet.
"Yes lovely," he said.
"Guess that's my nickname then?" You asked.
"Well yeah, it's on your necklace isn't it?" Jay asked, smiling.
"Yeah it is," you said, playing with the necklace.
"I know. I got it done specially for you," Jay said.
You kissed him, then intertwined your fingers. "Come on, I'm gonna make breakfast," you said, leading him downstairs.
You walked downstairs, finding a yellow note on the hallway wall. "If I shouted through the rooftops, would you forgive me?" You read aloud.
You looked at the note for a second. "Is this really all he's going to do? I honestly thought he would try harder," you whispered, mainly to yourself.
"I'm sure he will," Jay said. You sighed and walked into the kitchen, opening the fridge and ignoring what was set up on the table.
You found another note on the milk carton. "I'm so sorry. You're my everything, I shouldn't have ever said that." You closed the door, not wanting to look at the note any longer. You then opened the cabinet, finding another note.
"You're my best friend, I never want to lose you. I love you way too much." Read the note. You looked at the note and folded it, putting it in your pocket.
"Lovely? Come over here," Jay said, looking at the table.
"Wow," was all you said as you looked over at the breakfast that was set up on the table. "That's...my favorite breakfast..." You said, confused.
"Nathan probably made it," Jay said, still looking at the table.
"Wow..." You said, sitting down, finding yet another note on your seat.
"You're too beautiful to get any hate. I'm so sorry that I did that to you." The note said.
"Another note?" Jay asked.
You nodded. "That's the fourth," You said.
"Are there any more?" Jay asked.
"I don't know," you said.
"Come on, let's go look," Jay said, reaching for your hand and pulling you up from your seat.
You looked everywhere. You found one on the bookcase. "I'm so sorry. If I could give you something for every time I thought of how stupid I was, the whole universe would be in your hands."
"Nathan..." You whispered after you read the note.
"Found some more," Jay said, handing you the notes.
"They say that time heals everything, but they don't know me, and the scars I bring," you read, your heart sinking a little.
"I miss your smile, please do it more. It's the one thing I look forward to everyday and I just took it away from you," read another.
"You're a b-word...beautiful," read another.
"When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change. 'Cause your amazing, just the way you are," you read, the note making you smile.
"These notes aren't the end of it...because that would just be an ALMOST effort to apologize, and almost is never enough," read another.
"He must really mean it," Jay said. You sighed, looking at the notes and putting them into your pocket.
You sat down in your seat, only to notice a yellow paper sticking out from under your plate. "I shouldn't ever speak to my princess like that, I'm sorry your majesty :(" read the note.
"Wow..." Was all you could say. "I have to go see him."
"Are you sure?" Jay asked, "I know this sounds selfish but maybe...see what else he does first?"
"You think he has something else? I mean he has studio hours today," you said.
"I don't know..." Jay said.
"I guess I could wait it out a little longer, I don't even know where he is right now to be honest," you said.
"I don't know either," Jay said, slightly worried.
"He'll come out soon...right Jay?" You asked hopefully.
"Yeah. I think..." Jay said, unconvincingly.
You sighed. It was obvious that he probably wouldn't come out for you. He wouldn't show himself all day if he could. "What do I do?" You asked.
"I don't even know anymore..." Jay said, a bit sadly. "How about we eat first, okay lovely?"
"Okay, I just feel bad Nath isn't here with us," you said.
"Do you want me to ask him to come down?" Jay asked.
"He wouldn't do it. I know he wouldn't," you said sadly. "He doesn't want to be near me right now."
"It'll be okay, love. Everything always seems to turn out right in the end," Jay said. "Like us," he whispered, hugging you.
"Like us," you repeated, giving him a small smile before leaning into him, letting him wrap his arms around you comfortingly.
"Now, I'm hungry as fuck!" Jay said, grinning.
"You want me to feed you?" You asked, smiling.
"Sure," Jay grinned.
You fed each other, laughing and smiling. "This is really good, no wonder it's your favorite," Jay said.
"I only choose the best!" you joked.
Once you were done you put the dishes into the sink, only to find another note inside of the sink. "If what we had goes down the drain, I know I'll never be the same." That note killed the mood and Jay noticed as your expression saddened.
He glanced over at the note. "What are you gonna do?" He asked.
"I wish I knew. I really wish I knew what to do because I'm so lost right now," you said.
"Aww babe it's okay," Jay said, "he'll come downstairs soon."
"It's not like he'll stay here long enough. He'll probably leave the first chance he gets," you said, leaning against the counter, your hand covering your eyes.
"Lovely, it'll be fine. He's the one who screwed up," Jay whispered.
"No, I'm the one who turned the tables on him. I was just so embarrassed that everyone was finding out every single detail of what happened yesterday." You said.
"Well he made you do it." Jay said.
"I didn't exactly have a choice though," you said. "Plus, I made him kiss Annie shirtless. He even told me not to."
"Well he went way too far on his payback then. We all noticed and were pretty angry at him once he said it," Jay said.
"I still started it," you said. "We never fought like this when we were together."
Jay came closer to you, leaning against the counter also. "I'm sorry love, he'll come around eventually," Jay said.
~~~~~~~~~
Thanks for reading! Remember to follow @joyce13_tw on twitter and @thewanted_13 on Instagram! Also follow my fan page @twarelovely on Instagram!
Song: All You Ever- Hunter Hayes
What do you think of Nathan's apology so far?
I just wanted to say as a part of TWFanmily we need to stay strong. Our boys are not Nsync. They wouldn't give up on us without a proper goodbye. If they were actually breaking up they would come right out and tell us. Believe in the boys because they have always been honest with us. Don't give up on them because they haven't given up on us. Always stay a part of TWFanmily.
Forever and always with the boys,
Liz